Remembrance

by Danielle Steel

  The last night they spent alone together they went to a quiet restaurant, came home early, and made love, and afterward Andreas fell into a deep sleep. Vanessa wandered slowly around his bedroom, looking out at the view and wondering what the next day would bring. What would she think of this girl who though a total stranger was her closest kin?

  From some of what Andreas had said, she suspected that Charlie had been spoiled rotten, and since she was living in the midst of the Greek shipping magnates, it was certainly likely that that was the case. Andreas had already tried to buy two diamond bracelets for Vanessa, and she insisted that that wasn't what she wanted. Instead he bought her some marvelous lenses for her camera and gave her a beautifully cut simple emerald ring.

  “But I can't keep that, Andreas, it's so expensive!”

  He was amused at her concern. “I promise you, my darling, I can afford it.” He had kissed her passionately and quelled her objections, but after they had made love, she mentioned it again.

  “I shouldn't, it's too big a present.”

  “Ah, how refreshing, a woman who wants smaller emeralds!” He looked amused. “Believe me, darling, my wife had none of those reservations.” Vanessa had to laugh at him and shook her head. In the end she had agreed to keep it, and now she saw it sparkling darkly on her left hand. It looked, in a way, like an engagement ring, and it meant a great deal to her. It symbolized the love that she had for this man, and all that he had done for her. He had freed her from her lonely tower and brought her down into his arms. Had he asked her to marry him at that moment, she would have, but there was never any talk of the future between them. He seemed to live entirely in the here and now.

  The next morning Vanessa rose early and was already dressed by the time Andreas came out of his room. He was going to pick Charlotte up at the dock and bring her back to meet Vanessa. Vanessa had insisted that she didn't want to shock her, but he insisted again that Charlotte was a sturdy, happy child and it would not upset her to be surprised. In the end Vanessa let him talk her into going, and they drove down to the port after they got the phone call that his friend's yacht had returned. Vanessa sat playing with the emerald ring and looking out the window, feeling a cascade of emotions rush over her and trying to fight back a lump in her throat.

  He leaned over and kissed her as he stopped the car and smiled at her. “Are you all right, my love?” She nodded, looking at the handsome, lined face and touching the silvery hair.

  “Yes, thanks to you, I've never been better.” And then she sighed. “I'm just scared.”

  “Of what?” And then suddenly he understood. “That she will reject you?”

  “Maybe. I don't know. I loved her so much when she was a baby, and now I'm meeting a total stranger. What if she doesn't care about me at all?”

  “She always has, in the stories she told me about you, in her fantasies. You were always the big sister whom she loved.”

  “But she doesn't know me. What if she hates the real thing?”

  “How could she”—his eyes glinted with affection mingled with passion—”when I love you so much?”

  “Oh, Andreas, what was my life before you came along?” She could barely remember it now. After two weeks with him it was as though she had belonged to him for her entire lifetime.

  He pointed the yacht out to her then, it was a magnificent piece of work, painted black with three enormous masts and full sails. It slept eighteen in the cabins, with a crew of twelve. Charlotte must certainly have had a very pleasant trip.

  “What shall I do? Shall I wait here?” She wanted to run away and Andreas smiled at her.

  “Why don't you? I'll go on board and talk to her alone for a few minutes, and then we'll come up to get you. Maybe you'd like to see the boat?” But he could see in her eyes that all she cared about was seeing Charlotte. The boat could have sunk once her sister got off it, the rest just didn't matter at all. He had to smile at her.

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  “That you're here, that you came all the way from New York to see her, that you didn't know where she was until now.”

  “Will you tell her about us?” Vanessa looked worried, and suddenly wondered if Linda had at one time felt that way about her.

  But he shook his head. “No, darling, not now. One thing at a time. She's only sixteen.”

  Vanessa agreed with him. It was a relief. It was hard enough to meet a sister, without having to tell her that you were madly in love with her uncle, and highly desirous of becoming her aunt. She turned the emerald ring around on her finger, and Andreas walked quietly toward the gangway, and a moment later disappeared.

  It seemed hours before he emerged again, but it was actually more like twenty minutes. He had taken Charlotte quietly aside after greeting his friends and had had a talk with her. He had explained that Vanessa was in Athens and all of the things he had told Vanessa he would say.

  “She is?” Charlotte's eyes flew open wide. “She's here?”

  “Very much so.” He smiled at the enthusiastic response.

  “Where is she?”

  “Charlotte … darling …” Suddenly he was worried too. Maybe Vanessa was right. Maybe it wouldn't be easy. “She's outside.”

  “On the dock?” Charlotte stood to her full height, her sheaf of black hair flung straight as onyx threads over her shoulder. Her hair was Vasili's, but the rest of her, every inch, was Serena. “She's right out there?” Charlotte pointed with all of her sixteen-year-old disbelief and excitement, and with a slow smile Andreas nodded, and as he did she took off, ran out of the room, up to the deck, across the gangway onto the dock, and stood looking around with excitement, and then she saw her, standing so tall and quiet and blond beside her uncle's car. She looked exactly as Charlie had dreamed her. So exactly that it stunned her now to see the real thing. It was as though she had always known her, always carried an image of her in her heart, and as she stood staring from the distance, Vanessa suddenly stiffened. She had seen her coming off the boat, the black hair, the long legs, all of it. It was exactly like seeing her mother. Vanessa gave a small anguished sound and stood there, rooted to the spot, it was as though her mother had come back to life, in the body of this girl coming toward her. Without thinking, Vanessa began to ran toward her, and she didn't stop until they stood in front of each other, the tears pouring down Charlotte's face as well as Vanessa's, and without saying a word, Vanessa held out her arms. Charlotte flew into them, and they held to each other, as from the deck Andreas watched them, with tears flowing from his eyes too. The two girls clung to each other for an endless moment, and it seemed as though Vanessa was never going to let go.

  “Oh, baby …” she kept saying over and over. “Oh, Charlie.”

  “You came back.” Charlotte looked up at her rapturously, with the face of her mother and the eyes of a child. “You came back.”

  “Yes, love.” Vanessa looked down at her, a woman at last. A smile lit her eyes behind the tears. “I did.”

  56

  For the next two weeks the threesome was inseparable. Vanessa went everywhere with Charlie, except when she was in school, and then Vanessa spent her time with Andreas. They were alone again at night, after Charlie went to bed, and then their life continued as it had before Charlie had got back to Athens. It was an idyllic time for them all, and Vanessa had never been happier. She had everything she wanted, a man she loved, a sister she adored, and now all the good memories returned as she put away the others. She remembered times she had had with her mother, and seeing Charlie brought it all back to her. She dared now to touch the past, like a magic blanket she had brought with her over the years and always hidden.

  It was during the second week that Charlie had come back that Vanessa got up one morning and Andreas didn't come to breakfast. She was worried when he didn't come down as he always did, trim in his English suits, and his perfectly starched white shirts, his hair impeccably in place, and smelling of lavender and spices.

  “Is
he all right, do you suppose?” Vanessa looked at her sister with a worried frown. He had seemed all right the night before, but she didn't mention that to Charlie. They were keeping their love affair a secret.

  Charlie looked troubled too as she buttered a piece of toast. “I think it may be one of his bad days. If it is, we can call the doctor after breakfast,” The ravishing child swung her hair over her shoulder and began to munch on her toast.

  “One of his bad days?” Vanessa looked confused.

  “Sometimes he has them.” She looked at Vanessa strangely, a question in her eyes, but Vanessa seemed not to understand her. “Was he all right while I was gone?”

  “He was fine.” Vanessa felt worry begin to tighten her chest. “Is he ill?”

  For a long moment Charlotte said nothing. She sat in all her silky black splendor, her enormous green eyes piercing into Vanessa's. They were bright with tears when she spoke again, but her voice was calm. “He hasn't told you?” Vanessa shook her head.

  “He has cancer.” For an instant Vanessa felt as though she could feel the room twirl, and then clutching the breakfast table, she stared at her sister.

  “Are you serious?”

  Charlotte nodded quietly, with all the dignity of her mother. “He's had it for two years. He told me almost right away. He said I had to know, because there was no one else to take care of me afterward. He said I would have to grow up quickly because of that.” The tears began to slide down her face and it was difficult to continue. “I could live with any of his children, but”—she gulped —”it wouldn't be the same. And he's right.” She was crying openly now, looking at Vanessa. “It wouldn't.”

  “Oh, my God.” Vanessa went around the table to where she sat, and sat down with her arm around her. “Oh, poor baby.” But her thoughts were in a jumble as she cradled her sister on her shoulder. “Can't they do anything for him?”

  Charlie sniffed loudly. “They have. They've done wonders. We almost lost him last year.” Her English was precise and Vanessa loved her accent. She loved everything about her. “But then he got better again. He wasn't too well just before I left, but then he seemed to be all right, and he promised me that if he got sick he'd call me on the boat and I'd come back. It's in his liver and his stomach.” Vanessa thought over the meals they had shared, and remembered noticing that he ate very little. She thought at the time that it was vanity and that was why he ate so little, to keep his figure. Now she felt heartsick at what she had heard. The man that she loved was dying. For an instant she felt sorry for herself, remembering that she was about to endure another loss in her life, but almost at the same moment she could hear Andreas's voice telling her that they had to grab the moment … and now Vanessa had Charlotte to think of. The loss of Andreas would be a tremendous blow to her. The two girls sat that way for a long time, and then Vanessa looked at her watch as she saw the chauffeur in the hallway.

  “You'll be late for school.”

  “Will you go in and see him? And don't believe a word he tells you. If he looks sick, call the doctor.”

  “I promise.” She walked Charlotte to the door, waved at the retreating limousine, and hurried back to the door to Andreas's bedroom. She knocked softly and went inside when he answered her knock. She found him lying in bed, looking deathly pale, but trying to look cheerful as she entered. “Andreas …”She didn't know what to say. He wanted to play a game, and she didn't know how to play it with him.

  “Sorry, I overslept.” He sat up with a wan smile, and overnight he seemed to have radically altered. Charlotte had warned her that that was how it was on his “bad days,” and then suddenly he would seem better again and look like himself for a while. But the doctor had told her the month before that the good days would be coming to an end soon. “You must have worn me out last night.”

  “Darling …” Her voice trembled as she sat down, and he smiled at her. She had become a woman in one short month. There was nothing left of the frightened girl she had been when she arrived in Athens. “I …” She didn't know how to say it, but she knew that she had to. The pretense would be impossible to keep up. And as long as Charlie knew, there was no reason why she shouldn't too. With enormous gray eyes she looked at him and held his hand. “Why didn't you tell me?” There were tears in her eyes and he looked startled for a moment, as though she had caught him unprepared.

  “Tell you what?”

  “I spoke to Charlie this morning—” She faltered and he immediately understood and nodded.

  “I see … so you know.” He looked sad for a moment. “I didn't want anyone to tell you.”

  “Why?” The sorrow that she felt showed in her eyes and it tore at his heart to watch her.

  “You have had enough loss in your life, my love. I was going to send you home while I was feeling well, with nothing but happy memories to take with you.”

  “But that isn't real if the reality is this.”

  “The reality is both. All that we have shared, all the love, the excitement, the happy moments. Vanessa.” He looked at her gently. “I have never loved any woman as I love you. And if I were younger, and”—he skipped over the words—”things were different for me now, I would ask you to marry me, but I can't do that.”

  “I would, you know.”

  “I'm happy to know that.” He looked pleased. “But what I want you to take away from here is better than marriage. I want you to take a better knowledge of yourself, an understanding of how much you have been loved. I want you to take not the past but the future with you.”

  “But how can I leave you here? And if you're ill, I want to be with you.”

  He shook his head with a gentle smile. “No, my darling, that I cannot allow. What we lived was that brief moment I talked to you about before. Perhaps it will come again, perhaps I will be better again tomorrow. But when I am, this time you must go. And when you go—” He hesitated for a moment, obviously in pain. “I want you to take Charlotte.”

  Vanessa looked stunned. “Don't you want her here with you?”

  “No.” He spoke very clearly. “I want the two people I love to go to their new lives. In your hearts you will take me with you. You have been dear to me, little one, for all of these years that I remembered you as a child. Now you will remember me for a lifetime.” She knew that it was true, but she didn't want to leave him. He shook his head though, vetoing her objections. “My children will be here with me, Vanessa. I will not be alone. And soon,” he said very softly, “it will be time to go.”

  She bowed her head then and began to cry, and at last she raised her eyes to his face. “Andreas, I can't leave you. I can't give up what we had.”

  “You won't. You will take it with you. Won't you?” He looked at her so gently that it made her cry more. “Won't you always remember?”

  “You've changed my whole life.”

  “As you've changed mine. Isn't that enough? Do you really want more? Are you so greedy?” His eyes were teasing and she smiled through her tears and blew her nose in the handkerchief he gave her.

  “Yes, I am greedy.”

  “Well, you can't be. And you must fulfill an important task for me. For two years I have agonized about what will happen to Charlotte. I had thought that she will be with my children. But she needs something more. She is a special child. She needs someone who will love her as I have.” Now his eyes were damp too. “I like watching the two of you together. You are so good to her.” And then, as a single tear slid down his face and tore at Vanessa's heart, “Will you keep her with you?” It was like receiving a sacred gift, the Holy Grail, and Vanessa was dumbfounded that he would ask her.

  “Yes, but don't you want her here with you?”

  “No, I want her away from all this. I know what it is. It will get very ugly. And”—his face grew stern—”she is not to come back afterward for my funeral. That's barbaric and unnecessary.” He glowered and Vanessa made a face.

  “Stop running everyone's life.”

  “No, my darling.�
� He smiled at her more gently again. “Only yours, and that's because I love you.”

  “Are you serious? Do you really want me to take Charlie back to the States?” He smiled. Vanessa was the only one who called her Charlie, but Charlotte loved it. “Won't she be terribly lonely?”

  “Not with you. Put her in a good school.” He cleared his throat slightly. “She will have an enormous income, run by her trustees. With her father's death she inherited a considerable fortune.” Vanessa nodded.

  “I lead a very simple life. Do you think that would be enough? She is used to such grandeur.”

  “I think that she would like it. I will see to it that you both have all the necessary comforts.” But Vanessa shook her head.

  “I can't let you do that. I have enough as things are. One day I know that Teddy has provided for me. I make enough money from my photography. It's just that—” She looked embarrassed. “It's not fancy.”

  “She doesn't need fancy. She needs you. Vanessa, please.” His eyes pleaded with her. “Take her.”

  Vanessa looked at him then. “I want to ask her first. That seems only fair.” He looked doubtful, but finally he agreed.

  And that afternoon when she came home from school, Vanessa quietly put the question to her. She seemed shocked for a moment. “He wants me to leave?”

  “I think so.” Vanessa looked at her sadly. “But I won't take you if you don't want to go. You can stay in Athens with him if you want to.” He couldn't force her to take the girl away, after all. And she could always come back for Charlie later.

  “No.” She shook her head. She knew Andreas better than Vanessa. “He'll send me to Paris or somewhere. He doesn't want me here in the end.” They had talked about it for two years. And then slowly she nodded at Vanessa. “I want to come with you.” Vanessa said nothing more, she only took the girl in her arms and held her. All the mothering that she had thought she would never have had come out and was pouring forth for this child, who looked so much like her mother. It was like returning something she had been given a long time before. They had come full circle.