Raina Aldric
TIME: 1940
PLACE
The Bavarian Alps, outside the train station at Ludwigshafen, and the Schloss of the Baron Von Elsner.
THE LADY IN QUESTION
PROLOGUE
A large four-paneled screen covers the width of the stage. It is a giant sized travel folder with the title “Tour Carefree Bavaria.” The mood is dark, grey, ominous. Lush movie Soundtrack Music is heard full of drama and triumph. The Music quiets down to a feeling of suspense. A VOICE OVER of a sonorous, old time announcer is heard.
VOICE OVER The year is 1940. Adolph Hitler’s armies make his dream of European annexation a reality. Norway, the Netherlands, Belgium and France all fall before the monstrous power of the German fighting machine. Fear of fifth columnists makes idle chatter a thing of the past, as people across the continent live in terror.
During the voice over, KAREL, a handsome, young Nazi stormtrooper goosesteps across the stage and exits.
VOICE OVER Nowhere is this more evident than in Hitler’s own Bavaria. Free speech and free travel are but a distant memory, and those attempting to escape look with sad eyes to their local train terminal as a desperate symbol of hopes and dreams passing by.
The sounds of a train pulling into the station are heard as the lights come up on Act I, Scene 1.
ACT ONE
SCENE 1
The train station at Ludwigshafen. Afternoon. PROFESSOR MITTELHOFFER, a kindly, mildly eccentric old man awaits the train from Paris. With him is his daughter HEIDI. She is in her early twenties, very pretty, courageous and something of an emotional spitfire. Her fierce temper belies her fragile, Dresden doll appearance.
PROFESSOR Heidi, I hope we have not missed his train. You should have woken me earlier from my snooze.
HEIDI Papa, don’t be silly. We’re early. Professor Maxwell is arriving on the 11:58. And besides, you needed your rest. You’ve been slaving over your new translations for weeks.
PROFESSOR “The Complete Letters of Thomas Jefferson.” How Germany needs his wise words today.
HEIDI How Germany needs her great men today. True greatness and not this (With gutteral fierceness.) revolting imitation of . . .
PROFESSOR Shhhh, Heidi! You mast control your passionate nature. You inherited that from your mother, may she rest in peace.
HEIDI Do you miss her terribly?
PROFESSOR Very much so. (He sneezes.)
HEIDI Oh Papa, why are you not wearing your muffler? How many times have I told you?
PROFESSOR I must have left it where I left my spectacles.
HEIDI (Takes his glasses out of her pocket.) Here are your spectacles. I was wondering when you’d miss them.
PROFESSOR My little mischief-maker.
HEIDI What am I to do with you? Sometimes I feel like I am your wife. I like that feeling, Papa. I love you more than anything in the world. I’d kill for you.
PROFESSOR That is not good, liebchen. A young girl must have her own life. I do not want you to develop an Elektra complex.
HEIDI Papa, I promise you I won’t.
Karel, a handsome young stormtrooper, enters.
HEIDI Look, Papa, there’s Karel.
PROFESSOR Heidi, don’t . . .
HEIDI Hello, Karel!
KAREL (Comes over.) Heidi, Professor Mittelhoffer, Heil Hitler.
PROFESSOR Good morning, Karel.
KAREL It is customary in the new order to reply “Heil Hitler.”
PROFESSOR You must forgive me, my lumbago.
HEIDI (Flirtatiously.) Karel, it’s been so long since we’ve . . .
KAREL (Ignoring her.) Professor, what brings you to the terminal so early?
PROFESSOR I am meeting a colleague.
KAREL A foreign colleague?
PROFESSOR As a matter of fact, yes.
KAREL From what country?
PROFESSOR I am not aware of his citizenship.
KAREL (With mounting intensity.) Why does he keep this a secret?
PROFESSOR I imagine it is his choice.
KAREL He has no choice. Why is he in Germany?
PROFESSOR To gaze at our lovely alpine scenery?
KAREL Do not treat me like a fool! I am no longer your pupil. No more can you make me sit in the corner with a dunce-cap. I would not want to report your activities to my superiors.
HEIDI Karel, you must not speak to my father that way.
KAREL Your father is a renowned intellectual, a loathsome species, and therefore under suspicion. It is my duty to leave nothing unnoticed.
HEIDI (Flirting.) Then you’ve been shirking your duties.
KAREL I have not.
HEIDI You haven’t noticed my pretty new frock.
KAREL It is most becoming.
PROFESSOR Excuse us. We must see if the train is late.
HEIDI Oh, Papa, why don’t you check?
PROFESSOR Heidi, my . . .
HEIDI Go, go, go.
PROFESSOR Heidi!
HEIDI Go.
The Professor exits.
KAREL Your father, he does not like me.
HEIDI No one likes little boys with bad manners.
KAREL I obey the code of the new order.
HEIDI Karel, I’ve missed you.
KAREL You can see me whenever you choose.
HEIDI I miss the boy I once loved so dearly. I’m afraid he no longer exists.
KAREL Heidi, don’t.
HEIDI I miss the boy I tutored every day. Your face was so cute when you’d strain for the simplest answers. For ten points: Name three tragedies by William Shakespeare.
KAREL Shakespeare is dead. There is only Schiller and Goethe.
HEIDI (Grabs his head.) Look at me! How do I crack open that big, good-looking, dumb head of yours? How do I let in some truth?
KAREL (Reciting.) Adolf Hitler is our savior. The Third Reich will last a thousand years.
HEIDI (With wildly fierce emotion.) Shut up and look at me! How do I make you feel, feel something! Anything! For chrissake, be a human being!
KAREL (Breaking into passion.) I am a human being, Heidi, and I do love you, and I’m scared for you. Do not fall back with the malcontents. They will all perish. There is still a place for you in the Hitler Rhinemaiden brigade.
HEIDI I wouldn’t play canasta with those goose-stepping lezzies.
KAREL (Hardened.) I see we are both not the young people we once were.
Professor Mittelhoffer enters with PROFESSOR ERIK MAXWELL, a handsome American. He carries a suitcase.
PROFESSOR Heidi, our guest has arrived. We must go.
KAREL Do not hurry, Professor. I should like to officially greet your esteemed colleague.
PROFESSOR Professor Maxwell, this is my daughter, Heidi, and my former student, Karel Freiser.
ERIK I’m flattered that I merit an official greeting. (Puts down suitcase, Stage Left.)
HEIDI Your train was exactly on time.
ERIK Yes, it arrived with frightening German efficiency.
KAREL You will become accustomed to our well-organized society.
ERIK It is a lovely country, the land of beer, Wagner and terror.
PROFESSOR (Nervously.) He means terriers, schnauzers, dogs.
KAREL My English is not fluent. Of course, English is a gutter language, ultimately to be extinguished.
ERIK (Matter of factly.) While it’s still spoken, up yours, asshole.
KAREL I do not comprehend. Was heisst “asshole?”
ERIK It means your Führer.
PROFESSOR Take my word, Karel, in America, it is used most selectively. Come, you must be hungry.
KAREL One moment. What is your business here in Germany?
ERIK It is my business and none of yours, bub.
KAREL Perhaps it should be the business of the prefect of police. Enjoy your visit, Professor, and let us hope it will be brief. Heil Hitler. (He looks at Heidi and exits.)
ERIK A graduate of Hitler’s charm school.
HE
IDI It is foolish to bait him, Professor Maxwell.
ERIK Forgive me. It was foolish, foolish and selfish. My big mouth will only reflect on you. I’m very sorry.
HEIDI Your bitterness is understandable.
ERIK I’m beside myself with worry. Since I received your letter, I haven’t slept a wink. How is she? Have you spoken to her? Has there been any word?
PROFESSOR Yes, there has been word. Can you take it?
ERIK I can take it.
PROFESSOR Your mother is to be executed on Friday. Erik starts to swoon, they catch him.
PROFESSOR Buck up, my friend.
ERIK (With rapid-fire delivery.) The monsters! I could kill every one of them with my bare hands. Why should they want her dead? She’s an actress. She knows nothing about politics. Dead! That word has nothing to do with my mother. My mother is life, life itself! Why? Why?
PROFESSOR I have known your mother a great many years. She is a brilliant actress, but “careful” is not a word in her vocabulary. She befriended a young, radical playwright, the hope of the German theatre. (Embarrassed.) It was rumored they became lovers.
ERIK (With a deadpan no-nonsense air.) Professor, let me tell you right now, my parents divorced when I was little. My father was awarded custody and my mother returned to Europe where she has lived her own life. I do not judge her. Please go on with your story.
PROFESSOR Using her legendary name, they mounted a production of the young man’s most fiercely anti-Nazi play. On the opening night, the S.S. raided the theatre, killed the playwright and arrested your mother on the grounds of treason. She is in a prison a few miles away.
ERIK This is a nightmare!
PROFESSOR You will wake up, my friend, and soon. We have devised a plan of escape.
ERIK Escape? Is it possible?
HEIDI Yes, but exceedingly dangerous.
PROFESSOR The plan involves the formidable figure of the Baron Von Elsner.
ERIK Who is this man?
HEIDI A decadent nobleman who has risen high in the Nazi regime. There are terrible tales of his numerous depravities.
ERIK (With genuine highminded interest.) Spare me nothing.
PROFESSOR Later, but for our plan to succeed, we need a confederate planted in the Baron’s ancestral home. You can see it looming darkly in the mountains.
ERIK What does the Baron’s house have to do with my mother? None of this makes sense.
HEIDI (Urgently.) You must do exactly as my father says.
ERIK Of course, I trust you both completely. How do I find an ally in the Baron’s home?
HUGO enters, Hugo is an intense highstrung fellow in his thirties. A touch of Peter Lorre.
PROFESSOR That I do not know, but the escape must take place tomorrow night.
HEIDI Papa, there is Hugo Hoffmann.
PROFESSOR Hoffman is a noted painter. He has used his gift to forge letters of transit. If we are lucky enough to get your mother out of prison, we will need them to cross the border. He has made four of them. Be careful what you say. There are ears everywhere.
HUGO Professor, how good to see you. (Under his breath.) I’m afraid the Baron Von Elsner may be on to my activities. (Looking at Erik.) Is this the one?
HEIDI Yes, our friend has many contacts in the theatre and would like to see your sketches.
ERIK Yes, I’m sure they will travel well in America.
HUGO Compliment my tie. I will give it to you. Protest, then accept it. The letters of transit are inside the fabric.
ERIK I do so admire your necktie.
HUGO Then you must take it as a souvenir of our great country.
ERIK You are far too generous.
HUGO No, I insist. (Takes off his tie and gives it to Erik.)
HEIDI The Baron.
BARON VON ELSNER enters. The Baron is a dignified, imposing man in his forties, a cold-blooded killer but with a silky charm.
BARON Could that be the very talented Hugo Hoffmann?
HUGO (Terrified.) Baron, this is an honor.
BARON I must commend you on the restoration of my frescoes. Most skillful.
The rest of this scene is underscored by tense, suspenseful Music.
HUGO Thank you, Baron Von Elsner.
BARON However, your latest creative endeavor disturbs me.
HUGO The mural at City Hall? It is most reverential.
BARON You are very clever. It took careful observation, but then I discovered it.
HUGO I don’t know what you mean.
BARON The magnificent detail surrounding the figure of the Führer is actually a code. A call to arms to your ridiculous resistance movement.
HUGO That is not true. Perhaps someone has tampered with my painting.
BARON That could be possible. Come with me to the prefect’s office so we can clear up this misconception.
HUGO By all means. Some traitor has defaced my work. Herr Baron, if I could stop and use the facilities, I’d be most grateful.
BARON Of course, Hugo, of course.
Hugo starts to make a run for it. Karel enters to block his way. Hugo turns to the Professor.
HUGO Help me, help me, please.
PROFESSOR What can I do?
Hugo jumps off the front of the stage and makes a run for it.
BARON Halt! Halt in the name of the Führer!
Baron shoots Hugo in the back. Hugo falls down, dead beyond the view of the audience. Heidi screams. The Baron and Karel exit. Erik, the Professor and Heidi are horror-struck and hurry away. Erik leaves his suitcase Stage Left. The lights dim.
VOICE OVER Yes, human life Is cheap in the fatherland. The time has come for all men to come to the aid of humanity, to cast off self interest and band together. But, as always, there are SOME PEOPLE who ignore the cataclysm around them. SOME PEOPLE who live only for their hedonistic pleasure. SOME PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE A GOOD GODDAM FOR ANYONE BUT THEIR OWN STINKIN’ SELVES!
The glamorous, internationally acclaimed American concert pianist, GERTRUDE GARNET* enters, having just arrived on the Paris train. She’s elegantly dressed in a traveling suit and furs. She speaks in a grand, very affected manner that disguises her honky tonk background. At this moment, she’s in a terrible snit.
GERTRUDE Where is she? Where is my maid? Suzette! Suzette! If that dreadful girl thinks she can leave me high and dry without my cosmetic bag, she’s got another think coming. (Looks around.) Conductor! Conductor! Where is everyone? Kitty! Kitty!
KITTY, THE COUNTESS DE BORGIA, enters. Kitty is Gertrude’s long-time buddy from her vaudeville days. Kitty is an attractive blonde, wisecracking, tough as nails but with a heart of gold. Now married to a nobleman, Kitty, too, can affect a high tone when it’s required.
KITTY Hold your horses, Gertie. These gams are still moving on Palm Beach time.
GERTRUDE This is absolutely appalling. How could Suzette do this to me? Quitting without even giving notice.
KITTY You shouldn’t have slapped her across the face with that paillard of veal.
GERTRUDE I was making a point.
KITTY You sure made it. The dame jumped off a moving train.
GERTRUDE I never dreamed she’d be so vindictive. Fleeing with my cosmetic bag. The lashes alone are worth over a thousand dollars. Why are there so many soldiers about with their great scowling faces?
KITTY Honey, I say we get back on that train and skip this part of the tour.
GERTRUDE (Aghast.) Skip this part of the tour? Kitty my recitals in Munich, Frankfurt, and Ludwigshafen were scheduled four years ago and are completely sold out.
KITTY Give ‘em back their money and let’s beat it. This whole country gives me the creeps.
GERTRUDE Kitty, I am an artist, the leading concert pianist on the international stage and when Gertrude Garnet says she’ll appear, she appears, hands oiled and ready. Where is the car from the hotel?
KITTY (Laughs.) You know, Gertie, this reminds me of our old vaudeville days when we were left stranded in Altoona.
GERTRU
DE Kitty, this is hardly the time.
KITTY We were booked on the same bill as that slimy escape artist.
GERTRUDE He was a mentalist. Is that the car?
KITTY Whatever, he escaped with the cashbox.
GERTRUDE (Becomes her tough former self.) And because you gave him the romantic fisheye, the manager thought we was in cahoots.
KITTY I never gave him the fisheye.
GERTRUDE Ah, you were dropping them eyelids like they were a fire-curtain. And that stingy manager, he was as tight as Kelsey’s nuts. (Regains her soignee tone.) Kitty, I am not in the mood for strolling down memory lane.
KITTY Well, you should. You’ve become just too hoity-toity since you took up that egghead music.
GERTRUDE That egghead music has paid off in spades.
KITTY I still say you were a lot happier when we were in vaudeville and I played fiddle to your honky-tonk piana.
GERTRUDE Now you’re a wealthy countess. I hardly see you renewing your union cards.
KITTY Sister, after having the Count de Borgia rubbing his old sausage on me, gimme a split week in Pittsburgh.
GERTRUDE Stop that. We’ve risen to the top of high society and do you know how we made it?
KITTY Behind a lot of wives’ backs.
GERTRUDE No, because it was our destiny. I’ve been seeing the most marvelous mystic, so wise, and terribly profound.
KITTY Not another one. That last holy man gave me one helluva goose.
GERTRUDE Not the swami. He’s laid out for me the entire blueprint of life. He calls it his New World Philosophy. Every thing that happens to us happens because we make it happen. There was no luck involved in my career. (With a rather frightening hard edge.) I made my luck.
KITTY So you mean somehow we wanted to be stranded in this train station?
GERTRUDE Indeed. Perhaps instinctively we know that some great adventure lies in store for us. You see, darling, the rhythms and patterns of millions of years of civilization have brought you and me to this very moment. Now it remains for us to choose how we’re going to handle this occasion. We can change the pattern.
KITTY (Not impressed.) Change the tune, girl, the record’s got a scratch on it.
GERTRUDE Stop that, Kitty, this is important.
KITTY I just have trouble believing that if our train had crashed, it would have been because I chose it.
Erik enters and as he passes the ladies on his way to get his suitcase, he can’t help hearing what they are saying.
The Tale of the Allergist's Wife and Other Plays Page 10
