Now That I've Found You (New York Sullivans #1) (The Sullivans Book 15)

by Bella Andre

And just like that, the freeze-frame that had been holding everyone captive disappeared. Suz and Harry laughed over Oscar rolling over and begging to get his belly rubbed, Alec walked out of the kitchen to take a call, and Drake headed for the blender while Rosa barely held in a huge sigh of relief.

  She wasn’t much of a drinker, but it had been one heck of a day, so when Drake handed her the filled-to-the-brim margarita, she welcomed the cool bite of the lime, the warmth of the tequila. But while the alcohol went straight into her bloodstream, it was the kiss Drake gave her after her first sip that ran a million times hotter through her veins.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Drake had rarely seen his father this relaxed. This animated. Same went for his brothers and Suzanne. Primarily because Rosa had a way of drawing people out of themselves.

  Where Drake had always been more inclined to sit back and watch, she jumped in with questions and sincere interest in every answer given, every story told. It was, he realized, the way she’d always been with him at the cabin. Even when she’d been afraid to get close to anyone, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from asking him about his father and the paintings, hadn’t been able to keep from caring about the man who had found her on his cliffs.

  She’d always glowed bright, even on that first day when the rain had been pouring down on her as she sobbed. Tonight, however, she radiated so much light that Drake could barely contain his need to paint her. Along with the paintings out in the back of the SUV, he’d brought a stash of paints and a couple of blank canvases.

  Something had happened this afternoon while she was out walking with Oscar. She’d always been strong in his eyes, but before now it had been a struggle to get her to see it. Whereas tonight, she’d come back roaring like a lioness. One who finally seemed to know her own strength. As soon as dinner was over, he needed to talk to her alone to find out what had transformed her so deeply, inside and out.

  And so he could tell her, again, just how much he loved her. More now than ever as she laughed with his family over enchiladas and margaritas, Oscar snoring softly beneath the big dining table.

  “Okay, let me make sure I have this straight,” she was saying. “The four of you were hanging from the rafters like monkeys when you were building this house, and that was right when the inspector walked in?”

  “I was doing a handstand, actually,” Suz said with more than a little pride.

  Rosa turned to his father. “What did you do?”

  “I told Brian we were training for our family circus and got up there with them. And then I grounded them until they were teenagers.”

  Laughter burst from her. “I shouldn’t be surprised. My brothers and I were just as nuts when we were kids.”

  “You think you can beat the rafters?” Alec challenged.

  “As soon as we could walk, my parents had us on water skis. One day, I found that old Go-Go’s video—you know the one where they’re waterskiing in pyramid formation? Even though I was only eight, I told my five- and six-year-old brothers we had to do it, and we couldn’t tell my parents anything until we’d perfected the trick. We convinced one of my friend’s older brothers to take us out, and when I climbed up on their shoulders, it was like flying.”

  “I’m impressed,” Harry said. “The four of us talked about trying a water-skiing pyramid, but we always chickened out.”

  “Good call.” Her mouth quirked up in an adorable half smile. “When we got back to the dock, I’ve never seen my parents so mad. We were also pretty much grounded for the rest of our lives—although they bragged about it plenty when they thought we couldn’t hear them.”

  “As a parent, you want your kids to be fearless,” Drake’s father said. “You want them to believe that they can do absolutely anything. But then when they push the limits, all you can think about is how destroyed you’d be if anything ever happened to them.”

  He put his fork down, the entire tenor of dinner having shifted as soon as he’d said destroyed.

  “I know I haven’t said this nearly enough, but I’m so damned proud of all of you.”

  “We know you are, Dad,” Suz said immediately, obviously intent on smoothing over the situation the way she had her whole life.

  But where had smoothing things over, where had brushing things under the rug, ever gotten them, apart from an awkward, distant relationship with their father? Earlier, Rosa had told Drake she was done running and hiding. They could all take a lesson from her.

  Right here, right now.

  “No.” Drake looked his father straight in the eye. “We don’t know it.”

  “Drake.” Harry didn’t often sound threatening. But when he did, he was big enough and good enough with his fists that you knew to take it seriously. “We don’t need to do this tonight.”

  Drake had always believed Rosa was strong enough to risk speaking up, and resilient enough to weather making a huge change. He knew his sister and brothers were too.

  The only person at the table he didn’t know nearly well enough was his father. But he wanted so badly to get to know him, wanted more than anything else to bridge the gap between them before the distance grew so big that no one dared. Tonight, with Rosa by his side. Even if it meant the possibility of upsetting every member of his immediate family.

  “You know why we were hanging from the rafters that day?” Thirty years of the frustration and pain that Drake had always been so careful to shove away finally rose, hot and fierce. “To try to get your attention. To try to get you to see that even though you’d lost your wife, there were four kids waiting for you.” Rosa slid her hand into his beneath the table, and he let her warmth, her strength, fuel him. “We needed you. But all you’ve ever seemed to need are the paintings.”

  “That’s not true.” His father’s deep voice vibrated with emotion.

  “Then tell me,” Drake said in a voice that he deliberately softened, “tell all of us something that is true.”

  “I didn’t know what to do.” His father had never sounded more defeated. “I never knew what to do, not with your mother and not with any of you after she was gone.” He looked at each of his kids. “I still don’t know, couldn’t think of any other way to get you here than to say you had thirty days to take the paintings, or I would get rid of them.” He ran a hand over his eyes, held it there as though he couldn’t bear to see their expressions. “I didn’t think any of you would come otherwise.”

  Drake needed his father to know, “I didn’t come for the paintings. I came for answers.”

  Alec had been silent throughout the heated exchange, but now he said, “So did I.”

  Suz took a deep breath before adding, “Me too.”

  Harry had always been the hardest to read of the four of them, the one who held his thoughts and opinions the closest. But though he hadn’t wanted to unlatch the cage, now that the wild animals were running free, he obviously realized there was no point in trying to get them back inside. Especially when, at his core, he was just as wild as the rest of them. “That’s why I’m here too.”

  Though William Sullivan’s hand was strong enough to easily lift a steel beam, it shook as it dropped away from his face. “I know I owe all of you answers. But I don’t know where to start. I never have.”

  “At the beginning.” Harry’s entire adult life had been devoted to studying history, so it made sense that he would be the one to direct the timeline. “Start with the day you met our mother.”

  “You know that already,” their father said, “how we met at a party my brother Ethan threw in the city. Lynn was the most beautiful woman I’d ever set eyes on—and the most challenging too.”

  “What do you mean, challenging?” Suz asked.

  “Your mother almost seemed to float, as if her feet never quite touched the ground. And she was obviously overwhelmed by the people, the noise. So I asked her if she wanted to leave, to find someplace quiet.” Drake could see that his father was lost in memories. “I took her hand and vowed to keep her safe. She s
eemed relieved. She told me she needed help to stay grounded. We fell in love that night as we searched for someplace quiet to go to get to know each other better, and I painted her for the first time the following morning. We were married soon after, and then we had you, Alec. She loved you. Loved all of you so much.”

  “Then why did she leave?” Drake needed to know the truth, once and for all, even if it hurt. “Was it because four kids were too many?”

  The way his father’s eyes went wide with shock at the question was already an answer. One that filled Drake with long overdue relief.

  “The four of you were the reason she tried to stay. But—” Their father ran his hand over his eyes again, as though he wished he could hide. “It was my fault. I drove her away. With my paintings.”

  “How could your paintings have driven her away?” Suz asked. “You worshipped her in them.”

  “I more than worshipped her. Just as you said earlier when you didn’t know I was in the house, I was obsessed. And that only made things worse.”

  Drake watched his father at war with himself, as if he wasn’t sure that he should continue. “Whatever you’ve got to tell us, we can take it.”

  “I know you can. The only one I’m not sure about is myself.”

  “We’re family,” Suz reminded him in a voice drenched with tears that were clearly about to fall. “We’re supposed to be here for each other. For you.”

  Harry nodded. “Keep going, Dad.”

  Only Alec didn’t look completely on board with finally hearing the truth about the end of their parents’ marriage. His face was stony, his eyes hard.

  Regret heavy in his voice, their father finally continued. “After we were married, I found out things about Lynn’s past. About how she’d often closed into herself as a teenager and tried to shut out the rest of the world, and then she did it even more as a young woman in her twenties. Noise, crowds, speed—she couldn’t take any of it. But whenever she was pregnant, whenever she had a baby in her arms, she seemed at peace. Content. As close to grounded as she could be.” He grimaced. “At least, until my paintings of her started to find an audience all over the world. When one of my paintings made the cover of Time, it was similar to having something go viral today on the Internet. And she hated the spotlight.” He shook his head. “Hated isn’t the right word for it. It was more that she worried that everyone walking down the street was looking at her. She became more and more paranoid that people were saying things about her. She stopped wanting to go out. Stopped wanting to see anyone, even family, because she swore they were all judging her. Shaming her.”

  “I know that feeling,” Rosa said, the first thing she’d said since Drake’s family had begun this difficult discussion. “I know how much easier it seems to run and hide from the world, rather than to face it.”

  “She wasn’t strong like you are, Rosa,” William said. “She could never have weathered what you’re dealing with right now. Five minutes in the kitchen with you was all it took to see that you aren’t going to let anyone back you into a corner and keep you there. When Drake told me he was painting a woman who didn’t want anyone to see the paintings, I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t stand the thought of his stepping into my shoes, desperately trying to hold on to a woman who was always meant to float away. Repeating history. But I now know that isn’t going to happen, because you have a resilience that my wife never did.” Grief was etched into every line on his face. “I thought that if I painted Lynn enough times, I’d finally find her hidden vein of tenacity. The fearlessness that is in each of our children. Only to realize too late that all my paintings ever did was drive her farther away. Higher up into the sky. Until one day, she simply disappeared. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for driving her away.”

  A dark and ominously heavy cloud threatened to descend over them. But Drake was tired of his family being shrouded in darkness. As his father had said earlier, thirty years was long enough.

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  Everyone but Rosa started in their chairs. She simply kept holding on to his hand while he fought to finally heal the wounds that had torn his family apart for his entire life.

  “It is,” his father insisted. “I just told you the truth. A truth I’ve been so ashamed of for so long. And I understand if all of you hate me.”

  “I hate that she left. I hate that she wasn’t strong enough to withstand fame, the heat of the spotlight. I hate that she couldn’t figure out a way to get some help so that she could stick around and see her kids grow up. But I don’t hate you, Dad. I’ve never hated you, even when you were gone all the time and it would have been so much easier if I did.”

  “Are you saying—” Hope lit his father’s eyes, so much hope that Drake’s chest clenched tight to realize just how badly his father needed to know his kids loved him. “You actually forgive me?”

  Fierce heat rose again inside Drake, but it wasn’t directed at his dad anymore. Shame had made his mother so paranoid that she couldn’t imagine living. Shame had made his father bottle up his feelings for thirty years. Shame had sent Rosa into hiding.

  “I’m saying we should all give shame and guilt a big fat kick in the ass and start the hell over.”

  “A fresh start.” A tear rolled down his father’s face as he reached out to put a hand over Drake’s. “That’s what I want too.”

  “Me too,” Suz said through her tears as she put her arms around their father and held on tight. Harry came around on their father’s other side and clasped a hand on his shoulder.

  Only Alec stayed apart, his face an unreadable mask as he slid his chair back from the table, then walked out of the house without a word.

  * * *

  Drake caught his brother in the driveway getting into his car.

  “I’m happy for you,” Alec said before Drake could say anything, “but I’m not going to pretend to play happy family with William now that he’s suddenly ready to be a father.”

  Drake understood that, as the oldest, Alec’s experience of their mother’s leaving had been different. Of the four of them, he’d not only spent the most time with her, but he’d also been old enough to understand that she wasn’t ever coming back.

  Knowing he had to tread carefully, Drake said, “I know we haven’t solved everything. Not even close. But tonight was a step in the right direction. To finally get honest answers to the questions none of us have ever felt we could ask.”

  “Mom was just like he said—she barely touched the ground. It almost seemed as if she might just float away sometimes.” Alec looked toward the cottage where their father stored the paintings of their mother, then shook his head as if he didn’t want to think about any of it anymore. “I need to head back to the city. Let me know if Rosa needs my help with anything. I’m happy to lend her one of my personal planes if she needs to go somewhere in stealth mode.”

  There was no point in reminding his brother that he’d said he’d spend the night in the Adirondacks. Not now that Alec had locked down. So instead of talking more about their father, Drake said, “Something tells me Rosa’s done with stealth mode. But thanks for being on her side. Mine too.” Alec was shutting his door when Drake said, “I’ll hold on to your paintings until you want them.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Drake was still standing in the driveway watching the dust from Alec’s tires settle when Rosa slid her hand into his. She didn’t ask if he was okay, just let him lead them silently through the woods to a private cove. Far enough from his father’s house that no one could see or hear them. And dark enough that they were barely shadows as he drew her out of the trees and toward the water.

  “I need you,” he said as he began to strip away her clothes. “Here. Now.”

  “I need you too.” She put her hands on his face. “I love you.”

  The words of love from her lips—and the love he could feel in her kiss—sent him reeling even faster, even harder, than tonight’s dinner discussion had.

&nbs
p; “I love you so much.” She rained kisses over his face. “I should have told you before, but I was scared. I’m still scared of plenty of things, but not of what I feel for you. I’ll never be scared of that again.”

  “Mine.” He crushed her mouth, her body, against his. “I want you to be mine. Forever.”

  “Good, because I’m not going to let you go, no matter what people say. No matter what they think.”

  He knew exactly how strong she was—how strong she’d always been—but hearing her say the words was huge. “I love you, Rosa. That’s never going to change. No matter what.”

  The moon was shrouded by clouds, but even in the pitch darkness, he knew her expressions, her body, by heart. He loved her little gasps of pleasure as he slowly lowered her bra straps from each shoulder and pressed kisses all along the skin he’d just bared. She gripped his shoulders as if to hold herself steady, her breath coming faster and faster the closer he got to her breasts, his tongue sliding in damp circles along the soft flesh. Finally, he found one taut tip, her breath going as he drew it between his lips and suckled.

  Greed took over as he cupped her breasts to take both into his mouth at once. She rocked her hips against his as he ran his tongue over her. Threading her hands into his hair, she pulled his mouth back up to hers, kissing him with fierce passion.

  “Take me, Drake.” She dropped her hands to his shirt and nearly tore it off in her need to get him naked. “Here.” He’d only just pulled a condom out of his back pocket when she yanked the button and zipper of his jeans open and shoved them down. “Now.”

  Their hands met on her waistband, both of them working to get rid of the last barrier between them. As soon as they’d slid protection on his throbbing length, he lifted her up into his arms. When she wrapped her legs around him, he cupped her luscious hips in his hands and brought her even closer.

  Drake wanted to start clean with everyone and everything tonight. He’d always been drawn to water—not only painting it, but diving in, going deep, and coming up feeling renewed. Thankfully, there was enough moonlight now to safely take them down the sandy path to the hidden cove.