Designed

by Alicia Renee Kline

  “It’s just a typical Saturday night thing,” Chris hedged.

  “Are we invited?”

  I already knew the answer; I just needed to hear it from his lips. With them traveling in the same circles, an invitation extended to my brother meant that Chris had received one as well. More often than not, Chris didn’t take the host up on the offer. And he knew enough details about what was planned that I knew he’d at least found out about it through the grapevine. Besides, if the event was supposed to be as epic as Matthew let on, even if we crashed the thing no one would notice.

  “Yes, we’re invited.”

  “Then we’re going.”

  “Blake, it’s not really our kind of thing.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? We’re not going to have a great time. We’re going to save my brother from himself.”

  Chapter Twelve

  (Past Tense)

  So far, so good.

  Matthew was too oblivious to notice my out of character interest in the festivities occurring that weekend. I was careful to bring it up amid random conversation, like I’d just realized we had been invited to the same event. Therefore, when I suggested that we ride together, he hadn’t thought anything of it. He’d actually seemed relieved, like he was happy that Chris and I would be accompanying him and his woman. I hoped he didn’t expect me to play nice with her. I’d rather rip my fingernails out than strike up a conversation with his fuck of the month.

  As it was, I was sitting in the backseat of the Civic with her anyway, watching as she adjusted her cleavage in her push up bra. She wasn’t bad looking - they never were - but Matthew had done better. He’d told me her name, but I hadn’t been paying attention. As he introduced her, she gave me the once over, silently comparing herself to me. Other than that, she hadn’t acknowledged me at all. I was more than happy to return the favor.

  I’d offered to drive, but Chris had quickly shot me down. Something about this not being the kind of party that you’d feel comfortable leaving your brand new Mercedes at. I briefly wondered if he was only trying to keep the leather interior impeccable, afraid that Matthew would ruin it in his drunkenness. I couldn’t have cared less, but I supposed that vomit was just as hard of a smell to remove from cloth. I doubted it made a difference. Gross either way.

  For obvious reasons, Matthew driving had not even been an option.

  Chris and Matthew made small talk in the front seat while I closed my eyes and tried to decide how I had gotten into this mess. The smartest thing to do in the situation would have been to forbid my brother from going to this party in the first place. But I, like many others, had a hard time telling Matthew Snyder no. I was wrapped around his little finger, especially when he was like he was right now.

  The charisma was back in spades. The drunken slapping incident at his house just a few days ago was a distant memory, and he was back to being himself again. Back to the person who I wanted to believe deserved a second chance. Back to the person who was easy to compare with Chris - the former high school athlete who was just looking to have a good time. Certainly, I wouldn’t nag Chris to death about having a few beers, right? Matthew deserved that freedom as well. After all, he’d already paid the price for his mistakes. No sense in dredging up the past time and again.

  Except I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to watch him like a hawk.

  Tonight’s party was being held near downtown Fort Wayne in a neighborhood where historic homes abounded and the lack of off street parking was apparent. This was an area where a lot of college age people lived; rent was low. Though the houses were so close together you could practically stick your arm out the window of one place and touch the property next door, the problem of noise complaints was alleviated simply by inviting your neighbors over to the gathering.

  Chris parallel parked on a random one way street and we climbed out of the car. I held onto his hand and let him lead the way. He seemed to know where he was going. As we walked well ahead of Matthew and his date, he bent down and whispered in my ear.

  “The guy who’s throwing the party is in my philosophy class. We worked on a project together, so I’ve been here before.”

  I nodded, not really caring. I wasn’t showing up to make nice with some fellow student. This was a means to an end, nothing more. A few uncomfortable hours and we’d be back in the car again, headed home. Matthew would have his fun and be none the wiser that he’d been babysat for the evening.

  “Just try to look like you’re having fun,” he suggested as we reached the house in question.

  I flashed my practiced cheerleader smile and winked. “Aye, aye, captain.”

  The front yard was already littered with partygoers, some who greeted Chris and Matthew with nods and waves. Even though it wasn’t quite the same as during high school, the two of them were still pretty well known on our largely commuter campus. The four of us made our way through the crowd on the lawn to the front door, which opened up upon our approach.

  Instantly, it made sense why Chris had refused to let me bring my car. A large glass bowl stood on a table by the door, in which Chris deposited his car keys. No way in hell would he let me throw the keys to a Mercedes into an unattended container for anyone to paw through.

  The thought of it being that kind of a party actually put my mind at ease and I was able to relax a little. Perhaps I’d overreacted and Matthew would have been fine on his own. It seemed like whoever the host was was at least responsible enough to take everyone’s keys when they arrived. He probably knew of Matthew’s previous legal issues and didn’t want him to feel singled out, or he was just the kind of guy who didn’t want that sort of thing on his conscience.

  Chris made note of my mood swing. “Loosening the leash a little bit?” he joked as we watched Matthew and his date disappear into the crowd. I really wished I would have at least remembered her name; it would have made things simpler.

  “Yeah, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.”

  Chris went and got us a couple beers, pressing a red plastic cup into my hand. They may have been concerned about drinking and driving here, but their civic duty didn’t extend to prohibiting underage consumption. No matter; I typically nursed my alcohol anyway.

  We found a seat on the couch in the living room, Chris easily falling into conversation with the couple that lingered nearby. As much as people associated him with Matthew, he was more than capable of holding his own. I listened attentively, admiring his more subdued brand of charm.

  I lost track of time, enjoying the vibe around me. Chris got up every so often to get us more to drink, always bringing me back another. By this point, I had no idea how much I’d actually drunk, only that my cup seemed perennially full and I was feeling the effects of a really good buzz kicking in.

  Periodically, Chris would place his hand upon my knee or brush kisses along my neck possessively. I wasn’t blind to the fact that the extra attention would come immediately after some other guy made eye contact with me. The message was clear: I was taken, back off. To his credit, Chris seemed to take it all in stride, his ego stroked by the ogling.

  With the unspoken invitation to spend the night already given, the alcohol and the good times flowed freely with no stopping in sight. I hadn’t seen my brother or his woman since we’d gotten here and their whereabouts barely concerned me anymore. Since I was out with Chris, who my parents trusted implicitly, they wouldn’t bat an eyelash at me not coming home tonight. I found myself in the odd position of not having a care in the world.

  Until our attention was organically shifted to some kind of a commotion going on at the front door.

  From our position on the couch, we couldn’t see what was happening, but the volume level of the house as a whole lowered enough that we could hear raised voices. Typically, an outburst like this wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary. Tempers flared as people began drinking and at bashes like this, someone inevitably got into a screaming match.

  Except one of the voic
es I instantly recognized as Matthew’s. The other, a female’s, more than likely belonged to the girl we’d come with.

  “Fuck,” I whispered under my breath. So much for letting him off the short leash.

  Chris quickly began untangling himself from me, prepared to weave his way through the mass of people to come to my brother’s aid, but he was too late. Before he’d even made it a couple of feet away from the sofa, the front door had slammed not once but twice, undoubtedly punctuating both Matthew’s and the chick’s exits.

  My boyfriend and I exchanged a glance. I popped up from my seat rather unsteadily, ready to go after them as well. I must have had more to drink than I’d thought. Chris shook his head at me, crossing the distance between us in a matter of two steps.

  “You’re staying right here,” he commanded, placing his hand on my shoulder and gently pushing me back down onto the cushion. “You’re drunk and there’s no way you’re running around outside like that.”

  “But Matthew,” I protested weakly, “I was supposed to be watching him.”

  “I know,” Chris said, something akin to guilt flashing in his eyes. “We both were.”

  And we had both failed. Now my brother was stumbling around downtown Fort Wayne, probably lit out of his mind, tempting fate yet again.

  “Find him,” I pleaded, “before the cops do.”

  Chris was gone before I realized that he hadn’t promised me anything.

  There’s something instantly sobering about being scared out of your mind. I supposed that my intoxication helped to take the edge off of the hysteria that I felt creeping into my body, but it did an overall shitty job. My body began to shake, my heart racing and my breaths coming shallow and much too quick.

  The girl next to me wrapped her arm around me in an attempt to comfort. I clung to her like we were best friends, even though we’d just met hours ago.

  “Shhh, calm down sweetie,” she soothed, stroking my hair.

  I wanted to believe her so badly, even though I knew she didn’t really care and that she was just making things up. I squeezed my eyes shut, not noticing that I was crying until I felt her stop running her fingers through my hair. The room had become so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. I could feel everyone’s eyes focused in my general direction, so I pried them open and rubbed the moisture away with the backs of my hands.

  Chris hovered over me, alone.

  “You didn’t find him?” I squeaked.

  “No, honey, I didn’t.”

  I wanted to scream at him, to cause yet another scene. How could he come back without Matthew? Granted he’d been gone for a while, but my brother couldn’t have disappeared without a trace in that time span. He’d undoubtedly chased after his date and it wasn’t like she could run a marathon in those shoes she’d been wearing. Even if she’d taken them off, he’d have been able to catch up to her.

  “Bullshit,” I hissed, “you didn’t even try.”

  “Blake, listen to me. I have no idea where he went and he’s long gone. I practically ran around the block, but he has a big advantage over me.”

  “So I suppose he’s got drunken superpowers now?”

  “No, the fucker stole my car.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  Chris shoved his hands in his pockets, nervously pacing the small area in front of the sofa. I knew he wasn’t lying; I just didn’t want to believe that my brother would lower himself to the depths of that stupidity.

  “What do we do now?” I asked.

  He shrugged, lifting a hand to run it through his dark brown hair. “I guess we sit and wait. Best case scenario is he brings the car back and nothing happens.”

  Wisely, he chose to leave the worst case scenarios unspoken. My active imagination didn’t need any help. There were so many possibilities - none of them good. Knowing Matthew’s luck, best case didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of happening.

  Around us, the party vibe continued on, the fight that had just occurred long forgotten. The girl that had been hugging me earlier had grown bored and relinquished her position on the couch. Even though I was surrounded by people, I couldn’t recall ever feeling more alone in my entire life.

  Suddenly, Chris grabbed my hand and pulled me to a standing position. I wobbled on my feet just slightly, but he wrapped his arm around my waist and supported me until I regained my balance. I didn’t think my lightheadedness had much to do with alcohol anymore. I couldn’t stop shaking; my arms were covered in goose bumps.

  What if the worst happened? What if Matthew hurt himself or someone else? What if I never saw him again? How could I live with myself?

  “Come on,” Chris said softly, bending his head slightly so that his lips brushed against my ear, “let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded even though I had no clue what he meant. Chris had been adamant that we were staying put, and not having a car to leave in pretty much eliminated that option even if he’d changed his mind. I quickly found out when he led me through the crowded living room and to the staircase in the corner of the space. There were a handful of guests who had made makeshift seating out of the stairs, but the implication was that the upstairs portion of the house was off limits. This didn’t stop Chris from leading me up to the second level, where we were gloriously alone. I really didn’t want to fall apart in public.

  “I don’t think we’re supposed to be up here,” I said, even as I followed him down the hall and into a bedroom. He closed the door behind us, snapping the lock shut so that no one would intrude.

  “It’s okay. I found Seth on my way back inside and told him what was going on. This is his room; he won’t mind.”

  Well, at least we weren’t breaking and entering. One criminal in the family was enough. And that’s exactly what my brother was - his list of indiscretions was growing longer by the minute. I could only imagine what our father would say when he caught wind of this. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty. Another carefully prepared monologue about how superior I was was in order. Only I was just as guilty as Matthew this time.

  If only I’d put my foot down and told him no. In the end, I was no better than the multitude of girls that he led on, using them at will. By giving into him, I’d betrayed him in the worst way possible. I was supposed to protect him and I’d done nothing even close to that.

  “How long has he been gone?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know.

  Chris pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and consulted the display. “Maybe an hour. Do you have your phone on you?”

  I nodded, fishing it out of my purse. Good thinking. Matthew would come to his senses and call one of us. We would figure out the logistics of how to meet up when that happened. Maybe he’d thought better of what he was doing and had parked the Civic somewhere and was sleeping off his intoxication. Maybe he’d tracked down the girl and they were talking things out. Or having make up sex. Whatever.

  Impulsively, I dialed his number, not really expecting him to answer. When I reached his voicemail greeting, I hung up. Chris had been watching me; he smiled sadly as I placed the phone on the dresser with a sigh.

  “Wishful thinking, I know,” I lamented.

  He laughed humorlessly. “Don’t you think I already tried that, too?”

  “Just in case. You could have pissed him off and he was ignoring you.”

  Something that resembled a genuine smile crossed over his features. “With what he’s gone and done, we should be the ones ignoring him.”

  Both of us knew we’d never let that happen.

  “Are you cold?” Chris asked, just then noticing my goose bumps.

  I shook my head. “Scared is more like it.”

  He took me in his arms, his hands running over my exposed skin. He was warm to the touch, so comforting. I rested my head against his chest, breathing him in. Though my head was spinning in a million different directions, there was something grounding about him holding me.

  “I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he whispered. O
f course, given our current circumstances, he couldn’t offer that same promise to the one who needed it most. “No matter what comes out of this, I’ll protect you.”

  The tears came quickly, the emotions provoked by that simple vow overwhelming. I tried to silence them, but my entire body shook with sobs.

  “Don’t cry,” he soothed, escorting me over to the full sized bed in the middle of the room and sitting us down on the edge. He pulled away from me to wipe the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. As he did so, I saw that his shirt was stained with traces of my mascara, heavily applied hours before.

  “I ruined your shirt,” I choked out, dissolving into another wave of hysteria.

  He looked down, totally unconcerned. After only missing a beat, he continued drying the moisture from my face, tipping my chin up so that I looked him directly in the eyes. He stared at me intensely, those deep brown pools trying to tell me something that I couldn’t comprehend.

  “I love you, Blake,” he said simply.

  “I love you, Chris,” I replied back automatically. We’d said the same to one another so many times before, but there was something different about the meaning of the words now. I wished I was able to put my finger on it, but the significance of this particular moment escaped me.

  I had no more time to think about it, for he began covering my face with kisses. When his lips finally met mine, there was an urgency there that had never been shown before. He tasted the skin of my neck hungrily, like he was committing me to memory.

  With a quick move, he laid me back on his friend’s mattress. I stared up at him as he straddled me, then lowered himself on top of me. Most of his weight was supported by his arms, which were splayed out on either side of my head, but I still felt the wonderful sensation of him pressed against me. I felt his hardness brush against the inside of my leg and I grabbed his neck and pulled him even closer to me.