“Where you off to tonight?” my mom asks as I make my way down the stairs. She’s cleaning the living room, wearing slim jeans, a sweater, and her hair is up in a bun. I love seeing my mom like this she’s always working and usually dressed in suit pants or a skirt. She’s a psychologist and a great one. My mom and dad met in their younger years at Harvard. My dad was studying to be a neurosurgeon and my mom psychology. My dad says it was love at first sight. Mom walked out of her class in a rush and tripped with her books flying everywhere. My dad helped her pick them up, and they’ve been together ever since.
I’ve always dreamed of finding that kind of love, you know the kind that gives you butterflies and has you in a constant daydream state. That’s what I want, well wanted, just not sure If I’ll ever want to be close to a man again. The only man I feel close to is Rhyder. It’s ridiculous, I know, but everywhere I look, there he is, and I have to admit, I feel those butterflies when I see him—although it is borderline stalking, but I don’t care. I like that he’s there watching over me.
Will he be there tonight?
“I’m just going out with the girls. We’re heading out to a club to celebrate graduation.”
My mom drops the last magazine on the coffee table and turns to me giving me her full attention. “I know I don’t have to tell you not to get too wild.” Mom smiles, and I make my way down the last step.
“No, you don’t, Mom. Actually, not sure I’ll be drinking at all.”
She laughs out loud with her hands on her hips. “Oh, Alexandra Ambers, you don’t need to lie to me. I was young once, too, you know,” she explains with a smirk on her face as she reaches me and flicks my hair over my shoulder. I love it when she does that. It’s something she’s been doing since I was a little girl.
“Yes, Mom, I’ve heard those stories about how you partied hard when you were younger. I’m just not like you.”
“No, you’re not, are you?” She cocks her head to the side. “Look, I know I don’t have to tell you to be careful, you’ve always had a good head on your shoulders, but I wouldn’t be a mom if I don’t say this.” Here we go. “One… don’t accept drinks from strangers. Two… do not get in a car with anyone who’s been drinking,” she explains counting on her fingers.
“And three… don’t drink too much,” I say in sync with her.
If only you knew, Mom, how I did do something foolish and walked home alone. If only you knew I was dragged into bushes and raped. My eyes fill with tears.
My mom’s smile turns into a frown, “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I sniffle and try to smile, hiding away my true feelings. “Yeah, sorry, just sad thinking about how I won’t get to see you all the time.”
Good one, Lex.
“Oh, honey, I’m going to miss you, too.” Mom brings me in for a hug, and I cry into her shoulder. We both just stand there hugging each other until I hear the doorbell.
“Shoot, my mascara.”
“Here, let me have a quick look.” She pulls back and wipes under my eyes with her thumbs. “There… you look beautiful.”
Smiling and kissing her on the cheek, I say, “Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too.”
The doorbell chimes again, and I give her one last hug then head to the door. Opening it, I hear Diane say, “Well, hello, bitch.”
Stacey is standing beside her with a smile and waving.
Laughing, I turn to my mom who’s now shaking her head.
Diane’s dressed in a short leather skirt and a white V-neck top, looks behind me seeing my mom. “Oh, hey, Mrs. A.” I look back at my mom who waves at her.
“Hi, Diane, how are your parents doing?” she asks, walking toward us.
“Fine. They’re fine.” Diane looks from my mom to me, and her eyes look at me up and down.
Oh no, there’s that look—the look of disapproval.
Diane raises a brow saying, “Lex, are you going to change? We’re late?”
“Ah… I am changed.”
“You’re wearing that?” she blurts out with a disapproving tone.
Stacey pushes past her and walks to me placing her hands on my shoulders. “You look great, no matter what you wear.”
“Thanks, Stace, this is why I love you the most,” I reply, leaning in and hugging her.
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, Jack is waiting.”
Jack is Diane’s annoying brother who we put up with because he gives us a ride when we need it. I’ve got my license but haven’t had a chance to buy a car. My dad keeps saying he’s going to take me car shopping, but I guess he’s been too busy with work.
I turn and face my mom. “Okay, we’re off. See you later.” Mom hugs me and says, “Don’t be out too late, girls.”
“We won’t, Mrs. A.”
I look back at Diane winking at me.
“I saw that, Diane,”
“Saw what?” Diane asks, looking as if she’s confused at my mom.
“Bye, Mom.”
She waves us off, and we get into Jack’s car. He greets us with his girlfriend, Eva, and drives off. We pass Beats nightclub and notice the huge line out front.
“Wow, it’s so busy tonight,” Eva says, pointing to the line.
“Don’t worry, babe, I know the bouncer,” Jack says. We park out front and step out. Jack waves to the bouncer, and I can’t actually believe that he does know him because the bouncer waves back. Jack knows a lot of people, and I have to say, it’s a positive thing when you want to sneak in past the line. Jack’s twenty and goes to NYU on a scholarship. Jack was always a popular jock in school—all the girls loved him and wanted to be his girlfriend—but he only had eyes for Eva. They’ve been dating since their senior year and are still going strong. Eva is at design school and only gets to see Jack on weekends.
Zane wanted the same for us. The whole long-distance relationship, even though we were going to be five hours apart. Zane’s a great guy, and there are many girls who would love to be his. I just didn’t want to waste his or my time if I didn’t have those feelings for him that I knew I should.
“Hey, Scott, let us in, man,” Jack says to the bouncer at the door.
“Sure thing, Jack. These fine ladies with you?” Scott asks and looks over at us girls. His eyes pause on Diane who I notice is also checking him out.
“Hey! Get your eyes off my sister, bro.”
Scott laughs. “This girl here’s your sister? Well, fuck me, your sister’s hot.”
Jack knows he’s playing with him but pretends as though he’s putting him in a headlock.
“Guys, guys, come on, we don’t have time for this. Let us in, Scott,” Eva says, and I’m glad because it’s freezing out here even with my denim jacket on.
“Okay, fine, here you go, ladies.” Scott clips the red rope to allow us entry, then closes it before Jack steps through.
“Hey, don’t be an asshole.”
“I’m just playin’ with ya, Jack. Get your ass inside.”
Jack shakes Scott’s hand, and we enter the foyer where we hand in our jackets to the girl in the cloakroom. Dance music is blaring behind us, and we make our way through the doors. A man standing there places a stamp on our wrists, then lets us through. The room is dark with neon and laser lighting shining around the room.
I look at Diane and Stacey, and we all say in unison, “Let’s get a drink.”
We step over to the bar, but it’s crowded with people everywhere, and there’s no way we will be able to get a drink.
“What are you having, babe?” I turn to my right and see my ex, Zane, is standing next to me. I smile because even though we’ve broken up, we’re still friends. Zane was upset at first but has now come to realize I was right. It wouldn’t work between us.
“Hey, Zane, didn’t know you were coming tonight,” I yell above the music.
I had finally broken up with Zane after the rape. It was my plan to, anyway, and let me tell you he didn’t take it lightly. He was devastated and kept insi
sting that we could make things work, but I told him I needed space and that right now I didn’t have time for a boyfriend. We’re friends, but it’s hard when I know he wants more, and I can’t give him that.
“Where else would I be? It’s graduation.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll have a Coke, please.”
Zane looks at me oddly. “A Coke? You do realize we’re at a bar?”
I smile. “Yeah, I know, but I’m underage, remember?
“Oh, I remember,” he says winking. He then leans in and whispers in my ear, “But I have my fake ID.”
He hands me his fake ID and I take it from his hand and read it.
Name: Philip Jones
Date of Birth: June 24th 1998
I look up at him. “Really, Zane?”
He laughs. “So, what’s it gonna be?”
“Still just a Coke, please.”
Zane shakes his head then searches for the bartender, but before he can order anything, Diane interrups, “I’ll have tequila, please.”
“And a Corona for me,” Stacey asks.
“What the…”
Stacey places her hand on Zane’s shoulder and bats her eyelashes, “Pretty, please.”
Zane smiles, then turns to the bartender holding up a hundred-dollar note, which immediately catches the bartender’s attention. “What can I get you?”
“Two tequilas, a Corona, and…” he looks at me then back at the bartender, “… a Coke. Thanks.”
Smiling, I accept the soda and sip from it right away. I turn my back to the bar and look out at all the people dancing. The song ‘Don’t Start Now’ by Dua Lipa plays loudly catching my attention. I love dancing. My mom started dancing lessons when I was five years old, but I gave it up when I was sixteen because I couldn’t keep up with it with all the studying. I still love to get my dance on, though.
“Wanna dance?” Zane asks when he notices me moving around the spot.
I smile up at him. “No, thank y—” I’m suddenly nudged hard and turn to yell at Stacey who has a big smile on her face. “What the…”
“Don’t be silly. Go! Dance with Zane. He’s the hottest guy here tonight.”
“Sorry, did you say I was the hottest man tonight?” Zane asks.
Great, how am I supposed to get out of this?
“Here, give me your drink.” I sigh, a big sigh, and narrow my eyes at Stacey handing her my Coke. She has a big smile on her face when she says, “Enjoy.”
Zane skulls his tequila, then slams the shot on the bar. He grabs my hand linking our fingers together, then walks me out onto the dance floor. We begin to dance, and I look around me noticing some of the students from school who wave and smile. Zane’s jock buddies are watching us, and I can’t help but feel we’re giving people the wrong impression, and that we’re back together. I just hope he doesn’t think that it’s a possibility.
The song changes to a slower one. I turn to leave.
Zane grabs my arm turning me in his arms. “Dance with me, Lex, for old time’s sake?”
I look up at him as his arms snake around me landing on the small of my back, pulling me into him. Flashbacks of that night come back in full force when the two boys held me down on the ground.
Panic.
Then fear.
Then I feel lightheaded, so push Zane back with tears running down my face.
Zane’s eyes widen, and he freezes for a moment, then he takes a step closer to me to trying to comfort me, but I turn and run to the bathroom.
I can’t.
I just can’t.
This is all too much. I shouldn’t have come.
Entering the bathroom, I make my way to one of the stalls and shut the door behind me. I push myself against the door and slowly slide down and cry into my hands.
When am I going to move past that night?
I sit for a while happy that the sound of the music hides my cries of the past, but then suddenly, a loud knock bangs against my door.
“Lex, are you in there?” I sniffle and try in haste to wipe my tears away. “Lex, we’re worried about you. Please, if you’re in there, open up.”
I can hear both Diane and Stacey talking and discussing if it’s me in the stall. Slowly, I get to my feet, wipe my eyes one more time before I turn and open the door.
“Oh, thank God, what is—” Stacey stops talking mid-sentence when she notices I’ve been crying. “Lexi, what’s wrong?” she asks and places a strand of hair behind my ear. “Did Zane do something? Because if he did, so help me—”
“No,” I interrupt. “No, Zane didn’t say or do anything.”
“Don’t lie for him, Lex. If he hurt you, I’ll go and smash his face in right now.”
I laugh picturing Diane, who’s at least two feet shorter than Zane, trying to jump up and hit him in his face. Diane has shoulder-length blonde hair, blue eyes, and she has a hot body. She runs track and keeps in good shape.
I step out of the cubicle, and the girls move back. “I’ll be fine,” I state moving to the sink and staring at myself in the mirror.
Shoot, now my mascara’s running.
“I don’t believe you. There’s something going on with you. You haven’t been yourself in a while.”
I look over at Diane and then at Stacey, who also has a sympathetic look on her face.
“Diane’s right, Lex, something’s been up for a while now. We didn’t want to push you until you felt comfortable talking to us about it, but something is going on with you, and we’re worried. You know you can tell us anything, right?”
Oh, God, how I wish I could tell them, but I don’t want people to look at me differently, even if it is my two best friends. Why did I think I could go on with life like nothing had happened when even the slightest touch by Zane had me in a hot ball of mess? Oh, God, what do I do?
“Lexi—”
We’re interrupted by a group of girls laughing as they make their way into the ladies’ bathroom. I recognize them instantly—it’s Shelley with her groupies. She’s been my enemy since Zane turned his attention to me. They used to date in sophomore year, but ever since I caught Zane’s attention and we became a couple, she’s hated me.
“Oh, look who it is, little miss perfect,” Shelley says in her high-pitched voice.
I ignore her, but I can’t say the same for Diane and Stacey.
“Why don’t you shut your mouth, Shelley. What’s wrong… Zane ignoring you tonight, so you came in here to have a cry?”
“Why you little—”
“Just shut it, Shelley,” I yell, interrupting her sly comments. I’m not in the mood for her bullshit tonight. “You know what, you’ve hated me since sophomore year, and I’ve done nothing to you.”
“What do you call stealing boyfriends?” Shelley accuses, stepping closer to me.
That’s when I take a good look at her—she’s beautiful with her long dark hair, immaculate makeup, long eyelashes, and lean legs that go on forever. I used to wonder what I had over Shelley. Zane used to tell me how she’d be on her cell most of the time they were together either Instagramming or Facebooking images of them as a couple, just to gain attention. He felt she was more about the image of them being together rather than her wanting to be with him.
“I never stole Zane from you. He chased me.” I stop and glare at Shelley, then remember she’s not worth it. I’m exhausted from not sleeping and from trying so hard to pretend everything’s okay when it’s not. I can’t handle another argument, when right now, I’ve got other issues to deal with.
“You know what, Shelley? It doesn’t matter. You nor Zane matter because next year I won’t have to see your faces ever again.” I storm past her, not giving her another chance to say anything and leave the ladies’ bathroom with Diane and Stacey close behind me.
“Hey, babe, are you okay?” Zane’s startles me as I exit. He’s standing against the wall, leaning back with his feet crossed at the ankles and obviously waiting for me. Zane pushes himself off the wall and w
alks to me. He cares, I know he does, but he’s not who I need right now. I need to be alone and at home in a safe place.
“Listen, Zane, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ve told you we’re over.”
Glancing at Diane and Stacey beside me, he asks, “Would you mind giving us a second?”
Diane turns to me and asks, “Do you want us to stay?”
Dammit! I want to say yes, but I need to have this conversation with Zane. There’s no use in him thinking we’re going to get back together because we’re not.
“No, I’m okay. I’ll come and find you when I’m done.”
“Okay.” Stacey and Diane walk ahead and leave Zane and me in the corridor.
I lean up against the wall and take in a deep centering breath, ready to have this talk once and for all with Zane.
“Lexi, I miss you. I want things to go back to the way they were.”
I look up at him, his blue eyes showing sincerity. “Zane, we’ve spoken about this. With me going to Harvard and you going to NYU, it’s just not going to work.”
“Fuck that! We can make it work. I love you, Lexi,” Zane says as he places his hands on the wall on either side of me trapping me in.
I gather my courage together and blurt out, “But I don’t love you, Zane.”
Zane’s head shoots back, his eyebrows raise, and his eyes become wide. “Come on, babe, stop lying to yourself.” His hand comes up to cup my face.
I inhale. “I’m not. I’ve got no reason to lie. I just don’t love you like that.” I place both hands flat on his chest and move in closer. “You’re a great guy… any girl would be lucky to have you.”
Grasping my hands in his, he states, “It’s not you but me, right? Isn’t that what you’re going to say?”
“Well…” I trail off, not knowing how else to explain it. “I guess it is me. I’ve just got so much happening in my life right now that I don’t have time for any sort of relationship.”
Lexi, Property of Rhyder: A Motorcycle Club Romance (Blood Brothers MC Book 6) Page 3
