[2016] A Wanting Bride

by Christian Michael

  Care for her.

  She wasn’t even sure she knew what that meant or what that would look like. It certainly didn’t look like what she’d thought. Perhaps she had hoped for some sort of spark between them. For something…magical. She nearly smiled at the thought—her head was filled with foolish notions. It’s what had gotten her in trouble during her housework chores before. Certainly she was klutzy, but she also had trouble staying away from daydreams.

  The wagon jerked to a halt and she came back to reality. She jumped down without assistance and held up her hands to Robert. “I can take Jack,” she said. It was a risk, but she wanted to show him that she wanted to do her part.

  He looked down at the boy then back at her. It took him much too long to make a decision, which was telling in and of itself, but he finally leaned down and handed the boy to her.

  She held him tightly to herself and made sure she walked with care up the steps to the door. He let her in and she surveyed the home. The sitting area and kitchen were one large space with a hall that led to what she assumed were the rooms.

  “Your room is this way.”

  She followed Robert, his countenance grim, down the small hallway. He placed her bags at the foot of the bed. “Jack sleeps in my room.”

  He stood there looking at her and she wasn’t sure what to do. Say something in acknowledgement?

  Robert moved to take off his hat but the sudden movement reminded her of Mrs. Marks and Alice flinched. Robert’s eyes narrowed in concern and he pulled his hat off, moving more slowly.

  She flushed bright red and turned to leave the room making her way back toward the kitchen. She wasn’t back with Mrs. Marks. Robert wouldn’t hit her—at least she hoped he wouldn’t. She couldn’t walk around scared of her shadow.

  But no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t fully stop being afraid. It had been her existence for as long as she could remember.

  Robert followed her into the kitchen and showed her around, finally saying, “I get up early to get to work. I’m gone most of the day and come home around dusk most days. Mr. Collins works us hard, but it’s a good job. Do you need to know anything else?”

  She looked up at him, taking in his shaggy black hair and penetrating green eyes. He was handsome with a square jaw and high cheekbones, but his features remained hard. There was no softness in this man.

  Did she need to know anything else? Yes. She needed to know who he was. Who had she just pledged to love and honor for the rest of her life? But as reality started to sink in she began to wonder if there would ever be love between them. Could Robert let go of what was holding him captive? Because surely there was something there.

  He’d been wounded somehow, that much she could see as his haunting gaze traveled from her to his son. It was only in those times when his eyes rested on Jack that she could see a glimmer of something…hope maybe? Resolution? Determination?

  Whatever it was, Jack was the foundation of this man.

  She let out a sigh. “No, I should be fine. I’ll be up to make you breakfast and have dinner ready for you when you come home. Jack and I will be fine.”

  At the mention of his son’s name Robert’s eyes met hers again. She held his gaze though she wanted to drop it. Finally, he nodded once then turned to leave. “I need to go put the horse away.”

  And with that he was gone.

  Chapter 3

  It had been several weeks since they’d married. Alice rose early, made him breakfast, and had dinner ready by the time he came home each day. Just like she’d promised. But she barely heard more than a sentence or two from him most days. It was almost like she was living alone.

  Then again she didn’t help things either. It wasn’t just Robert who was quiet. She had adopted a silent as the grave mentality too. He didn’t engage her in conversation and she responded in kind.

  It was too intimidating to think of talking to him. The longer it went when he didn’t say anything, the larger her fears of him grew. Suddenly, she found herself waking up from night terrors where Mrs. Marks transformed into Robert as he stood over her, hand held high.

  Even thinking about it now sent chills down her spine. Robert sat next to her on the wagon bench seat on their way to town, but she fought the urge to lean away from him. It was foolish, he hadn’t done anything to make her think he would mistreat her, but she’d lived with that fear for so long.

  They pulled up in front of the general store and he helped her down, handing Jack over to her. The little boy wiggled and made cooing noises as they walked up the steps into the grain-scented building.

  She had grown fond of the little boy, his funny antics amusing her during the long hours of the day. Jack made up for personality where Robert was lacking. She could already tell that the little boy had a type of natural compassion, something she encouraged in him.

  The small isles of the store drew her in, creating a type of game for her to see what was down each one. Her imagination grew with each item she hadn’t seen before. Just as she rounded the corner, her arms cradling Jack, her foot caught the edge of a crate that held a towered display of canned goods.

  The world slowed as terror raced through Alice. The cans wobbled on the stand, the top tipping further than the rest. In an attempt to still the motion, her hand shot out, but she overestimated the distance. The next thing she knew the small store was filled with the sound of metal cans clanging to the ground. The sound startled Jack, causing him to burst into screams.

  “What in the world?!” The shopkeeper barreled around the corner, his tall frame filling the isle.

  “I-I-I’m s-sorry,” she stammered.

  “Calm that baby down!” Her hands went to soothe Jack but the boy’s cries only increase with the shopkeeper’s harsh tone.

  “I’m s-sorry, he got scared.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have knocked over my display in the first place.”

  “I didn’t m-mean to—”

  “Look at this mess,” the man practically yelled, tossing his hands out to the side. His action caused Alice to flinch.

  “What’s going on here?” Robert said, coming up next to the shopkeeper.

  “This fool knocked over my display, that’s what. Look at the mess she’s caused.”

  Alice felt the heat of embarrassment rush over her. Her palms began to sweat and her heart beat erratically in her chest. She was so clumsy…

  “Just calm down, friend,” Robert said, clapping a hand on the man’s arm.

  The shopkeeper jerked away from Roberts touch, the motion startling Alice even more, causing her to step back. Her foot landed on top of one of the round cans and, before she knew what was happening, she careened backwards.

  The force of the downward momentum caused her to clutch Jack more tightly to herself and she twisted around, making sure that when she landed Jack would be safe; she would cushion him with her body.

  Robert lunged forward, but not before she thudded on the hard wood floor, the can under her ankle causing it to twist in a painful direction.

  “Alice, are you all right?”

  Robert was next to her in an instant, taking Jack from her and looking down at her with concern. It surprised her, seeing so much emotion directed toward her, but her focus slipped to her ankle.

  “I—my ankle.” She grimaced in pain.

  He checked it and looked back to her. “You’ll be all right. It’ll just be sore.”

  She nodded, wanting to believe him but distracted by the pain. He helped her stand, supporting her with an arm around her waist.

  “I’ll be right back,” he shot at the storekeeper, “I’ve got to help my wife to the wagon.”

  Despite the pain in her ankle and the shame of embarrassment written on her features, the word wife resonated through her.

  Robert had just called her his wife!

  ***

  Robert saw to Alice, making sure she was in the wagon securely and had Jack with her, then he stormed back into the general store.
r />   Seething with anger, he rounded on the shopkeeper. “I hope you’re happy now,” he spat.

  “Look, sir,” the man said, putting his hands up in a defensive posture, “I didn’t mean to make her fall. Honest. I was just…you know, angry at her ruining my display. That was all. It was an accident—I get that.”

  Robert knew the man was telling the truth, that he hadn’t meant to startle her, but all he kept replaying over and over again was the look of absolute terror in Alice’s eyes when the man’s hand had moved.

  It clenched something deep in Robert. There was definitely something in Alice’s past. Some type of awful, terrible thing that cause her to react the way she did to loud noises and sudden movements. Granted, she was klutzy, he’d seen that enough at home, but there was an extra level of stress that didn’t fit the situation.

  “Look, tell your wife I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have come down so hard on her.”

  Robert snapped back to the present, realizing he’d gotten distracted by his thoughts about Alice.

  “Good,” he said, his frown lessening, though only slightly. “It was an accident. Have some grace.”

  The shopkeeper backed away nodding and resumed his duties as Robert completed the rest of the shopping. The guy was new to town, having taken over for the previous owner, and Robert hadn’t had a chance to really get to know him. Looked like he wasn’t missing much.

  Robert chided himself for his thoughts. Since when had he become so cynical of people?

  Mary.

  He let out a breath. Everything began—and ended—with Mary. His sense of humor was gone. His appreciation for life was missing. The only bright spot in his day was Jack.

  He found he was smiling, though it was small, just thinking about his little boy so full of energy and life. Much to Robert’s amazement Alice had managed to protect him during her fall. He’d seen her earnest desire to keep the boy safe and it had touched his heart.

  He shook his head and settled the tab at the front, making a point to introduce himself to the new shopkeeper. He’d have to remember Will was just like everyone else; he had his good days and his bad.

  Robert strode out into the bright sunlight and checked on Alice and Jake in the back of the wagon, shaded by the canvas covering. Alice met his gaze then looked away, she cradled Jack in her arms and it looked like he was asleep after the scare in the store.

  He loaded up the goods he’d bought and hopped up onto the bench seat.

  “Will you be all right riding back there?”

  She nodded, not meeting his gaze.

  “Alice,” he said, waiting until her eyes found his. “It was an accident in there. Don’t worry about it.”

  He watched her cheeks turn red again and wondered if he shouldn’t have said anything. Had it only made her more self-conscious?

  “Thank you for understanding,” she said. “I…I’m just clumsy.”

  Her defeated tone struck a chord in his heart. Someone had told her that, possibly repeatedly, and she’d believed them.

  “It could have happened to anyone. Really.”

  She looked down, resting a hand on the blanket wrapped tightly around Jack. “But it often happens to me.”

  He wasn’t sure what to say to that. Rather than force words that wouldn’t mean anything, he simply turned around and flicked the reins, sending the horses toward home.

  Alice wasn’t like Mary. She was quite, calm, slightly clumsy, and the most jumpy woman he’d met, but there was a sweetness about her that he couldn’t ignore. Mary had been bold, brash at some points, and opinioned. He’d loved that about her and trusted that she would always speak her mind, but he was beginning to see the beauty in Alice. The serenity that made her calm despite her klutzy actions.

  Shaking off his thoughts, he focused on the road ahead of them. It was one step at a time. One conversation at a time. One day at a time.

  Chapter 4

  Alice limped around the kitchen, grinding her teeth when she had to move too quickly for the pain in her ankle. It had gone down when she’d been able to sit with it elevated, but dinner wouldn’t cook itself and Jack needed tending to as well.

  She stirred the stew on the stove and pulled out the tray of biscuits she’d just made. The warm, buttery scent filled the room and her stomach twisted. She’d wait for Robert of course, but they tempted her nonetheless.

  The front door closed and she jerked around, surprised he was home so early.

  “How’s the ankle?”

  Alice still wasn’t used to Robert’s directness. He did most things without preamble and, if something was on his mind, you’d know about it in a heartbeat.

  “It’s…still painful.” She wanted to say she was doing fine, but that wouldn’t be true. It still hurt, but she’d pushed past the pain.

  He frowned. “Why are you standing on it then?”

  Her eyes traveled to the dinner on the stove then back to him. “I needed to.”

  He shrugged but came to her, taking the pan from her and eyeing the stew. Then he directed her toward a chair. “Sit.”

  She did as he instructed and watched as he ladled stew for them both then sat down across from her.

  Watching, he took a sip then met her gaze. “Eat.” It wasn’t a command, more of an offer, but she felt the corner of her lips twitch upward.

  Robert was such an interesting man. There were obviously parts of him that she wasn’t sure he’d ever show her, like the hurt that must have come from losing his wife, but she could only guess at that. But then, in the rare times she got to see the real him, he was funny and kind.

  She took a sip of the stew and was glad it had turned out well. Glancing to the corner where Jack played on a blanket, she allowed herself to relax.

  “At the store,” Robert said, his voice breaking the silence, “You looked pretty scared.”

  She flushed, drilling her eyes into the bowl of stew in front of her. She didn’t want to talk about the embarrassing moments in the store or the fact that she couldn’t calm her jumpy nerves.

  “Yes,” she mumbled.

  “Alice,” he said, waiting until she reluctantly looked up at him. “You were terrified, to put it mildly. Why? It was an accident.”

  Alice dreaded his questions. She would rather be anywhere but here right now, but she wasn’t. Taking in a steadying breath she broke eye contact. “I’m…klutzy.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  Her gaze shot to his and she was sure hurt was reflected there.

  “I’m sorry,” he said hastily. “I didn't mean for that to come out so…harshly.”

  “I…have had some bad experiences.” Memories flashed before eyes. Her father’s hand rose to smack her. Mrs. Banks face, red with rage. She suppressed a shiver.

  “Like what?” Robert said, softer this time.

  “My father hit me as a child. It was my fault, my clumsiness of course, but he had a terrible temper.” Blinking back tears she realized she was rubbing her arm, the one he’d broken by pushing her down the stairs. “And just when I thought I’d escaped him, the head of the house maids where I worked was just as bad.”

  “They hit you?”

  “Yes. Mrs. Banks is a firm believer in corporal punishment.” Alice swallowed, forcing herself to break off part of a biscuit to eat.

  “That’s awful.”

  The tenderness in his tone drew her eyes up to him. He looked genuinely sad and she felt bad. She wasn’t looking for pity from him.

  “It was just a way of life. Clumsiness follows me everywhere I go and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before. It’s best to keep breakable things away from me.” She gave a mirthless laugh and glanced to Jack. “I’m very careful with Jack though, just so you know.”

  “I’m not worried,” Robert said. His confidence in her sent warmth spreading through her stomach. “But you should know it’s not your fault.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “No one deserves to be struck. Clumsiness or n
o, it’s not right.”

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “For what?”

  “Your kindness.”

  ***

  “Don’t mention it,” Robert said. He felt the collar around his neck tighten. Was the room getting warmer? He blinked, focusing on the stew in front of him to distract himself from the fact that he wanted to find her father and punch him in the jaw.

  No man ever had the right to hit a woman, not to mention striking a child. And for clumsiness? What kind of malarkey was that?

  Robert was beginning to piece together the picture of Alice. She was quiet and delicate, but her tenacity spoke volumes for the fact that she had endured far worse than any woman should have to face.

  A feeling swelled in his chest and he realized with surprise that he wanted to protect her. It was a silly notion, there wasn’t anything to protect her from, but he knew he would stand up for her no matter what.

  “Now you know about my past, as unpleasant as it is,” she said. “What about you?”

  Fear coursed through him. He couldn’t tell her about Mary. She wasn’t asking specifically, but she had to wonder, didn’t she? Where was Jack’s mother? What had happened to her?

  He swallowed; unsure of what he could share that wouldn’t lead to any deeper questions.

  “I’m your average, run of the mill guy. Parents live a few towns away and my sister is helping to take care of them. Pa isn’t doing so well.”

  “I'm sorry to hear that.” There was genuine concern in her expression. She was a deeply caring person; he could see that in the way she cared for Jack.

  “It’s life, I guess.”

  “I suppose. We’re doomed to lose the ones we love.”

  Warning bells rang in his mind. This wasn’t a safe topic. “I suppose.”

  “What…” she paused and his adrenaline spiked, “what happened to Jack’s mother? If I may ask.”

  No! She’d asked the one question he didn’t want to answer. Anything would have been preferable to this.