The Taste of Sorrow

by Joshua Erik Rossi

  “That is settled.”

  Cody turned to face him. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m positive.”

  Cody came to him and straddled over his lap. He wrapped his arms around Shep’s neck, hugging him. “That’s good,” he whispered, “because I’m really starting to like you a lot, Shep.”

  Shep put his hand on Cody’s cheek, turning his face toward his and he kissed him. “I never thought this would happen,” he said.

  “What?” Cody asked, sitting upright and gazing into Shep’s dark eyes.

  “You. I wasn’t expecting you in my life, Dakota Flynn.”

  Cody smiled at him. “Surprise!”

  Shep chuckled, leaned forward and kissed him again.

  FIVE

  Tech week at the theater was hectic and chaotic. Before the full dress rehearsal people were in the Green Room getting their costumes on and running their lines. Upstairs, the members of the cast were being fitted with mics and a few people were on the stage singing a song together. At the same time, the orchestra arrived, getting their instruments out of their cases, and they began to practice.

  Shep was seated in a chair while Marcie applied make-up on his chest to cover his tattoo.

  “So cowboy,” she said, grinning, “Is this what I think it is?”

  “What do you think it is?”

  “You’re either a master with a whip or, you’re into BDSM.”

  Shep grinned. “Might be both,” he said.

  “That’s such a strange coincidence...”

  “What is?”

  “I think that’s what Trudy was doing in the basement of your new house.”

  “Well, judging from what she left behind,” Shep said, “I’m fairly sure that she and I weren’t into the same thing. The equipment was there but I don’t know what she was doing with it.”

  “Did you find any more clues in the house besides the hand?”

  “No, but to be honest, I haven’t looked.” He gazed into the mirror and watched his transformation come alive. He was becoming the King of Siam.

  “You and Cody have been spending a lot of time together,” Marcie noted.

  “Yes we have.”

  “Do you like him?”

  Shep grinned. “Yes, I do.” He looked up at her. “Is this going to be texted county-wide by tomorrow?”

  “It’s old news.”

  “Is it?”

  “Everyone knows he spent the night at your house because of what happened with Carl Buchanan,” Marcie told him. “You two should be careful.”

  “Do you advise your straight friends to be careful when they begin a relationship?”

  “A relationship?” she asked. She stopped applying the make-up and looked directly at him.

  Shep looked over at Cody. He was putting his costume on. He was within hearing distance but he hadn’t said anything about the conversation. Shep hoped he was busy concentrating on his lines. “Yes, a solid relationship, if that’s what he wants,” Shep stated.

  “You shouldn’t do this,” Marcie advised.

  “Why not?” Shep asked, standing up from the chair. “How is this different from anyone else going out together?”

  “Shep...”

  “It’s no different, Marcie.”

  “The only place you’re the King is on that stage upstairs and even that is make-believe. You have to be careful, Shep. I’m trying to warn you.”

  “Why should we have to be careful? Because there are people in this town who hate gays?” Shep asked. He rested his hand on the back of the chair, looking into her eyes. She wasn’t about to back down. “Are you one of those people, Marcie?”

  The room fell quiet.

  “No, it’s just...it’s not natural Shep. It’s not right.”

  A familiar sting went through his chest. She wasn’t one of his favorite people in town but he’d liked her. “I thought you liked Cody. He’s sweet. How can you say that he doesn’t belong with me?”

  “I do like Cody but I think he’s confused and you are too. It’s not right, Shep. It’s a sin.” She didn’t blink. Her words were firm. “Aside from that, he’s too young for you and you shouldn’t drag him into your...your...”

  “My lifestyle?”

  “Whatever you want to call it,” Marcie stated. She picked-up the make up case and snapped it shut. “BDSM is weird. No one normal does anything like that.”

  “You don’t understand it. If you did, you...”

  “I don’t want to,” Marcie announced and she turned to leave the Green Room.

  Cody finished tying a gold satin sash around his waist and he walked over to her. “You don’t make decisions for me Marcie,” he said, gently.

  “You don’t know what you’re doing,” Marcie insisted. “It’s not too late to change your life, Dakota.”

  “I am who I am.”

  “Your mother would never allow this...” she began but he interrupted her.

  “My mother is dead,” Cody told her, “and so is my dad. Brock’s not here to tell me what to do, either. I make my own decisions now and I’m dating Shep.”

  Marcie turned and cast an angry scowl at Shep Carson before she went up the steps and out of the Green Room.

  Shelby sighed, standing next to Shep. “If she wants to be a scene stealer, she should take a role.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset her,” Shep said.

  “Don’t worry about it. She thrives on drama. Ignore her,” Shelby replied. “I think it’s adorable that the two of you are together. You make a cute couple.”

  “Thanks,” Shep said.

  Cody came over and hugged Shelby. “I love you Shelbs,” he said.

  She smiled at him. “I love you too.” She patted his face. “The show must go on my sweet Prince Chulalongkorn.”

  “Always,” Cody agreed. “Break a leg, Anna.”

  “You too Princey!”

  Cody smiled but he caught the look on Shep’s face and a tinge of fear washed through him.

  The King was angry.

  “Places in five minutes!” a voice called out. “Places in five!”

  SIX

  Shep stood next to Shelby on the stage behind the set. It was dark and people bumped into each other trying to get to where they needed to be to make their first entrance. Marcie stood across the stage, in a shadow, with her hand on the rope to control the curtain as it opened and closed.

  “I don’t understand her,” Shep muttered.

  “Let it go,” Shelby advised, “I told you she thrives on the drama.”

  “She was the one who told me that I should include Cody in my fresh start here,” Shep muttered.

  Shelby sighed. The dress she was wearing as Anna was a size too small and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She tugged at it as she spoke, “Listen, Marcie was fishing for information. That’s all it was. Everyone heard Cody was gay but they weren’t sure of it until you came along.”

  “I thought he told everyone.”

  “No, I think he was trying to tell us but he never actually said anything.”

  “I outed him?” Guilt and dread washed over Shep and he put his hand to his face. “Oh, damn it. I should’ve been more careful but I couldn’t help it. He’s so fucking irresistible.”

  “Relax,” Shelby said, smiling and laying a gentle hand on his arm. “I don’t think he cares. Look how happy he is.”

  Shep looked around backstage, behind the boards and the walls of the set but he couldn’t see Cody. “Where is he?”

  “Over there,” Shelby said, pointing.

  “Quiet! There will be no talking backstage!” Dottie roared. “If you are not on the stage, you are not talking! Shep!”

  Shep looked up at the lights above him. They were hanging and swaying from the ceiling. He couldn’t see Dottie but he heard her, loud and clear. “Yes Ma’am?” he called out.

  “Cody is on stage left, where you are supposed to be.”

  Shep’s eyes widened. Dottie heard him talking? How? He�
�d been whispering.

  Anna looked down and saw the green light on the battery pack of Shep’s mic. “Your mic is on!”

  Someone giggled. It was Cody.

  More laughter followed from the wings.

  Shep fumbled with the contraption but his huge fingers couldn’t adjust it.

  “Easy now,” Shelby whispered, “It’s okay. I guess the King needs his Anna for some things.” She turned the mic off for him and turned his tall body in the direction of where he had to go to find Cody.

  Shep was two seconds away from quitting his short acting career. Everyone heard what he said. He’d broadcast it through the entire theater. Jesus! With the help of the cast, he found Cody and his first mark.

  “We are waiting to begin,” Dottie announced. “Shep? Have you found stage left?”

  “Yes Ma’am!” he called out.

  “Good. You will be singing and dancing with Anna today. I hope the two of you found time to rehearse together like you promised me you would!”

  Shep was astonished. He’d never promised Dottie anything! The sweet old woman got a taste of power, she was ruling over her kingdom and he wasn’t going to argue with her. “Yes Ma’am,” he replied.

  Cody reached up and pulled Shep down to where he was, whispering in his ear, “Can you sing?”

  Shep nodded.

  “Ok,” Cody said. He gave Shep a quick peck of a kiss on his cheek. “I’m irresistible, huh?”

  “Yeah,” Shep said, smiling at him. All his frustration and anger melted away with the delicate kiss. His eyes lit up with surprise when Shelby made her entrance onto the stage wearing a beautiful gown and she was singing to the children. She was a great actress and she had a lovely voice. He leaned down and whispered to Cody. “She’s good!”

  “She gets most of the female lead roles,” Cody whispered back to him. “I get all the male leads but Dottie wouldn’t accept my scrawny self to play a King.”

  “You’re not scrawny.”

  “Compared to you? Oh ha-ha.”

  “Wait, is that why you were angry with me when I got this role?” Shep asked, surprised.

  “I hate competition.” Cody smiled. He wrapped his arm around Shep’s and hugged it. “I’m still hoping you sound like a screeching banshee when you sing.”

  Shep laughed but quickly silenced himself.

  “Go! Go! That’s your cue!” Cody released his arm and gave him a gentle shove.

  Shep walked out onto the stage and he hesitated for a half second. The lights were bright, shining in his eyes and they were hotter than he expected. He announced his first line. Anna replied and moved toward him. They became real as though it were no longer a play. Shep finished his lines and exited from the stage, going behind the set. Cody was up next and he bumped into Shep as they passed by each other. Shep grinned when he saw him smiling.

  “I will get the next male lead,” Cody warned, winking at him.

  Delilah giggled. “He’s so competitive. People think Cody’s a pushover. Try taking the mic from him on Karaoke night at Hank’s.”

  Shep smiled. He watched as Cody became Prince Chulalongkorn, speaking his lines with full engaging emotion and when he sang, it was so beautiful that Shep almost forgot he was in the play, too. Delilah nudged him. He returned to his senses and made his entrance onto the stage.

  The Prince knelt obediently at his feet.

  Shep Carson spoke his lines but for a split second, he focused on Marcie’s angry scowling face as she stood beside the curtain. Her rage was more than it should have been and he intended to find out why.

  As the evening went on, the cast made their way through most of the play but when they got to the dancing scene with Anna and the King, everything came to a halt.

  “I’m sorry,” Shep apologized. “I’m not usually this clumsy.”

  “It’s supposed to be a little awkward,” Shelby coached. “King Mongkut doesn’t know how to dance with Anna.”

  “Yes I know but I’m horrible.”

  “You’re not!” Shelby protested. “We’ll try again.” She took his hands. “Ready?”

  They tried but it simply did not work.

  “I thought I told you to rehearse this,” Dottie complained.

  Shep had enough. His dark eyes blazed as he looked toward the darkness where Dottie was standing. “Actually, you made no mention of it whatsoever,” he stated.

  The entire theater fell silent.

  “I must have forgotten. I’m sorry,” Dottie apologized. “I’m forgetting more and more every day.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Shep apologized instantly. “I read the script. I knew this was coming. I should have practiced with her but I...I can’t do it.”

  “It’s the dress,” Cody said, going out onto the stage. “The bottom of it is so huge. They’re not used to it and they’re both stepping on it.”

  “It’s not the dress,” Shep confessed. “I haven’t danced with anyone in a long time, not like this.”

  “A few pointers if I may, Dottie?” Cody asked.

  “Please,” Dottie said.

  “You have to give her room, Shep. You’re trying to get too close, too soon.” Cody took Shelby’s hands, “Shall we dance?” he asked her, smiling. “Watch. From the top, please!” he called out. The orchestra began the song and Cody whirled Shelby around the stage. When the time came, he placed his hand on the small of her back. They stopped, gazing into each other’s eyes, and they began to dance again.

  The cast applauded.

  Shelby smiled. “You’re a great dancer, Cody!”

  “Did you notice where my feet were?” Cody asked Shep.

  “Yes,” he said, embarrassed, “but it...”

  “It what?”

  “It’s not the dress,” Shep stated, looking into his eyes.

  “Something else is bothering you,” Cody said. “Is it because she’s a woman?”

  “Nooo,” Shep growled. He turned away.

  “You’re in your head too much.”

  Shep looked at him.

  “Whatever memory you’re thinking about, let it go,” Cody advised. “Get out of your head and get on this stage.” He rubbed Shep’s arm. “You can do this.”

  It was a memory, a fleeting memory that Shep hadn’t thought about in years. There was a woman and she danced with him but who was she, this woman? It had to be a long, long time ago because Shep remembered smiling and looking up at her. She called him Jimmy. God, she was beautiful. Was the woman in the memory his mother?

  Shep’s eyes moistened and he rubbed them. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really tired tonight.”

  “That’s enough for today,” Dottie announced. “It’s midnight. Where does the time go? We’ll pick up with the dancing scene tomorrow night. Don’t lose hope, people. We have time before opening night. Four days, but who’s counting?”

  Shep’s chest tightened and he looked up at the lights above him. They were still swaying slowly back and forth. “Why are those lights doing that?” he asked, frustrated.

  “They always sway,” Cody said.

  “It’s the heat from the stage. It rises up and makes them move,” Darrell muttered.

  “They sway in the dark when no ones here,” Shelby said, gathering the bottom of the dress in her hands so she could walk down the steps to the Green Room. “They’ve been swaying for years. Cody’s right. They don’t stop, ever.”

  SEVEN

  “Who was she?” Cody asked Shep. They were sitting in the truck in Cody’s driveway.

  “Hmm?”

  “It’s like you’re not even here. That dancing scene messed you up, bad. What happened? Was it a girl you tried to go out with?”

  “No, it’s not like that.”

  “What is it?” Cody asked.

  “I don’t talk about it.”

  “Maybe you should,” Cody said. He took Shep’s hand. “You can trust me.”

  “Can I?” Shep asked bitterly, “Trust is in short supply these days.”
>
  Cody flinched and drew his hand away. “I’m not Daniel,” he said softly.

  “I know you’re not. I’m sorry,” Shep said, “I’ve been apologizing all night. It’s getting to be a bad habit...”

  “What’s wrong Shep?”

  “No one likes weakness, Cody.” He paused. “I sure as hell don’t.”

  “Then I don’t know why you’re with me,” Cody said, reaching for the door handle but Shep touched his arm, stopping him from leaving.

  “When I was trying to dance with Shelby,” Shep said, “I remembered dancing with someone else. I think it was my mother.”

  “What do you mean, you think it was her?” Cody asked.

  “I don’t have any memories of my parents at all.” Shep’s chest tightened and his throat became raspy. “I was raised in a boarding school for disadvantaged kids. I was a ward of the state. The school was hidden away in the Allegheny Mountains. We never left there.”

  “I...don’t understand,” Cody said, searching Shep’s eyes. They were so dark and sad.

  “I’m an orphan or at least, that’s what they told me at the school. I lived there for eighteen years and attended classes, never went home because there was no home to go to, but I remember dancing with a woman and she...she called me Jimmy.”

  “Maybe it was one of your teachers?”

  Shep released a short laugh. “My teachers were Nuns.”

  “Nuns? Holy shit...You?” Cody asked, grinning. “You went to a Catholic Boarding school?”

  “All boys...which,” Shep added, “wasn’t so bad.”

  Cody smiled at him. “I bet.”

  “No this woman she...she was tall and thin. She had long, black hair and when she smiled her eyes, it was like they lit up. She was kind and funny. We were dancing, dancing and laughing.”

  “That sounds nice. Do you remember anything else?” Cody asked.

  “No,” Shep said. “No, I don’t. It doesn’t make any sense. I never left the school and there was no woman like that in the academy.”

  “You might have the memories mixed up,” Cody said. “After dad died, I had to sit down and write down what I did from the year mom passed away up to his death because I couldn’t recall anything right.”

  “How did your mom die?” Shep asked, gently.

  “Car wreck. She rolled it on a back road. She was drunk and she was mad at my dad. He’d been at the bar drinking and he was flirting with Marcie...”