Everything She Wanted

by Jennifer Ryan

  “Come on, Kate, one more lesson.”

  Kate backed Mariana into the corner of the room and stood in front of her, blocking her escape. “You’re cornered. What do you do?”

  “Be smart, don’t let you get your hands on me before I get free.”

  “How?” Kate moved in and reached for the girl.

  Mariana smacked her left hand away and ducked under her right, diving out from the corner to get past Kate. She shoved between Mariana’s shoulder blades and knocked her to the floor. Mariana twisted to her back, ready to protect herself with her hands. Kate landed on top of Mariana, straddling her hips, and held her hands down on the mats.

  “Got you. What did I tell you?”

  “Never let him pin me down. I’m too small and weak to fight in this position.”

  “Exactly. So be smart.”

  “You said girls are stronger in the legs than in the arms, so I kick and try to get you off.”

  “Men are vulnerable in their private parts. You get a shot at their groin, you take it and make it count.”

  Mariana kneed her in the back and bucked to dislodge Kate.

  “What is going on?” Ben demanded.

  Surprised Ben arrived early, Kate looked up. Ben stood in the doorway, a fierce look in his eyes. Mariana bucked again, sending Kate up on her knees. Mariana used her speed to get her feet up and through Kate’s legs. She planted her feet on Kate’s hips at her thighs and pushed. Kate went flying backward, letting go of Mariana’s hands. She stumbled into the wall and hit hard with a thump.

  Ben rushed forward to help Mariana up from the mat by her hand.

  “I got you,” Mariana shouted, and pointed her finger straight at Kate, triumph lighting her eyes.

  Despite the sting in her back, Kate smiled, infected by the girl’s enthusiasm. “Yes, you did.”

  “What is going on?” Ben asked again, his voice more bewildered than upset now.

  “I’m teaching Mariana to protect herself.”

  “Be smart. Never be a stationary target. Keep moving. Hit him where it hurts. Retreat isn’t failure, it’s survival.” Mariana bounced on the balls of her feet, fists at the ready to fight.

  Kate laughed under her breath and nodded. “That’s my girl. We’ll do some more tomorrow.”

  “Will you teach me some of those cool kicks you do?”

  “Yes. I promise. Now, if I’m not mistaken, you’re on kitchen prep for dinner tonight. Go wash up and get to work.”

  “I don’t even know how to cook.”

  “Learn. You’ll need it when the choices become your own. First rule, be smart. That means learning everything you can about taking care of yourself and being independent. School will take you places you never thought possible.”

  “School is boring.”

  “School is the key to a prosperous life. Find something you love and learn everything you can about it. Get a good job, one that makes you happy and fulfilled. Never let yourself be stuck in a job or a life you don’t want because you limited yourself and think you don’t have any other options. There is always another choice, but it takes guts and work. You’ve got the guts. Now work hard to achieve the dreams you think won’t come true. They never will if you don’t try.”

  “You think I’ve got guts?”

  “And so much more. You’re smart. You work hard. You’re hungry for more in your life and willing to accept help to get it. You even impressed Ben, besting me in the fight.”

  “I did?” Mariana stared up at Ben, so much hope in her eyes.

  Ben didn’t miss a beat. “Are you kidding? That was a great move. You’ve got the makings of becoming a real badass.”

  Mariana’s eyes went wide with surprise that Ben would use that word in front of her, but then the smile bloomed on her lips and she eyed Kate. “Maybe I’ll be as good as you someday.”

  “I have no doubt. Now, go. Punctuality shows you have respect for other ­people. They’ll respect you for doing the right thing.”

  “On it. What time do you want to work out tomorrow?”

  “When you get back from school, come find me.”

  Mariana nodded and turned to go, but spun back around and threw her arms around Kate, hugging her close. “Thank you.”

  Kate hugged Mariana back. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.”

  Mariana let her go and ran out the door.

  Ben stared after the girl. “That’s not the same angry girl I’ve seen these last weeks.”

  “More than being angry, she’s scared. She feels vulnerable and that she doesn’t have a say in her life. For the most part, she’s right. She can’t keep her mother from going back to her father. She feels helpless. I’ve been there. I used to be her.” Kate put her hand on his chest over his pounding heart. “Your approval means a lot to her.”

  “Because I’m a man.”

  “Yes. You’re a strong, good-­looking man who is nice to her and isn’t her rotten son of a bitch father. She needs to learn the difference. Your approval of her learning to fight and protect herself reinforces that you think it’s okay for her to stand up for herself when her father has taught her doing so will only lead to pain. He makes her feel weak and vulnerable. You made her feel strong and capable. What you think is a small thing to praise her for, she thinks is huge.”

  Ben bent and kissed her softly. “You’re amazing.”

  “For teaching that girl to be a badass.”

  Ben laughed. “Yes. And for understanding why she needed you to teach her how to fight. If she’d been a boy, I’d have thought it the perfect idea, but hesitated to encourage a girl.”

  Kate smacked him on the arm. “Girls can fight.”

  “I knew that in the abstract, but you showed me the girls who come here need to fight. Not just to protect themselves, but to build their self-­esteem. To know they can.”

  “The ­people who come here are beaten down in body and mind. Their bodies heal, but it takes a long time to build back the mind and a person’s sense of worth. Little achievements—­”

  “Like shoving you into a wall.”

  Kate smirked. “Yes. Those small victories change the way you think about yourself. You’re not stupid, or worthless, or unlovable.”

  “I’m sorry if you ever felt that way, Kate. It kills me that anyone could ever make you think those terrible things.” Ben cupped her face and kissed her again with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes. “You are smart.” He kissed her forehead. “You are kind.” He kissed her cheek. “You have a beautiful heart.” He kissed her other cheek. “You are lovable.” He kissed her on the lips, taking the kiss deep, sliding his tongue along hers. “I missed you today.” He kissed her again to show her how much.

  She tried not to read too much into the comment about her being lovable. She got that he liked her and wanted more than friendship between them. She wanted the same. She loved the dinners they shared these last two days, the easy way they talked about their day, their past, and hints about what they wanted in the future.

  Her hands fisted in his suit jacket and pulled him close. She rose up on her toes and pressed her body to the length of his. Each day, every kiss brought her closer to him, until she dreaded his absence and anxiously awaited his return.

  Someone cleared their throat behind them. Ben placed his lips on hers in one last searing kiss, then hugged her close with his head pressed to the side of hers. He dipped his lips to her ear and whispered, “You make it so damn hard to remember why I’m here.”

  “This little one is hungry,” Jill said to get their attention.

  Kate reluctantly released her grip on Ben’s suit jacket and smoothed her hands over the wrinkled material. “Sorry.”

  “I’m not.” His smile and the heat in his eyes fanned the flames of desire licking across her nerves.

 
She stared at his chest, resisting the urge to pull him back in for another sultry kiss. “This is so not like me.”

  Ben touched his finger to her chin and made her raise her gaze to meet his. “This is who you are with me.” Ben eyed her for a long moment, making her take that simple statement into her heart.

  Is this who she wanted to be? Someone who can’t take a breath without thinking of a man. Well, not just any man. Him. It had never been like this for her. The thought of pulling away, taking more time to think about what being with him meant to her life, left her cold. She liked spending time with him. He made her laugh. He made her think. She glanced down at Margo’s engagement ring. He made her believe in dreams.

  Ben walked over to Jill and scooped Alex up with his hands under Alex’s arms. He raised Alex up into the air over his head. “Hey, buddy, how was your day?”

  Alex smiled and squealed with delight. Ben brought him down and held him close to his chest. Jill silently left them alone. Kate stared at Ben with Alex safe and secure in his strong arms. He leaned down and planted a kiss on Alex’s head, took his hand, and held it with his big one.

  Kate’s heart swelled and filled with so much warmth it spread to every dark corner and lit it up with joy. A voice inside her called her a fool for ever thinking about giving Ben up and not at least trying to build something with him. Good guys like him didn’t come along often.

  Ben caught her staring. “Are you okay?”

  Unable to put her intense feelings into words, she closed the distance between them and walked right into his open arm. He held her close with Alex in his other arm. She buried her face in his chest and inhaled his spicy, woodsy scent. She held Ben and Alex close, feeling something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Lucky. Blessed to have both of them in her life. Now all she had to do was hold on to them.

  Ben kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him, but he stared down into Alex’s smiling face. “Should we tell your mommy our good news?”

  “What good news?” After everything that happened these last days that had her hiding out at Haven House, she needed some good news.

  “I got a call this afternoon from the clinic. This”—­Ben hugged Alex close—­“is Alex Faraday.”

  “Donald is his father.” The relief that washed through her made her sigh.

  “One hundred percent. The clinic didn’t make a mistake.”

  “But the lab report Donald had in his papers. They never put through the adoption with the courts.”

  “You said Margo saw you struggling to let Alex go. Maybe they wanted to wait and give you time to really decide. As much as Margo wanted Alex, she loved you and wouldn’t want to make you miserable the rest of your life.”

  The words rang true, but she had a hard time believing that after everything they’d been through to have Alex, Margo would give him back.

  “Is it so hard to believe that after you did this amazing thing for Margo that she wouldn’t do something that selfless and amazing for you?”

  Kate had to admit the truth. “No. I hate that she died thinking I’d take him away from her.”

  “I don’t think she thought that at all. I think you two would have come to an arrangement. Shared custody. When she married Donald, Margo would have been Alex’s stepmother. If she couldn’t have a child of her own, maybe that was enough for her. Alex is a piece of the two ­people she loved the most.”

  That sweet sentiment hit her right in the heart. “You always know the right thing to say.”

  “It’s simple when it’s the truth. Stop beating yourself up over this.”

  “So, this is why you came so early.”

  “In addition to wanting to see the two of you, yes.”

  She liked that he included Alex. In fact, he never seemed to mind that it was always the three of them. Of course, it had only been a ­couple of days. That might change over time.

  “I also came to pick you up. Detective Raynott has some information. He asked us to come down to the police station so he can fill us in.”

  “Did they arrest Evan?”

  “Unfortunately, no.”

  Alex began to cry. Ben touched her back to move her toward the door. “Where are we going?”

  “To get this one a bottle before we go.”

  She followed Ben into the kitchen. He didn’t hesitate to go to the counter, pour some water into the mug, and set it in the microwave to heat the water. He grabbed the can and dumped three scoops of formula into the bottle. The microwave dinged. Ben grabbed the mug and poured the water into the bottle. He twisted on the nipple and stirred the bottle around and around to mix the milk, but not add a bunch of air bubbles. Alex fussed, sucking on his fingers, fat tears trailing down his chubby cheeks. Ben used his pinky to move Alex’s hand and stuffed the bottle into his mouth. Alex settled comfortably into Ben’s arm and sucked away, staring up at him with nothing but love and gratitude, like, “Hey man, thanks for helping a guy out.”

  The silly thought made her grin.

  Ben glanced at her on the other side of the counter, his eyes narrowing when he caught her staring at him in fascination. “What?”

  “You.”

  “What about me?”

  “How do you know how to do that?”

  “I read the instructions Margo left at your place. It’s no big deal.”

  She held his gaze. “Yes, it is to me.”

  One side of Ben’s mouth tilted down. “I really need to step up my game if you think my feeding Alex is impressive.”

  “I don’t know, you seem to be scoring a lot of points just for being you.”

  He swayed side-­to-­side with Alex in his arm. “I’m not trying to score points, Kate.”

  “Which makes the sweet things you do all the more appealing.”

  “How about after we see the detective, you and I go out for dinner?”

  “I can’t leave Alex.”

  “Who said anything about leaving him? You met Elizabeth a ­couple days ago. We’ll go to Decadence. She’d love to see this one again and you.”

  “She works at Decadence. It’s one of the best restaurants in the city. The desserts are legendary.”

  “She owns the place. She’ll stuff you full of treats, I promise.”

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to take you to dinner and spend more time with you. I hate leaving you here each night.”

  “Ben, this is all so . . .”

  “New. Different. Exactly what I want. It’s a date, Kate. We’ll set aside everything that’s going on, eat a meal together, and get to know each other better. There will be chocolate.”

  “How do you know I’m a sucker for chocolate?”

  “Never met a woman who wasn’t. I don’t want to meet the one who isn’t. That’s just not natural.”

  “You’re teasing me.”

  “Bribing is more accurate.”

  She laughed. She couldn’t help herself. It made it all seem so easy. Maybe it should be. At least with the right person.

  “Okay, dinner.”

  Ben’s smile made her insides flutter. She felt like a silly schoolgirl, unable to control her reaction to the popular boy paying attention to her. But Ben was no boy. The way he looked at her, all that intensity and smoldering heat in his dark eyes, drew her in and made her want to leap into the flames of desire licking at her insides.

  “The promise of chocolate took it over the top, right?”

  “No, it’s just you. The chocolate is a bonus.”

  Yep, that smile might make her do anything he asked . . . and enjoy every second of it.

  “Come on, let’s go. I want to hear what Detective Raynott has to say about the case.”

  Ben grabbed a dish towel from a drawer, draped it over his shoulder, and put Alex up against him and patted his back. Alex c
ooed and patted Ben’s shoulder with his hands, then let out a huge burp.

  “That’s my man,” Ben said, rubbing his hand over Alex’s back in gentle circles.

  Kate used the towel to wipe the spit-­up from Alex’s mouth. When had the numbness inside disappeared? That warm, comfortable feeling that came over her every time she was with Ben washed over her. Impulse and need made her wrap her arms around Ben. She pressed her face to Alex’s side and Ben’s shoulder and hugged them close. She glanced up at Ben, hoping he saw all the things she had no words for in her eyes. “Thanks.”

  He reached over, threaded his fingers through her hair, and held her head. “Anything for you, Kate.”

  “Evan on a platter,” she suggested.

  “I’m working on it.”

  He’d keep working on it. He’d never stop. For her.

  She squeezed him tighter, holding on, thanking him for all he’d done and was trying to do, loving him for sticking by her side and taking care of her. Love? Wait. When did she ever use that word? With her sister and Alex, yes, but never a man. Was that the warm glow pulsing in her chest? Maybe.

  Chapter Fourteen

  BEN PARKED THE car in the police station parking lot, but didn’t make a move to get out. He held Kate’s hand in his, their fingers linked. She stared out the window, lost in her own thoughts. Quiet. He wondered what she was thinking and how she really felt about him.

  She responded to his touch and the kisses they shared with a warmth and openness he’d rarely felt from a woman. When they lost themselves in a kiss, it was all he could do not to drag her to the floor and make love to her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted a woman and the waiting was killing him. As much as he felt he knew her, from past encounters and especially these last few days, this was all new. He needed to take his time. She needed time to grieve, figure out the next steps in her life, and decide if what she felt for him now went beyond the need for compassion and companionship during this difficult time. It went deeper. For him. But did she feel the same way?