by Lois Richer
“We love you, too, honey.” The phone went silent.
Jaclyn stood where she was, stunned by those words. Her mother loved her. Tears rushed to her eyes and she dashed them away. How long she’d waited to hear those words. Years. Since Jessica’s death. She’d tried so hard, done everything she could, but her mother had never actually said those words until today.
“Thank You, Lord,” she whispered.
She nodded to the two nurses waiting for instructions. “Okay, let’s get the three kids in wheelchairs out first. Sandra, you, Becky and Heddy take them. Once you’re safely across, watch for me. I’ll walk out the ambulatory ones. Ready?” She smiled at them. “Let’s do this.”
All they had to do was cross the street to the pool at the community center. The up-to-date fire suppression system there would protect her patients until the fire was out.
“Heddy, you follow Becky. Sandra, you’re in the rear. Don’t run, but keep moving. Apparently the smoke is fairly heavy outside so I want you both to wear the masks and make sure the kids have them on, too.” She followed them to the exit doors and waited until they were ready, then nodded. “Go.”
Heddy pushed the wheelchair across the street, battling the wind, the clouds of smoke and the uneven terrain. Every so often she paused to help Becky and Sandra with their chairs. Finally they stood in front of the doors of the complex. They turned to wave. Jaclyn was next. She took a moment to look around outside but although the fire seemed much closer now and she saw firemen racing to and fro, she could not spot Kent.
Please keep him safe.
Heddy’s frantic waved signaled Jaclyn to go.
Just as Jaclyn finished explaining what would happen to the two little girls, someone handed her a child to carry. She ordered the other two to hang on to her and they began the crossing. But as she stepped off the sidewalk, a truck bearing a load of oxygen tanks burst onto the street and roared toward them, desperate to escape the licking tongues of flame eating up bushes in the compound where the tanks were kept.
Jaclyn waited for the truck to pass, silently begging the driver to hurry. In the same moment, she heard a snap. The straps holding the load of oxygen canisters broke, releasing everything. One tank flew over her head and hit the curb near a shrub now smoldering from the creeping fire.
“Run!” someone yelled.
Jaclyn ran, dragging the children with her. She was almost across when an explosion shook the ground beneath her feet. Debris flew through the air, smashed into parked cars and covered the ground around her. It was too risky to keep going—she shoved the children down and then covered them with her body.
Something stung as it grazed her hand, but it was the crack against her skull that made Jaclyn woozy. When she reached to touch her aching head, pain flared in a wave so strong she yelped. The world wobbled and stars flew. Beneath her the kids whimpered.
“Lie still, Jaclyn. Lie very still. I’m here. I’ll look after you.” Kent was there easing the children from under her and handing them to someone nearby. “Hang on, Doc. I’m going to take care of you.”
“Kent?” Excruciating pain radiated through her head but she had to speak, she had to tell him.
“Yes?” He leaned near, his face an inch from hers so he could hear her wheezing words.
“I love you.”
There was more, so much more she wanted to say but spears of silver light darted through her eyes. The agony enveloped her and everything went black.
Chapter Fourteen
If he lived to be ninety, Kent didn’t think he’d ever forget the terror that gripped him when he saw the blood seeping from Jaclyn’s head. In a daze he screamed for help. Moments later an ambulance attendant pushed him out of the way and bent over her. After a quick check, he twisted his head to look at Kent.
“Get that fire out,” he said, his face grave. “We need that hospital.”
Kent took one last look at Jaclyn’s pale face, pressed a kiss to her hand then went back to work, pushing himself even harder. More afraid than he’d ever been, he kept a steady stream of prayers for Jaclyn going heavenward as he battled the raging inferno. Nobody had to tell him her injury was serious—he knew it. In the depths of his heart he knew he might never see her again and it was killing him.
Why didn’t I tell her I loved her? Why didn’t I, for once, take the risk? Because she’s right. I am a coward.
All night he fought until finally the fire was extinguished and the hospital was safe. Only then did he give in to his desperation to know Jaclyn’s condition.
“How’s Jaclyn?” he asked over and over, but no one seemed to know where or how she was. Finally he found Heddy. “Where is she?” he demanded. “Why isn’t anyone telling me anything?”
“They air-lifted her to Las Cruces. We just heard that her head injury is very serious.” Heddy’s somber expression scared him. “One of the EMTs told me the hospital called her parents.”
Kent had to see her. He turned to head for his truck, but stumbled from sheer weariness. Someone gripped his arm.
“Come on, Kent. You need to rest,” Zac said. “You can pray for Jaclyn at home.”
But Kent wasn’t going home.
“I have to see her,” he said and yanked his arm free. “I need to see Jaclyn.”
Heddy exchanged a glance with Zac then nodded.
“I’ll drive you.” Zac pulled out his keys.
“Wait a minute.” Kent shrugged out of his suit, walked over to one of his men and handed it to him. “You’re in charge, Pete. I have to leave. Be careful.”
“You know it. You tell Jaclyn we’re praying for her.” The other man slapped his shoulder.
“Kent?” Heddy had never looked more unkempt, but her heart was in her eyes as she said, “I’m praying for you both.”
Kent got in Zac’s car for the long drive to Las Cruces, wondering what he would say to Jaclyn when he got there. Because the fear he’d carried for so long was now bigger and stronger than ever. He loved her. Kent admitted that. But when had love ever been enough?
“Don’t let her die,” he begged God. “Please don’t let her die.”
* * *
When Kent made no headway with the medical staff at the Las Cruces hospital, Zac pushed him aside and told the nurse in charge that Kent was Jaclyn’s fiancé. Finally someone agreed Kent could sit with her, but only Kent.
“Don’t wait for me,” he told Zac but his friend shook his head.
“I’m not going anywhere, cowboy. I’m going to sit here and pray.”
“Thanks, pal.” Kent followed the nurse down the hall. The surgeon met him.
“She’s not fighting,” the doctor told him. “Medically we’ve done all we can. Now it’s up to her. If you can think of anything, say anything you think would help, do it. This is the time to pull out all the stops.”
Kent watched him go, fear clutching at his throat as he pushed open the door and walked inside.
Jaclyn’s room was small with a large window that let in the moonlight. She lay on the bed, pale and lifeless except for the machine that beeped at her side. A rock formed inside him. She gave love so easily. Jaclyn deserved to be loved back. She deserved someone who could appreciate her and return her love. She should be happy.
She still could be.
Kent pushed that thought away. His latest actions proved he couldn’t give her what she needed, but he wanted her to be happy.
But when he studied the curve of her cheek, the silvery blond hair framing her face, the rock in his chest grew.
You’re willing to sacrifice our happiness because you’re an emotional coward who won’t take a risk.
He picked up Jaclyn’s hand, threading his fingers between hers. The rock grew heavier.
You’re always running scared, Kent. You’ve hidden
out for so long, afraid to really live, afraid to find a new dream, afraid to take a chance because something bad might happen.
She was right. He was an emotional coward because he told himself he was trying to protect her when really he was afraid to be vulnerable. He’d always been the strong one, the one his parents and his wife had depended on. But Kent wasn’t strong.
And he was sick of pretending he was.
At this moment he was more scared than he’d ever been.
But as he studied her lovely face, he realized that he’d do anything to ensure Jaclyn’s happiness, suffer anything to see her smile and laugh again.
He gulped. He’d do anything. Take a chance? But what if—
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? The verses of the twenty-seventh Psalm played through his head, pushing light into the crevices and revealing the real cause of his fears.
Me. I’m the reason I’m scared. That’s why he’d wasted so many years. That’s why he hadn’t been able to believe that God understood his situation—because he’d put his faith in himself instead of in God. But God wasn’t limited by Kent McCloy’s fears. God had a bigger picture. And because God was love, He forgave the past and gave new dreams for the future—a future with Him at the center.
Jaclyn was right. There would be problems in the future, some of them serious if her injury—no. He wouldn’t think like that.
Be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord.
“Okay, Lord,” he prayed out loud. “I’m scared, I’ve messed up everything. Instead of depending on you to make a difference in Hope, I’ve been depending on myself to stop bad things from happening. I’ve been afraid of failing, as I have so often. But that changes right now. I accept Your love for me. I accept Your forgiveness. And most of all, I accept Your will for my life, whatever happens. It’s in Your hands. Now, please take my fear and help me move into the future You have waiting for me.”
He gazed at the small figure lying motionless under the white sheets.
“It’s up to you, God. I’ll trust you.”
The rush of sweet forgiveness, the warmth of love everlasting filled his heart and chased out the fear that had resided there for so long. He stared into the face of the woman he loved and knew what he had to say. He bent and whispered in Jaclyn’s ear.
“I have big dreams, sweetheart. But they can only come true if you’re there to help me.” Courage grew until the rock inside him crumbled and melted away. “I need you, Jaclyn. I love you. Please, don’t give up on me because I’m not giving up on you. I’m here for however long you need me.”
* * *
Jaclyn had been in a coma for nearly three weeks, and Kent was losing faith. So each day, before Kent drove to the hospital, he rode out to the glade to find a wildflower he could take to her. The glade had always been his special place and it was here he felt closest to God.
Kent spent an hour by the bubbling brook, just talking to his Savior as he sought to renew his waning courage. On the way out of the glade, he cut some daisylike chocolate flowers that were nestled in between some rocks. He dampened his handkerchief and wrapped it around the stems to preserve the delicate blooms for her. Then he rode back home, got in his car and drove to Las Cruces.
When he arrived at the hospital he found the hall outside Jaclyn’s room teeming with people.
“What’s going on?” he demanded then pushed into her room. Her parents stood by Jaclyn’s bedside, hand in hand.
“Hi,” he said, confused by their big smiles. They stood in front of the bed blocking his view. “What’s up?”
“Me, actually.” Jaclyn peeked around her mother.
Kent dropped his bouquet and stared at his beloved doctor.
“She woke up this morning and asked for breakfast,” her mother said. “They’ll do some tests later, but she seems fine.”
“I am fine.” Jaclyn stared straight at him. “Just a little confused. Apparently I acquired a fiancé while I’ve been asleep.” Her voice gave nothing away.
Brianna and Shay were also in the room. They grinned at Kent then quickly ushered everyone else out. Now that his prayers had come true, Kent didn’t know what to say, where to begin.
“Well? Are you my fiancé?” she asked, one haughty eyebrow arched.
“If you want me,” he whispered. Kent moved to her bed, touched her cheek then grasped her hands in his. “I love you. I’ve been an idiot, which you already know, but I love you, Jaclyn.”
She didn’t smile, she didn’t laugh with joy. Instead big tears filled her gorgeous eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, darling. Please don’t cry.” He edged onto the bed so he could fold her slight body into his arms. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to do anything. Just be well. Be happy.”
“I am happy.” She pushed back to peer into his eyes. “Or I will be if you’ll kiss me.”
He hesitated. She’d been so ill. She’d been unconscious for days. What if he hurt her? What if—
“You’re not scared, are you, Kent?” she asked, her beautiful eyes sparkling.
“Always,” he said seriously. “But I’m learning how to give that to God. He’s in charge now.” He whispered a prayer of thanksgiving then leaned forward and kissed Hope’s favorite pediatrician as he’d longed to for weeks, pouring his heart and soul into their embrace.
Jaclyn kept her arms around his neck when he pulled away, her eyes closed.
“What are you doing?” he asked, brushing his fingers over her lovely face.
“I’m going back to sleep so I can savor this dream,” she murmured.
“This is no dream.” He gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “I need you wide awake, my darling doctor. We have plans to make.”
“Plans? What plans?”
“For starters, we’re going to get married. In the church in Hope. Since you’re in charge of renovations there, you’d better get busy because I’m not waiting long to make you Mrs. McCloy. Or is it Dr. Mrs. McCloy?”
“You haven’t even asked me yet,” Jaclyn teased.
A stern-faced nurse entered the room. Kent winked at the love of his life.
“I’m waiting till you get out of here. Then I’ll do it properly. But I figured you could start making plans since you’re just lazing around here.” He kissed her but more medical personnel arrived and the nurse ordered Kent to leave the room.
He sat in the hall for an extended time.
That was okay. He had his own plans to make, his own thanks to give.
Oblivious to the comings and goings in the hall, Kent let the wonder of his answer to prayer, the joy of freedom from his worries and fears and the satisfaction of God’s amazing grace flood his soul. The future was his and Jaclyn’s, full of promise, waiting for them to discover what God had in store.
Saying thanks hardly seemed enough. But he said it over and over to the One who had given him a new beginning.
* * *
A month later, with a clean bill of health, Jaclyn left Hope with no clue about Kent’s plans for this impromptu picnic. But she gladly relinquished all control and followed him over the hills on Tangay, every part of her being singing with happiness. Kent loved her. That’s all she needed. She was happy to leave the rest in God’s hands.
They arrived at the glade just as the sun began slowly sinking behind the hilltops. Glimmers of light illuminated the dusky area thanks to tiny solar lights Kent had planted in strategic places. A quilt lay spread on the ground flanked by candles waiting to be lit. Someone had strewn masses of wildflowers all over the grassy site. In the brook, jars filled with fireflies were tethered to the shore. They twinkled and glowed, chasing away the gloom. The heat of summer gave way to peaceful, tranquil coolne
ss.
Kent helped Jaclyn dismount, not missing the chance to envelop her in his arms and kiss her. Jaclyn reveled in his embrace and kissed him back, wondering if there was any medical evidence to support her suspicion that women in her situation could melt from sheer happiness.
Kent led her to the old bench he’d built and hovered solicitously until she was seated. Her heart boomed in her ears when he knelt in front of her.
“Dr. Jaclyn LaForge, I love you more than anything else in this world. You challenge me and make me a stronger, better person. You give me hope and strength and confidence. Most of all you give me courage to leave the past behind and trust God for the future. You are my future. I want to share each moment with you. Will you marry me?”
She took a moment to savor the beauty of his words. Then she spoke the words she’d held inside for so long.
“I love you, Kent. You’re a precious gift from God.” She touched his cheek, grazing her fingers across his skin and reveling in the love that welled inside. Her throat clogged for a moment and she fought to gain control. “I can never thank you enough for getting the clinic finished. I thought that was my heart’s desire yet you showed me God had more in store for me. So much more. Because of you I learned I was worthy of love, that I didn’t have to earn it. Yes, I will marry you, I love you.”
“Then this is my pledge to you.” He slid a ring onto her finger, a gorgeous sapphire the exact shade of his eyes, flanked by two glittering diamonds. He kissed the ring in place then cupped her face in his hands so he could enjoy the love glowing in her eyes. “I was afraid we’d never have this time, afraid you’d never hear me tell you how much I love you. I’ve wasted a lot of time being afraid.” He smoothed a hand over her gleaming hair, his fingertips trailing down the strands until they rested against the pulse in her neck. “I will never forget how empty my life seemed when I thought you wouldn’t be there. Nothing else seemed to matter because you fill my world, Jaclyn. You make me hope and dream. I’m going to trust God and take on whatever challenges He sends. With your help, I’ll replace fear with hope.”
