The Test of Love

by Irene Brand

  “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask, but have you and Eric been tempted?”

  Kim blushed, but she met Connie’s eyes. “I don’t know about Eric, for we haven’t discussed it, but there have been times when I’ve wished we were already married, if you know what I mean, and I haven’t felt guilty about it. I had the strength to deny my temptations, and two months from now on our wedding day, we’ll be glad we waited.”

  “You make me feel a little better, Kim, but I’m afraid I made a complete fool of myself.”

  “Oh. I doubt it was that bad,” Kim said. “I must go back to the office. What are you going to do now?”

  “Take a shower and try to get my mind settled enough to meet with the Cartlands.”

  “But what are you going to do about Joseph?”

  “I don’t know. The way I feel right now, I never want to see him again.”

  “But you’ll have to see him again, and the sooner the better. You’ll both be miserable until you talk. Joseph must feel badly about it.”

  “I don’t want to talk to him. I’ll assign someone else to be his trainer—I can’t possibly work with him now. Regardless of what he meant, we could never achieve the rapport we had before.”

  “It’s your decision, but I think you’re being unreasonable. I’m sure he didn’t mean to insult you.”

  Connie was a little put out that Kim championed Joseph’s position instead of hers, but she’d already ruined the day by losing her temper with Joseph. She couldn’t antagonize Kim, too.

  “He said he didn’t know about my abstinence convictions. But, regardless, I hadn’t given him any reason to believe I would spend a weekend alone with him.” But was she being completely honest about that? She hadn’t hesitated to accept his caresses, so the fault might be hers as well as Joseph’s.

  With her hand on the doorknob, Kim said, “I could ask Eric to talk to Joseph.”

  Connie shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ll deal with it some way.”

  After she showered, Connie dressed in a pair of white denim jeans and a brown shirt. Still troubled in mind, she bypassed the cafeteria and went to the chapel. Why did she make such poor choices in the men she dated? The soft music she heard when she entered the chapel didn’t soothe her spirits as it usually did, but if there was any place she could find peace of mind, it would be here. Connie stopped abruptly. Joseph knelt in the front of the chapel, his head lowered on the altar. Seeing him in this penitent attitude cooled her anger considerably. She backed out of the building before he could turn and see her.

  Ignoring the pain in his leg and thigh as he groveled on the hard floor, Joseph silently brought his frustrations to God, who at one time had been his greatest solace.

  “God,” Joseph prayed aloud, “I’m ashamed to call on You when I’ve ignored You for years, but my life is in shambles, and I have no other place to turn. I’ve always thought I was strong enough to handle anything that came my way without help from anyone, but I’ve learned that isn’t true. I’ve spent months in hospitals and clinics, and even yet, I’m a long way from recovery.”

  The wall between Joseph and God seemed impossible to penetrate when he considered the disastrous scene he’d perpetrated with Connie. Feeling guilty about his neglect of Virginia when she had apparently needed so much, he was afraid to become involved with Connie, so why had he kissed her? Not only did he feel unworthy of another woman’s love, he also wondered how God could love him.

  “God, I’m miserable, and in Your omnipotence, You know all of this, but somehow it helps to talk about it. I feel alone, but will You give me some indication that You’re with me, that You hear my pleas, and that You still love me in spite of my rebellious ways?”

  Joseph sat with his head in his hands, waiting, and God’s assurance came soon. Doubts fled and peace flooded Joseph’s soul, for in a still, small voice in the deep recesses of his heart, he received the message he needed.

  You’ve never been alone, Joseph. I’ve been there all the time, even when you didn’t recognize my presence. Since that day when you were a boy of twelve, and you invited Me into your heart, I’ve been with you, and I’ll stay with you throughout eternity.

  He lifted his head, and his assurance was complete when he remembered the words of a plaque hanging on the wall of his dormitory room. “‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.”

  Tears of relief stung Joseph’s eyelids, and he prayed again. “What about the future, God? How can I overcome the mistakes of the past? Is there a place for Connie in my life? Is that why You brought me to NLC?” But although he sat with bowed head for a long time, he received no answer to those questions.

  Connie avoided Joseph for the rest of the afternoon, but he was on her mind constantly. During her interview with the Cartlands, their son’s injury reminded her of the first time she’d seen Joseph. He’d improved so rapidly under her guidance, how would it affect him if she refused to work with him any longer? After the Cartlands left, she stayed in the office, trying to work, but spent most of the time staring out the window, wondering what Joseph was doing. When dinnertime came, she knew she couldn’t stay hidden any longer, and she walked with Kim to the cafeteria. Joseph’s truck wasn’t in the parking lot. Had he left NLC?

  She and Kim sat with several other staff members at a large table. Eric and Joseph came in together, and Connie saw that his limp was more pronounced than it had been for days. His gray eyes sought hers, and their glances locked momentarily. The men took seats behind Connie, and she was relieved she didn’t have to look at Joseph. Had he told Eric what had happened? She hoped that none of the staff or patients had detected a rift in their relationship. It was bad for morale when a conflict surfaced. Everyone had been edgy for several days after she’d broken her engagement with Ray, and she didn’t want to cause any more unrest. The Center would never be any stronger than its leader.

  As soon as she finished eating, Connie excused herself, took her tray to the kitchen, and went back to her apartment. She paced back and forth in the small area, praying for direction. She paused abruptly when a knock sounded at the door. Convinced it was Joseph, she considered ignoring the knock, but she couldn’t run from him forever, so she opened the door.

  Joseph’s shoulders slumped, and he favored his injured leg. He stared at her from wretched gray eyes, and a muscle throbbed in his forehead.

  “This has been the longest day of my life. I’ve never spent such a miserable time—none of the days I was in the hospital can compare with what I’ve gone through today.” He reached a trembling hand toward her. “Will you give me a chance to explain?”

  Hot tears stung Connie’s eyes, and her throat was too tight for words. She took his hand in hers, and he squeezed her fingers until she winced from the pain.

  “Let’s take a drive, get away from NLC for a while. There are too many interested eyes here.”

  She nodded and closed the apartment door behind her. In silence they walked to his truck, and not until they’d driven through the entrance gates did Connie remember that she had avoided being alone with Ray after he’d transgressed. Did that indicate she trusted Joseph more than Ray?

  Joseph drove along the river for a short way, and stopped when they came to a level area sloping down to the stream. He lowered the windows, and a cool breeze grazed Connie’s face. The nearby river gurgled as it bounded over the rocky bed and settled into a serene pool below a miniature waterfall.

  Staring straight ahead, Joseph said, “I suppose the first thing I should do is apologize. You don’t know how many times today I’ve wished I could live this morning over and take back my careless words. I can’t do that, but will you believe that I wish I hadn’t said them?”

  “Yes, of course,” she murmured.

  “I spent some time in the chapel this morning, asking God to forgive me for what I’d done to you. I invited you to the ranch on the spur of the moment, and I shouldn’t have.”

  “Oh, Joseph,” Connie s
aid with a sob. “Let it go. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, but I was disappointed in you, as well as in myself. If I hadn’t been so receptive to your advances, you wouldn’t have made your suggestion. It’s my fault as much as yours, or perhaps even more. I broke the rules of NLC by dating you, and I’m suffering for it now.”

  “But I didn’t have anything immoral in mind. You jumped to the wrong conclusion, and I went along with it.”

  “Let’s just forget it.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t forget it, and neither can you.”

  “I’m going to appoint a new trainer for you—someone who will remember what NLC stands for.”

  “If you don’t continue as my trainer, I’ll leave,” Joseph said slowly.

  “But you’re not ready to leave yet,” Connie protested. “You’ve done so well. I don’t want you to lose what you’ve gained.”

  “I can’t help that. I suppose I’m too proud to start with another trainer, when the other patients will know we’ve quarreled. I can’t blame you for not wanting to work with me, but I don’t want anyone else.”

  “I’m not sure we can work together now—our emotions may get in the way again, and that isn’t good for your health.”

  He laid his hand on her shoulder, but when she flinched, he removed it.

  “When I sat on that bench this morning, exhausted from my jogging, I hadn’t thought of doing what I did. But as I rested, with my eyes closed, and you were holding my hand and wiping my face, it came over me how bleak my life has been for the past year, and I compared it to the serenity and peace I have with you. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I can’t let you go out of my life completely, and that’s what will happen if I leave NLC.”

  Connie swallowed another sob and moved closer to him. He took her hand. “Even if you had gone to the ranch with me, I’m sure nothing wrong would have happened. Besides your Marriage First vow, I don’t believe that type of behavior is right, either. I respect you for your stand, for I consider abstinence the test of true love. If I ever marry again, I’d want a wife who’d saved herself for me.”

  “Don’t say any more, Joseph. I’m not angry now, but considering my own reaction to your caresses, it seems better for you to have another trainer.”

  He shook his head stubbornly. “The real test of love is trust. Test me, Connie. I promise I’ll never tempt you to forget your principles.”

  “Things can never be the same between us again.”

  “Give me another chance. I can’t prove that my motives are genuine unless you trust me again.”

  “I should apologize to you for misinterpreting your intentions. After my experience with Ray, I’m suspicious of any man—I’m afraid to trust them. You haven’t given me any reason to believe you’re dishonorable. The fault is mine. I’m not ready to trust my heart to anyone.”

  “I’ve felt the same. The last two years of my marriage weren’t particularly satisfying as I’ve told you, and I never intended to become romantically involved again. That changed when I met you.”

  Connie sighed. “Right now, Joseph, the most important thing is your health. If we can put this morning’s incident in the back of our minds and concentrate on your healing, I’ll go ahead. Just this one incident has set you back—you’re limping again and you’d almost overcome that. I’ll have to treat you like any other patient at NLC. We can’t have a repetition of what happened this morning.”

  “You have my word. I’m not sorry I kissed you, but I won’t kiss you again unless you ask me to. Does that satisfy you?”

  With a grimace, she moved away from him. “Not particularly, but that’s the way it has to be.”

  He started the truck, turned around and headed toward NLC. When he parked in front of the administration building, he asked, “Does our restricted involvement mean I can’t take you to dinner or go with you to see your parents?”

  Connie hesitated. She wanted to be with Joseph, but she questioned that they should have anything to do with each other outside the confines of NLC. If Joseph was attracted to her, was it right to put temptation in his way? On the other hand, if she avoided him, he might think she didn’t have the strength to keep her abstinence vow.

  “I can’t give you an answer now, Joseph. Let me think about it. We’ll continue jogging in the morning, but not on the trail by the lake. Try to get a good rest tonight.”

  After a few days, most of the strain wore off, and for long periods, Connie forgot the misunderstanding with Joseph. As his strength returned, he spent a lot of time in the gym, and he progressed more rapidly than she’d expected. He could jog two miles now without any effort, and they left the dormitory at six o’clock each morning. On the last Friday in July, when they stopped to rest before they returned to the Center, Connie said, “You’re two weeks ahead of schedule, Joseph, and ready for Faith Mountain now. I want to start climbing on Monday morning, going farther each day, and you should be able to make it to the top by the end of the week.”

  “If I remember, when I’m able to do that, you’ll turn me loose, huh?”

  “Yes, although you should continue exercising. Is there a gym near your home where you can work out? Your muscles will become flabby if you start riding horses and traveling in pickups without any body building exercises.”

  “There’s not a gym close, but I’ll buy an exercise machine. The lawyers haven’t taken all of my money yet.”

  “Have you heard anything more about this mysterious stranger your wife was seeing?”

  He shook his head. “I’m going home tonight, and I’ll be in touch with my lawyers. I hope they have some new leads.”

  “I hope so, too.”

  He pulled up a tuft of weeds at his feet. “Are you still thinking about whether to date me?”

  She’d wondered why he hadn’t asked again, but she was reluctant to mention it.

  “I suppose it will be all right.”

  He grinned mischievously. “Good. How about going home with me next weekend?”

  “What!” she shouted, but returned his grin when he added, “I want Kim and Eric to come, too. I’ll ask my sister to be there as hostess. My ranch is east of Fort Collins.”

  “I don’t like for the three of us to be gone at the same time, but if the others agree, I’ll ask my parents to stay at NLC for the weekend. Dad could keep his eye on everything and telephone if I need to return. Della Sinnet will be pleased to conduct the worship services in Eric’s absence. If he and Kim accept your invitation, I’ll be happy to come. I’d like to see your ranch.”

  “Good. I’ll talk to Kim and Eric before I leave tonight. I’ve learned so much about your way of life during the past three months that I want to introduce you to my world. And, too, I want to take you up on your offer to help me solve the mystery of Virginia’s death. We’ll need to start at the ranch, and this visit will be a good time for you to look around.”

  “I’d like that. And I’m sure Kim and Eric will enjoy the visit.”

  He stood up and stretched. “But I have to climb Faith Mountain before that, so we’d better jog back to the Center.”

  Chapter Six

  By Wednesday, Joseph had climbed three-fourths of the way up the mountain, so Connie said, “Are you ready to try for the top? I think you can make it tomorrow.” Although she rejoiced over Joseph’s improved health, Connie wasn’t as happy as she should be. When he reached his goal, he would leave NLC, and she would miss him.

  “I think I can, too. I’m ready! The ranch needs its owner.”

  “Eager to leave us, are you?” Connie said, without looking at him.

  “You know better than that! But I have a ranch to manage. I have several good employees, but the boss still needs to be at home.”

  “We’ll eat an early breakfast and leave the Center at eight o’clock. I’ll ask Rose to pack a lunch for us. The last part of the climb is steep, and we’ll need to rest before we start home. It will take most of the day.”

  Joseph reach
ed out his hand and pulled Connie to a standing position, and he put his arms around her in a brotherly hug. “It feels great to be the one helping you for a change! A few weeks ago, I thought that day would never come. It’s a good feeling.”

  The Marriage First support group met the fourth Wednesday night of each month in the lounge of the administration building. Since its organization two years ago, the group had grown from a handful to over fifty members. Although all the members didn’t attend regularly, Connie, Kim and Eric made it a point to be present for each meeting.

  Tonight, thirty people sat around the room when Connie arrived. Their schedule didn’t vary much. Each meeting opened with prayer and a Bible study led by various members. The purpose of the group, repeated at the close of the Bible study, had been formulated into a pledge of three sentences, and each member committed the lines to memory.

  I believe my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If I defile my body with immorality, I dishonor the Spirit of God living within me. Therefore, I pledge to maintain the purity of my body until my wedding day. Marriage First!

  The agenda of each meeting was similar. Most of the evening was spent in sharing experiences, with some members giving testimonials of how they’d overcome temptation, while others asked for prayer to deal with a current problem.

  Tonight, Eric conducted a Bible study on the liaison between King David and Bathsheba, citing the many problems that arose from their stolen love, primarily the murder of Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, and the death of David’s son born to Bathsheba. The penalty of his indiscretion followed David throughout his life when one son seduced his half sister and was killed by the girl’s full brother, Absalom—the beloved son who later revolted against David and tried to take his kingdom. The problems that plagued David and Bathsheba vividly illustrated the results of immorality.