I Can't Let Go

by Chenell Parker

  “You know nothing is too good for you and my kids. Now that Miko is home, I need to know what’s up with this wedding. We don’t have a reason to wait anymore.”

  “I’m ready baby. We can do it big or small. I’m good either way,” Kimora replied.

  “My family is too big to do it small. This is our first and last marriage and I want to do it big. I can tell my uncle’s wife to get on it as soon as possible. I wonder where they’re at,” Tino said as he pulled out his phone.

  His uncle Matteo’s wife was an event planner and she was good at what she did. She had an entire team who worked under her and she had connections in just about every city and state. Tino had already asked her to do Kimora’s baby shower and he knew that she would be happy to do their wedding too. It was short notice but she worked well under pressure. As long as Miko, Autumn and Prince were in the wedding, Kimora was cool. Dirty was Tino’s only choice so that worked out fine.

  “What about next month?” Kimora asked.

  “Shit, I was thinking more like next week,” Tino laughed.

  “That’s cool with me too.” Kimora shrugged.

  “Nah. Next month is cool,” Tino assured her.

  A few minutes later, Mateo and his family walked through the yard. They were supposed to be there sooner but their flight was delayed. Once they got settled, Tino and Kimora told his uncle’s wife what they needed from her. She was always in work mode and she started making calls and sending out emails right then and there. Tino was all smiles as he listened to Kimora tell her exactly what she wanted. He didn’t think the day would ever come but he was thankful that it did. He couldn’t see himself spending the rest of his life with anyone else but Kimora. He was happy that he got another chance with the love of his life and mother of his kids.

  T he following month, Tino and Kimora were married in a beautiful ceremony with all their family and friends there to witness it. Tino had mixed feelings about inviting some of his cousins and Kimora had to talk some sense into him. He and Dirty weren’t feeling Ramon and they didn’t trust him for whatever reason. Ronald was his brother, so they didn’t really want to fuck with him anymore either. He hadn’t done anything but he was guilty by association. Kimora didn’t want their day ruined, so she made Tino suck it up and let them both come.

  The rose gold and navy blue themed event turned out better than they thought it would. Mateo’s wife outdid herself in such a short period of time. She wasn’t lying when she said she worked better under pressure. Kimora and Tino’s special day was one for the books and so was their honeymoon. They spent a week in Bermuda and it was back to business as usual when they returned home.

  Kimora’s office was finally up and running for business. She now had a total of seven attorneys that she freelanced for and she was always looking for new business. Her mother was doing a great job at being her receptionist while doing her primary job as well. Nita had been getting out a lot more since she was soon to be divorced and her kids were happy about that.

  “Tomorrow can’t get here fast enough. I don’t see how you lived here for all the years you did,” Miko said as she looked over at Kimora.

  “It’s slow as hell here compared to what we’re used to but it’s not that bad,” Kimora replied.

  She swore that she would never step foot in Carmel again but she went back on her own word. Their father was finally moving back to New Orleans and they flew back the day before to help him pack. Dirty, Tino, Prince and Al arrived that morning and were driving the rented truck back. None of the men really fucked with Alvin like that but they agreed to help because of their love for Al. Kimora knew that her father had more enemies than friends but she applauded him for trying to do better. He took his kids out to dinner and begged for their forgiveness. For a man who never thought he was wrong, that was a huge step for him. They knew that their strained relationship couldn’t be repaired overnight but they all agreed to try. He wasn’t the best father but he provided for them all their lives. They always had nice clothes, a roof over their head and food on the table. They appreciated him because not every child could say the same.

  As for their mother, she was done. There was no more chances as far as she was concerned. She wanted a divorce and she wasn’t changing her mind. Alvin decided to let her have the house and he leased a townhouse not too far from it. He knew that his kids and grandkids would be spending a lot of time with Nita and he wanted them to have a nice home to do it in. As much as he loved his wife, he had to respect her wishes to end the marriage and move on.

  “You haven’t even been here that long,” Alvin laughed while looking at Miko.

  “I’ve been here long enough to know that I don’t like it,” Miko replied.

  “Carmel has a lot to offer, which is why I chose to move here. But, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, New Orleans will always be home,” Alvin noted.

  “You ain’t fooling nobody daddy. You don’t like it here as much as you say you do. I’ve eaten here twice since we arrived and I haven’t enjoyed anything I’ve tasted yet. The fast food is horrible and the shrimp ain’t even fresh,” Miko complained.

  “You’re just so used to the fatty but fine cuisine in New Orleans,” Alvin laughed.

  “I told you that we can go to the pizza spot if you want to,” Kimora offered.

  “I don’t want no damn pizza. I need a seafood plate with fresh seafood or a hot sausage sandwich with fries,” Miko replied.

  “You can get all that and more when we go back home tomorrow,” Kimora noted.

  They continued to talk until they were done packing up the kitchen and bathroom. Alvin had already packed up all of his clothes and the furniture was already on the moving truck. The men were back at the hotel and they planned to get the last of the boxes the following morning before they left. Alvin had to work but he was thankful that it was his last day. He was asked to teach a summer class at the school starting in June and he happily agreed.

  “I appreciate y’all for helping me. I don’t know where I would be if y’all didn’t.” Alvin smiled as he hugged his daughters.

  “It’s no problem daddy. Come on Kimora. I think I’ll take you up on your offer for that pizza. I’m starving and I know that Dirty is too,” Miko said as she stood up and stretched.

  “I’m only working for a few hours, so I’ll be up and ready to go in the morning,” Alvin assured them before going to get ready for work.

  Kimora and Miko got into their rental and headed for the pizza place. As soon as they walked in, Kimora paused momentarily when she saw a familiar face.

  “The fuck is wrong with you? Why did you stop walking?” Miko asked.

  “Kimora. How have you been?” Elaine asked as she wheeled herself over to Kimora.

  Another lady dressed in navy scrubs was with her and she smiled at them. The last time Kimora saw Elaine, she was the perfect picture of health but things had obviously changed. She looked old and frail now. Kimora also didn’t miss the slight slur in her speech and the significant amount of weight that she’d lost.

  “Hey Elaine. How’s it going?” Kimora asked politely.

  “It’s going. How is Santina?” Elaine questioned.

  “She’s fine. She’s at home in New Orleans with her grandmother,” Kimora replied.

  “Congrats,” she said as she nodded and frowned at her stomach.

  “Thanks. My husband and I are expecting a son in four more months,” Kimora said as she rubbed her belly with the hand that her wedding ring was on. She wasn’t trying to be petty, but the look of disgust on Elaine’s face when she congratulated her pissed her off. It wasn’t sincere and a blind man could see that.

  “Good for you,” Elaine snapped insincerely.

  “I guess I don’t have to ask how your family is doing since it’s been all over the news,” Kimora smirked.

  “They’re just fine if you must know,” Elaine noted.

  “Yeah, I just bet they are,” Kimora sneered, as Elaine used the feature on he
r electronic chair and rolled away.

  “What was that all about?” Miko asked.

  “That was Hassan’s mother,” Kimora replied as they moved up in the line.

  Tino had finally come clean to her about what he’d done to Hassan. He even let Kimora see the proof for herself and she got pissed all over again. To think that she had been with him so long and really didn’t even know who Hassan really was. Tino was a different kind of thug though. He didn’t just act on impulse. He was a thinker and he used his head more than anything. Kimora would have never even thought of doing something like that. But, just like always, her husband had her back. Hassan and his father deserved everything that was happening to them and more.

  “That bitch is on her last leg and got the nerve to try to have an attitude. I should have flipped her ass out of that chair.” Miko frowned.

  “Girl stop. The lady obviously can’t walk,” Kimora laughed.

  “And that’s exactly what she needs to be focused on and nothing else. It’s not your fault that her son can’t have kids. Shit, with him being locked up, he didn’t need any,” Miko replied, right before it was their turn to order.

  They got enough food for everybody and stopped to get snacks and drinks. Miko was happy that it was their last night in Carmel because she was ready to go back home and never come back.

  “I love you ma. Take care of yourself and I’ll call you one day next week,” Hassan said, right before he hung up the phone.

  He was in a foul mood, so he slammed the phone a little harder than he meant to. A few of the other inmates looked at him and frowned as he made his way back to his cell. Hassan and his father made a lot of enemies in Carmel, especially in politics. His father was all for longer prison sentences and Hassan used to be right there agreeing with him. His first week there, Hassan had more fights than he could count. He was praying that he got transferred to a federal prison like his father but that was just wishful thinking. His father was a politician and their charges weren’t the same. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he and Ben were still cool but they hadn’t spoken in over a month. In fact, his cousin had befriended some of the same men that he’d gotten into fights with.

  Hassan was no good up until the very end. He tried his best to work out a deal for a lesser sentence. He didn’t care what he had to do to make it happen, including throwing Ben under the bus. He really thought that he had a chance when he pinned everything on his cousin. That was, until the DA showed him all the tapes that were sent to them anonymously.

  Hassan was sick to his stomach to know that all of his dirt had finally caught up with him. He was baffled as to who could have done it until his first interaction with Tino came to mind. The other man was already waiting in his office when he got there, so that explained a lot. He also remembered when Tino and Kimora ran into each other again in the airport. He did his research and googled the other man before he made his first trip to New Orleans. Tino was into security systems and stuff, so it all made sense. Hassan regretted the day he ever met Kimora and that feeling only intensified once he got off the phone with his mother.

  Elaine had run into Kimora in the pizza spot and learned that she wasn’t only expecting, but she was married too. Hassan knew about the pregnancy but the marriage took him by surprise. That was a blow to his ego but he couldn’t do anything about it. They were trying to lose him in prison and they probably would. He had no money for a lawyer and his public defender had just graduated law school. He couldn’t even pronounce Hassan’s name, so he knew that he was done for. He was scared to take his chances in court and he was hoping to be offered some kind of deal.

  Thankfully, his mother had a separate bank account of her own because they froze all of his and his father’s accounts. Hassan made his money legally but they still had to investigate because his father was a partner in his business. Elaine was so stressed out that her pressure went through the roof and caused her to have a stroke. She was partially paralyzed and now lived in an assisted living facility. It seemed as if things had changed overnight and his life would never be the same. Hassan was emotionally scarred from his short stay in prison and, some days, he was angry that he even woke up. Dying had to feel better than what he was going through. All the dirt he’d done in his thirty years on earth had finally caught up to him.

  Truthfully, they only knew about a handful of his transgressions. His first wife wasn’t his first kill. His college roommate’s girlfriend was. She and Hassan were messing around behind his back but things went left real quick. Hassan had trouble keeping an erection back then too, thanks to the treatments that he was taking. It was never a problem before until she got mad with him one day. She said some hurtful things to him that wounded his pride. Hassan shut her up real quick when he wrapped his hands around her neck and choked the life out of her. Once her body was found hanging in her room a few hours later, it was quickly ruled a suicide. She was always claiming to be depressed, so no one was surprised when it happened. Hassan spent weeks consoling his friend, knowing that he was the source of his grief. He didn’t have an ounce of remorse and killing his wife years later came easy.

  “What’s up lil bitch?” one of the inmates passed by his cell and said.

  Hassan looked up and sneered at the man and his flunkies, including his cousin, Ben. Thanks to him, Hassan seemed like a punk ass nigga who couldn’t even handle his own beef. Granted, he wasn’t much of a fighter because he never had to be. He demanded respect and he usually got it. Hassan soon found out that niggas in jail didn’t give a fuck about any of that. Ben let them know that he did all of Hassan’s dirty work when they were on the streets, so he seemed like a joke to them now. All the weight he’d lost made him look like a fragile ass little boy instead of the grown man that he was. All his muscles seemed to have disappeared overnight because he was so stressed. Going on the yard to lift weights wasn’t happening because he was always getting into fights.

  “Fuck you nigga!” Hassan snapped in anger.

  “I’m good on that. Your people already told me that you can’t keep your shit up,” he laughed, making the other men laugh with him.

  “Like I just said, fuck you nigga,” Hassan repeated.

  “Later bitch boy. My shit can stay hard for hours, so I got you,” the man promised as he grabbed his crotch and winked at him.

  All of the men walked off but Ben stayed behind. Hassan didn’t know why because he didn’t fuck with him anymore and that would never change.

  “I guess it don’t feel so good when you’re not in control of everything,” Ben taunted.

  “Fuck you bruh. Go run after your new friends like you’ve been doing,” Hassan snapped.

  “It was all good when I was running after you though, huh? I’m not even doing no trippin’ though, fam. I knew the risk I was taking when I did all the shit that you paid me to do. But, for you to try to put everything on me was foul on a whole new level. I’ve lost my business and my wife but, most of all, I’ve lost all respect for you.”

  Shakira kept it real with him and Ben couldn’t do nothing but respect her. She told him that she would send him a few dollars every month but she was done with their marriage. Most of the money in their account was his, so he was grateful that she didn’t just take it all and run. She even accepted a few of his collect calls and he appreciated that too.

  “You think I give a fuck about how you feel. I’m probably about to be in this bitch for life. Your thoughts and feelings matter none to me,” Hassan barked.

  “They never did but it’s all good. Enjoy your shower tonight,” Ben laughed as he walked away to join his crew.

  “Fuck!” Hassan yelled in anger.

  His manhood had been taken from him and there was no way for him to get it back. He was barely there a month before he was violated in the worst way imaginable. It was so bad that Hassan started to question himself. The pain had subsided since it happened just about every night and a little piece of his self-esteem subsided with it. He was start
ing to question God, as well as his masculinity. He wasn’t gay, but that was how he was viewed to those around him. He remembered his father always saying to play with the hand that he was dealt and that’s exactly what he was doing. Unlike when he was free, he didn’t get to control what happened to himself or others. Hassan laid down in his bunk and waited until it was time to take his shower. It was crazy because for the past three nights, he had started to look forward to them. Maybe never having kids was a blessing. He would be too ashamed to be anyone’s father.

  “G irl, it was nice. They wrote their own vows and he sung to her and everything. He sounded bad as fuck but it was sweet. That nigga said that she’s the only woman that he’s ever loved and he fell in love after the first time he saw her. It’s fucked up that he said that and y’all were together at the time,” Simone said as she told Venus all about Kimora and Tino’s wedding.

  She was Ronald’s plus one and she had never been to such an elegant event. The food was good and the liquor was plentiful. Venus was doing her nails and she ran her mouth just like she always did.