The Cow-Pie Chronicles

by James L. Butler

  But first, Tim had to do a test run. There were a few toys, books and clothes tossed about his room, but nothing suitable or as heavy as he was to drop onto the bed below. Then he had an idea. He ran downstairs, burst into Dana’s room, grabbed her huge teddy bear and ran back upstairs, with Dana chasing after him. “Give my bear back!” she said, quite upset with her brother.

  “Okay. But you have to go into Mom and Dad’s room and I’ll give it to you,” Tim said.

  Confused, Dana went downstairs. She’d do anything to get her bear back. Tim crawled to the edge of the hole and looked down. There stood Dana, next Mom and Dad’s bed, staring up at him. “Where did the hole come from?” she asked.

  “It’s always been here. I just uncovered it.”

  “What’re you gonna do with my bear?”

  “Watch,” Tim said. He dropped the bear through the hole. Dana screamed as her friend bounced on the bed. She reached out and grabbed her bear, holding onto it for dear life. “You hurt my bear!”

  Tim swung his legs over the edge of the hole. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to use your bear again.”

  “Are you crazy?” Dana asked, staring up at him in shock. She instantly knew what Tim was going to do next. “Mom said we can’t jump on her bed anymore!”

  “This is different,” Tim said. “She never said we couldn’t drop through the floor on it, did she?”

  Dana eyed Tim suspiciously as she backed away from the bed.

  “You want to try first?” Tim asked

  “No rope this time?” Dana asked.

  “It’s a bed, not the barnyard.”

  “You first,” Dana said.

  Tim took a deep breath, closed his eyes and slid his butt over the edge. Suddenly, he was flying! Then wumph, crack, crash! Tim was sitting in a hole formed by the collapsed mattress. It was sagging so far down that it touched the floor.

  Dust swirled around the room. Dana stared at Tim, showing no emotion whatsoever. Then she said, “I think I’ll go play with my bear,” and walked out of the room.

  “Dad is going to kill me!” Tim said, thinking about his punishment for ruining his parents’ bed.

  Tim struggled to climb out of the collapsed bed. Once he did, he looked underneath it to see what had happened. The mattress had been sitting on springs which were, in turn, sitting on thin boards that went from one side of the metal bed frame to the other. One of the boards had broken.

  Tim needed to prop the broken board back up before his mom got home, but with what? He ran to his room and searched frantically for anything that would work. But there was nothing! Then he went into the spare bedroom, which was right across from his room. This is where guests stayed and also where the family stored a lot of junk, especially things they used during the summer months.

  And that’s when he found it—a large rubber ball. That might fit under the bed, Tim said to himself.

  Heading downstairs to his parents’ room, Tim slid under their bed, pushed the broken board up, and then squeezed the ball under it. It was the perfect height and fit to keep the board in place!

  Tim crawled back out and decided to do another test run. He carefully crawled across the bed to see if the ball would hold up the mattress, and it did! Tim then straightened the blankets so there would be no sign of mischief. Breathing a sigh of relief, he left his parents’ bedroom confident that they wouldn’t notice the broken board. But it never occurred to Tim that two full-grown adults might weigh a lot more than a 10-year-old boy.

  * * *

  Tim went to his bedroom extra early that evening and anxiously waited for his parents to go to bed. But because of the storm, Mrs. Slinger stayed up late to make sure Mr. Slinger arrived home safely. It seemed like an eternity before Tim heard the pickup pull into the driveway and the back door open. After a brief conversation, his parents entered their bedroom.

  Tim crouched on the floor over the grate, staring through it at the bed below. Tim’s mom lay down first. She always stayed right at the edge of the bed. There was no sign of trouble—so far, so good. Then his dad plopped down on his side of the bed and rolled to the middle. That’s when Tim heard the ball pop and saw the bed sag nearly to the floor.

  “What the heck!” Dad said, putting his arm up to keep his pregnant wife from rolling on top of him.

  Tim jumped up and into his own bed, pulling his bed covers over him. When he heard his parents coming upstairs, he knew he was in for the whooping of his life. Tim pretended to be asleep as they entered his room.

  “Wake up. You have to sleep in the other room tonight,” Mom said.

  Tim sat up, rubbing his eyes like he had been asleep. “Why?” he asked. He was a little confused when he saw his mom—she didn’t look unhappy or mad.

  “Your father broke our old bed,” Mom said. “Now we can finally get one that doesn’t give me a backache every night.”

  Tim gladly went into the spare bedroom and crawled into the extra bed. Slipping under the covers, he felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Tim had no idea that his mom hated their bed—if he had known that, he could have broken it years ago!

  Very early the next morning, Tim woke up to the horror that the ball—the evidence—was still under the bed! He thought about waiting until it was light outside to get it, but decided that would be too risky. So he quietly slipped out of bed and peeked across the hall into his room. His parents were sound asleep. Tim then tip-toed downstairs, holding his breath the entire time. He slowly let it out when he finally reached the bottom of the staircase.

  Tim went into his parents’ empty bedroom and crawled under their broken bed. It was so warm underneath the bed that he wished he could go to sleep right there. But knowing his butt was at risk of getting a whooping again, he grabbed the deflated ball and gave it a tug. It came out from under the broken board easily.

  As Tim started backing out from underneath the bed, he was startled by a voice. “What’re you doing down there?” Dana asked.

  Tim nearly had a heart attack. He spotted Dana in her pink flannel pajamas, holding her teddy bear. “Don’t ever do that again,” he said.

  “Do what?”

  “Scare me like that. Go back to bed.”

  “What’s that?” Dana said, pointing at the flattened ball in Tim’s hand.

  “Just an old ball.”

  “You’re so weird sometimes.”

  Dana went back to her room and Tim took the ball to the kitchen, threw it in the trash and tiptoed back up to bed. As he started to fall asleep, another revelation hit him—Dana knows I broke the bed! He worried she would tell on him. Will I ever have any peace when it comes to Devil Dana?

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  Chapter 16

  Time passed quickly as the holiday season approached. Tim looked forward to the family’s traditional Thanksgiving dinner at his grandparents’ home. He loved sitting in the living room, watching football with the men, while the women stayed in the kitchen, cooking and visiting.

  However, during this year’s Thanksgiving feast, things were very different when it came to the men—they hardly noticed there was a close, hard-hitting football game on TV. Instead, they talked about Tim’s family moving into town and the baby’s arrival in February.

  The Saturday after Thanksgiving, Tim spent time with his father and grandfather. The three of them roamed the nearby fields and woods, hunting for small game so they could put fresh meat on the table. While the two adults each carried a gun, Tim did not. He wasn’t old enough yet, but was fast approaching an age when he would be allowed to hunt. Tim still had a lot of learning to do to become a safe hunter.

  There was a light snowfall that evening, making Sunday morning a perfect time for hunting rabbits—they were easier to track because of the footprints left in the snow. Tim’s dad and uncle had other business to tend to that day, so it was just Tim, his grandfather and his grandfather’s hound dog, Bounce, on the morning hunt.

  The three headed for th
e brush line. The air was so cold that the fresh snow crunched under their feet as they walked and looked for rabbit tracks.

  “When will I be able to hunt with you, Grandpa?” Tim asked.

  “When you’re 12. That is, if you can do it right.”

  “I know how to hunt,” Tim said.

  “Okay. Let me ask you this—when do you load your gun?” Grandpa asked.

  “After you leave the house.”

  “How do you carry your gun?” Grandpa asked.

  “You hold it with both hands, with the barrel pointing toward the ground or the sky.”

  “Why?” Grandpa asked.

  “So it’s never pointing at people,” Tim said. He was proud he had answered quickly and confidently. Tim could almost feel his grandfather thinking about what to ask him next.

  “What do you do if you have to climb over a fence or a fallen tree?” Grandpa asked.

  “First, set the gun on the other side, a few feet away from where you’re going to climb over. Then climb over and pick the gun up,” Tim said. “Because it’s hard to climb over anything with a gun in your hands and you don’t want a gun in your hands if you fall down,” he added, before his grandfather could ask why.

  Grandpa looked at Tim and smiled. “Good job. Tell you what, next time, I’ll let you carry the double-barrel—unloaded, mind you—a couple of times first to see how you do.”

  Tim was so excited! The first day of hunting was a rite of passage for every farm boy, a part of growing up and taking responsibility. Tim longed for the day he would be able to hunt with his grandfather, a day he would no longer be a spectator during their hunting adventures. But Tim worried that moving into town would keep that day from ever happening, just like he would never learn to operate a tractor in the fields.

  * * *

  It wasn’t long before Christmas Day arrived. Tim and Dana typically declared a truce during the holidays, as the threat of getting a lump of coal in their stockings was very real, considering there was a coal bin in the basement.

  On Christmas morning, Tim and Dana sat on opposite sides of the Christmas tree, waiting for their mom to give the signal to begin opening their presents.

  When Mom entered the room, Dana began ripping the wrapping paper off a long tube.

  “Mom, she cheated!” Tim said. “She’s opening her presents before you said it was okay.”

  “Just go ahead,” Mom said. Wearing her large fluffy bathrobe and holding a cup of coffee, Mrs. Slinger felt very pregnant and wasn’t in the mood for any arguing or bickering. She slowly lowered herself down onto the couch and watched her children open their presents.

  But before Tim opened his first gift, he watched Dana—he was curious about the mystery tube she was unwrapping. What could it be? Tim wondered.

  Dana popped the end off the tube, tipped it and out fell the oddest thing. It was a thin steel rod with rubber tips on each end, and both tips were hard as a rock.

  Dana held the gift up by one end. Puzzled, she asked her mom, “What is it?”

  “It’s a baton, like the band leaders and baton twirlers use,” Mom answered.

  Dana frowned until she eyed an empty box. She tightened her grip on the baton and wham!—she destroyed the box in a single, vicious blow. Dana slowly raised the baton-turned-club again, looked sideways at Tim, and smiled a devilish smile.

  “Mom! Really! A weapon?” Tim said, nearly in tears. Not up for the argument she knew would be coming, Mom stood up and walked out, mumbling to herself.

  Realizing he was left to fend for himself, Tim frantically searched for the biggest present under the tree with his name on it. He hoped he would get a shield or maybe a suit of armor, anything to protect himself from his sister.

  Scared but trying to remain calm, Tim found a present that was about three feet long and really heavy. I hope it’s a toy metal sword! Tim said to himself. Please, please, PLEASE!

  Tim turned away so Dana couldn’t see him opening his big present. But he could feel her icy stare on his back as she confidently held her baton club, ready for war.

  Slowly peeling off the wrapping paper, Tim realized that the gift was probably the fishing pole set he had asked for. Crud! A fishing pole won’t protect me! But when he saw the letters on the brightly colored box underneath the paper, Tim’s fears instantly evaporated and he quickly ripped away the remaining paper. He was so happy that he gave the box a hug—his wish had come true. It wasn’t a toy metal sword, but something even better!

  Still with his back to Dana, Tim stood up and slowly turned around until his little sister got a full view of Tim’s gift—a Daisy 50-shot BB gun! Dana screamed loud enough to break the windows. She dropped her baton and ran to her room, slamming the door shut.

  Mrs. Slinger came back into the living room to see what the commotion was all about. There stood her son, holding his new gun. “Thanks, Mom! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Tim said.

  Without saying a word, Mrs. Slinger went to Dana’s room. She spoke to her through the door. “You don’t have to worry, Dana. He’s not allowed to shoot it in the house.”

  “I’m not coming out until you take it away,” Dana said.

  “Do you want me to take your baton away, too?” Mom asked.

  “I don’t care!”

  Dad walked in from the morning milking to find Tim next to the Christmas tree beaming over his new BB gun and Dana locked in her bedroom. “What’s going on?” Dad asked.

  “Dana’s really afraid of my new BB gun,” Tim said, smiling.

  Dana’s shrill voice came right through her closed door; “No, I’m not! I’m afraid of you!”

  “Tim, take the BB gun out in the barn and put it in the storage room with my shotgun. You can’t use it inside the house,” Dad said.

  “But what about her baton club?” Tim asked.

  “Her what?” Dad asked.

  Mom, who had returned to the living room, picked up Dana’s present. “This,” she said, handing the baton to her husband.

  Mr. Slinger studied it for a moment then shook his head. “You’re worried about that thing, Tim? Give me a break. Now do as I said and take the BB gun out to the barn so we can enjoy our last Christmas here without you two fighting.”

  “Fine,” Tim said, wishing his dad had seen Dana beat the snot out of the empty box with her innocent baton. Then he would understand that “thing” was a weapon, too.

  Tim walked to the back door, put on his coat over his pajamas, slipped into his boots and stomped out to the barn in foot-deep snow.

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  Chapter 17

  When the winter weather cooperated, Tim spent the rest of the holiday break outside, practicing his hunting skills. With his new BB gun in hand, Tim and Skipper roamed the Slinger’s land, looking for random, non-living things to shoot, like old tin cans.

  Dana had little time to play with her brother, as she was busy helping Mom get ready for the birth of her new little brother or sister. It didn’t matter much to Tim. The empty barn offered little protection from the winter weather for them to play in together anyway. There wasn’t enough hay left in the lofts to act as insulation and keep the cold out. He couldn’t even play on the rope swing—a leak in the barn’s roof had gotten the rope wet and it had frozen stiff as a board.

  The baby was born on Valentine’s Day, right on schedule. It was a boy and he was named “Matt.” Dana’s prediction that Tim would be charged with baby duty was exactly the opposite of what actually happened. Dana was so fascinated by Matt that she eagerly helped her mom take care of him.

  Tim’s sense of loss over the family farm became stronger as winter left and spring arrived. Gone was the annual mad scramble to get the farm machines in shape to prepare the fields for planting. And gone was the repair to buildings damaged by harsh winter storms. Instead of row after row of perfectly spaced little green sprouts of baby corn, wheat and oat plants filling dark brown fields, thousands of randomly scattered weeds had popped up all over
. Even the dirt lane leading to the fields was covered with weeds.

  Spring passed quickly and suddenly, it was the final day of school. As Tim and Dana stepped off the school bus for the very, very last time in their lives, they were more than lost. They were devastated.

  “What’re we going to do now?” Dana asked her older brother as they got off the bus.

  “What’d you mean?” Tim asked.

  “Now that school’s done and there’s no work to do—what are we going to do?”

  “I’m not sure,” Tim said. Trying to be positive, he thought of something fun. “I was thinking about building a hunting blind in the woods. That’ll be great.”

  “Why? We won’t be here that long, will we?” Dana asked.

  “Why would anyone want to buy this place now?” Tim asked. “Look at it.” He pointed at the family’s lifeless barn, with holes in the side of it from missing boards caused by winter storms, and the barnyard, empty except for many weeds.

  “I know. I don’t even want to live here anymore, with it like this,” Dana said.

  They went inside the house and found Mom in the kitchen, feeding Matt.

  “I’ve got some good news,” she said.

  “We’re going to start farming again?” Tim asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

  “No. We sold the farm and bought a house in town,” Mom said.

  “That’s good news?!” Tim asked.

  Dana ignored her brother’s comment. “When?” she asked.

  “In about two weeks. I put some boxes in your rooms so you can start packing.”

  Stunned, Tim and Dana walked to their rooms without saying a word.