Innocent Little Crimes

by C. S. Lakin

  “I know how excited you are, Jonny.” She disengaged her arm from his. “But it’s time to play a little game. I promised you we’d talk tomorrow, and tomorrow it is. Now, you just hold that thought . . .”

  The lights flickered again. “It was a dark and stormy night . . .” Dick said. No one seemed to be listening to him.

  Lila raised her voice. “Okay, everyone on the benches. Go, go.” She motioned with her hand. The diffidence was palpable. “Hey, this is the highlight of the evening. Where’s your damned enthusiasm?”

  Dick straddled one of the benches. “So, what’s the big prize, Lila?”

  “First,” she said, quieting him with a finger, “I explain the rules.”

  She paused for effect. “The name of the game is ‘Wolves.’ ” She scanned the faces around the room. “Let’s do it.”

  The guests placed themselves in varying positions along the two benches.

  Cynthia and Peter stood by the kitchen door. Lila scowled. “Come on, you two. Everyone has to play.”

  “Thanks, Lila. I’d rather watch.” Cynthia’s refusal was polite, but Lila would have none of it.

  “You want to go home tomorrow, you have to play.”

  Peter and Cynthia exchanged looks. He motioned to Cynthia. Just humor her, his look told her. Reluctantly, she followed him over to the benches and slipped in next to Davis. Her fiancée sat with a smug, determined expression, a drink in his hand. Cynthia entreated him with her eyes, maybe hoping for his support in abandoning Lila’s game, but he stared mindlessly across the room. Jonathan chuckled imagining the conversation those two would have after this weekend.

  “Good.” Lila stationed herself at the end, straddling the bench behind Peter. Two groups of four sat facing each other: Millie, Davis, Cynthia, and Dick across from Jonathan, Della, Lila, and Peter. Lila drank in the expressions of her captives, clearly pleased with the tension she created.

  “Okay, let me set the stage.” She spoke in a dramatic voice with a heavy Russian accent. “The year is 1917. The place, Siberia! It is freezing cold and revolution is overrunning the land. The Czar has been toppled from his throne. We loyal subjects are fleeing for our lives. We’re racing across the frozen steppes of Russia in our horse-drawn carriage. We have been riding for hours and the horses are getting weak.” Lila cupped her hand to her ear and leaned forward. “Hark! What’s this? The sound of wolves in the distance. Hungry wolves.”

  Dick chuckled. “The sound of wolves? Is that anything like the sound of music?” He emitted a wolf howl, bringing responses of nervous laughter. A crack of thunder rattled the house and the lights went out. The room grew still as the group waited for the power to come back on.

  After a moment, Lila spoke. “Peter, get some candles. That will set the mood perfectly.”

  Peter returned from the kitchen with two glimmering candlesticks that created an eerie illumination. The faces on the benches glowed in the dim light. Outside, branches rubbed against the stone walls, screeching like nails across a blackboard. Dick let out another howl.

  “Cut it out, Dick,” Della said. She lit another cigarette off the butt she held.

  “Where was I?” Lila asked, reaching for the drink she’d left on the sofa table. After taking a long sip, she set the glass on the floor. “Peter, bring a few bottles over here. It’s going to be an arduous ride to the border.”

  “Do you want me to play or what?”

  “Just do it. Then you can sit down again. Now, where was I?”

  “The sound of wolves,” Dick said.

  Lila knocked her glass over with her foot. Alcohol seeped into the carpeting, but she ignored it and continued her Russian-tinged oratory. “The bad news is, if they catch us, we’ll be devoured. The good news is we are only a short distance from the border, and safety.”

  “This whole thing is asinine,” Davis said.

  “I think it’s great,” Dick said.

  Della snorted. “You would.”

  Lila cleared her throat and spoke louder. “Some of us must get out to lighten the load. But, to get out is to die in the cold snows of Siberia. So, who is to be thrown out?”

  Cynthia got up off the bench. “Me. I’ll be first. I’ll be a willing sacrifice so you can all survive.”

  Lila shook her head. “No volunteers allowed.”

  “Why not?”

  “That would make the game too easy.”

  Davis reached for her arm and pulled her back down. “Come on, hon, let’s play it right.”

  “This must be played like it’s a matter of life and death,” Lila said.

  “Life and death, huh?” Dick asked. “No holds barred?”

  “No holds barred.”

  Millie wriggled on the hard bench. “I don’t get it.”

  “I think the idea is we have to vote out those who must die. One by one,” Jonathan said.

  “You got it,” said Lila. “The burden of proof falls on each of us to show cause as to why he or she shouldn’t be chosen.”

  “Does anyone make it to the border?” Dick asked.

  “Only one, Ferrol. Only the survivor. And he or she wins the game. And the prize.”

  Dick leaned closer. “Which is?”

  Lila hesitated for a moment, savoring the tension in the room. “The necklace. The one your sweet wife is wearing around her neck.”

  They all turned to stare at Millie.

  Della gasped. “It must be worth a fortune.”

  “Six figures, if you want a ballpark estimate. High stakes that could bail one of you out of your unfortunate predicaments. And for those of you—” She waved a hand at Davis and Cynthia. “—who don’t need the money, why, you could give it to the charity of your choice. Whatever.” Lila noticed a distinct change in mood as her guests pondered the possibilities.

  Jonathan looked at the intense expressions around him. Now they would take this game seriously. Greed—the ultimate motivator. “Killers and victims, is that it?”

  “You bet. Be a wolf or get thrown to the wolves—it’s your choice. Okay, everybody, let’s do it for real.”

  “On Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen. Mush.” Dick said.

  “No more jokes,” Lila said, “life or death now.”

  Della blew smoke at the ceiling. “Just like ‘The Deadly Game.’ ”

  “Why, yes, Della.” Lila scrunched her eyebrows in thought. “Oh, yeah, remember this line? ‘In this world of ours, no one is completely innocent. Each of us carries some burden of guilt which troubles him and fills him with self-loathing.’ So, come now, we’re all on trial here. Who wants to try to prove their innocence?”

  Lila held her arms out in invitation. “Well, if not your own innocence, then who has something mean and rotten to say about someone else? Here’s your chance to be vindictive, take care of all that unfinished business. Clear the air. Remember, your only other option is to be thrown to the wolves.”

  “There’s no one in this room who’s a perfect angel. We’ve all done lousy things we’d rather forget,” Della said.

  “Right,” Davis added. “Remember Mr. Trapps in ‘The Deadly Game’? His attorney, played by me,” —he smiled at Cynthia— “defended him, saying, ‘His behavior is mean—granted. Selfish—granted. Ignoble—granted. But human, gentlemen . . . and therefore worthy of our pity, our compassion our forgiveness. For what is life, after all, but a chaotic battlefield in which we more or less contribute every day to the murder of our fellow citizens—while they are just as industriously murdering us.’ ”

  “Bravo,” Lila said. “All those innocent little crimes just keep adding up, don’t they? Meaning, we’re all a bunch of mean, selfish murderers. So, who’ll cast the first stone?”

  “Then, I elect Lila—for coming up with this lousy game,” said Della.

  Lila scowled. “Nice try, but not good enough. Pass me the Jack Daniels, Peter.” Peter, straddled in front of Lila, reached down and picked the bottle up from the floor.

  Lila scanned faces. “Now—w
ho gets roasted first?”

  “Hey,” said Della, “who let you off the hook? I already picked you.”

  Jonathan ignored Della. “What was that little comment you made about Dick at dinner?” “About his faithful wife.”

  “Hey, I’ve already been roasted enough tonight. Start with someone else. What about you, Levin? You’ve been through three wives.”

  “And probably doesn’t even remember their names,” Della said.

  “Shut up, Della.”

  “Why should I? We’re supposed to be proving how unworthy everyone else is. You’re easy. You’ve slept your way through one producer’s daughter after another to get where you are today.”

  “And you haven’t slept your way from one pit stop to the next?” How dare she criticize him?

  Della tossed her head and stared at the ceiling. “Sleeping around isn’t a serious enough sin to get thrown to the wolves. Everybody does it.”

  “That’s right,” Dick said. Jonathan caught a flicker of fury on Millie’s face, but she clamped her mouth shut and said nothing.

  “What counts is who you hurt along the way,” Della added.

  Lila nodded. “Della’s right. Sex isn’t weighty enough a sin—unless of course, there’s been deceit as well.” She shot Dick a stern look.

  Dick wriggled on the bench and Jonathan suppressed a chuckle.

  Dick looked like he had ants in his pants. “Why don’t we talk about something more pertinent, like our careers? If you’re going to prove your worth, then you gotta show you’re doing something productive with your life. Like what I do—helping my community, and trying to clean up the environment. And it’s not like I do it selfishly, for the money. I get pittance for all the long hours I put in.”

  “Well, since you’re so willing to put yourself on the stand, Ferrol, let’s talk about your aspiration to be state senator. That’s quite a noble goal,” Lila said. “So, what happened to your dream of holding a state office, Dick?”

  “I’m still pushing for it. It’s just a matter of—”

  “—Conspiracy to commit fraud? Serious charges, Ferrol. Did you even stop and consider the risk when Matson whispered his slimy plan? Or was a measly thirty thou so tempting you were willing to jeopardize your whole career?”

  Dick jumped to his feet. “I don’t know what you’re implying, but it wasn’t anything like that.” He felt around his pocket. “Damn. Millie, go look in my coat pocket for the Rolaids, will you?” Millie rose obediently, but Lila motioned her to sit.

  “No one leaves the room until the game’s over. You might miss something.”

  “I have to use the bathroom,” Della said.

  “Hold it in.”

  “What is this—torture camp?” Davis asked.

  “You get off the bench, you’re dinner for the wolves.” Lila glared at Dick and he huffed as he sat back down.

  Millie tugged at the fabric pinching her waist. The necklace hung heavily around her neck. Like a noose. A black haze clouded her vision and her head spun. Maybe the dress was cutting off the oxygen to her brain. Why wouldn’t Lila let her change her clothes?

  All these accusations tumbled in her brain. Who was Matson and what was this thirty thousand Lila was talking about? How in the world did Lila know more about her husband’s activities than she?

  Lila leaned across the littered carpeting and inched up to Millie’s face. “And Millie, what do you have to say? You’ve been so quiet this weekend. Ah, your way of avoiding confrontation. You think it keeps you from culpability when there’s trouble, don’t you? Did you stand quietly by while your husband fixed the bids on the community center, or did he forget to tell you about that? Maybe he forgot to tell you about all that money and where he stashed it away, hmmm? Or…” Lila paused for effect. “Who he spent it on.”

  Millie looked at Dick, whose face turned rigid and pale. She knew he had been up to something but had no idea it was this serious. What if Dick really had broken the law? What if he goes to jail? It hurt to hear Lila criticize her, but her remarks had hit home. She knew, deep in her heart, her fear of confrontation was her greatest fault—her inability to speak up, to speak her mind. That reluctance had cost her her friendship with Lila in college and now seemed at the crux of her failing marriage. All these years, she let the rumors go in one ear and out the other. How much easier to turn her head than to uncover something terrible. But she did it for her girls. To protect them from being hurt. More than anything else, she wanted them to have a safe, carefree life so they could grow up happy and secure.

  She had to say something.

  “I’m sure whatever Dick did, he did out of necessity.”

  Lila laughed with such condescension, Millie wanted to crawl under the bench.

  “If you knew the truth, Mil, you wouldn’t bother defending him.” The others listened intently. Maybe crawling under the bench wasn’t such a bad idea.

  Lila continued. “Yeah. It was necessity. Penny has expensive tastes, right Ferrol? How much of that nest egg have you already blown behind Millie’s back?”

  Millie felt the blood leave her cheeks. “Who’s Penny?”

  “Go get him, tiger,” Lila said.

  Cynthia stood up. “Excuse me.”

  “Cynthia, come back.”

  “This is hateful; I won’t be a part of it.”

  Lila held her arm, stopping her as she attempted to pass. “Oh, but it’s my party and you’ll have to stay. You’re my guest. It’s impolite to walk out.”

  Cynthia turned to Davis for support.

  “Cynthie, sit down. Be a sport,” Davis said.

  Cynthia sat back on the bench and seethed.

  “Well,” Lila said to Dick, “aren’t you going to answer your faithful wife?”

  “Lila, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dick turned to Millie. “Penny works in the county clerk’s office. She’s just an acquaintance.”

  Lila unfolded a piece of paper she retrieved from a hidden pocket. “Well, I see you’ve put some effort into making her acquaintance.” She read from the sheet. “July 16th: Travelodge, Tacoma. Real classy, Ferrol. I guess you were trying to impress her. Room service: $54. A nice bottle of champagne, perhaps? July 31st: Fairwinds Motel, August 5th: Happy Trails Mountain Lodge in Olympic National Park. Let’s see—there’s Port Angeles, Bremerton, Yakima, Tumwater. You two really get around, don’t you?”

  Dick jumped off the bench and ripped the paper from Lila’s hand.

  “Ooh,” Lila said. “Worked up about nothing?”

  “Lies, all lies. This is a sick attempt at making me look bad. You’ve made it all up.”

  “Now, why would I do a thing like that?”

  Dick uttered a feeble laugh. “This is some kind of test, right?”

  “Whatever do you mean, Ferrol?”

  Dick looked around at the faces watching, waiting. Millie wouldn’t meet his gaze. “You guys don’t believe this, do you? Millie, come on.”

  Suddenly a dozen phone calls flitted through Millie’s mind. Some special meeting of county supervisors hastily called. Trouble with funding, requiring him to go to Seattle to lobby for money. A committee inviting him to Port Angeles to speak on his recycling efforts. Millie had never given those spontaneous trips a second thought. How blind could she be?

  But surprised? She searched her heart and realized an affair made perfect sense. He hadn’t touched her for months. She had never once considered the possibility of Dick’s unfaithfulness. Just another thing she avoided seeing. If only the floor would open up and swallow her.

  “Throw him to the wolves,” Jonathan said.

  Dick looked at the faces in the candle glow. “It would have never happened if Millie wasn’t such a cold fish. She made me do it.”

  Millie gasped. He deceived her and now he blamed her for it? “I made you lie? I made you steal? How can you say such a thing?” Millie choked on the words. “I’ve broken my back being a good wife to you—taking care of the house and raisin
g the girls. I’ve worked full-time to support us for years—”

  “That’s not true! I’ve worked just as hard.”

  “Oh, Right. First it was that—mail-order business. Aphrodisiac pills. And then it was the worm farm. One failed business after another. And you used my money.”

  “I couldn’t help it if those businesses failed. Eighty percent of all businesses fail in the first year.”

  “But you wouldn’t ever take a ‘real’ job, huh Ferrol?” Lila said. “And poor Millie had to struggle to keep you afloat.”

  “Look, Lila,” Dick said, “the truth is, I had no intention of marrying her. Sure, she was cute in college. But she purposely got pregnant to trap me, so what about that? And then she took me back to her parents in Wisconsin, who cornered me. There was no escape. But I did the right thing by her. I didn’t abandon her, so that’s something.”

  “Yeah,” Della said. “So you treat her like garbage all these years, to rub it in.”

  Millie was surprised to hear herself shouting. “I thought you really loved me in college, you know? But the truth is, I tried to convince myself at the time. I knew the only reason you paid any attention to me was because I was the only one who’d have you.”

  “And you were so desperate to catch a husband that you pretended to care. It was all an act. You didn’t want to be left out of the clique,” Dick said.

  “Neither did you.”

  Dick paced the floor. “I should have listened to my mother warnings. She was so right about you—”

  “Oh, great. Let’s drag your mother into this. Ida Ferrol, the queen mother. Even now you trail behind her, holding her skirts. No woman is good enough for her only precious son. She should know what kind of user you are. She wouldn’t be so proud of you if she found out.”

  “When she finds out,” Lila said. Dick shot her a look of horror.

  “Dear, deeply religious Ida,” Lila continued, “who believes if you even look at another woman, you burn in hell.” Lila picked at a hangnail. “I can just see her face now.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.” Dick’s voice quavered.

  “Oh, come on, Ferrol,” Davis said. “You really care what your mother thinks about your life?”