SUSPICION'S GATE

by Justine Davis

  "Afraid?"

  "Because I … didn't want you to be with me for the wrong reason. Because you thought that you … owed me something."

  Nicki flushed, staring at him. "Something that could be paid back … in bed?"

  Travis paled, his eyes widening with shock. "I didn't mean—" He stopped, as if hearing his own words, and how they'd sounded. "God, I've really been a fool, haven't I?" He let out a harsh, bitter chuckle. "I've hurt you, kept secrets from you, and insulted you. God, no wonder you ran. I don't blame you for changing your mind."

  "I— What?"

  Travis shivered. He picked up a handful of sand, and watched it slip through his fingers with a set, intense expression. Then he looked at her, his eyes dark with the same intensity.

  "I said before that I knew how far people will go for someone they love. Well, I was wrong. I didn't know. I do now. Because I swore fifteen years ago I'd never beg anyone for anything again. But if that's what it takes to get you to give me another chance, then I'll do it."

  "Another chance? Travis—"

  "I don't blame you, but please, just listen. I love you. I love you, Nicole." He lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I guess I thought … it was obvious." She heard his breath catch. "And I am so damned sorry. About everything." He looked at the tiny pile of sand he'd dropped. "I guess I don't have any pride when it comes to you. Not if it means losing you."

  "Losing— Travis, what—"

  "I can't lose you now, not when I've just found you again, please Nicole, I—"

  "Travis!" she cried. "Don't sound like that! You're not ever going to beg anyone again, not me, not anyone."

  "It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does without you."

  "But you're not without me."

  "But … you said…"

  "I said what?"

  "That you … loved me."

  "I know." She stared at him, perplexed.

  "Not love. Loved. Past tense."

  Her eyes widened in understanding. "And you thought I meant I didn't anymore? God, Travis, how could you think that? Do you think it's just a word I throw around? It's not something that's only there when things are sunny, it doesn't disappear when I'm angry, or—"

  She stopped suddenly, an ugly, stark vision in her head of Travis, dodging a blow from his drunken father. What did he know of a love that was constant, that solid, untouchable core that survived bad times and anger? The closest he'd ever come to it was in the Lockwood house, only to have it coldly and cruelly betrayed.

  Nicki stared at him in understanding. He looked away, but not before she saw the shimmer of moisture in his eyes. It slashed at her already battered emotions. "Travis," she whispered, "why did you show me that letter now?"

  For a moment she didn't think he was going to answer. Then it came, low, thick, and barely audible. "Because of what you were thinking. That your mother didn't … love you."

  "But … you must have known how I'd react."

  He shuddered. "I knew."

  "Oh, Travis," she whispered. Emotion flooded her; they'd joked about nobility, but at this moment she saw more of it in this man than she'd ever known in anyone.

  She reached out to cup his bruised face with her hand. He didn't move, but there was an odd look in his eyes, the look of a creature in pain who wasn't sure if the hand extended to it was to heal or do more harm.

  "Nicki…?"

  That he used that name now, the name so common from others, so special from him, until now heard only in their most intimate moments, told her all she needed to know. And what she needed to say.

  "I love you, Travis. And I'm sorry I didn't realize until now that you gave me the greatest trust of all when you showed me that letter. You trusted me to understand."

  He stared at her, a shudder rippling through his lean body. Then he swallowed heavily, his eyes closing for a long moment. Then the thick, dark lashes lifted. "I thought … when you ran out…"

  "I was angry, yes," she said, "and I needed to work through it. I didn't understand so many things … but I never stopped loving you." She saw a shiver ripple through him, and her voice went soft and warm. "That's not my kind of love, Travis. Or yours. I know that. It doesn't change when the wind changes, or burn up in the heat of anger."

  A parade of emotions flitted across his face; pain, doubt, wonder. She knew when he'd at last reached acceptance, for he reached out and pulled her into his arms.

  "I love you. You. Travis Halloran. The boy you were, the man you are. No matter what the trappings are. No matter that, for a while, we both forgot that to truly love you have to trust… But please, no more secrets."

  "No." His agreement was heartfelt. "No more." She felt him shiver, then his arms tightened around her. "I'm sorry. I underestimated you." He smiled wryly. "And I had a pretty high opinion of you in the first place."

  She let out a little sigh. "Thank you."

  "Will you forgive me if I'm still a little bit glad that you came to me even when you thought the worst?"

  She wiggled closer, burrowing into the warmth of his embrace. "You're lucky. I'm in a forgiving mood."

  "Nicki, love, I know just how lucky I am."

  "And I know how lucky I am, to have a man who can say that and mean it, after what you've been through."

  He went still, then took a deep breath. "Will you have me, Nicole? Forever?"

  She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes shining. "I couldn't face forever without you," she whispered. Then, her face alight with love and a teasing joy, she said, "After the last fifteen years, forever should be a snap."

  And as easily as that, the long, hard years were dismissed, vanishing in the glow of the future before them. And today shimmered in their hands, bright and shining and precious; they held it as tightly as they held each other, two solitary figures making a single silhouette against the soft, white sand.

  * * *

  Epilogue

  « ^

  "Who?"

  "He says his name is Kevin Hayes."

  Travis's brow furrowed as he searched his memory. Nothing materialized, no peg to hang the name on. He shifted the receiver on his shoulder as he finished signing the letter on his desk.

  "He asked for me?"

  "Not by name," the receptionist said, sounding amused. "But he did describe you … rather accurately."

  "He did?"

  "'Tall, dark hair, good looking dude, but real intense,' I think were the words."

  Travis laughed. "You trying to flatter me into a raise, Jenny?"

  "No, but now that you mention it…" she said with a laugh. "Anyway, he insists you told him to come."

  Travis sighed. "Okay. Send him in."

  When the door opened, a tall, lanky, blond young man of about eighteen stepped in. He looked around the office, and Travis could see him fighting not to be impressed. And I still don't have a clue who he is, Travis thought. He stared at him, again searching his memory. The boy took in his blank expression.

  "I should'a known you didn't mean it." The boy scowled and turned to go.

  Something clicked into place at the surly attitude, and Travis stood up. "Wait a minute."

  The boy looked back over his shoulder. "What for?" he asked sourly.

  "Because if you want a job here, you're going to have to learn some patience."

  The boy's angry brown eyes widened. "You mean … you did mean it?"

  "I said it."

  "Sometimes that doesn't mean much."

  "It does around here."

  The boy turned back. He was taller than he'd been that day, but just as thin. And just as scared, Travis thought, and hiding it behind a screen of surliness. Again, he recognized himself in the boy before him.

  "You still in school?"

  "Graduated. Barely. They wanted to get rid of me."

  Travis gave a short bark of laughter. "I know the feeling."

  The boy glanced around the office once more. "You?"

  "Me. The boy most likely to fa
il. The only thing I was good at was 'not living up to my potential.'"

  The boy gaped at him. "You, too?"

  "Me, too." Travis walked around his desk. "You ready to work?"

  "Yeah."

  "I mean really work, not goof off, not get into trouble, not walk around with an attitude—"

  "I don't have an attitude—"

  "Not talking back to the boss is part of that patience I mentioned."

  "Well, just forget it, then."

  "Knock it off, Kevin. I've been there. I know every smart-mouth remark. I've used them all. And I know what's behind them. I know you're scared that there's no place for you in this damned world. And there won't be, unless you make it yourself."

  Kevin was staring at him, wide-eyed.

  "If you really want a job, you've got it. But it isn't free. Nothing is. You want to work here, you keep your mouth shut. I did it, and so can you. You think what you want, but you don't say it around my people. Got that?"

  The boy nodded silently.

  "And you keep going to school."

  "What?" It was an astonished squeak. "I'm out of school."

  "It's called college."

  "Me? I barely made it through high school!" He gave Travis a look that was half frightened, half defiant. "My folks kicked me out the day after graduation. I can't afford to go to college. They wouldn't let me in, anyway."

  "So you start with a junior college."

  "But … that costs money, too."

  "That's your boss's problem."

  His eyes widened. "You?"

  Travis nodded.

  "Me…? College?"

  The boy's wondering expression told Travis he'd made a good call. He held out a hand. "Do we have a deal?"

  Moving with stunned slowness, the boy nodded as they shook hands.

  "Good," Travis said. "You can—"

  He broke off as his office door was flung open and a small, denim-clad whirlwind burst in. A fiery ponytail bounced as the bundle of energy flew across the room and flung herself at Travis.

  "Daddy!"

  "Hi, baby."

  He lifted the exuberant toddler up in his arms and kissed her bright hair. She giggled and planted a wet, sloppy return kiss on his cheek. His own gray eyes looked back at him from beneath the coppery hair, a striking combination that he realized with some ruefulness would have him shopping for a shotgun in a few years.

  The child suddenly noticed the stranger in the room, and a tiny finger went to her mouth as she stared at him. The boy looked back, his eyes lingering on the gleaming red highlights in the pert ponytail. Then his eyes went to Travis.

  "I guess you found her, huh?" he said softly.

  Travis nodded, hugging the little girl. "Not bad, for the guy most likely to fall on his face."

  Kevin nodded slowly, and for the first time Travis saw hope shining in the brown eyes.

  "Sarah? Sarah Emily Halloran, where are you?"

  "In here, Mommy," the toddler chirped. "You look funny, Daddy," she added when she looked back at Travis.

  "I'll bet I do," he admitted, acknowledging silently the odd little tumble his heart still took when he heard his daughter's name in Nicki's voice.

  And when Nicole Lockwood Halloran appeared in the doorway, her blue eyes bright with the joy that was constant now, her lips curving with the smile he knew was for him alone, her slender body beginning to show his son growing inside her, he knew their forever would be brighter than he'd ever dared hope.

  * * * * *