"Were you in love with Tomas or Morgan?"
"Love doesn't come into it. Only duty. But the answer has to be no, and I truly don't think they really loved me either. A man looks at me, and the only thing he sees is the land, ships and cattle I can bring him," she said bitterly, gazing out at the rolling surf.
"And Cathal? How did he die?" Declan prompted softly.
"A hunting accident. He fell from his horse, and was impaled on a splintered tree trunk, or so it seemed."
"Seemed?" Declan asked in a near-whisper.
"We found a broken lance nearby, almost as if someone had ridden against him, in a sort of joust," Aidanna confided, forcing herself for once to confront her worst fears and suspicions.
"And you think it was Donal?" Declan guessed.
"Cathal was an excellent horseman, with a fine mount he had trained himself for war. It's only natural to be suspicious, though at the time I was so shocked, I never stopped to think."
"What did you wish for when you saw the star?" Declan asked again.
"For things to be the same, happy, carefree, joyous. But it's all turned so sour all of a sudden, ever since Angus died. I feel like an old woman at eighteen, burdened with children and cares, and unsure who to trust," she revealed, as she stood up, and headed back for the cave. "A child. One child," she corrected herself in a near gasp.
"You've lost much, my dear, I know. But you also have the rest of your life ahead of you," Declan urged, with a hint of envy in his voice.
"Of late I think I might become a nun," she confided. "After all, I have nothing left, with my family disowning me. Even Tomas has withdrawn his proposal of marriage."
"Why?" Declan exclaimed, sounding almost delighted, and he took her hand as she walked up the beach.
"No lands or connections," she replied sourly.
"You know that isn't true!" Declan insisted. "I only saw you together once, when he came to the trial, but he truly loves you, of that I am sure. He would have fought to the death to rescue you. Why has he renounced his claim upon you now?"
"You're right, that comment was unworthy of me. No, I'm the wrong woman for him. But no one else wants me for myself, only for what I can give them, or what they can try to mould me into. I'm too book-learned, bossy, wear trousers, am captain of a ship...."
"And are also kind, generous to a fault, and are more tenacious than an octopus when you take a notion into your head."
"An odd compliment, but I think you mean it kindly."
"I do, Aidanna. You are strong, but only a weak man would fear that."
"Why do I get the feeling we're getting too sombre again?" Aidanna teased, as she ran into the surf, and dabbled her toes in the water.
She pulled off her skirt and threw it up the beach away from the water line, while Declan paused and then took off only his doublet and hose.
"You see, now you are treating me differently, like we're not friends any more. You never bothered to wear a shirt before," she taunted softly, as her longing to see his body naked in the moonlight took possession of her mind.
Then suddenly he tugged the shirt over his head carelessly, and magnificently bare at last, led her into the water by her hand. He waded in up to his shoulder, and then pulled her up against his broad chest as she floated in the shimmering waves.
"Your turn," he insisted, as he pulled her soaking shirt over her head.
Aidanna's nipples peaked at once to brush against his lightly furred chest. As her body so instantly sprang to life at his nearness, she gasped.
His mouth came down over hers, demanding, exploring, tender, yet fierce.
"Declan," she whispered with a shudder, as he cupped her rounded buttocks with both hands, pressing her tightly to his fully aroused body. He trailed molten kisses down her neck and shoulder, murmuring words of desire.
"Don't fight it, Aidanna," he soothed, as he stroked her damp hair back from her face, and looked into her eyes. He sensed her fear and natural modesty as she sought to slip out of his embrace, and his own longings caused him to confess the truth, which a more cautious man might have concealed.
"Aidanna, love, I wanted you from the moment I first saw you, as you stood before me, naked and defiant, clad in nothing but your flaming auburn hair like a fiery angel. Like a tempting siren luring me whether I will it or not. I've tried to persuade myself it's wrong, that I mustn't touch you, not after all you've been through, but you've haunted me day and night," he admitted, nibbling an earlobe. Now he plunged his tongue into her small shell like ear, so that her back arched and her lower body pressed even more tightly to him, causing him to head for the shore before he lost what little self-control he still possessed.
His admission of burning desire had soothed the last of her fears about her desireability as a woman, and Aidanna's body took over instinctively. She too had longed for him from that first moment. Why try to deny it any longer? She wrapped her legs around his middle, and her arms encircled his neck, while she tasted his flesh, and breathed deeply the warm masculine scent of him.
Declan brought her to the mouth of the cave, and then he led her inside by the hand. They began slowly rubbing each other dry with cloths, until Aidanna felt a new moisture between her thighs.
Declan leaned her backwards on the feather bed, and soon he was kissing her all over, teasing her hardened nipples, before moving lower and lower. Aidanna became alarmed at the intimacy of the kiss, and tried to pull his head up, but he held her writhing body still with one hand as he pleaded, "Let me love you, for this night, Aidanna. You seem so untouched, so innocent. Let me show you how you deserve to be worshipped and loved, by a man who wants you for yourself, for all the passion and joy you can give."
Aidanna reached down to caress his shoulders, and asked, "Then show me how to please you, what you want me to give?"
"You can please me by not being afraid. By trusting me, and accepting that the greatest pleasure between man and woman is bringing you to the heights of joy," he whispered, before kissing her on the mouth.
Once she nodded and began to relax, he started his lovemaking all over again, touching every inch of her skin with his lips and tongue, until finally her trembling thighs parted without restraint, and she lay before him like a bud newly bloomed.
As his mouth fastened over the most intimate part of her, his tongue a forceful invader, Aidanna heard a horse cry which she knew had come from her own throat. But though the pleasure was so intense, she knew there was something missing. In spite of his firm grasp on her hips, she managed to slide down the bed until she could feel his hot manhood stroke along her inner thighs. He moved his hand between her legs, and teased her with his fingers while he kissed her, until Aidanna boldly imitated his caresses.
Unable to withstand the overpowering desire which thrummed in his veins, Declan moved swiftly and surely, pressing into her moist heat with a gasp of pure shock as the tightness, and the rippling grip upon him, seemed to pull him in further and further into a swirling vortex of raw sensuality and passion.
His mind reeled as he registered her sudden tensing, and the involuntary cry which burst forth from her. But far from pushing him away, her legs wrapped around him, and her tongue slid into his mouth, twining sinuously around his own.
Declan's desire, already at fever pitch, rocketed out of control, and in the throes of an earth shattering climax which seemed to go on forever, Declan clasped her buttocks tightly and pounded into Aidanna until she too found her ultimate shuddering fulfilment.
Declan made to move away from her, as his sweat soaked and still trembling body sought to relieve her of his huge weight, but she held him, gently but firmly in his marvelous place. He raised his head to gauge her response to this unexpected turn of events by kissing her. Her open and enthusiastic response was like a heady wine, and Declan, no longer content with one sip of the ambrosial kisses she offered, plundered her mouth as he felt himself stiffen again, and moved inside her with sure strokes which soon brought her to the dizzying pe
ak of satisfaction yet again.
"Declan!" she gasped, as she trembled under him uncontrollably, her body so aroused she was convinced she would splinter into a thousand tiny fragments with one more stroke.
"What do you need, my love?" he teased as he kissed her and then ran his hands up and down the full length of her body. "This or this? Or this? Tell me what you want."
Drawing back as far as he dare without risking losing control, he teased her to fever pitch, until finally she arched her hips and pulled him to her unrestrainedly, her nails raking his back in her urgent need for release.
What had started out as a game for Declan became a driving compulsion, as he saw stars and felt his heart hammer in his chest. The sensations went on and on, until he was certain he would faint.
"Aidanna," he sighed, twining his fingers in her silken hair as he stroked her cheek and looked at the blissful smile on her face in the glowing embers of the dying fire.
"Oh Declan, I had no idea," she breathed, as she kissed him tenderly, and he finally withdrew from her and pulled her tightly to his side.
It was only as his body began to cool in the chill sea mist which invaded the cave that he began to realise the huge mistake he had made. It had been male pride, his conviction that Aidanna was pregnant with Angus' child, so that it wouldn't really make much difference if he made love to her, that had allowed him to get so carried away. His overwhelming longing for her had also prevented him from examining his own motives too closely. He had simply wanted her to yield to his rampant desires.
But no, Declan realised, he had had some generous motives too. The desire to protect Aidanna, make her happy, teach her what it was like to have a skilled lover who would take the trouble to satisfy her needs, to show her that she was desirable and lovely even if she were only the humblest serving girl, had prompted his advances as well.
Only now, he could see that had taken advantage of Aidanna's proximity, vulnerability, gratitude, friendship, and used her for his own gratification. The fact that she had responded so warmly and willingly only made him feel more guilty. He had corrupted an innocent, treated her like some shallow, vain English beauty instead of reading all the signs he had blindly ignored.
But innocent didn't quite describe Aidanna either, as her hands roved all over his body until, in spite of his resolve to leave her to fall asleep, he made love to her all over again, not daring to open his eyes for fear of seeing reproach or confusion as he pushed her onto her back and entered her with the urgency of an adolescent schoolboy. Shaken to the core by his uncontrollable longings, he felt as he had when he'd been thrown into the sea to drown.
Only this time the helping hand Aidanna offered him only dragged him down deeper, as he rolled over and pulled her on top of him, fascinated by her hungry, unashamed response to his lovemaking. He stroke her face, and she nuzzled his hand, licking his finger before sucking it into her mouth. Then she kissed his arm and shoulder, nibbling, before delicately running her tongue around his rock-hard nipples until he pulled her head up to his mouth and pushed her hips down as she wiggled against him. No practiced woman of the world had ever inflamed him as much as this innocent virgin.
"Aidanna, I can't...." he groaned.
She cradled his head between her breasts lovingly as she arched up and cried, "Declan!" in amazement and fear. For she was sure she was truly possessed. Her body had ceased to be her own. She was completely at sea, with the touch of her lover was the only navigation, her burning desires the powerful ebb and flow of the tide in the storm-tossed sea she had begun to cross ever since she and Declan had met. She opened her heart, mind and body, and let herself drown in the ocean of bliss.
CHAPTER TEN
When Aidanna awoke after several hours' sleep, she yawned and stretched in the bed like a contented cat. Suddenly she realised that she was all alone. A blush suffused her cheeks as she recalled the night of passion she had shared with Declan, and she remained in bed for a time in the hopes he would come in to rejoin her. But from the sun on the sand outside, she concluded it must be very late, and he was probably up fishing, or gathering some turf for the fire.
Finally she found him at the water's edge. She was just reaching out to hug him, when he turned to look at her coldly. She felt as though she had been dealt a blow to the stomach as he asked, "How many days left until Tomas' ship comes to bring me back to the mainland?"
"Five, six, it all depends on the weather," she managed to get out, before dropping her hand to her side and staring at him longingly. He looked down at her as though she were a total stranger, and as the tears began to fall, she stalked away to the coracle, anxious to be alone with her shame and grief that something so sublime could have turned out to be an empty sham.
Declan struggled with his conscience for two minutes until the boat went out onto the billowing waves, and then he ran to the water's edge, and called, "Aidanna, I'm sorry! Come back, please!"
But as she ignored him and continued to row out even further, he tore his doublet off, and began to swim after her as if his life depended upon it.
"Aidanna please, we've always tried to be honest with each other despite everything that's been happening. Will you listen to me now?" he pleaded as he clung to the edge of the boat.
Aidanna's first impulse was to bash him over the head with her oar, but he sounded so sincere, that in the end she helped haul him into the boat by his shirt, and they sat facing each other like two enemies. He broke the ice by reaching out to touch her hand, which he took and kissed.
"Aidanna, had I known you were a virgin, I would never have pressed my advances. I thought I was doing you a kindness, giving you the fulfilment you had missed in your husband's bed, only to discover you were as chaste as a nun. Aidanna, I won't lie to you and tell you it wasn't special for me, but the whole truth of the matter is, well, I'm betrothed to the youngest daughter of the Duke of Norfolk."
Aidanna felt a pang in her her heart so acute, for a moment she could barely breathe.
Declan continued more firmly, "There can be no future for us. I would be even worse than I already am if I continued to take advantage of your warmth and generosity by pretending I had no doubts or reservations, or if I allowed you to believe that I was free, or that my feelings for you could go beyond the respect and admiration I've held for you ever since we met. My life is back in England. As much as I've tried to work out a way to stay here in Ireland, and help you and your family, I'm not a liberty to do completely as I wish. Not with Henry as my liege. I'm sorry, but as much as I've tried to convince myself I'm powerful enough to ride the high tide of fortune, the fact is that my whole future depends on my patron the Duke of Norfolk, and everything back in England."
"I understand," Aidanna said, fighting back the tears.
The one man who had ever truly treated her as an equal didn't care for her, while all those who claimed friendship were only after her bed and body, and all her castles and ships. But all the castles and ships certainly couldn't match the incredible wealth of the Duke of Norfolk, Aidanna acknowledged bitterly.
But her sense of betrayal ran even deeper than the lovemaking she thought they had shared. "So it was farewell all along, wasn't it, Declan? In spite of all the discussions we've had, between the two of us and with Ruairi and Diarmuid, you've always known you had to go back to do your duty, fulfil your destiny as a great courtier in Henry's household. Nothing we said to you was ever going to change your mind.
"Well, I must compliment you, sir, on your devotion to duty, your levelheaded attention to business, and the fact that you can resist succumbing to your base desires by avoiding a liaison with a woman, a clan, who would only drag you into disrepute."
"Aidanna!"
"No, Declan, I understand exactly what you've said, and if you dislike hearing the truth, just think how I feel. Spare me the absurd protestations, and catch some fish."
Her glowering silence made it quite clear to Declan that Aidanna did not forgive him, but nor was she the ty
pe to cause a scene by attempting to change his mind any longer. She had presented him with the facts, had laid herself open to him with complete vulnerability, and he had rejected her.
Declan longed to kiss her senseless, if only to hear her whisper his name with longing. He felt a telltale tightening in his loins which he knew he would not be able to subdue forever.
"I'll help with the fishing, we'll have some food, and then if you don't mind, I shall go stay at the monastery until Tomas comes for me," Declan said quietly.
Aidanna nodded silently. She wished he would go at once, so she wouldn't have to maintain her pretence of calm acceptance of his betrayal. She wanted to scream, slap his face, call him all the foul names she could think of. But what would have been the point? He was leaving. Deep in her heart she had always known he would. There was no point in reproaching him, when she had been a more than willing party to their lovemaking last night.
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