Jilted

by Ann Barker

  ‘It’s just a scratch,’ he said. He put out his hand to prevent her from ministering to him, and as he did so, their two hands brushed against one another. He drew a deep breath before moving his hand away and saying ‘It’s not worth soiling your handkerchief. I’ll put something on it when I get back. Stand clear, now, while we pull this tree away.’

  Eustacia got right out of the way and made sure that the rest of the spectators did the same. Then she watched whilst Ilam guided the horse, and the tree was slowly pulled away from the cottage. All his concentration was now given to his task. She stood watching, telling herself that she needed to be able to give a full report to Lady Agatha. In reality, she knew that she was simply enjoying the opportunity to observe him at work. There at the horse’s head, he was murmuring words of guidance and encouragement, his hand firmly on the horse’s bridle. What a magnificent creature, she thought to herself; and she was forced to acknowledge that she was not referring to the horse!

  Once the task was over, she turned round in order to walk back to the vicarage. She knew that she must speak to Ilam about Lady Agatha’s schemes, but today was clearly not the day. She told herself that she must inform Lady Agatha about the morning’s events, but when she reached the drive which led up to the vicarage, she walked past and carried on to the other end of the village wanting to clear her head.

  She thought about how she had got out her handkerchief and blushed at her own boldness. ‘Shameless hussy,’ she told herself severely. Fancy pretending that she wanted to tend his wounds when if she was really honest with herself, she had simply felt a sudden and quite unexpected desire to lay a hand on his bare chest! Then, quite by accident, their hands had touched, and she had felt a shiver of excitement which had seemed to run all the way down to her toes. Evangeline Granby had challenged her about finding him attractive. The notion had taken her by surprise, but she now realized that his attraction for her had been growing ever since he had lifted her off the stone bench on the terrace behind Illingham Hall. The dreadful thing was that because of her reaction to him today, she was terribly afraid that he might have guessed it.

  The day of the garden party dawned fine and bright, prompting Lady Agatha to remark that they were always lucky with regard to weather for this event. It had been decided that the two ladies from the vicarage would spend the day at Illingham Hall, to save time going back and forth to change. They would wear some older clothes for the morning, and would use rooms allocated to them by the housekeeper in order to prepare for the afternoon.

  When they arrived, they found that the marquees had already been erected in the garden, and that tables were being carried into them and put in place. They were just wondering what would be the most useful thing for them to do when the viscount appeared, striding towards them across the grass. Like his two lady helpers, he was in working apparel. His head was bare, the sunlight revealing copper hints in his hair. He was also in shirt sleeves with the neck open, and without the usual concealment of a coat, the muscles in his thighs were very evident. At least his shirt was properly fastened on this occasion, Eustacia thought, then she blushed as she remembered his dishevelled appearance outside Flew’s cottage, and her response to the sight of his naked chest.

  ‘You’re very welcome, ladies,’ said Ilam, sketching a bow. ‘I’m hoping you’ll direct the arrangement of the flowers and tablecloths.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound very testing,’ remarked Lady Agatha.

  ‘No; that’s why I think Miss Hope ought to be able to manage out here, while you go into the house to work alongside Mrs Davies.’

  Lady Agatha nodded and was about to leave them when suddenly Anna Crossley came running across the grass. Unlike those already present, she was clearly attired in one of her best gowns. She looked happy and pretty and eager, and her eyes were fixed upon Lord Ilam. ‘Good morning, Gabriel,’ she cried, hurrying over to him, her hands held out. ‘What a beautiful day for your garden party! I’ve come to help you. Give me any task you like.’

  Only an absolute churl would have refused to take the hands that she offered to him so trustingly. ‘Anna, my dear,’ he responded, smiling back at her. ‘This is very good of you.’ He let go of her hands after a brief moment or two. ‘You will wish to greet my aunt and Miss Hope,’ he added after a tiny pause.

  ‘Oh, oh yes,’ Anna replied, colouring and making her curtsy.

  ‘Are your family well, Miss Crossley?’ asked Lady Agatha.

  ‘Yes, very well thank you, your ladyship,’ answered Anna.

  ‘You are hardly dressed for helping,’ Gabriel said gently.

  At this, Anna did not appear to know what to say. Fortunately, Lady Agatha had a solution. ‘I am going to the house now,’ she said. ‘If you come with me, I am sure that Mrs Davies will be able to provide you with a big apron to protect your gown. Then you can come back here and help Eustacia with the flowers.’

  For a moment, Anna hovered in indecision. Clearly, she wanted to remain with Ilam, but she certainly did not want to have to attend the garden party that afternoon in a soiled gown. On the other hand, she had not gone to the effort of looking her best for her pretty gown to be smothered with an enormous apron. Common sense won the day, and she accompanied Lady Agatha into the house.

  Ilam watched them go. ‘She’s a dear child, but as to why she decided to come this morning, I haven’t the least idea.’

  Eustacia looked at him incredulously. ‘For goodness sake, Ilam, can you not see what is staring you in the face?’ she exclaimed, quite forgetting to be cautious. ‘The girl is besotted with you.’

  He stared at her. ‘Little Anna? Don’t be absurd. She’s only a child. Anyway, she’s like a sister to me.’

  ‘I’m sure she is,’ Eustacia replied. ‘But she’s no longer a child. She’s a young woman. Does she still see you as a brother? I doubt it.’

  ‘And you have made this judgement on the basis of three meetings?’ His tone was calm, but his brows were slightly raised.

  Eustacia coloured. She knew that to mention Mrs Crossley’s fears would give strength to her argument. Mrs Crossley had not given her permission to refer to her opinions, however, and she did not want to repeat anything that might cause difficulties between Ilam and his foster mother. ‘I … that is, I have thought a good deal about it,’ she said eventually.

  He sighed. ‘Miss Hope, I will give you credit for being well meaning, but you must allow me to know Anna far better than you do.’

  ‘Yes, perhaps,’ Eustacia agreed, ‘but you are a man and see things differently. On the other hand, I am a woman, and—’

  ‘That fact had not escaped me,’ Ilam interrupted, with a brief, rather insolent up and down glance. ‘Now, there is much to do, and I do not have time to stand here bandying words about a situation that you know nothing about.’

  ‘Lord Ilam—’

  ‘Miss Hope, I have given you credit for your good intentions, but my patience will rapidly come to an end if you do not leave this subject alone. There is much to do. I will be very much obliged to you if you will occupy yourself with your own affairs and leave other people to manage theirs.’

  He paused for a moment as if he would say something more, then turned and strode away, affording Eustacia an excellent view of his broad, well-muscled back, if she had been in any mood to appreciate it. She had done her best, she thought with a sigh. She had warned him. If he did not heed her warning, then it was his own fault.

  She did not really expect Anna to return to help her in the marquee, and was not surprised when she found herself supervising the placing of floral arrangements unaided. Later in the morning, when everyone stopped work for a glass of wine or beer and some rout cakes, she caught sight of the girl lingering about near where Ilam was talking and laughing with a small group of workers. There was no sign of the big apron that she was supposed to be wearing. As for Ilam, he looked very much at ease among ordinary people. When he had directed operations at the cottage, those who had been working wi
th him had taken instructions from him quite naturally, as if they had often done so before, and had confidence that he knew what he was about. Was he just as comfortable with his peers in a London club, for example, or at Tattersall’s?

  Suddenly, she wondered whether she and Mrs Crossley had not made a big mistake in regarding a match between Ilam and Anna with disfavour. After all, the girl was of respected farming stock. She would not refer to him as an eccentric or as a country bumpkin as Miss Granby had done. She was in addition well educated, and if she did not have any worldly airs and graces, what of that? Ilam clearly preferred country life to the fashionable world. It was true that Anna was only seventeen, but Ilam himself was only twenty-five. Far more unequal matches were promoted in London every day. He had said that she was only a child. What a dreadful irony it would be if he began to think of Anna as a woman because of what she, Eustacia, had said.

  Eustacia felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, and a sudden, unreasonable desire to escort Anna firmly to the fish pond and push her in. Never before had she been a prey to jealousy, but she recognized it for what it was. Recently, she had been forced to acknowledge that she found Ilam exceedingly attractive. Now she realized that she did not want Anna to have him because she wanted him for herself. What was more, for two pins she could feel herself to be quite capable of trailing around after Ilam and staring at him adoringly just as Anna was doing; for, incredible though it seemed, she did not just want him, she was actually in love with him.

  She thought about her feelings for Morrison. They had been pale, puny things compared with the strength of feeling that she now felt as she thought about Lord Ilam. She wanted to work by his side as he redesigned the gardens. She wanted to help him come to a better understanding with his father, if that were possible. She wanted to be here every year, to help him with the garden party, to stroll around the gardens and welcome their guests. She wanted to wave them all goodbye, then go upstairs with him and discover whether the rest of him was as splendid unclothed as was that magnificent chest of his.

  She came to with a start, looking round and blushing at the shocking nature of her own thoughts. She was glad that Ilam was not nearby to see how flustered she looked. The housemaid who had brought her the glass of wine asked if she was all right, and she murmured something about the day being rather hot.

  When lunchtime arrived, Anna, who was still at Ilam’s heels, was invited to join the viscount and his two lady helpers for a light meal. Before she could accept or refuse, however, her brother came striding towards her across the grass. He made his bow to Ilam and Eustacia, then turned to his sister. ‘There you are,’ he said. ‘You’d better come home straight away. Mother’s none too pleased with you, I can tell you.’

  ‘But I left a message,’ Anna protested. ‘Besides, Gabriel has just invited me to stay for lunch.’

  ‘I didn’t realize that Aunt Bertha hadn’t actually given permission for you to be here,’ said Gabriel gently. ‘Perhaps you’d better do as your mama bids you.’

  After one stormy look, Anna said, ‘Oh I wish everyone would stop treating me as if I were a child,’ before running in the direction from which her brother had come.

  ‘Perhaps you’d better stop behaving like one, then,’ he responded, perhaps unwisely, before offering Ilam a brief word of apology and going after her.

  After watching them for a moment or two, Gabriel sighed and turned to Eustacia. ‘Shall we go inside? I am sure my aunt is ready for some luncheon, and I think the preparations are complete out here.’ They walked towards the house. When they were halfway there, he said, ‘I fear I was rather abrupt with you earlier. I think that perhaps I owe you an explanation of Anna’s conduct. She is like a little sister to me, as I’ve already told you. She has grown up fast, and she has always been affectionate towards me. It never occurred to me that that affection could so easily be misinterpreted.’

  Eustacia could almost feel her sigh of relief turning into a gasp of dismay. He had not understood at all, then. ‘But….’ she began, wanting to protest against his mistake.

  He raised his hand. ‘It’s all right, Miss Hope. I agree that she should be much more guarded in her manner towards me. I’ll make a point of taking her on one side this afternoon and warning her how her behaviour could be misunderstood.’

  With that, Eustacia had to be content. At least he was now aware that there was a problem, even if he had not grasped the nature of it.

  Luncheon was a very simple repast, and she was surprised and pleased to discover that Dr Littlejohn was present. ‘I’ve been keeping well out of the way this morning, I must confess,’ he said. ‘However, ladies, I will do myself the honour of taking a turn about the garden with you this afternoon, if I may.’ Both ladies professed themselves delighted.

  After the meal, Lord Ilam and his lady guests repaired to their chambers to wash, change and repose themselves, whilst Dr Littlejohn returned to the library. Eustacia thought that Lady Agatha was looking a little pale, and she was glad that there would be time for a lie down. The vicar’s widow always seemed absolutely indomitable. It was strange to imagine that she might need to rest during the day.

  Eustacia herself was not tired at all, and in no mood for a nap. Trixie, who had come with them to Illingham Hall, had put her gown out ready and was soon helping her into it. ‘It’s going to be a big do,’ said the maid as she was fastening Eustacia’s primrose yellow gown, trimmed with cream lace. ‘Everyone in the village is invited.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ agreed Eustacia. ‘Are you looking forward to it?’

  ‘I should say,’ Trixie responded with enthusiasm. ‘There’s a groom here who is a bit of a rogue, so who knows what may happen?’

  ‘Oh Trixie, you and your rakes!’ exclaimed Eustacia. ‘Just be careful, and remember what Mama would say.’

  ‘Of course, miss,’ replied Trixie demurely, but she had a twinkle in her eye.

  When Eustacia had changed she wandered downstairs. She would have liked to explore, but did not want Ilam to think that she was being nosy. Nevertheless; she decided that to make her way to the ground floor via the most circuitous route need not make her look anything other than a little foolish to get lost.

  Before arriving on the ground floor, she found herself at one end of the long gallery and, on impulse, she walked its length in order to take another look at Lord Ashbourne. Now that she knew Lord Ilam better, she could see that there were more likenesses between father and son than were at first apparent. That arrogant tilt of the head, for example, was very like one of Ilam’s gestures, seen when Lady Agatha had challenged him about his rudeness towards her goddaughter. As Eustacia looked at the picture, she remembered Ilam taking up almost the exact same pose when they had been talking about the arrangements for the garden party.

  As on a previous occasion, she became aware of being observed and turning she saw without surprise that Ilam was standing watching her. Without thinking, she said at once ‘You are very like him in some ways, you know.’

  His face stiffened, and he made a bow that was curt in the extreme. ‘Thank you, ma’am,’ he said in tones that matched his demeanour. ‘You have now set the seal on what promises to be an excessively tiresome day.’ He turned on his heel and left her.

  She sighed. She had not forgotten that she still needed to speak to Ilam about his aunt’s battle with the Church of England. These quiet moments before the guests began to arrive might have given her an opportunity, but she had squandered it through her thoughtless words. She turned to go, hesitated, then turned back again to look at the picture. For a moment, she could have sworn that Lord Ashbourne’s painted face was grinning.

  ‘You’re right, there is a likeness between them, but you must never ever remark upon it.’

  She turned round to see Dr Littlejohn coming into the room. ‘Lady Agatha said much the same thing to me,’ she agreed, as they began to make their way outside.

  ‘I hold the previous Lord Ashbourne very
much at fault,’ said the doctor. ‘He was quite implacable, utterly unforgiving of his son’s mistakes and determined never to let him share any responsibility. Consequently, Raphael doesn’t know how to do anything but play.’

  ‘He was called Michael, wasn’t he?’ Eustacia was remembering that Lady Agatha had described her father in just the same way.

  ‘Yes, he was. It’s odd, you know, but amongst the angels of Ashbourne, the Michaels always seem to have that hardness in them. They are the most difficult to love.’

  ‘You’ve known the family for a long time, I gather.’ By this time, they were emerging into the sunlight. The gardens were beginning to fill up nicely.

  ‘My father had a living in Ashbourne’s gift, and I took it over when my father died. I’ve known them all my life. A hugely privileged family, but one in which love is strangely absent. If you find Gabriel to be a little prickly at times, it’s partly to protect himself from being hurt.’

  No wonder Ilam found himself drawn to the warm and friendly Crossleys. ‘I would not see him hurt for anything, Dr Littlejohn,’ murmured Eustacia, aware that she might be giving her feelings away, but somehow sure that her confidences would be safe in this scholarly man’s keeping.

  ‘No, I thought that might be the case,’ he replied. ‘The relationship between Ilam and his father has never been good, but an incident took place about five years ago which made it far worse. It’s had the result of making him very defensive about all kinds of relationships.’ They walked for a little longer, then Dr Littlejohn continued, ‘There was a young woman whom Ilam met in London. He was very much attracted to her and she seemed to show a similar interest. When he invited her and her family to visit him here, they accepted willingly. The young woman’s father indicated that a match between the two young people would be welcome. In preparation for an engagement to be announced, they all went on a visit to Ashbourne.’ He paused.