Full Figured 5

by Brenda Hampton

  “See, there you go, again, tellin’ me how you think I do things. You don’t know what I was plannin’ to do, Dez. I told you that I was goin’ to tell you, whether it hurt you or not.”

  “Seems to me that it doesn’t bother you to hurt me. You told me on my birthday that Raven was cool people. How does being cool people turn into the woman you’re going to marry? Out of all the things I’ve had to deal with, never did I think that I would be faced with you marrying anyone. You don’t seem like the marrying type. I am stunned that after all we’ve shared you feel as if you’ve found a woman who you want to share your life with.”

  Roc scratched his head and sighed. “You know what I found, Dez? I found the complete opposite of you. Like all of these niggas you see runnin’ around here, I found a woman who loves me like they do. Who appreciates everything that I do and who does not make me feel as if I’m some little boy with no direction. A woman who ain’t afraid to come to my place of business and shoot the breeze with me and my friends. Who can walk into my family members’ houses and kick game with them as if they just like her. Basically, one who prefers not to tear me down, and don’t mind liftin’ me up. I can go on and on, but the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings. You and I both know that we’ve been tryin’ to do this shit for a few years now. I got to shake and move, baby, and too bad you didn’t think I was capable of settlin’ down. Thugs do that too, just in case you didn’t know.”

  As Roc spoke, tears rushed to the brim of my eyes. Had I really been that darn hard on him? I wasn’t tearing him down, was I? All that I’d been holding inside for months . . . maybe even years was starting to flood me. This news about him getting married would’ve been less painful if he would’ve pulled one of the daggers off his wall and sliced me in half. My breathing started to increase and he could tell that I was about to lose it. He squatted in front of me as I dropped my head and closed my eyes to fight back my tears.

  “Maybe I should’ve said somethin’ sooner,” he said. “But I don’t know if it would’ve made a difference, or prevented what you’re feelin’ right now. We tried, baby, and we both know this thing between us ain’t possible. Let’s stop foolin’ ourselves.”

  I swear I was about to break down right then and there. And in a matter of seconds, things turned from bad to worse. I opened my eyes and saw Raven playfully pushing the shoulder of one of Roc’s workers as she made her way toward his office. Unlike me, she had a big, bright smile on her face that seemed very genuine. She said hello to everyone who passed by her and she rushed into Roc’s office as if she was delighted to see him. Her steps halted when she saw him squatted in front of me. Roc slowly stood up. My watered-down eyes were blinded by the diamond that glistened on her finger.

  “Di . . . did I interrupt something?” she asked in a calm manner.

  “Nah, baby. Dez was just leavin’. She was tellin’ me somethin’ about Chassidy that has her a bit upset.”

  “Awww,” Raven said, looking at me. “I hope everything will be okay.”

  I couldn’t even look at her, and I knew Roc was trying to spare me the embarrassment. Raven turned Roc’s face, giving him a juicy but short kiss. “I’m going to let the two of you talk. I’ll be—”

  I stood up, but left the tresses of hair that dangled over my right eye in place. I needed them there to shield all the hurt that could be seen in my eyes a mile away. “You don’t have to leave. We’re done here,” I said.

  I walked by Raven and Roc without even looking at them. As I hurried through his shop, my legs felt so weak, as if I had just run a marathon. It felt like everybody had their eyes on me and that’s because they did. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, and for whatever reason, I surely thought Roc would come after me. He didn’t.

  By the time I reached my car, I was in a mess. I was so choked up, because I knew this thing between us would never be. I felt like a failure. I thought that if he saw how much I loved him, things would be different. I thought that coming down here would prove to him that I did want to know more about the man behind my madness. Why can’t he see that? Why? I thought as I sat full of emotions in my car. Then it hit me. Maybe he didn’t see it and I had to tell him. The only time I told him I loved him was during, before, or after sex. Maybe he needed to hear me say it just because. I wasn’t sure if it would make a difference like he’d said, but I had an urge to lay it all on the line. I didn’t come this far to turn away or to let another woman have the man I was still in love with. I took a few minutes in the car to gather myself; then I got out to go back inside. I walked with my head up and ignored the many stares from those who just didn’t understand. Troy, however, attempted to stop me by putting his arm up to block my passage as I made my way down the hall.

  “Everything gon’ be cool in there, ain’t it? If not, I can’t let you go by me.”

  Yeah, these men definitely had Roc’s back, but they didn’t have to worry about me. “Everything is fine. I just forgot to tell Roc something.”

  Troy moved his arm, allowing me to go back to Roc’s office. Through the glass windows, I could see him sitting at his desk with Raven sitting sideways across his lap. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and she loosened them when she saw me come through the door.

  I looked past her and gazed directly at Roc. “Yes. To truthfully answer the question that you asked on my birthday, yes, I am very jealous of your relationship with Raven. An . . . and right now, all I can do is take you back to this thing you once referred to as Black Love. Do you remember Black Love, Roc? If you don’t, I do. Because Black Love makes what others may see as impossible relationships, possible. Black Love makes a woman living with too high standards jump back to reality. The reality is I love the hell out of you, Roc, and I am willing to accept who you are. I will grow to love your family and friends as you do, because Black Love is about acceptance, not judging. I will not make you feel like my son; rather, I will make you feel like my king and not tear you down anymore. I hope you understand that, sometimes, Black Love can make you so bitter when you don’t get it right. An . . . and when it shows up again, one may find themselves unprepared. I was unprepared for the man who had the courage to show me what Black Love is really about. That man is you, baby, only you. If, and only if you have ever loved me, I want you to give us our final chance to get this right. Only if you can promise me no more heartbreaks and headaches, and that you can be a faithful man, I want you to take that ring off her finger and put a new one where it belongs. If you can’t, allow me to shed my tears and leave me at peace. Keep that ring on her finger and always be thankful that we at least gave Black Love a chance. Neither of us can be mad about that.” I paused for a moment to wipe the tears from my face and dripping from my chin. Roc sat in awe and so did Raven. The whole place was quiet, and you could definitely hear a pin drop. But having nothing else to say, I walked away.

  Nearly everyone inside was looking at me, and when I walked by one man, he held up his fist. “Let’s hear it for Black Love, ma. That’s what’s up.”

  I smiled, feeling good that I had gotten all that off my chest. My emotions were still running high, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t sure what Roc was going to do, but the ball was now in his court. I started my car and drove down the street. Just as I was passing by Roc’s shop, he rushed outside. He flagged me down to stop, causing me to slam on the brakes.

  “Open the door,” he said, walking up to my car. Raven rushed outside too, calling his name, but he ignored her.

  “Roc, please come here,” she pleaded. “Don’t do this!”

  I opened the car door and he squatted beside me. “Let me deal with this right now,” he said. “I’ll stop by to see you later. Calm down. You gotta trust me when I say everything gon’ be straight.”

  I couldn’t believe when he leaned in to kiss my trembling lips, but I damn sure kissed him back. Raven called his name, again, and that’s when he backed away from me. I reached for the door to close it, but watched as he pounded
his chest and kept his eyes connected with mine.

  “Black Love, a’ight, baby? You and me.” He pointed his finger at me. “You.” Then he pointed his finger at his chest. “Me.”

  I nodded, and with that, I drove off.

  Later that day, I waited for Roc in the doorway, after he called to tell me he was around the corner from my house and would be pulling up soon. I bit my nails, nervous as ever about what he was going to say. I wasn’t sure if he had broken Raven down gently, or if he was coming to give me his final good-byes. Minutes later, he pulled in the driveway with a blank expression on his face. He got out of his truck and I slowly walked up to him with my arms folded across my chest. My eyes showed worry, and Roc was well aware that I didn’t want to come out on the losing end of this long battle.

  “Who ya wit’, Roc?” I hurried to say. “Tell me now, who is it?”

  He blinked his eyes and lowered his head to look down at the ground. A sigh followed; then he eased his hand into his pocket. I reached out and threw my arms around his neck, squeezing it tight.

  “Yes,” I said, kissing him and sucking his lips into mine. “Hell, yes!”

  He pulled his head back and had a playful smirk on his face. “Wha . . . what are you sayin’ yes to me for?”

  I moved my head from side to side. “Don’t play with me because I know. I can feel it.”

  “Feel what?”

  I paused and looked into his eyes. “Us. I can feel us.”

  Roc narrowed his eyes, then dug into his pocket, again, pulling out a suede black box. I was hyped and I was on the tips of my toes, as if the ground were too hot to touch. When Roc popped the box open, I looked at the ring, making sure it wasn’t one I had seen before. Thank God, it wasn’t. I threw my arms around him, again, and he hugged my waist. He nibbled on my ear and squeezed my side.

  “You better make sure that you keep yo’ promise on every last thing that you said to me,” he demanded. “And tomorrow, you, me, and Chassidy gon’ go to some of my people’s houses so y’all can meet them. I don’t want you gettin’ all tense, either, and if you gon’ be my wife, you gotta be down with my folks.”

  I leaned my head back to look at him. “I guess we have to start somewhere, right? I got you, fasho.”

  “I got you too.”

  Roc and I hugged as we walked inside of my house together. I hadn’t seen him this happy in a long time. I guessed the same could be said for me. Because after all of this, the one thing that I realized the most was that Black Love wasn’t about him having his way or about me having mine. No matter what age we were, it was about compromising and doing things that I was now able to do for the betterment of myself, and for the man I would soon call my husband.

  CHOCOLATE TEMPTATION

  by

  Rose Jackson-Beavers

  To all husbands and wives who fight to remain

  faithful to each other, and to the friends who en-

  courage them to be true.

  Chapter 1

  Drained of My Energy

  I was so tired. I noticed that it was becoming more and more difficult to work through an entire day. It wasn’t the work that was so exhausting, it was my subordinates. They thought they had some dirt on me. They wanted to believe that I was doing the unthinkable. I heard the rumors and saw the looks on the faces of those who worked for me. One rumor I heard was that Travis Ingram and I had taken to leaving the office to go to cheap hotels. This particular rumor really angered me. It was said that Travis and I, along with one of my workers, had left the building to go to a five-dollar hotel to have a threesome. Travis was handsome and whenever he walked in a room, he had a smile that could make your heart skip a beat. His eyes were light hazel and they sparkled with an energy that radiated throughout the room, knocking lonely women to their knees. He wasn’t arrogant or conceited, just good-looking. It was not his intention to make women swarm like bees to honey, but he was a successful young African American male who was hired to do a job for our agency. He couldn’t help that the women in this office craved him like a pregnant woman craves pickles. Thinking about it, that was exactly what they wanted from him: his pickle.

  It was a brisk October day when I first heard the rumor. One of my subordinates, whom I had a certain level of trust in, shared with me that she had heard her coworkers discussing the day I went to lunch with Travis. Felicia was a hard worker and she admired me. She spent many hours helping me by running errands as well as handling her own primary duties. She was loyal, acting as a protector and a friend, which I often discouraged between management and subordinates. I was the administrator and had been taught through books and experience that management should not mingle with those they managed. But Felicia was different. She drew everyone into her world. I wasn’t sure what Felicia’s world entailed, but I knew I would eventually find out.

  I remembered the conversation about the ménage à trois as clear as a blue sky on a beautiful sunny day. When I walked into my office, Felicia appeared.

  “Malika, you are not going to believe the stuff that happened today.”

  “Come in and talk to me.” I lifted my finger and beckoned her. Her high heels click-clacked on the hardwood floor in my office. I was not prepared for what I heard next.

  Felicia’s chest heaved in and out as she took a deep breath. She drummed her fingers on my desk and I could tell by her hesitation and constant shifting in her seat that she was uncomfortable. She was probably hoping I wouldn’t become angry and go for her coworkers’ jugular veins. Looking at me, she whispered, “Please don’t get mad, but Sarah and Frances were gossiping about you, Travis, and me yesterday. They said we went to this hotel on the south side. It’s one of those garage-type sex places, where you can drive up to the garage and spend less than five dollars for each hour you use the room.”

  Rubbing my hands together in a circular motion, I asked, “What did you say? Please come again.”

  “See, Malika, you’re getting mad. They are never going to allow me to sit around them if they think that I am telling you stuff.”

  “I can’t believe them. Why in the hell do I have to take you with us? If I were fucking him, I wouldn’t take you. They are so stupid.” I smacked the stack of papers on my desk, sending them swirling through the air. I was indeed angry.

  Felicia stood up from her chair and gathered some of the papers that had fallen near her. “See, I’m sorry I said anything. I just wanted you to know what people were saying, because you are married and those scandalous women could try to hurt you with vicious rumors.”

  As I collected the papers from Felicia’s hand and placed them back on my desk, I responded a bit more calmly. “You’re right. I am very angry, but I will figure out a way to clear this mess up.”

  Felicia leaned over and whispered, “You know that I wouldn’t tell you anything unless I thought it was important.”

  I bent my head down and looked at my hands, which were folded like I was about to pray. I felt defeated.

  “I will handle this later. Thank you for sharing that information with me, even though it is so hard to believe. I do feel that there is too much gossiping and negative talk happening in this small office. I have the right to go to lunch with anyone I choose and I don’t have to answer to anyone. This is really unusual because Travis is an entrepreneur and I guess that makes him bankable and that’s too bad. He’s a nice person and he shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable coming to this office to repair the network just because he is a good-looking, successful black man. But I will figure this out. Thanks again.”

  I wasn’t dumb and certainly wasn’t slow. I had noticed Travis on the fifth visit to my small but elegantly decorated office. I was standing there face to face with him, discussing the possibility of extending his contract, when I looked at his lips. They were supple, with a slightly fuller bottom lip, which made him look like he was pouting. I thought he had the cutest mouth I had ever seen. I had to shake myself out of the trance I was in. He was six foot four
with broad shoulders and a slim, sexy waist. His light golden-brown skin was smooth and the only sign of hair on his face was a thin, barely there mustache. In other words, he was a fine specimen. I was only five foot four, but tilting my head up and looking in his face took me on a pleasurable journey up his body. Looking at his eyes for that contact, I noticed their color. I said to him, “Your eyes are beautiful. I didn’t realize they were hazel.”

  “Thank you,” Travis said with that beautiful smile.

  As we continued talking, he reached out and gently touched my arm. My heart beat like a drum. That was the first time I wished the rumors were true. Only we certainly wouldn’t be with another woman, just Travis and I. It was a thought worth entertaining.

  In fact, I wasn’t looking for love. I had long since found it, almost twenty years ago, when I met and fell in love with my husband, Dexter. He was an excellent provider and lover. He was considerate and helped me with the chores in our home. He was a vice president at Bank of the USA, which was a large, distinguished banking and finance company. He was also handsome with strong shoulders, but he was not as tall as Travis.

  In twenty years, I never dreamed that I would ever look at another man. Occasionally, I glanced when there was someone who was exceptionally good-looking heading in my direction. But I had never met any man who made me imagine him buried deep inside of me until I met Travis Ingram.

  Travis was ten years younger than me and I wasn’t about to teach a young man no grown-up tricks. However, when he was around, I noticed that I too was admiring his stately physique.

  Travis had never done anything inappropriate to my staff or me. He was a professional who came to do his job and left when he was finished. But he had spent a lot of time at the office, because a virus had attacked the network system. He was good at what he did, but he had been unable to detect the virus. The more he came to the office, the more the workers salivated after him.