Dark as Cole [The McAlisters of McKenna Downs 4] (Siren Publishing LoveXtreme Forever)

by Zoey Marcel

  Malachi gasped when Sean kissed his dick through his pants. Before Sean could pull the man’s penis out, Malachi grabbed him by the hair and gave him a rough shove.

  “You’ll be the ruin of me!”

  Sean lay back on his elbows where he’d fallen over, looking up at him as Malachi stood abruptly and quickly buttoned and zipped his fly. He felt dirty and wicked. Not because he touched a man, because he tempted a preacher.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Get out.”

  “You want me,” Sean accused, getting up carefully.

  “I’m drunk.”

  “You’re gay.”

  “You need to leave.” Malachi threw him a hostile glance, eyes narrowed.

  Tears spilled from Sean’s eyes. “It’s not wrong when it’s love.”

  Malachi’s lips drew back in a saccharine grin. He let out a faint chuff of laughter that echoed with disgust. “You’re good, aren’t you?”

  An achy spasm moved in Sean’s chest like a tremor through a fault line. “You’re breaking my heart.”

  “You’re mutilating my conscience.”

  “Don’t pretend you’re innocent. I know I’m not the first. You’re too good at that. You dominated men in the past, didn’t you?” Sean’s eyes burned. “Why was it okay with them, but not with me?”

  “Get out.”

  “No. You kept your whips and chains even though your wife is gone and you said she was never into that. It was for the men, wasn’t it? Do you play with fire sometimes?” Sean stepped closer. “You can whip me and dominate me. I’ll let you do anything you want. Just don’t send me away.”

  “Get behind me, Satan.” Malachi raised his voice and threw a nasty glare at him.

  Sean was stunned. Tears overflowed from his eyes, and Malachi looked like he regretted the words immediately.

  “Sean,” he breathed, expression radiating with misery.

  Sean bolted.

  “I’m sorry,” Malachi called after him.

  Sean ran out of the house, weeping and feeling dirty, unworthy.

  * * * *

  Sean sat on Percy Gibbons’s couch with him. He’d only confided that Malachi had turned him down. He didn’t mention that Malachi was most likely gay, or that he’d gotten Sean off. He would never betray the man’s secret like that.

  Sean had cried alone for a good hour or more before drying his eyes and then heading over to Percy’s. The guy had hugged him and sat on the couch listening to his sad story.

  “I hate to say I told you so,” Percy said in a somber tone. “You can’t go after straight guys. No matter how awesome you are they’ll never see you as more than a friend. You okay?”

  Sean was numb. The only two parts of his body he felt were his heavy heart and his arm where Percy petted him.

  “I offered to get a sex change for him so he’d want me.”

  He felt so stupid. Men weren’t supposed to throw themselves at anyone, but he hadn’t been able to help himself.

  “A sex change is something people should do for themselves if they want to, not for anyone else.”

  Sean stared down at his hands as he sat bent over with his elbows resting on his lap. “I meant it.”

  Percy’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

  A dull ache started again in his throat. Sean gulped it down. He could only nod, keeping his head down.

  Percy gave his back a soothing rub. “You poor guy. You want a margarita? I got one of those margarita machines.”

  Sean nodded, placing a hand on Percy’s leg when he started to get up. Percy sat back down. “I haven’t changed my mind about what we talked about the other night.”

  Percy picked Sean’s finger up with two fingers, carefully moving it to his own lap like he was picking up a used wrapper from an unknown source. His smile was friendly, though. “As flattering as it is being your second choice, you’re still clearly upset from his rejection.”

  “You said to take a couple of days and then you would fuck me.”

  “Yeah, take a couple of days to make sure it was what you really wanted. Not run back over to Malachi again and then come here heartbroken like you did two nights ago. We’re in the same boat. If we screw around when you’re this low, you might regret it.”

  “Ugh!” Sean dragged his hands roughly down his face. “Damn it, Percy. I’m leaving for New York tomorrow. Somebody has to have my virginity. I don’t want to give it to a stranger.”

  “There’s this thing called a boyfriend. You should try it. New York is full of gay men who’d love to date you.”

  “I want my first time to mean something.”

  Percy’s expression became sympathetic. “It’s not gonna mean the same coming from me. Not like it would with him.”

  Sean’s eyes burned. He had no tears left to cry, but it still hurt. He took Percy’s hand in his. “I don’t want to just give it away to anyone. After this, nothing I do will matter. Just let me have this one night where I feel safe and cared about. I would rather give it to a mate than to a stranger. You view it as a gift, and I respect you enough to give it to you.”

  Percy smiled and played with his hair. “That invitation was much better than your first attempt, but no. God knows you’re hot stuff, but there’s no rush in losing your virginity. You should give it away when you really want to.”

  Sean put his hand on Percy’s thigh. “I want to.”

  “Stop molesting me, cutie.” Percy picked his hand up again and set it on Sean’s lap. “You don’t, though. You want a sympathy fuck and I’d give you one, but not if it’s your first time. You don’t have to necessarily wait until you’re married if you don’t want to, but at the very least your first time should be with someone you have feelings for, whether it’s love or you just really like them.”

  “I know you’re right. It just hurts.”

  “I know.” Percy got up “What kind of margarita did you want?”

  “One of those blue ones if you have that.”

  “Those are my favorite, too. They’re coming right up.”

  “Thanks.”

  “If we have too much to drink, you can always spend the night. No funny business, though.”

  “Thanks, mate.”

  Percy was a good friend and a great guy. But he wasn’t Malachi.

  * * * *

  “Oh fuck!”

  Sean flew out of bed and scrambled for his clothes. He’d spent the night with Percy and shared his bed, but they hadn’t fucked. He’d worn some pajamas Percy lent him.

  Percy sat up, yawning. “What’s the matter?”

  “I must have slept through the alarm.”

  “Are you gonna miss your flight?”

  “No, but I doubt I’ll make it to my uncle’s before my da does. He’ll get suspicious when he finds out I’m not there.”

  “Just tell him you were out all night partying.”

  Sean smirked. “Yeah, that’ll make him happy.”

  Percy smiled and rolled out of bed. “Want me to drive you?”

  “That’s okay. Thanks anyway.” Sean finished pulling his clothes on. “Thanks for letting me stay the night.”

  “Not a problem. What’s wrong?”

  He frowned. “I’m attractive, right?”

  “Are you kidding? You’re smoking. Is this because I didn’t plunder that ass?”

  His features quirked. “That’s a funny way of wording it.”

  “Believe me, I noticed. You’re just a little thing, but you’ve got an ass on you like a curvaceous woman. Doesn’t look like it in your clothes, but damn.”

  Sean smirked.

  “Somebody’s gonna have all kinds of fun with it.” Percy touched his arm. “I didn’t have at you because your friendship means more to me than getting laid. I mean I’m not gonna lie, I totally got hard lying next to you last night.”

  Sean smiled. “It was the Spiderman pajamas, wasn’t it?”

  “It so was. Those sexy Spidey
PJs.”

  They snickered.

  “I wish we had time to grab breakfast or something. I’m gonna miss you,” Percy said.

  “I’ll miss you, too. I can write you.”

  He snorted. “What’s that? Send me a text.”

  “I meant email.”

  “Email’s good, too.”

  Sean sobered. “I guess this is goodbye.”

  Percy pulled him into a tight bear hug. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

  Sean squeezed him back. “I’ll miss you, too. Keep in touch.”

  “Of course.”

  After brushing his teeth with a spare toothbrush his mate had, Sean waved at Percy on his way out, hoping Da didn’t get to Uncle Greg’s before he did.

  * * * *

  At the airport Sean stood with his father, Aiden, and his little sister, Cara, while the other passengers boarded the plane.

  “Why can’t Squish Face sit on your lap on the plane?” Cara asked.

  Sean grinned. “You know how she is. She’d be snorting and flailing and eating all the food. She’ll have a nice little carrier in a cargo area with other dogs.”

  “But she’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll see her when I get there.” Sean turned to his father. “Thanks for paying for school. You’re a good da.”

  Aiden gave him a lazy half smile. “I just want the best for you.”

  Sean knelt to hug his sister. “Come here, you.”

  She put her arms around him. “I’ll miss you.”

  He squeezed her tight. “I’m gonna miss you, too. Be good for Da.”

  “Ah, can’t I be a little bad sometimes?”

  Aiden smirked.

  Sean grinned. “Why not? It’ll keep him young.”

  “Hey, maybe you’ll meet the one in New York.”

  His heart clenched and he put on a weak smile, patting her on the head. “I’m going there for school. I’m not gonna meet the man of my dreams in New York. Em, woman.”

  His heart stammered as he stood abruptly, feeling Da’s eyes on him.

  Cara giggled. “You said man. He’s silly, Da.”

  “Fucking hilarious,” Aiden muttered while looking at Sean. His expression was cross with warning. “Last night, tell me about it.”

  Sean did his best to remain calm. “I already told you I spent the night with a mate since I’d had a few drinks and didn’t want to drive home that way. I wasn’t drunk, though.”

  “This mate of yours, what’s he like?”

  He let out a frustrated exhale, doing his best to keep his eyes from rolling even as his face made an “Ugh, here we go again” look.

  “Your son only associates with heterosexuals,” Sean quipped, “because he’s not gay. Feel better?”

  “Watch y’rself,” Aiden warned.

  “Da, what does gay mean?” Cara asked.

  Aiden kept his attention pinned to Sean while answering her. “It means happy.”

  “Oh.” She frowned. “How come you don’t want him to be happy?”

  A bloody good question.

  Aiden sighed and dug into his pocket for some change. “Cara, sweetheart, go buy some sweets while I say goodbye to Sean.”

  “Thank you.” Her face lighted up.

  “It’s right there.” Aiden pointed to a nearby group of machines filled with various types of candy. “I’ll be right over.”

  “Okay.” She wandered off.

  Sean waited for a lecture that didn’t come.

  Aiden put a hand on his shoulder. “You know I love you.”

  Sean nodded. “I love you, too.”

  “Find a good church when you get there and behave y’rself. School first, relationships second.” Aiden slanted a finger toward him. “Don’t play with drugs. Protect y’rself. Don’t knock some girl up.”

  Sean rolled his eyes. “I’m going to college, Da, not a whorehouse.”

  Aiden looked annoyed. “Don’t stray from what you were taught. I’m payin’ for your education, not your downfall.”

  “I’ll be fine, Da. You don’t have to wait here.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “It’s a five-hour layover. I brought things to entertain myself.”

  “You sure?”

  Sean nodded. “You guys can go have a father/daughter date. She loves when you take her on those.”

  “C’mere.” Aiden pulled him into his arms. “You’re a good kid.”

  He’d heard that before. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was a man, damn it. His da meant it as a compliment, so he accepted it.

  “Thanks.” Sean smiled and watched him turn to walk away. “Da, if I ever do something to disappoint you, will you still love me?”

  Aiden eyed him cautiously. “Are you going somewhere with this?”

  “No. Forget I said it.”

  “I’ll always love you,” he said gently, “but don’t use that as an excuse to fuck up.”

  Sean licked his lips and nodded slowly. The words were bittersweet. “Goodbye.”

  “Take care of y’rself.” Aiden waved back at him before leaving with Cara.

  Sean looked down at the dog carrier. “It’s just you and me, Squishy.”

  His pug made happy whimpering sounds from inside the carrier.

  He put in his ear buds and turned on his iPod. “Cryin’” by Aerosmith came on. He loved that song. The lyrics filled him with bittersweet emotions and memories of Malachi.

  He decided to take a stroll around the city while waiting for his delayed flight. As he was leaving the airport he saw Malachi Brodie walking away. His heart stopped.

  Sean hurried after him. “Malachi!”

  The older man turned to face him. It was him.

  Sean came to an abrupt halt in front of him. He shut his iPod off and stuck the ear pieces in his pocket. “What are you doing here?”

  “Someone said your flight was today. I came to apologize for what I said to you the last time we saw each other. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “I forgave you the minute you said it. You drove all this way just to apologize to me?” He was in awe.

  Malachi nodded, steel-blue eyes roaming over his features. “That and to say goodbye. The way we left it couldn’t have been goodbye.”

  Sean wanted to fly into his arms, but they were in public and Malachi had a reputation to consider. “That means so much.”

  “Aren’t you going to miss your flight?”

  “It’s delayed. I have a five-hour layover.”

  Malachi’s eyes lightened with hope. “Do you want to get a coffee and talk?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Come on.”

  The preacher drove them to a coffeehouse where they sat and enjoyed lattes together while Squishy napped in the car.

  “I’m a masochist,” Sean said bluntly.

  Malachi seemed caught off guard before he averted his eyes. “Sean, don’t tell me that.”

  He looked tempted.

  “You’re a sadist. You know we’re a perfect match.”

  “I know we are. It doesn’t make it right.”

  “Why did you do S&M with other men, but you refuse to with me?” Sean asked, burning with jealousy.

  “When I did it with them it was just about BDSM,” Malachi explained. “I didn’t sleep with them … most of the time.”

  “Do you like S&M, or is it your way of convincing yourself you don’t like men?”

  Stormy eyes scolded him. “I enjoy inflicting pain and I have a taste for men. Both are forbidden. A man can only deny so much of himself before something’s got to give. I chose the lesser of two evils.”

  “You think what we feel for each other is evil?”

  “Not evil. Wrong.”

  “I want you to do a scene with me,” Sean said. “I have a good pain tolerance and I enjoy it. You can hurt me and hold me afterward. It doesn’t have to end in sex.”

  Malachi looked at him seriously. “You know it will.”

  Sean’s loins heated. “Would t
hat be so terrible?”

  Malachi shook his head, adjusting himself in his seat. “No. It would be wonderful.”

  “I meant what I said. I’m still a virgin. I saved my innocence for you. I want you to have it.”

  “I’m honored that you want me to have that gift, but you know we can’t.”

  “Why not? Pretend I’m one of the other men.”

  “You’re not. If I take you to bed we both know you’ll never get on that plane.”

  “I will if you want me to.” Sean reached across the table and took his hand. “I’d promise anything to feel you inside me.”

  Lust shadowed Malachi’s countenance. He seemed torn between pulling his hand away and leaving it there.

  “I bet I’m really tight.”

  Malachi pulled his hand away. “Sean …”

  “Then just do a scene with me. Take me somewhere so we’re alone and hurt me, hold me, kiss me. Just don’t let me leave here with even more regret than before.” Sean’s tone dropped. “Don’t you want me?”

  Malachi met his pleading gaze. “You know I do. Even if we did do a scene together it wouldn’t change anything. You still have to go to school and I can’t be with a man.”

  His chest hurt. “Then let’s just share these last few hours together.”

  A tense pause followed.

  “All right,” Malachi said. “The only thing I have in my trunk is a bullwhip. If that’s too intense I can stop somewhere first.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “There’s an abandoned warehouse we can go to where no one will hear us.” He rolled his eyes, smirking a little. “That has to be the creepiest thing I’ve ever said to anyone.”

  Sean giggled, bubbling with excitement. “Sounds steamy to me.”

  “You must be a masochist if that’s your kind of ambiance. We’ll finish our coffee and then we’ll go. No kissing, though,” Malachi said sadly. “If we start I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

  “Fine by me.”

  “No, Sean, just the whipping.”

  Sean’s shoulders slumped. “Okay.”

  “Your safe word is Manhattan.”

  “I’ll never use it.”

  “Use it if you need to.”

  “I won’t. I trust you, and I want everything you have to give me.”

  Malachi appeared completely aroused by that.