And that's when I saw the dripping blood.
I had opened my eyes to get lost into Josh's hazel ones. The fact that they weren't a single color made them that much more beautiful. There was a light brown layer, but specks of green and even blue were scattered through his eyes. I loved them.
I screamed in horror. Josh was looking down at me, thick lines of blood sliding down his cheeks from his eyes like teardrops. More blood began to make its way out of Josh's ears, nose, and the corners of his mouth, and instead of Josh crying out in pain he was smirking down at me, a smirk that filled me with true fear.
“Josh?” I gulped.
“Look what you've done to me,” Josh took both of my hands and forcefully pinned them above my head. “Everything you touch dies!”
“I didn't do this!” I cried out. Droplets of blood fell on my face.
“Yes you did,” Josh hissed. “You're nothing but poison that needs to die.” He suddenly pulled out a knife and brought it down towards my throat.
I sat upright on my bed and screamed until I realized that I was alone in my room. My shaking hands flew up to my throat when silence finally greeted the bedroom. It was only a nightmare; a horrible nightmare caused by my cancer medications.
Thundering footsteps ran up the stairs and towards my bedroom. Before I could even get out of bed Josh was there in the doorway, his chest rising and falling as if he had just run three miles.
“Are you okay?” Josh breathed.
“Yeah,” I sighed, feeling embarrassed. “Just a nightmare.”
This time Josh sighed in relief. “That damn medication.” He crossed the room and sat on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head in response. There was no way I was going to tell Josh what had happened. Especially the part where he and I almost...
“I'm fine.” I ran my hand through my hair and stood up. I could smell eggs cooking downstairs in the kitchen, although my stomach wouldn't be able to handle it.
“Let's get some food in you.” Josh stood up and walked out of the room. I followed silently.
When we got down to the kitchen I saw Jeremy already sitting at the counter with a plate of food in front of him. Next to him was a plate with only two pieces of plain toast and a closed bottle of water. I already knew that was for me. Anything besides toast didn't agree with my stomach. I sat on the barstool next to Jeremy, who gave me a troubled look.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I just had a nightmare.” I took a bite out of the toast and quickly regretted it. I shook my head, pushing away the plate.
“Ali, you need to eat.” Josh looked through the cabinets for my medications.
“It's too gross.”
“Please just try.” Jeremy added as he gently placed his hand over mine. I nodded, pulling the plate back and taking another bite. This time it wasn't so bad.
The boys sat in silence as they ate their breakfast. It was obvious that my parents didn't mind Josh staying overnight but they had no idea we slept in the same bed this time. I had a feeling Jeremy knew, because he would shoot the two of us playful smirks occasionally.
With this thought, I turned to Josh. “Thank you for sleeping with me last night.”
Jeremy nearly choked on his milk. “WHAT?”
“Not like that!” Josh blushed as he looked towards me. I couldn't help but laugh. “You're welcome.”
“I just figured it would be more comfortable than the couch.” I uncapped the water and took a sip. Josh walked over and handed me all of the medications I had to take this morning.
“Bottoms up.” Jeremy commented. I put all of the pills in my mouth at once before taking a large gulp of water. I forced them down, giving me almost an hour to kill before the side effects would kick in. I wanted to do something in the next hour. Being trapped in this house was getting depressing.
“Do you want to do archery?” I asked Josh. “Carly, Jeremy, and I used to go to the basketball court with our target and shoot.”
Josh hesitated. “Are you sure you're up to it?”
“I'll be fine.” I stood up and walked back to my room to put on some fresh clothes, the thought of doing something that wasn't cancer related filling me with a new kind of energy.
It was like deja vu when Josh and I walked up to the basketball court. There were a lot of places I haven't visited after Carly's death, this being one of them. So many memories stretched out across this field and the woods connecting to the land's property. I remember when Carly and I took Jeremy shooting for the first time. Jeremy wasn't as skilled as us since my sister and I had been doing archery ever since we were nine years old, but Jeremy was fourteen when he finally sparked an interest in it.
No matter how many times we told Jeremy to just relax when he held the bow he wouldn't listen. Every time he pulled back the string he would grasp the bow's neck too tightly, the arrow always missing its target. Jeremy gave up on archery completely, which was why he wasn't with us right now.
“This isn't going to end well.” Josh laughed as he set up the large target against one of the trees.
“Why?” I chuckled.
“I've never shot an arrow in my life.”
I arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Really?”
“Not everyone is a warrior princess like you.” He smirked.
When the target was sitting securely against the tree Josh jogged back behind me. I grabbed the green and black bow I had brought and fastened a black wooden arrow on the tight string. It had been a while since I even held a bow, let alone shoot with one. I locked my eyes with the target that stood around thirty feet away and positioned my body to properly shoot, but when I tried pulling back the string I had some difficulties. It took a lot more strength to pull the string back than it should have, my bow arm trembling. This wasn't good. The medications I have been on had weakened me more than I thought.
“Maybe we should just go back to your house.” Josh suggested with deep concern.
“No.” My stubbornness began to take over. There was no way I would let this cancer win. It may win in the long run, but today wasn't that day. I refused to let my sickness take away something that I loved doing. This was a battle that my cancer wouldn't win.
I aimed towards the middle of the target and released the arrow. It shot forward in a flash, and even though it hit a few inches away from the small red circle, I couldn't help but smile. I won this battle; maybe in the end I would win the war.
Just like that, I was out of energy. After only shooting around five or six arrows I became breathless already. None of the arrows hit the red bulls-eye but they came pretty close. When I grabbed a bottle of water from my bag Josh stepped up and grabbed the bow that sat on the ground. With confidence Josh fastened an arrow on the bow's string, pulled it back, and fired, hitting the tree instead of the target.
I began to laugh so hard that I spat out my water and sat on the grass. When I looked up at Josh he was just staring at me, his own laughter filling the field. He helped me to my feet and we walked over to the target together. I pulled out the arrows that were embedded in the target while he struggled with the one inside the tree. No matter how hard he tried Josh couldn't get the arrow loose from the bark.
“Don't worry about it.”
“But it's one of your arrows,” Josh argued. He pulled as hard as he could, and when the tree finally released the arrow Josh fell on the muddy ground, bringing me to laugh again. “You think that's funny?”
“Yes.” I giggled. As I examined the deep hole in the tree Josh threw the arrow aside and grabbed my legs, pulling me down in the mud with him. I let out a small screech as I fell to the ground, my shocked expression making him smirk.
“Still think it's funny?”
“I do.” I took a glob of mud and tossed it right in his face.
“Really?” Josh sighed and wiped away the watery filth. Even with mud dirtying his face he still looked hands
ome.
“There's something I want to show you before the meds kick in.” I rose to my feet and wiped away as much mud from my clothes as possible. Josh did the same before grabbing all of the archery supplies and followed me to a large path leading inside the woods.
“Where are we going?”
“You'll see.”
It took us a while to get to the spot I wanted to take Josh, especially since I constantly had to stop for a couple of minutes to catch my breath, but after crossing a small meadow we finally made it to the destination. At the end of the meadow stood a large tree with a treehouse built into it. I was relieved that it was still here.
“My dad built this one summer when we were all visiting my grandpa.” I explained, looking up at the sturdy wooden ladder.
“He made this?” Josh asked in astonishment. “Max and I found this last summer and always came here when I would visit during film breaks.”
“Really?” I chuckled. “Imagine the two of us coming here at the same exact time? That would’ve been something.” I ran my hand along the base of the tree. “Carly and I used to come here with Jeremy a lot during winter. All of the spiders would be dead by then.”
“Scared of spiders?”
“Not me,” I shook my head. “Carly was.” I put my foot on the ladder’s first step and began to climb up.
“That isn't a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because you're tired enough as it is,” Josh replied. “What if you fall?”
I paused and looked down at him. “I know you would catch me.” I began to climb again. When I was safely at the top and inside the treehouse Josh followed, his head appearing at the doorway a few moments later. It wasn't a large treehouse at all but it was still nice. A lot of happy memories were here.
Josh placed all of the archery supplies in the corner and sat down. His gaze was locked on the clear sky, and I knew his mind was wandering. These were the moments that I really enjoyed when I was with Josh. Everything was peaceful. Quiet. Easy. When he would get caught up in his thoughts he would always get this little crease in his forehead that I loved.
Nowadays I don't see Josh as a celebrity anymore; I saw him as my best friend who went above and beyond for me. Josh had been more than just supportive over the last couple of months. He made it his mission to take care of me every waking day for hours on end. This was supposed to be his time to relax from work and not have a care in the world, but here he was, taking care of me. Josh didn't have to stick around but chose to anyway, and that's why I have fallen uncontrollably in love with him.
Of course, I would never tell Josh how I felt. How could I? The fact that I'm sick pretty much takes away any chances I might have had with him. Josh already had enough to worry about regarding his acting career; having a girlfriend with cancer would be out of the question.
“Besides the nightmare,” Josh tore his attention away from the sky to look over at me. “How did you sleep?”
“I slept okay.” I walked across the small space and sat next to him, my head resting on his shoulder. This was the kind of friendship I could settle for. As long as Josh was in my life then nothing else mattered. “I think last night was actually the first time I slept decently in a while.”
“Would you want me to stay over every night?” Josh offered. “We would have to get permission from your parents first. Especially your dad.”
We both chuckled.
“If you want to. That's totally up to you. I just don't want to be an inconvenience to you.”
“Don't worry, Alison Millard. The moment you become a nuisance I'll be sure to let you know.” There was a note of teasing in his voice that made me smile. “I bet you don't even have cancer. You're such an attention seeker.”
“Yup. This is all one big cry out for attention.” I laughed.
“I knew it.” He looked at me and smiled, the smell of his peppermint toothpaste soothing.
“In all seriousness. Thank you, Josh. You've been amazing these past couple of months. At first, I started pushing you away but you didn't give up. Thank you for that.”
Josh wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. “There's nothing you can say or do that will ever make me leave you. You're stuck with me now.”
“Like forever?” I smiled as I tried to sound miserable but failed.
“Forever.” Josh turned over my hand in his and drew small circles in my palm with his fingertip, the very motion always relaxing me. “You don't have to thank me for anything.”
“Well, there is one more thing I need to thank you for.” I replied. “Thank you for not treating me like a charity case.”
“You were never a charity case to me.”
I closed my eyelids as a heavy spell of unconsciousness threatened to consume me. All I wanted to do was sleep. Josh gently shook me, knowing the side effects were beginning to kick in.
“Hey? No falling asleep up here. I'll get you back home.”
Forcefully I snapped my eyes open and stood to my feet, having to lean against the railing for support. Josh knew he would have to carry me back to the house, but we also had my archery equipment here with us. After a minute of thinking, Josh decided to just stash the bow and quivers up in the treehouse and come back for them after dropping me off at my house.
He climbed down the ladder first so he could catch me if I fell. Once he was on the ground he told me to start climbing, his arms outstretched and ready. As if he predicted it, I fell when I was halfway down the ladder, my foot slipping out from under me. I let out a scream and tightly closed my eyes, expecting the hard ground to break my fall, but instead, I felt strong arms cradling me. I glanced around, seeing Josh giving me a mischievous grin.
“Did you honestly think I would let you fall? Where's the trust?”
“You made me fall in a different way…”
“Thanks.” I closed my eyes but refused to fall asleep until I would be back at my house.
As if Josh were reading my very thoughts he shook his head. “Don't force yourself to stay awake. Go ahead and rest.” How on earth did he always do that? I sighed as I gradually let myself relax. The last thing I remembered was the warmth of Josh's body before I drifted off in a sea of sleep.
Chapter Eight
“Please tell me you're going to pack these to Hawaii.” Josh was helping me pack my bags when he held up a black bikini top with pink stripes on them. I turned around to face him and blushed furiously.
“Give me those!” I snatched the top out of his hand and threw it inside the suitcase. My family, and even Josh's family were noticing how stressed I've been lately from everything that has been going on. Out of nowhere, Josh had asked if I wanted to take a trip to Hawaii with him to get away from all of the negative energy that's been pulling me back down to a dark depression. At first, I thought he was just joking. Who just happens to own a beach house in Hawaii?
Apparently, Josh did.
“It's a beach house! You're going to need that for the ocean.” Josh responded innocently. I rolled my eyes and continued packing. I caught Josh trying to sneak a glimpse at my lacy underwear and threw a sandal at him.
“You're supposed to be helping me pack,” I walked back to my closet and opened it. “Not become a Peeping Tom.”
“If I was a Peeping Tom then I would’ve kept watching you get dressed from my bedroom window.”
My blush deepened. “You remember that?”
“That terrifying image is branded in my head.”
“Very funny.”
My parents gave us a long discussion regarding the trip to Hawaii. I didn't have any doctor appointments for the entire week which gave me some free time, but my parents were very nervous about letting me go. What if my cancer suddenly took a turn for the worse and I wouldn't even be here? What if I forgot to take my medications while on the island? My parents saw how badly I wanted to go, so the four of us came up with an agreement.
As long as I checked in every night via video chat with them and not lie if I wasn't feeling good then I could go. There were also arrangements for a nurse to come out to the beach house each night, and the hospital close to the beach house was now on standby.
With a grin, Josh walked over and finally started to help. We also convinced my father to let Josh sleep up in my room each night since I seemed to sleep better with him there. He was against it at first, but he finally came around after talking to my mother. Josh was allowed to sleep up in my room but we had to have separate beds. It had been another understandable term which we agreed with. Now there was an air mattress set up near my bed.
“I still can't believe your dad caved in about letting me stay with you each night.” Josh snickered.
“He trusts you,” I shrugged. “Just like how he trusts you to take care of me in Hawaii.”
“You're my best friend, Ali. Of course I'm going to take care of you.” He flicked my nose, bringing me to lightly slap his arm.
“You don't always have to take care of me.” I walked away from Josh to neatly fold some clothes before adding them to the suitcase. “I know it's stressful for you.”
“It is stressful,” Josh agreed. “But taking care of you isn't the stressful part. It's...” He broke off and stared down at the ground. I turned back to look at him, knowing that this conversation could go in any direction. “I've been stressed out because I'm terrified that in the end, you aren't going to pull through. Almost every night I have nightmares about you.”
“Nightmares?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “They're nightmares about you dying. Before I started sleeping over I would scream your name and check my phone to see if your parents or Jeremy had called me.”
“Why would they call you?” I took a step forward. Josh glanced up at me, holding my gaze.
“The call, Alison. The call someone makes to a person when a loved one has died. If no one called then I would go to your tree by the balcony and climb up it. I don't want to sound like a stalker, but I look through your window to make sure you're okay. When I could see you sleeping then I would relax and go back home.”
Untimely Love Page 10
