Blackness Awaits

by Karlsson, Norma Jeanne

  I don’t know what kind of room Dr. Callaghan has Kid in but it’s not a regular hospital room, it’s huge and can fit all of us easily once the guys roll our beds out of the room. Even with all of these people here it’s pretty much silent in the room, all of us waiting for her to wake up again. I never move from my perch at her side clinging to her hand. Even when Mr. Kavanagh and Sully Sr. try to convince me to take a walk with them, I can’t leave her. I haven’t left this room once since I’ve been here. Not knowing if or when she’d wake up I couldn’t risk not being by her side so I’ve sat in this chair for a week. The worst fucking week of my life.

  There’s a waiting room of sorts directly across from Kid’s room. Her family is regularly going back and forth between the rooms, waiting for her to wake up again. Mr. Kavanagh comes in and sits on the other side of her bed taking a turn holding her hand, staring at her face. He looks better than he did while Kid was missing, but just. His salt and pepper hair seems to be a little more salt than pepper in the last ten days and there maybe be a few more frown lines creasing his face. But now, sitting watching his daughter his face is warm and soft.

  “My wife and I always wanted a daughter. Don’t get me wrong we loved our boys, but we always wanted a daughter. After the twins were born Anne was so busy with the boys we decided to stop trying for our little girl for a while. Then Anne got sick and having a little girl was no longer an option.” His voice is easy and I think he’s telling me this story, but he’s just gazing lovingly at Kid’s peaceful face.

  “One day I got a call from Aaron that he had met someone and she was moving in. I was shocked and worried. He was only eighteen and didn’t have a great track record with girls. Two weeks later I came to the townhouse to have dinner. Kid had cooked us an award winning pot roast dinner. She was breathtaking. The love that she poured into everything: school, the boys, telling a story, cooking that meal, giving me a hug…I knew right then that she was my daughter. She may not have come from me, but she was mine. Her father was a lucky man to get eight years with her. I know I’m blessed to have had the last thirteen. She’s what people in this world hope to be.” He sighs and looks at me.

  “I don’t know you very well Dylan, but what I do know I like. The fact that you worked your ass off to find her and haven’t left her side for a moment tells me the level of commitment you have to her. The fact that you haven’t been scared off by this fucked up situation or the people that did this tells me you’re willing to fight for her. The fact that you share her with the boys tells me you accept her family for what it is. The fact that she keeps squeezing your hand in her sleep tells me you’re her safe place. I know you love my daughter and you have my blessing with her. No more calling me Mister Kavanagh…it’s Pop,” he finishes softly before looking deep into my eyes. “Keep her safe Dylan.”

  “Pop,” Kid whispers. He and I were staring at each other so intently we didn’t notice she had woken up. His head snaps to hers, as quickly as mine does. She’s staring at him with adoration.

  “Ah, Kid,” he murmurs into the back of her hand as he pulls it to his face. “I love you so much.” He kisses her hand and leans in to kiss her forehead. “You’ve got a hospital full of visitors, Kid. You wanna see ’em now or would you like a few minutes?”

  “Few minutes Pop,” she whispers. He gets up to leave the room. “Pop.” He turns back at the sound of her voice. “You’re a great father. Thank you for loving me like you do.” I see tears in his eyes as he winks at his daughter.

  “I love you,” she whispers.

  Pop smiles broadly with love before leaving the room. We’re alone for the first time in over a week.

  “Hey,” I whisper.

  “Hi,” she whispers back with the best she can do at a smile. She pulls at my hand signaling she wants me to come closer to her. I stand up and move my face close to hers so I can hear her easily.

  “Will you hold me, Kel?” she murmurs. Hell yes I will, but I don’t know how I’ll manage it. Her backside is still healing and her bed was clearly designed for one person only. I scoot in next to her snuggling into a space a child could barely fit. My 6’5” frame makes this bed feel like doll furniture. I run my arm beneath her neck and she rolls onto her side her face grimacing in pain. I help her scoot over so she can nuzzle into my chest with her hand on my abs as she sighs. I have never been so comfortable being uncomfortable in my life. I kiss her hair every few seconds.

  “I love you, Shannon Kelly,” I say purposefully. “I’ll never let another day go by without telling you that.” I squeeze her into my chest as much as I can without causing her pain.

  “I love you too,” she says in the strongest voice to come out of her yet. My heart is pounding against my ribs so hard I’m sure it’ll cause bruising.

  “Get outta that bed!” the nurse yells at me from the doorway. We both snicker.

  “Busted,” she giggles lightly. I climb out of the bed before the nurse stabs me with a scalpel. I reclaim my seat and hand holding duty. I feel a thousand pounds lighter now. The love of my life is back. I’m going to marry this girl and make her the mother of my children. Those are two things I never thought about until she walked into Mia’s room in October. She made my world tip on its head. Kid brought me back to life.

  Shannon

  After Kel is threatened out of my bed the family starts pouring in to see, hug and kiss me. I’ve never been showered with so much love and affection by so many people. It’s overwhelming. Kel sits next to me holding my hand as everyone makes the rounds to me. He’s polite and affable, though I know he really wants me all to himself.

  Both Maggie and Mary cry and cry as they hug and kiss me, telling me they’re having a tracking device embedded under my skin. I may not argue with that. Ryan and Adam sit with me and tell me an interesting story about busting Kel out of a hospital in McHenry a few minutes after he had surgery. I laugh at most of their story until I realize Kel was shot and had surgery. I’ve lost a week, during which some crazy shit has gone down. Finn comes in and sits with me. He’s got a sling on his left arm and tells me he was shot in the shoulder. He didn’t have to have surgery though. He tells me some of the things going on, but really he just sits with me. As much as I want to see everyone I can’t stay awake for long periods of time. I’m in pain, my head is killing me, and I’m exhausted like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I wake from my most recent nap as Pappy, Collin, and Hugh enter my room looking bleak as they make their way to my bed. Everyone leaves the room.

  “Kellerman we need a minute,” Pappy orders softly.

  “Sir, I appreciate that but I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ll put my earbuds in and turn the volume up to give you all the privacy you need, but I’m not leavin’ her,” Kel says strongly. Pappy studies him for a second before he nods in agreement. Kel kisses my hand before he puts his earbuds in and blasts what I recognize as Eminem. He got that from me. I smile at him before I turn to my visitors.

  “Kid,” Pappy’s voice breaks as he leans down to kiss my cheek.

  “I’m okay, Pappy,” I say pushing my face into his throat. He holds himself there for a few moments composing himself before he pulls back. Collin and Hugh both take turns laying their heads on my chest and sobbing just like Sully did. I hug them each tightly (as tight as a weakling can) before letting them go. The three of them pull chairs up to the side of my bed. While they do, I steal a glance at Kel. He’s staring at our intertwined fingers, no doubt going deaf from the music pounding his eardrums. I squeeze his hand and he looks up into my face. I give him a soft smile before turning back to the O’Sullivans.

  “There’s a lot to go over, Kid and you’re in no shape to go through everything but there are a few things we need to go through now. You okay with that?” Pappy asks. I nod.

  “Taylor’s dead. Another man died at the scene that was helping the guys find you. His name was Kellan O’Shea and his funeral was today,” Collin informs me. I nod. I feel like I should know who Kellan O’Shea is, bu
t I can’t place him. He died trying to help save me and I don’t even know who he is. Once I’m better I’ll figure it out and reach out to his family.

  I’m not surprised Taylor’s dead. I feel sick that he’s gone, tears prick the back of my eyes but no tears fall. I don’t remember everything from that day, but I remember him being there. I’m waiting to hear if Nicky is dead too.

  “Do you remember what happened?” Collin asks tentatively.

  “Most of it. Some things are a little fuzzy. I’m not sure what I can tell you,” I admit not wanting to put Nicky at risk if he’s alive.

  “We know about Scarso if that’s what you’re worried about,” Hugh says softly. I’m not sure what they know or if Nicky is alive. I need to tread lightly. If he’s alive his uncle will kill him if I say the wrong thing. If he’s dead…I don’t want him to be dead.

  “I don’t have the energy to tell you about everything that happened while I was there. But, I’ll tell you how it ended. Scarso was with me when we heard gunfire. He was tryin’ to get me out of the house because he believed another crew was sent for me. Before we could leave the room I was held in, Taylor came in. Scarso and Taylor seemed to know each other. Then Taylor drew on Scarso. I didn’t have a weapon so I threw myself in front of Scarso. That’s the last thing I remember,” I huff the last part because I still can’t get a grip on how any of this makes sense.

  “Why would you do that, Kid?” Collin asks in a pained tone. “Why would you put yourself in front of him after what he did to you?”

  “I don’t know if I can tell you guys that part. It’s complicated,” I say quietly not wanting to offend them.

  “It’s okay, Shanny. You can tell ’em,” Nicky’s voice calls from the doorway.

  Nicky looks like a different human being. His hair is light blond and cut short like Kavy’s. His eyes are a new (fake) deep almost black brown. His face is clean shaven. I know it’s him though. He’s smiling sheepishly at me.

  “Nicky,” I push out in a whisper feeling a lump in my throat.

  “Gentleman, I’m agent Nick Cooper you’ll know me as Nick Scarso,” Nicky explains. “She’s had a long day and shouldn’t have to explain the events that have taken place. Any questions you have I’d be happy to answer. Some details still must remain confidential at this point, but I’ll give you what I can,” he states confidently striding toward my bed.

  Pappy, Collin and Hugh are dumbstruck that Nicky is in this room.

  “I’d offer to shake your hands but mine are in quiet a state at this point,” Nicky says holding up his bandaged hands. I scan the rest of him to see he’s favoring his right arm, but that’s all I can see. He looks good, safe. Pappy stands in front of him before Nicky can get any closer to me.

  “Did you do that to her back?” Pappy seethes.

  “No, but I blame myself for it,” Nicky admits.

  “You motherfucker!” Hugh screams standing up then lunging at Nicky. I squeeze Kel’s hand pulling him hard. His head flies up to meet my gaze sensing my stress he pulls his earbuds out.

  “I’ll fuckin’ kill you,” Hugh continues to scream lunging against Collin and Pappy’s grasp. Kel stands up and quickly rounds the bed in a limp jumping in front of Hugh.

  “Hugh, man, don’t do whatever you’re doin’ in front of Kid. She’s had enough,” Kel instructs coolly with the right amount of threat in his voice. Nicky is standing still watching Kel intently.

  “That motherfucker kidnapped her, let her get beaten to a pulp, and then let her take four bullets for him. He’s lucky I don’t have my goddamn gun!” Hugh bellows. Kel’s expression changes. This is bad. All in one movement Kel pivots, rocks back, and lands a fist to Nicky’s jaw. Nicky stumbles back as Kel advances on him. Collin, Hugh and Pappy are trying to get Kel under control (barely making an effort) but he’s throwing them back so hard they’re not able to. I need this to stop.

  “Kel stop, PLEASE!” I yell but he doesn’t hear me. I don’t know what to do. So I do what I’ve always done. “KAVY!!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs as Kel lands another fist to Nicky’s face. Kavy comes tearing into my room shaking and heaving, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

  “Make him stop, Kavy,” I say in almost a whimper. Kel is continuing to pummel Nicky while Nicky just stands and takes it, never raising a fist. Kavy rushes at them ripping Nicky backward by the shoulder throwing him to the floor then wrapping his python arms around Kel walking him backward toward my bedside. Sully and Cally run in with the same freaked out faces that Kavy had. They stand over Nicky menacingly, obviously identifying him as my threat.

  “Kellerman, stop,” Kavy breathes out roughly not letting Kel go.

  “He did this,” Kel growls. That stops Kavy dead in his tracks. Kavy looks over at me and I know if I don’t start talking Nicky is going to die in this room with my boys beating him to death.

  “Don’t touch him…any of you!” I command. “Nicky are you okay?” I ask since I can’t see him behind Cally and Sully.

  “I’m good, Shanny.” Nicky laughs lightly. He’s good.

  Kel, Kavy, Sully, Cally, Hugh, Collin and Pappy are staring at me like I’ve sprouted another head. Time to explain.

  Shannon

  “What happened in that house is a long story that I don’t have the fuckin’ energy for. But I’ll tell you this. Nicky kept me safe. He saved me from…a lot and I don’t want any of you to do anything to him,” I instruct firmly.

  “Kid, we’re fuckin’ strugglin’ here. You’re givin’ Scarso a free pass after what he did to you. What’s goin’ on?!” Kavy’s voice is pained and confused so I figure he needs something to move this along.

  “I met Nicky when I was a little girl,” I say softly. “We spent an afternoon playin’ together when I was eight. He was the first kid to play with me and not think I was weird. He was the first boy to hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay. He was my first kiss. Nicky was my first real friend.”

  The faces in the room have changed from fury to confusion and a little pain. My boys don’t like to share and Kel doesn’t want to think about anyone kissing me other than him, even if it was a ten-year-old little boy. I smile at their faces and laugh. Nicky takes a few steps toward me, keeping his distance from my boys, but looking right in my face with adoration.

  “What?” Kavy starts. “What the fuck? I don’t understand. Somebody give me more than what she just did. You sure she doesn’t have brain damage?” Kavy asks Pappy. I chuckle at that.

  “I don’t have brain damage, Kavy. And even if I did, I’d still be smarter than you,” I snark. He glares at me before a ghost of a smile crosses his lips. “You wanna quit huggin’ Kel now? Unless there’s something you two need to tell me.” Oh yeah, the snark is back! That gets me a snort from Kavy and a smirk from Kel. Progress. Kavy unfolds his arms and takes two steps toward me.

  “Once you’re back on your feet, I’m kickin’ your ass,” Kavy says softly as he kisses my forehead. I smile. I’d like to see him try and kick my ass. He stands up and moves to a chair at the side of my bed. We’re lucky the rest of the family is out to dinner. This would be difficult to explain to them.

  “Kel, you wanna sit down?” I ask softly. He doesn’t respond just makes his way around my bed scooping my hand into his as he takes his chair. His knuckles are bloody and he’s shaking with adrenaline. My beautiful man, protecting me. He does have a fresh new scar under his left eye. Note to self, ask about that later.

  “Why doesn’t everybody sit down and we can get this over with so Kid can get some rest,” Pappy instructs. I think Collin, Hugh and Pappy would have been happy to let Kel beat Nicky to a pulp. They weren’t doing a lot to stop it. I get that. I’m a mess and they blame Nicky. I’d want to kill anyone that did this to them too. They all take chairs around my bed. Nicky takes the one across from Kel and picks up my hand looking tenderly into my eyes. Kel squeezes my hand and growls at Nicky. I mean a literal growl like an animal produces.


  “Easy there big fella,” Nicky says but doesn’t drop my hand.

  “I agree with Kellerman. Get your fuckin’ hands off her,” Kavy warns from the seat next to Kel.

  “You got yourself quite the pack here, Shanny,” Nicky says with a smile dropping my hand and turning to face my pack. Nicky explained to me that I needed to get a pack (a wolf pack) of friends when we played that day. He told me that’s how you stayed safe in the world. I guess I listened later in life. It’s strange how that one afternoon playing with a boy affected so much of my life.

  “Why does he keep callin’ you that? It’s gettin’ on my fuckin’ nerves,” Kavy growls. He’s jealous and protective right now. It’s cute. I grin down at him.

  “My dad called me Shanny and so did Nicky. I called Nick, Nicky. I’m guessin’ that’s why I gave you all the nicknames you have. It’s how I show love,” I say softly. I never really thought about that until now. I just called them those names after Liam’s attack. I didn’t think about it, I just did it. Kavy’s face is soft now just like the other boys’. Kel is still seething, glaring at Nicky. I turn and look at him pulling on his hand to get his attention. He looks at me, his face going a little gentler.

  “I love you, Kel,” I whisper. He pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses my palm.

  “Oh God, knock it off you two. Nobody wants to watch that shit,” Cally snarks with a giant dimple wielding smile on his face.

  “Fuck you, Callaghan,” Kel murmurs into my hand.

  “Think Kid might get jealous you try fuckin’ me,” Cally retorts.

  “Hey, I might wanna watch,” I say with a huge grin.

  “Kid, give us just a day with you back before you start in on us, okay?” Sully pleads. He’s not ready for the snarky me. I smile and nod because I get it. He almost lost me and just wants me safe right now, not mouthy. I’ll give him until tomorrow.