I Can't Let Go

by Chenell Parker

  It took hours before they finally rolled Venus’ lifeless body outside in a black body bag. Val made the sign of the cross again as they watched them load her into the back of the coroner’s van. Zoe was losing it and Miguel had to hold her up.

  “Oh baby, I’m so sorry for your loss,” Val said as she hugged her.

  “I can’t believe she’s gone,” Zoe sniffled.

  “Come on brother. You and Zoe can come stay with Ced and I for a while. We have more than enough room,” Val offered.

  “Yeah, we’re gonna come over there for the night,” Miguel replied. He would have to figure out what to do from there because they couldn’t just pack their kids up and move overnight.

  “Damn man. Franco got some shit to deal with now,” Tino said while shaking his head,

  “That’s so sad,” Kimora replied emotionally.

  Zoe wondered if they all would feel the same way about Venus if they knew what she knew. She was sure that their sympathy would turn into hate and she wasn’t sure she wanted anyone to remember her friend that way. She didn’t like to keep secrets from her husband but it definitely wasn’t the right time to tell him. Right now, she had to worry about burying her best and only friend.

  “T hanks for coming Zoe. I’m happy that you made it.” Kimora smiled while giving her a hug.

  She was actually surprised to see her there being that Venus’ funeral was the day before. Kimora and Tino didn’t go but she wasn’t expecting to see Zoe at her baby shower either. She and Tino were walking around thanking their guests before they went home and she made sure to stop at her table.

  “Yeah girl. I needed some sunshine after all that rain. Besides, Miguel wasn’t gonna miss this for nothing.” Zoe smiled.

  Since she was the only friend that Venus had, she had to be the one to make her final arrangements. Thankfully, Venus had her affairs in order and she paid her life insurance faithfully. She had Zoe’s name on everything and that made it so much easier. Zoe finally came clean with her husband about Venus’ involvement in Tino getting shot. Miguel took it better than she thought he would, only because Venus was already dead. Unfortunately, they still lived in the same house but he was working on that. They were working with a realtor to get a new house and sell the one they had.

  Amari’s crazy ass was out of jail after Franco posted her bail. Zoe couldn’t believe that her friend’s murder was being treated like her life didn’t matter. They had Amari wearing an ankle monitor but that was a slap on the wrist in her opinion. Franco knew not to ever bring her around to any more family functions, which was why he showed up at Kimora’s baby shower alone. Zoe didn’t hate her husband’s nephew but it was too soon for her to really be in his presence. Every time she saw him, she thought of his wife and that put her in a bad head space. She wasn’t blaming him for Venus’ death. If she were being honest, Venus played a huge part in her own demise.

  “I know that we didn’t hang out much, for obvious reasons, but we’re family. If you ever need to talk, I’m always here,” Kimora offered.

  “Thanks Kimora. That means a lot to me,” Zoe replied as she stood up and hugged her again.

  She always did like Kimora but they only really hung out at family functions. Since Venus hated her, that was the only time they could ever interact. She wasn’t surprised about Kimora and Tino not attending Venus’ funeral. She was sure that Miguel had told them what Venus had done and she couldn’t even be mad.

  “We’re about to start loading all these gifts up to bring home. Are you ready to go now or do you want to wait until I get back?” Tino asked as he walked up to Kimora.

  “I’ll wait. They still have a few people here and I don’t want to be rude,” Kimora replied.

  Zoe’s kids were there and Tina was having a ball playing with them. Besides that. Kimora had two special guests in attendance and she wanted to sit down and talk to them for a while.

  “Everything was so beautiful. Thanks for inviting us.” Shakira smiled when Kimora came over and sat down at their table.

  “Girl yes, I think I gained five pounds since yesterday. I’ll definitely be visiting New Orleans again,” Sydnee replied.

  It was both her and Shakira’s first time in New Orleans and she was happy that they went. They were having a great time and Kimora’s baby shower was something straight out of a story book. They were shocked when she extended the invitation but they booked a flight and hotel the same day. They had been eating and sightseeing since they got there and they had two more days to go.

  “Girl, I told y’all that the food was like nothing that you’ve ever had before,” Kimora said.

  “Now I see why you used to always complain about the food in Carmel. Even the baby shower food was good as hell,” Sydnee replied.

  “Girl but enough about that. I talked to Ben this morning and got some hot ass tea,” Shakira said as she leaned in close to both women.

  “What happened?” Kimora asked.

  “Well, according to Ben, Hassan’s erectile dysfunction is no longer a problem in prison,” Shakira said as she snapped her fingers for emphasis.

  “Why would it be when he’s locked up with a bunch of other men?” Sydnee asked.

  “You’re missing my entire point. He don’t need it to get hard anymore since he’s on the receiving end,” Shakira replied with a knowing look.

  “Bitch! I know you fucking lying! As fine as Hassan is. I know he ain’t going out like that. Is it by force or by choice?” Kimora asked.

  “Well, Ben said that it was by force at first,” Shakira said.

  “What do you mean at first?” Sydnee asked.

  “Because bitch, it’s by choice now. Ben said that he be initiating the shit sometimes.” Shakira shrugged.

  “Wait a minute bitch. Are you telling me that Hassan is letting niggas fuck him in jail?” Kimora asked.

  “That’s what Ben said,” Shakira answered.

  “I know he can’t be doing the fucking because his shit is like a tire with no air,” Kimora said, making them laugh.

  “I cry laughing every time Ben calls him Helen instead of Hassan,” Shakira giggled.

  “I hope he don’t switch all the way over and start dressing like a bitch. His ass is too big and cocky for that. This shit it too unbelievable. I was fucking with a queen and didn’t even know it,” Kimora said while shaking her head.

  “I just can’t see it. Maybe he’s that way only because of his circumstances. I never got that vibe from Hassan,” Sydnee replied.

  “I know lots of niggas who went to jail and didn’t go that way. That shit had to be already in him. But, fuck Hassan. I don’t feel sorry for his ass. That nigga tried to have me and my husband killed. After all the pain he’s caused others, he deserves whatever he gets.” Kimora frowned.

  She couldn’t wait to tell Tino and Miko about what she’d just learned. She didn’t know if it was true or not but Ben didn’t have a reason to lie. Hassan had done him wrong too and he was his first cousin. Kimora couldn’t help but think that she would have never even met his ass if it weren’t for the actions of others.

  She wasn’t even surprised to learn that Venus was behind a lot of what happened to Tino. She was bitter and their breakup was anything but friendly. Now she knew why the person responsible wanted her dead. She was surprised to hear about Ronald’s involvement but money made people do some strange things. Eventually, Venus got exactly what she wanted. Kimora was out of the picture and she got her man back. Sadly for her, it was only temporary. Thanks to Koi, they also found out that Venus was behind the incident that happened to Kimora at the gas station too. She was doing too much behind a nigga who didn’t even want her. The love that Tino and Kimora had was something that couldn’t be explained and they never even tried. Them being together was inevitable and they were finally happy.

  “Here comes your hubby,” Shakira said, pulling Kimora away from her thoughts.

  She smiled when she saw Tino and their daughter walking her way. Just ab
out everyone had left and she was happy that the baby shower was over. It was amazing and turned out better than they expected.

  “Ready?” Tino asked while helping her stand up.

  “Yeah,” Kimora replied.

  They saw the last of their guests off before heading home themselves. Kimora cringed when she looked in their son’s room and saw all the gifts just thrown in there. They had even more in the garage and she wasn’t looking forward to putting it all away. She knew that Val would probably do it but she would have to help.

  “Seven more weeks.” Tino smiled while rubbing Kimora’s belly. They had all taken their showers and he put Tina to bed. He had to stay in there with her until she fell asleep or she would have a fit.

  “Yes and I can’t wait. I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever. But, listen to what Shakira told me,” Kimora said as she repeated everything to him that was told to her.

  “I told you the nigga was gay when I first saw him,” Tino said.

  “You say that about everybody,” Kimora laughed.

  “Yeah but I was right this time,” Tino pointed out.

  “What are you gonna do with the nail salon?” Kimora asked, changing the subject.

  “I really don’t know baby. What do you want to do with it?” he countered.

  “I think we should rent it out. That’ll be some decent monthly income,” Kimora noted.

  “Yeah, that’s true. Vee had some chicks working in there already. They might want to stay. We’ll figure this shit out eventually,” Tino sighed.

  “You’ll need somebody to run it too,” Kimora said.

  “Not really. I can open and close and they’ll be responsible for collecting their money and taking appointments. All they have to do is pay us booth rental just like a hair salon.”

  “Yeah, I guess. Like you said, we’ll figure it out.” Kimora yawned.

  “Get some rest baby. I got my mama and Dirty coming over here tomorrow to help me get the baby’s room together,” Tino said.

  “Good because I have a conference call with a potential new client,” Kimora revealed.

  “On a Sunday?” Tino asked.

  “He’s a busy man and that’s the only day that he’s available. I’m trying to secure a bag baby. I don’t care if I have to work on Christmas,” Kimora replied.

  “That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. I’m so proud of you baby,” Tino said.

  “We’re proud of each other. You came a long way from the crybaby who used to want to fight everybody,” Kimora laughed.

  “Damn. Was I really a crybaby?” Tino asked.

  “Yeah but it’s okay boo. I was too,” Kimora replied.

  She was tired but she stayed up and talked to her husband for a while. They laughed when Tina walked into their room with Winter following right behind her. She climbed in between her parents like she always did and they all drifted off to sleep.

  “God please, I can’t do this,” Kimora cried as sweat poured from her forehead.

  “One more push Mrs. Dixon. We’re almost there,” the doctor coached.

  Seven weeks felt like seven days and Kimora went into labor the morning of her due date. She and Tino had just laid down after eating breakfast when the cramping started and her water broke. Her son couldn’t wait and she didn’t even have time to get any pain meds. Kimora couldn’t believe that she was having a natural birth and she was praying that it was over soon.

  “Come on baby. One more big push and he’ll be out. You can do it baby. You got this,” Tino encouraged as he held her hand. He hated to see his wife in pain but he was anxious to meet his son. Tina was in the waiting room with his parents and she was just as excited.

  “On the count of three,” the doctor said as Kimora nodded her head.

  When he counted, she closed her eyes and grabbed Tino’s hand tight while she pushed. She felt the biggest relief ever when her son came out and she heard his little cries.

  “Good job Mrs. Dixon,” one of the nurses smiled.

  Tino kissed her cheek before he ran over to cut the umbilical cord. The nurses worked to clean Kimora up and put her into a room. Hours later, the baby was dressed and the visitors started pouring in.

  “My sister is a muthafucking G. Bitch pushed out an eight pound baby with no drugs in her system,” Miko bragged.

  “Don’t even remind me,” Kimora groaned groggily.

  “Jesus. Let me start praying now,” Autumn said as she rubbed her swollen belly. She was set to have her daughter in two more months and she couldn’t imagine doing it drug free.

  “Don’t worry about it baby. We got this,” Prince replied.

  “Who is we? All you have to do is stand there and watch,” Autumn replied.

  “That’s if he don’t pass the fuck out. That’s some real shit right there fam,” Tino said as he rubbed his forehead.

  “You did good though baby.” Kimora smiled.

  “You both did and he’s perfect, just like his big sister. My father would be so proud to have his name carried on for generations,” Val replied as she smiled down at her sleeping grandson. He looked just like Tino and she was happy that he too took on her deceased father’s name.

  Kimora drifted in and out of sleep as their family and friends came to visit. Dirty and Miko stayed up there with her for a while until Tino left to go put Tina to bed. She wanted to stay but there was nowhere for her to sleep. She cried so much that he decided to go to his parents’ house with her just to calm her down. When he got back, he was freshly showered with some food for Kimora to eat. Everyone had gone home and it was just his wife and son in the room.

  “Thanks boo,” Kimora said as she dug into her seafood plate.

  “You’re welcome baby. I talked to my uncle when I was on my way back up here,” Tino sighed.

  “What’s wrong?” Kimora asked.

  “Nothing really. Amari took a plea deal and she has to turn herself in tomorrow morning. Zoe is not happy about the manslaughter charge but that’s the law. She’s a first time offender with a high priced attorney. It’s fucked up that you get more time for taking somebody’s possessions than you do for taking their life,” Tino said while shaking his head.

  “I know that Zoe wanted her to get more time than that but at least she didn’t walk. Five years is better than nothing at all.” Kimora shrugged.

  “With good behavior, she’ll be out in three,” Tino replied.

  “She did all that just because Franco cheated on her. What does she think he’s gonna do now that she’s locked up?” Kimora wondered out loud.

  “He might divorce her. My uncles are pissed off with his ass,” Tino said.

  “Shakira said that Ben got fifty years,” Kimora informed him.

  “Damn. How the fuck he got more time than his bitch ass cousin?” Tino questioned.

  “Ben has been to jail a few times before. That was Hassan’s first time. Twenty-five years is still a lot. I know he’s losing his mind in there. Even if he is a back door pirate now,” Kimora laughed.

  “Fuck that nigga. And even though she ain’t here no more, fuck Venus too,” Tino snapped.

  “Santino!” Kimora screeched.

  “I’m sorry baby, but it is what it is. That bitch tried to have you killed not once, but twice. She was doing all that shit to keep us apart and ended up losing her life behind it. I can’t sympathize with that. The same with your bitch ass ex. That nigga tried to burn us alive. I don’t give a fuck about him giving up his ass in the pen. Karma is a bitch.” Tino shrugged unapologetically.

  He didn’t care how cold hearted he sounded. He was tired of people trying to disturb his peace. All he ever wanted was to live happily with his wife and kids. His own cousin tried to end his life and he had been nothing but good to him.

  “I feel you though, boo. This is the first time that I feel like I can actually breath. Not knowing who was responsible for everything was bothering me more than anything else. I just can’t believe how many people were bothered by us bei
ng together,” Kimora said.

  “No matter what the people say, I’m gonna love you anyway, you are my life. I can’t let go,” Tino sang as Kimora smiled.

  As usual, he sounded awful but she closed her eyes and let her husband sing her and their newborn baby boy to sleep.

  “ Hold all my calls ma. I’m about to go to lunch,” Kimora opened her office door and said.

  “What did I tell you about that? I’m not ma when we’re at work. I’m Ms. Carter and you’re Mrs. Dixon,” Nita corrected.

  “Nobody’s even in here,” Kimora pointed out as she looked around the empty office.