I Can't Let Go

by Chenell Parker

  “Don’t get lil mama fucked up,” Venus whispered as she watched him watching Kimora from across the yard.

  Admittedly, Kimora was a baddie, but Venus gave not one fuck. Tino was acting too pressed behind another bitch while in her presence and she felt disrespected.

  “Chill out with that stupid shit and be happy that you’re even here,” Tino replied.

  It took a lot of convincing on his father’s part to even get her there. Val wanted no parts of Venus and that included having her in her house. She made it clear to her husband that she could come but she had to stay in the yard. When Tino told Venus what his mother said, she was pissed but not enough to stay home. She always wanted to watch him, so she took whatever she was being offered.

  “Are we playing cards or what?” Zoe asked after a while. It was only then that Tino took his eyes off of Kimora. He chilled with his family and played cards for a while. His father and some of his uncles started shooting dice and he joined in on a few games of that too. After a while, he looked for Kimora and she was gone. It was cool with him though. As soon as he could shake Venus for a while, he was going to give her a call.

  “H ello,” Kimora said when she groggily answered the phone. She had been up for almost twenty-four hours and she was drained. Between Prince, Dirty and some of their friends, she had been doing more cooking than a chef. It was all good though. She had made a lot of money to replace all that she had spent the week before.

  “Happy Birthday pretty girl!” Tino yelled, making her move the phone away from her ear.

  Kimora looked at the clock and saw that it was a minute after midnight. He told her that he was going to be her first call on their special day and he wasn’t playing. Since the first day they met ten months ago, not a day passed by that she didn’t see or talk to him. He picked her up from school every day and he was on the front row when she graduated high school. Not only did Kimora form a bond with him, she formed one with his mother as well. She was always going somewhere with Val or just at her house chillin’.

  “Thanks. Same to you.” Kimora yawned after a while.

  “Open the window and let me in,” Tino requested.

  “Are you serious right now? I just got to sleep about two hours ago,” Kimora fussed.

  “Stop complaining and come let me in,” Tino said, right as she heard him knocking lightly on her window. Kimora jumped up and locked her bedroom door to make sure that no one decided to barge in. She tried to be as quiet as possible as she opened her window for him to come in. Kimora’s room was all the way to the back of the house, so it was easy to sneak in and out.

  “What is all of this?” Kimora asked when Tino started handing her bags.

  “It is your birthday, ain’t it?” Tino questioned as he climbed into the window with two more bags.

  “I told you not to buy me nothing else,” Kimora replied. After only a month of knowing Tino, he started spoiling her like crazy. Shoes, clothes, purses, money and anything else that he thought she wanted was right there at her fingertips.

  “Damn, you’re welcome,” Tino said sarcastically as he laid across her bed.

  “I’m sorry. I appreciate it but you already do enough,” Kimora replied.

  “Open your gifts,” he ordered as he propped himself up on one elbow.

  “Okay, but you first,” Kimora said as she walked into her closet and grabbed his gifts. Tino was hard to shop for because he had everything that he wanted and more. Val gave her a few ideas and she was hoping that he liked them.

  “I told you to save your money. You already know what I want,” Tino replied as he looked at her seductively. Kimora was fine as fuck in her boy shorts and belly shirt. Her pretty white polished toes sank into the furry rug on the floor and her hair was hidden underneath a silk scarf. Still, he had never seen her look more beautiful.

  “I’ve been looking but I haven’t found anything that interest me yet. I hate school,” Kimora pouted as she threw herself onto the bed right next to him.

  “Keep looking,” Tino demanded as he handed her one of her gifts to open.

  Since graduating high school five months ago, Tino had been on her back about going to college. Kimora kept trying to put it off, but he wasn’t having it. He told her that she had until January to figure it out before the new semester started and she was trying. It was crazy that all he wanted for his birthday was for her to enroll in college.

  “Here, you open yours while I open mine,” Kimora said as she handed him a bag.

  They both ripped into their bags at the same time and smiled at their gifts. Val had obviously seen what he was getting her because Kimora had gotten him the same Gucci shoes that he had for her. The only difference was that she had him the matching belt and he had her a hobo bag. She got him a cologne set and watch and he got her way too many gifts than he should have.

  “Thank you baby. I appreciate it.” Tino smiled as he gave Kimora a kiss on the forehead, even though he knew that she hated when he did that. Her grandparents kissed her in the same spot and she didn’t want that kind of kiss from him.

  “Kiss me,” Kimora said as she looked him in the eyes. She was bold and she didn’t have a reason to play coy.

  “I just did,” Tino replied.

  “No, a real kiss,” Kimora said.

  “That was a real kiss,” Tino smirked. He was trying to be funny but he knew exactly what she meant.

  “Stop playing.” Kimora frowned.

  She didn’t even wait for him to reply before she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Tino put his hands on her hips and inhaled her feminine scent. Kimora smelled like strawberries and some other fruity flavor that he couldn’t identify. Tino didn’t want to go there with her just yet, but she was making it hard. When Kimora pressed her soft lips to his, he started to say fuck Kimiko and her wishes. He wanted to make Kimora’s virginity a thing of the past. When she stuck her tongue in his mouth, it took everything in him not to dick her down on both their born day. Then, the talk that he’d had with Dirty and Kimiko a few days after he met Kimora weighed heavily on his conscience. He gave his word and that was something that his uncles on both sides and father had taught him to take seriously. He promised them that he’d wait until Kimora made eighteen before he took it there with her. Although he hated to do it, Tino broke the kiss and leaned his head back with a heavy sigh.

  “We gotta chill baby,” Tino said in annoyance. Chillin’ was the last thing that he wanted to do but his hands were tied. The erection in his pants was begging to be free but he had to control himself.

  “Fuck you, Santino! See yourself out the same way that you came in,” Kimora said as she stood up and folded her arms across her breasts angrily.

  She hated that he acted like her man but kept her in the friend zone. She knew that he was still with Venus, but he was confusing her with his actions. They went out to eat, shopping, the movies and everywhere else that couples went. Kimora was even going with him and Val to Miami to spend Christmas with some of their family. She went to the Dominican Republic with them two months ago and she met everyone who was important to him. Since Val hated Venus, it was easy for her to travel with them because Venus never did. She and Tino slept in the same bed more times than she could count but he never even touched her. He had her questioning herself and her self-esteem was taking a major hit. He was always telling her how pretty she was but she was obviously not pretty enough. She didn’t know what his game was but she was tired of playing it.

  “Come on Kimora. Don’t do that,” Tino said as he walked closer to her with his arms extended for a hug. Kimora backed up and out of his reach.

  “I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you later,” Kimora replied.

  “What time do you want me to pick you up for the party?” Tino asked. Halloween was a big deal to Val but that was no surprise. It was the day her first and only son was born. She had been throwing a huge Halloween party every year since his first birthday and she had no plans to s
top. The only time she didn’t was when they took a vacation instead.

  “I’ll get a ride from Autumn,” Kimora said, referring to her cousin.

  “I hate when you act like that.” Tino frowned.

  “Yeah and I hate a lot of stuff about you,” Kimora countered.

  “That’s my fault for even trying. I keep forgetting that you’re still a child,” he spat as he shook his head and climbed out of her window.

  As soon as he left, Kimora laid back in her bed and waited for her phone to ring. She knew Tino like the back of her hand now and he was calling her about two minutes later. Usually, Kimora would answer his call on the first ring but she wasn’t in the mood to talk. She silenced her ringer before turning over and going back to sleep.

  A few hours later, Kimora was well rested and lying across the bed at Prince’s house telling him what had happened between her and Tino. Prince had taken her to breakfast and to his house to get her gifts.

  “I keep telling you that niggas ain’t shit. I don’t know why you don’t believe me. It don’t matter that he’s half Dominican. The nigga part of him is the part that ain’t shit. His daddy is black so that’s the dominant race,” Prince said, sounding like a professor.

  “But, why do so much for somebody that you’re not really interested in? I would respect him more if he just tells me the truth. He’s always saying I’m his future wife but the nigga bitched up the minute I kissed him,” Kimora replied.

  “Don’t be stupid Ki-Ki. You know how many bitches I tell that to? I got about fifteen future wives. I think he fuck with you the long way but he’s still too old for you,” Prince replied as he rolled a blunt.

  “I wish you and Miko would stop saying that. I’m young but there’s nothing childish about me,” Kimora noted.

  “That’s true but your age hasn’t caught up to your mind yet. You’re mature as fuck but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re seventeen and he’s twenty-one,” Prince pointed out.

  “I guess but fuck it. I’m done trying to get him to notice me.” Kimora frowned.

  “He already noticed you, baby girl. That’s why the nigga is always around. I don’t know what his game is but he’s up to something. I couldn’t see myself doing half as much as he does for you on a bitch that I ain’t even fucking. Dude is out of his mind with that one,” Prince said, right as his phone rang.

  When Kimora took notice of the angry look on his face, she already knew that it had to be one of his many women. Prince was handsome with his dark chocolate skin and full beard. He kept his shoulder-length dreads pinned up or pulled to the back and his lining was always fresh. He had women falling at his feet and he tried to get a taste of them all.

  “Who is that?” Kimora asked.

  “That bitch Marisa. Her stupid ass is pregnant,” Prince fumed, referring to a chick that he messed with from time to time. Kimora had never met her but he was always saying how much of a freak she was.

  “Not another one. Damn Prince. Why don’t you ever use protection?” Kimora asked.

  “Her stupid ass said that she was on the pill,” Prince said as he sparked fire to his blunt.

  “And? What does that have to do with protecting yourself from diseases? What is she, number four or five?” Kimora asked.

  “Shit, I don’t even know and I really don’t give a fuck. I’m going to toss her ass some money and drive her straight to the clinic. You already know how that goes,” Prince answered.

  “You can’t make her get rid of it if she wants to have it,” Kimora pointed out.

  “She can do it the easy way at the clinic or get a homemade one.” Prince shrugged.

  “What the fuck is a homemade one?” Kimora asked.

  “I pay a few bitches in the hood to beat it the fuck up out of her. Trust me, going to the clinic is the best option,” Prince said.

  “Why don’t you just let her have it?” Kimora asked.

  “Come on Ki-Ki. You know me better than anybody. I can’t do kids,” Prince noted.

  “And that’s your right to feel that way but you need to stop making them. This is the fourth or fifth woman that you’ve impregnated. You should have VIP status at the abortion clinic by now,” Kimora said, making him laugh.

  “I can’t fuck up the life of an innocent child. How can I tell my children anything about themselves when I don’t even know who the fuck I am?” Prince complained with a scowl on his handsome face.

  “You’re Princeton Evans. A man with a heart of gold who just so happens to be my best friend.” Kimora smiled while trying to make him feel better.

  “You know what I mean Kimora,” Prince said, void of any emotion.

  He didn’t even know if his last name was his family’s name or if it belonged to one of the many foster families that he’d been placed with. He didn’t know if he had siblings or grandparents out there anywhere. He didn’t know if his family had any hereditary illnesses or nothing else about them. He was lost as to who he was or where he came from and he didn’t want to bring kids into his unknown world.

  In his mind, besides Kimora, no one else loved or even gave a fuck about him. His own mother didn’t give a fuck. If she did, she wouldn’t have left him in the hospital when he was only two days old. He didn’t know anything about his family and he had been a ward of the state for his entire life. He always said that he had to be a fucked up individual from day one for his own mother not to even bring him home from the hospital. He’d been bounced around to a plethora of foster homes and he went through hell. That’s why he loved Kimora so much. When he ran away from his last foster home, Kimora used to sneak him into her room through the window and let him sleep in her bed. She would sneak him food from their kitchen and she made sure that he had a hot shower and his clothes were always clean. That went on for months until her father walked into her room one day and caught him there. They forgot to lock the door and he didn’t bother knocking. It was never anything sexual between them and Prince loved Kimora like a sister. Even getting caught didn’t stop her from helping her friend though. Kimora got her brother to buy a blow-up mattress and she started letting Prince sleep in their garage. No one ever went in there and Prince was happy, just as long as he wasn’t homeless. She even got her oldest brother to put him on in the dope game and Prince had been straight since then. He owed her everything and he would give his own life for Kimora’s if it ever came down to that. She was all that he had and he cherished her.

  He’d only had one relationship that he considered serious but it only lasted for six months. Besides Kimora, her cousin Autumn was the only other woman who Prince had ever loved. It wasn’t the same kind of love that he had for Kimora though. Autumn was gonna be his wife one day. She was the only person that he’d ever said that to and really meant it. But, just like everybody else, she gave up on him after he made one stupid mistake. He never had to worry about that with Kimora though. She never gave up on him and she was the only person who genuinely loved him unconditionally.

  “Hello,” Kimora said when she answered her phone and snapped Prince out of his thoughts.

  “Hey cousin. I know I told you that I would pick you up for the party but I’m gonna be late. My mama has to stay at work a little longer, so I can’t get the car until she gets off,” Autumn replied. She and Kimora were first cousins and their mothers were sisters. Autumn was a year older than Kimora but they were close.

  “That’s cool girl. I’ll just get a ride with Dirty and Miko. I really don’t even want to go to this bullshit no more but Val would die if I didn’t,” Kimora noted.

  “And you know she will,” Autumn laughed.

  “What’s up baby?” Prince yelled since Kimora had the call on speakerphone.

  “Fuck you dirty dick,” Autumn snapped, making him and Kimora laugh.

  After months of flirting with her, Autumn finally let down her guard and gave Prince a chance. She’d heard all the rumors about him and she knew that he didn’t have the best reputation. Kimora loved him t
o death but even she warned Autumn not to go there. Still, she decided to throw caution to the wind and give him a chance anyway. For six months he treated her like a queen and she fell in love with him. That was until some random bitch popped up claiming to be pregnant with his baby. Prince tried to deny it at first but the girl had all the receipts right there in her phone. He finally admitted his wrongdoing and that was the end of whatever they had going on. Prince begged her for weeks to take him back, but she was done. He thought that since he made the girl have an abortion that all would be forgiven. That was Autumn’s first heartbreak and she hadn’t been with anyone else since then.

  “Stop acting like that Autumn. A nigga love your mean ass. You don’t have to wait for your mama to move around. Just tell me what kind of car you want and I got you,” Prince said.