Diary of a Vampeen: Vamp Yourself for War

by Unknown

  “Come Leka,” Kalel gently eased me away from the massacre. I swallowed the serum rising.

  I felt like I was losing control. All I could do was repeatedly ask, “What happened to him?” My new family stuck to me like glue, but it didn’t erase the gaping hole I now wore in place of my old, familiar one.

  “Alexa, dear,” a familiar voice called. I looked around trying to discern where I was.

  “It’s ok babe. You fell asleep,” Kellan hugged me letting me know I was safe. I finally focused and saw Dr. H standing in front of the fireplace.

  “Dad!” Reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

  “Are you up for a chat?” he asked setting his ancient medicine bag on the coffee table. I sat up straight.

  “What happened to him?” I asked the same question I’d been seeking an answer to all along.

  “It’s a rare occurrence. It happens in one out of five thousand transformations.” He paused, clasping his hands behind his back. “I’m afraid there’s no cure, nothing we can do.”

  “What happened to him?” I pressed as Kai, Kalel, Gabi and Rafi joined us. I tentatively looked at each of them urging someone, anyone to answer my question.

  “It’s called Black Brain Syndrome. In essence, your father’s body is here but in lame man’s terms, he’s brain dead.” Everyone was watching me closely, waiting for me to lose control.

  “But I asked him how he felt when he first woke up and he said he felt great… How… I mean… What happened to him?” I insisted my question be answered.

  “It’s not guaranteed that a human will live through the transformation; it shocks their body. My theory is your father’s body was already in shock with your mother’s passing and the jolt of being bitten was simply too much for his system to handle without the loss of some vital function,” he explained. He was monotone and spoke evenly.

  “What happens now?” I whispered the question afraid of what was coming…

  “He cannot be permitted to roam. He is comparable to a handicapped child with a lethal weapon. His comprehension no longer exists.” He stopped and eyed me as all the others had. He was leery too, probably waiting for me to hyperventilate already before continuing. “You could keep him alive, but he’d forever have to be under high security surveillance. And you would be responsible for bringing food to him. Or, and this would be my suggestion, you put him to sleep.”

  “You mean kill him… as in murder my own father?!” My voice was louder than I meant to project but the recommendation was capital punishment; it scared me.

  “Alexa, I know it’s hard but you must distance yourself. That vampire is no longer your father; he is merely a savage beast.” I retracted into a ball at his words.

  “Cool it doc,” Kellan ordered in my defense.

  “Alexa, your father is a risk to us and a massive risk to humans. He drained twenty-three bodies in a short time. Even the oldest of vamps would have stopped at five, which is a gluttonous number. Another aspect you must account for is the vamp army. Regardless of where you stand with them, the High Authorities will not tolerate such a threat to our existence.”

  As hard as it was to accept, I knew he was right. Both of my parents were gone. POOF! Just like that. I never thought of becoming a vamp as a bad thing; I never associated any sort of risks with it. Furthermore, these things just aren’t supposed to happen.

  “I still see him as my father regardless of the connection.” My voice was low, contemplative. I honed in on Kellan; stared directly into his eyes.

  “It has to be done. He can’t be a burden.”

  I shook my head and eyed Kellan closely. “Did you say something?” I checked to ensure I wasn’t losing it.

  “Poor girl thinks she’s losing it. What she has lost is both parents in three days. She needs support and love.”

  “Holy canola! I hear you…” My eyes were wide and full of comprehension. His brows furrowed in confusion.

  “My thoughts?” he asked; he seemed unsure of the situation. He was actually looking at me with pity.

  “Can you hear this now? I love you,” he thought.

  “Can you hear this now? I love you,” I repeated. We got lost in each other, lost in the new discovery of telepathic communication.

  “Ah. It seems more of Dr. Zhan’s revelation is accurate. He will be pleased to hear the news. But, alas, I must break up the moment. I need your answer Alexa. What have you decided about your father?” Dr. H was all business.

  The dread resurfaced. I allowed my emotions to go numb again in fear of losing control. It happened so fast. Four days ago I had two wonderful parents loving and doting on me. Now… Now I had one parent who had been turned into a ravenous beast who didn’t recognize the daughter he raised and loved for sixteen years…

  “You know what needs to be done and I’ll be here to help you do it,” Kellan offered through his thoughts.

  I swallowed the serum at the base of my throat. My hands were fidgeting nervously. I needed more answers to decide.

  “Is there any chance he could snap out of it and be normal again?”

  “No,” Dr. H’s answer was final in tone.

  “Can he be tamed?”

  “I’ve never seen it,” he replied. I sighed finally realizing that this was it. There was no loop hole; no hope left. I glanced once more at the silent souls surrounding me. Their expressions were all a cross between sorrow, pity, and much to my dismay, relief. I guess they knew they’d have to help me with him all while trying to ward off assassins; assassins who I now wanted to hunt hard.

  I pulled away from Kellan. I gathered myself and stood in front of Dr. H trying to hold back the angry tears stinging my eyes. I never thought the tears would sting being vamp now, but they did this time. I lifted my head, chin held high as my mother used to tell me when I was a child crying my little eyes out over a mean comment from an equally mean child.

  “Are there any painless options?” My voice cracked but I remained together.

  “Yes, but it is very expensive,” he sighed sounding almost impatient and annoyed. He reminded me of the snobby sales clerks who snubbed someone because they looked lower in status then their store catered to.

  “How much?” I pressed strong-willed and defiant over his manner. This was the first time Dr. H had ever been rude in any way.

  “Whatever the cost we’ll pay it. You don’t have to be a prude to the poor girl. She just lost her parents for Christ’s sake. Where the hell are your bedside manners doc?!” Kalel came boldly to my defense. I accepted in front of the doctor, but made a mental note to pay him back whatever the bill was for. Turning slightly, out the corner of my eye, I noticed Kellan was fuming, his hands balled into fists.

  “My apologies Alexa. I was very fond of your parents and I know this is a difficult time for you. I will take care of your father and be on my way. Please accept my condolences.” He bowed gracefully to me, as in the olden days, before collecting his bag and heading towards the holding cell. Panic set in.

  “Wait, now? He’s doing it now?!” I began to hyperventilate despite not needing the air. My mind was racing, trying to piece together what was happening. Fresh tears covered my face prompting Kellan to quickly console me.

  “I… I… I’m not ready to be an orphan,” I thought aloud. I shook as the sobs threatened to bellow from me. I felt the lump in my throat as I tried to swallow my emotions. He pressed my head to his chest and tried his best to sooth inconsolable me.

  I heard commotion around me but blocked it out unable to focus on anything but the fact that they’re gone… they’re both gone.

  “Take her to my room,” I heard Kai whisper to Kellan. I felt myself being lifted into his arms and carried away… away from my freshly killed father.

  Flashes of memories flipped in my mind. My dad teaching me how to ride a bike when I was five; it was my first memory in South Carolina. Our first family camping trip where he went overboard on everything from fishing poles to a deluxe tent and portable gri
ll came next. Family vacations, a trip to Disney, they all forwarded in my thoughts. He taught me to play baseball and soccer, traveled on field trips with me as that was one thing my mother never did though I understand why now. The most precious to me was our Daddy-daughter date day. Twice a month from age five until twelve – of course I hit that awkward rebellious stage then – we would go wherever I wanted to go. No matter where we ended up those days, it was a ritual for us to stop for ice cream on our way home.

  All of these memories are gone with him. I’ll never be able to play soccer with him or have another heart to heart. He’ll no longer be there to educate me on his newest electronic gadget I have no plans on ever touching. Beyond that, he’ll never see me accomplish my dreams, have children or, the hardest to think of, get married. He won’t be there to walk me down the aisle.

  They all took turns supporting me over the next day. I didn’t stir. I laid motionless, empty on Kai’s bed, curled in a ball. I lost all sense of time in my dark retreat.

  Kellan’s parents, Beth and Al, Mel, Craig, Aunt Claire and the most surprising, Laurence, stopped by to check in on me and keep me company for a short while. They all attempted small talk, comfort, but I never responded beyond a nod of my head. I felt I couldn’t. I felt like I was in a coma; I was able to hear them, feel their hands and small pecks on my cheeks and forehead, but I couldn’t reply to their questions of how I felt. I couldn’t form words or focus on anything aside from the window which they lifted the shades on slightly after a while so I could tell how much time was passing, if I comprehended it they had muttered.

  I comprehended. After a day and a half of solid sulking, I forced myself out of bed. I couldn’t return home though. It was too difficult. So I drifted amongst the homes of my supporters, my new family. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have made myself face the world again. Regardless, I was a walking zombie. I couldn’t shake the emotional weight of it all. I couldn’t concentrate at school; I couldn’t even bring myself to feed. I had no desire to even try, which was depression, ugly at its worst. I was beginning to feel weak; my muscles sort of rubbery. My throat was on fire and the serum burned like acid, but I didn’t eat. Apparently I looked pale too per Mel’s offer.

  “Lex, I’m really worried about you. I know this is hard, but you can’t walk around dormant forever. You have tons of people who want to help you, but first you have to help yourself. You haven’t showered, haven’t brushed your teeth or taken care of yourself hygienically, but most important you haven’t eaten… or drank. Whatever you people call it. You look pale as a ghost and just, well, awful. I would feel a lot better if you just fed. I’ll even let you drink from me… Just, please?” She flung her wrist to my lips prompting, tempting me to bite her… but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I appreciated her gesture though.

  “I’ll be fine. Thanks for the concern though,” I replied dismissively.

  I shuffled through my day to day robotically, but never truly lived it. Even when I stayed with the Bladangs with all their robust family charm, I wasn’t able to enjoy it; to drop my guard and allow myself to enjoy life again. I was afraid to enjoy any one or any thing; afraid it would be ripped from me should I do so.

  “You have no thoughts Leka,” Kai announced to me. “You are empty. It’s… it’s not healthy…” he stumbled. “Don’t make us bury you too.” He stared right into my eyes as he spoke the last line.

  That was my wake-up call. Kai had punched through my walls, my emotional barriers erected over the past few weeks, and finally gotten through to me. What was wrong with me?! I didn’t want to be buried alongside my parents. Despite the fact that they were gone, I wanted to live; I just found it very difficult to live without them.

  “Thanks,” I said as I leaned over on the couch and squeezed him tightly. I heard his sigh of relief.

  “You don’t know how great it was just now to see the sparkle return to your eyes,” he smiled.

  “Yes Leka, you need to take care of yourself,” Kalel gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. He was sitting on the other side of me. “You haven’t slept well, if at all, haven’t fed. You look ghastly, still in a beautiful way though,” he quickly amended.

  Somehow his words struck a cord inside me. They were all dealing with my parents’ deaths too. Instead of coping together, helping each other, I was adding another element of stress. They were being forced by my selfishness to deal with the deaths, memorial arrangements, wills, other arrangements and finally… me. I lifted my eyes to peer at Kalel’s worry lines. He obviously heard my thoughts as Kellan wasn’t near and was at attention.

  “Leka, you were closer to your parents than any of us. You lost far more than we did,” he smiled with forgiveness. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. I made my first expressive movement in I don’t know how long and lost it. That was what I’d been fighting. I was tired of crumpling into a ball of emotions drowning in salty waters or on occasion blood.

  He gently cupped my face in his hands. He spoke softly. “It’s ok Leka. We don’t expect you to handle the world and your parents at once. Kai was worse than you after our father’s murder and you have twice the grief. No one’s rushing you; no one’s judging you. We’ll all be here when you’re ready to lean on us.” He kissed the tip of my nose, which felt red, and wiped away my tears. My throat was burning, had been flooded for a long time with my fuel. I silently cried attempting to swallow the ache that will never fill the new hole inside my core.

  “You need to feed,” he urged. I nodded as I felt weak. My body felt deprived.

  Before I could change my mind, I had a drink in my hand, uncapped and ready for consumption. I didn’t even know who had handed it to me. Suddenly, an entire tray of uncapped bottles were in front of me on the coffee table and Gabi stood beside them. Concern was written all over her face.

  “Are you ok? We’ve been so worried about you,” she was hesitant, torn between waiting versus bombarding me I’m sure. I nodded.

  They all stood around watching me like a hawk. I couldn’t tell if they thought I was going to faint, cry again or run away.

  “Drink now,” Kalel ordered.

  I raised the bottle to my lips and took a quick sip. Just a few drops encouraged me to keep going. Before I knew it, I chugged the entire bottle and grabbed another. The fire that scorched my throat was finally being put out. The chill of the blood actually helped. Within two minutes I had downed all ten bottles of blood, yet was ready for more.

  “You need more. Ten bottles is equivalent to about four pints. You need at least four more,” Rafi stated. Taking the hint, Gabi was back in a couple seconds with another round. I looked around nervously at everyone. Their concern was endearing, but their hovering nerve wrecking. Reluctantly, I drank the final four without reserve.

  I felt better after I ate. Drowning yourself in misery and further torturing yourself via starvation is not the quickest route to recovery. Logic spoke that to me every day, but I couldn’t force myself to listen before. I didn’t care enough to listen before. Now I did though. Now it made sense.

  “Thanks,” I smiled. That lit up the room.

  Later in the week, Kellan, Aunt Claire and I had a meeting with my parents’ lawyer. Everything had been left to me: the house, their cars, bank accounts, investments and several vacation homes throughout the world I wasn’t even aware of. Aunt Claire had been wonderful throughout all of this. Despite mourning the loss of her sister and a man she loved like her own brother she remained intact and solid. She was strong and reminded me of my mother more than ever with that strength.

  “My aunt is finalizing some documents with the lawyer to transfer all the titles and accounts into my name for me,” I announced as I plopped down on the chaise next to Kellan. Craig, Kai and Kalel lounged on the couch while Gabi and Rafi shared the other chaise.

  “My parents are keeping an eye on, well now your house. Laurence actually assigned my dad to it after his visit with you,” Kellan said, wrapping his arm around me
and pulling me close to him.

  “Mel, I totally love her by the way, is coming by later tonight. She has been texting me non-stop. We’re planning a girl’s weekend for sure when you’re up to it,” Gabi smiled.

  Speaking of weekend and trips… I wondered if the one Kai booked had passed already. I never knew when he had scheduled it for, yet he hadn’t spent any time away from the house that I knew of either. “When is the trip to Hawaii Kai?”

  “It’s passed already. It was booked for the first week in December.” He tried to appear nonchalant, but I could tell he was disappointed.

  Kellan cocked his head sideways waiting for my reaction. I bit my lip. Almost an entire month I’d wasted. A month of these people’s lives was wasted worrying and watching me day and night. I felt wretched, horrible. I felt guilty. It just confirmed my earlier theory on my selfishness. Since when did I become so self-centered?! I wasn’t like this before. I always tried to put others first and respected their feelings, yet lately I’d done anything but. I took this to an unnecessary extreme.

  “You’re not a horrible person babe. You’re trying to cope with a huge loss. Stop feeling so bad about us. We chose to worry about you. You didn’t force anyone,” his words were strong. He sounded like he was going to drill them into me regardless of how hard I bucked. “Do you understand me?” he firmly requested my acknowledgement. I nodded. I knew I needed a tight grip to understand the circumstances. I wasn’t at my best; these people recognized that, especially Kellan.

  Kellan stood and started pacing. I reached up and touched my hair. I pulled a few strands out as far as they would go and looked at them. They felt dirty. I felt gross and ready for a shower.

  Chapter 25

  I realized I hadn’t been home since that day. I didn’t even know if I was ready to go home, but I wanted to. I wanted my shower, my own bed; all the familiarities of home.