Endless responses ran through my head that I wanted to tell Josh. I wanted to reassure him that I wasn't going to die. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay and that soon enough I would get better. I wanted to tell him so much more and that he didn't have to worry about me, but I couldn't.
It was still too early to tell which direction my cancer was heading. The experimental drug has been working, although we didn't know if it would continue. For all we knew, my body could eventually develop a resistance to it. Then what? A bone marrow transplant? What if that doesn’t work? My future was fragile right now with no guarantees that I would survive. Everyone had a certain amount of time on this mysterious planet, and it was very possible that mine would be a lot shorter than my loved ones.
I saw Josh begin to tremble. Tears welled in his hazel eyes as they became glassy and reflective. My chest tightened from the very sight.
“Josh,” I hurried and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. He returned the pressure instantly, the warmth of his breath on my neck.
“I try not to think about it, but it's always in the back of my mind. I can never escape it.”
“You listen to me, okay?” I whispered in his ear. “I don't know what's going to happen in the end, but I will tell you this: I'm going to keep on fighting until my final breath. There's no way I'm going to give up this fight.” I looked up at Josh and wiped away his tears, being unaware of my own. “I will do everything in my power to fight this and win.”
“Do you promise?” Josh murmured.
“Yes.” I nodded. “I do.”
Something in his eyes held mine, something that I couldn't put my finger on. It was as if he were drinking me in just then. My heart raced, but why? I knew I loved him but accepted the fact that he only saw me as a sister; absolutely no romantic feelings for me came from Josh.
If I believed that then why was my heart still racing? By the way he looked at me at this very moment was as if he were love-struck.
Hesitantly, Josh spoke. “I need to tell you something...”
The door to my bedroom opened just then and caused us to quickly break apart. Natalie stood at the doorway in shock, her eyes darting between the two of us.
“I just ruined a moment, didn't I?”
“You're fine.” I chuckled before looking back at Josh. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Josh took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. “I'm fine now.”
“It's so not fair that you guys are going to Hawaii for an entire week!” Natalie gave us a pout as she sat on my bed. “I hate the fact that I have classes.”
“We'll bring home some sand and ocean water from the beach for you.” I winked. She stuck up her middle finger at me. “Don't be like that!” I hugged her and caused us to almost fall on the floor. Somehow I had so much energy today. It was probably adrenaline from being excited about going to Hawaii.
“At least bring me back some pretty seashells,” Natalie requested. “I really like shells.”
“No problem.”
The three of us finished packing my suitcase and headed downstairs where Jeremy and my parents were eating in the dining room. On the table sat a purple medicine bag filled with all of the medications that I had to take. I took the bag and opened it to make sure everything was in there before slipping it in my purse.
“What time do you guys have to leave?” Jeremy asked.
“In about an hour,” Josh responded. “I'll be sure to get you guys something.”
My father stood up, the 6'7 enormous man towering over Josh. “I'm putting all of my trust in you. Take care of my baby girl.”
“Oh, Bill.” My mother shook her head.
“You have nothing to worry about, sir.” Josh responded reassuringly. “I'm always going to be at her side at all times.”
“Except for when you two sleep in different beds at night.”
“Dad!” I groaned in embarrassment. Snickers from Jeremy, Natalie, and even from my mother filled the room.
“I know the rules.” Josh flashed a charming smile. “I wouldn't dream of breaking them.”
“Thank you.” The two men shook hands, prompting me to drop my head with a sigh.
The sound of the doorbell ringing gave me an excuse to quickly leave the room and see who was at the door. I opened it and stared at the young man on the other side in surprise, although a smile went across my face.
“Scott? Hey. Come on in.”
“Hey.” Scott smiled back and walked inside. “Sorry for just showing up like this. I was driving around doing errands since it's my day off from work and just ended up here.”
“That's fine,” I responded. “I just finished packing my bags.”
This threw Scott off. “Packing?”
“Yeah. Josh and I are visiting his beach house in Hawaii for a week.”
Something dark passed over Scott's features that I couldn't quite shake. He looked hurt, but there was this jealousy he always tried to hide whenever I would mention Josh's name. This time Scott didn't even bother hiding it.
“Is that a good idea? You'll be away from your doctors for an entire week. What if something happens?”
“I can take care of her just fine.” Josh said as he and Natalie were at my side.
“Really? I highly doubt that.” The two young men shot territorial scowls at each other. “I think Alison should stay here.”
“She's old enough to make her own decisions.” Josh countered.
“You're still a child. What could you possibly do if her meds were to suddenly stop working?”
“A child?” Josh sneered. “I'm twenty years old. Alison is nineteen. If you're calling me a child then you're insulting her, too.”
“Will you two stop?” I cut in and stood in between them. “I'll be fine, okay? You have nothing to worry about.”
“You don't know that.” When Scott grabbed my arm with a firm grip that's when everything went downhill.
“Don't touch her!” Josh shot forward in the blink of an eye, grabbing Scott's hand and tearing it away from my arm. In return Scott angrily shoved Josh away, causing me to take a few steps back with Natalie. Josh sprang into action and punched Scott hard in the face. Both Natalie and I looked at each other alarmingly.
“Josh!” I shouted.
“What the hell is going on?” My father hurried into the room. Josh backed away as his right arm shook from pure anger.
I rushed to Scott's side when he fell to the ground. There was already a lump on the left side of his cheek. Disgusted, I looked back at Josh. “What's your problem?”
Josh looked even more furious than before, only this time hurt was added into the mix. “My problem? My problem? He grabbed you!”
“I can take care of myself!”
“Yeah, clearly.” When Josh stormed out of the house without looking back I honestly didn't care at the moment. It was clear there had been growing tension between Josh and Scott over the last few weeks but I never thought it would escalate to this.
“Are you okay?” I stood up and offered Scott my hand. Silently he took it and stood to his feet.
“I'm fine.”
“What exactly happened?” Dad questioned.
“I grabbed Alison's arm and Josh freaked out.” Scott sighed. “I shouldn't have grabbed your arm. I'm sorry.”
“Please don't press charges,” I pleaded. “Josh has just been really overprotective towards me lately.”
“I'm not going to.” Scott kept his eyes locked on mine. “Just be careful around him. If Josh can just snap like the way he did then I think he could be a threat to you.”
“Josh isn't a threat.” Natalie stated, shooting him a dark glare.
“The only thing I'm doing is stating a cop's opinion.”
“Sure.” Natalie seemed unconvinced.
When Scott left the house I sighed, deciding to leave as well.
“I need to find Josh.”
“D
o you want some help?” Natalie offered as she followed.
“It's fine. Josh can be a bit hot-headed when he's like this.”
“You're the only one who can calm him down.” Natalie pointed out. “Text me when everything is okay. Have fun in Hawaii.”
“Thanks.” I smiled and hugged her before the two of us went our separate ways.
The first place where I decided to check was at Josh's house but his mother said that he wasn't there. If Josh wasn't at his house then where could he have gone? I sent him a quick text but never received a reply.
“I think I know where he is.” I walked down the street towards the basketball court.
As I approached the parking lot I saw someone sitting on the ground with their back facing in my direction. It was no doubt Josh, his shoulders slouched in a moping manner. Scott's previous warning about Josh being dangerous briefly came to mind but I quickly shook it away. How could Josh possibly be dangerous? Everyone had a dark side to them but that didn't define a person. I was the very definition of having a dark side. Did that make me any more dangerous than anyone else? No.
“Please don't lecture me, Alison.” I came to a sudden halt.
“How did you know it was me?”
“I know the sound of your footsteps.” Josh admitted.
“Well, that isn't creepy at all or anything.” I teased. After a moment's hesitation, I sat next to him. “You okay?”
“I guess.” He shrugged. I nudged him with my shoulder.
“Liar.” Josh didn't respond or nudge me back like he normally would. “You aren't okay. Please, Josh. Let me in.”
He finally turned to look at me. “I always let you in.”
“Well then let me in right now. You're blocking me out at the moment.”
“Answer me this: why did you defend Scott like that?”
“Because it was wrong of you to punch him in the face.”
“He grabbed you!”
“It isn't your job to protect me.”
“The hell it isn't.” Josh looked away stubbornly. “I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me.”
“I talked to Scott and he isn't going to press any charges.” My attention fell over towards the woods. “I just want everyone to get along.”
Josh grunted. “I'll try.”
“Mhmm.” I didn't believe him but I wanted to try and change the subject. “If you want to cancel Hawaii then I understand.”
“Cancel Hawaii?” Josh finally brightened up. “Of course not! I just needed some time to cool off.” Josh stood to his feet and offered me his hand, the familiar smile that I loved taking over his expression. “We have a plane to catch.”
“How are you holding up?” Josh asked as we sat side by side on a black couch in the private jet he rented.
The inside of the jet was beautiful. Towards the front were eight normal passenger seats that you would normally see in an airplane, only larger. There was a door that separated us from the pilot, but we could only knock if there was an emergency.
Where Josh and I sat was towards the back of the jet, the couch facing a large flat-screen television. Next to the television was an unoccupied minibar. Josh knew how I felt about alcohol and didn't have a single drink.
Towards the very back of the jet was a small bathroom, and across from that was the luggage area where all of our suitcases were locked away in a large closet.
“I'm fine.” I lied. We had only been traveling airborne for an hour when a dark layer of color shadowed underneath my eyes.
“No lying, remember?” Josh called for the nurse sitting in the back that he had hired. The middle-aged woman with short blonde hair walked over and knelt in front of me. She looked me over and did a few uncomplicated tests, the nurse having gentle hands.
“She's just really tired,” she smiled and stood up. “It's from the medications she's on. You should sleep now, Alison.”
“Thank you.” Josh returned her kind smile and watched her sit back in her seat to read a book. He turned back at me before reaching over and grabbing a nearby pillow. “Try to get some rest.”
“Fine.” I sighed and took the pillow. Once I was settled comfortably on the couch I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come; I didn't have to wait long.
A little over three months had gone by ever since our daughter Lily was born, although tension has slowly begun to grow between Josh and I. We both were under an incredible amount of stress, and trying to plan a wedding wasn’t helping. Almost every night now Josh would go out to the bar with his friends or find an excuse to leave the house, bringing me to take care of Lily on my own almost 24/7.
I pulled up in front of the bar I knew Josh was at and got out of the car, my eyes traveling to my phone as it read 11:57 PM. I took a calming breath and walked towards the bar’s front doors, slipping my phone back into my pocket before walking inside.
I scanned around the loud room until my eyes fell on Josh. He was hanging out with a crowd of guys, who were also flirting with a group of girls. I rolled my eyes and stormed over to the group as Josh drank the last of a beer, his attention then shifting to a glass of whiskey.
“Time to come home.” I glared at Josh as he took a sip of the much stronger liquor, his glazed eyes looking over towards me as I tried to keep my voice calm and steady.
“Seriously?” Josh whined, his friends all turning towards me.
“Yes. Your mother wants you home, and so do I. Even though Lily is just a baby she knows when you’re gone. She’s hardly sleeping now because she wants to see you.” I responded, desperation clear in my voice.
“Your mommy wants you home?” One of Josh’s friends laughed.
“Shut up, James.” Josh mumbled as he poured himself more whiskey.
“No,” I growled, reaching over and grabbing his hand. “No more drinking. It’s time to go home.”
“Sorry, guys.” Josh sighed. “My annoying wife-to-be wants me home.”
I released Josh’s wrist as anger flowed through me, although I tried not to show it. When I turned around to walk out of the bar Josh gulped down the rest of the alcohol in his glass before following me to my car, the young man staggering as he walked. We both got in and left, an annoyed expression on Josh’s face as he was silent for the entire ride home.
We got home ten minutes later, the two of us stepping inside Josh’s house where his mother was waiting for us with Lily in her arms. Josh silently walked up to his room as I walked into the living room.
“Thank you for bringing him home.” His mother slightly smiled.
“Can I go talk to him real quick before taking Lily back to my house?” I asked, receiving a nod in return. I walked upstairs to Josh’s room where he was struggling to take off his shirt. I felt no sympathy as I watched. “We need to have a serious talk.”
“About what?” Josh tugged off his shirt and threw it down on the floor.
“About this!” I snapped, waving my arms in his direction. “Why are you getting drunk all the time? You NEVER spend time with me or your daughter anymore, but when you finally do you always pick some sort of fight with me!”
“You’re always stressing me out!” Josh snapped back. “You and the wedding and the baby… everything is just so stressful!” Josh sat down on his bed as I remained by my place in the doorway.
“We’re going away to the set of your new movie in two weeks. If I’m stressing you out then why do you even want me to come?”
“Maybe I don’t.” He shot at me. “Maybe I just want you to stay here so I can go away and do my own thing. Maybe asking you to marry me and having a child with you was too soon!” I was taken aback from Josh’s harsh words, my eyes widening in shock.
“You regret being with me and having Lily?” The anger in my voice was now replaced with nothing but pure despair.
“I don't love you anymore, Alison.” Josh’s response brought my eyes to instantly burn with tears, my body frozen as his words fully sank
in. Josh didn’t mean anything he was saying, the combination of the stress and alcohol being an ugly combination.
When Josh laid down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his chest I took off both the engagement ring and promise ring, tossing them on his dresser before quickly leaving his room. I reached the bottom of the stairs where his mother was waiting, Lily crying in her arms.
“Alison…” The older woman spoke but I shook my head as she offered Lily to me. “He didn’t mean any of that.”
“What’s done is done.” I whispered, carefully cradling Lily in my arms before leaving the house without another word.
“Alison? Ali, wake up.”
My eyes snapped open when I felt Josh gently shake my shoulders. I pushed him away at first from still being in the dream's daze, but soon the room came into focus. Josh stood just a few feet away from me, a concerned look clearly on his face. I sat up, realizing it had only been a dream.
“You were crying out in your sleep. I figured you were having a nightmare.” Josh took a seat next to me, but this time I didn't push him away. “You kept repeating a name; Lily. Who's Lily?”
“Lily?” I thought back to the dream. In my arms had rested a perfect little baby. She couldn't have been more than a few weeks old, but she was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. She had Josh's hazel eyes and our dark brown hair. She was perfect...but she wasn't real. With a shake of my head, I sighed. “I was just dreaming. It's nothing.”
“We're almost there.” Josh smiled. “At least you look better. Those dark circles under your eyes are gone.”
“I feel better.” My stomach rumbled, bringing Josh to chuckle as he handed me a cup of fruit and a bottle of water. I ate silently, not being able to help myself as I thought back to the baby who had been in my arms.
Untimely Love Page 11
