Falling For A Monster

by Delilah Hunt

  “Does he have your loyalty?”

  Chase shrugged. “To an extent. Just how it is. We’ve got our ways and the rest of the world have theirs.”

  “Have you ever thought about leaving? I mean, turning your...” Larke stopped in mid-sentence at the expression on his face. The one telling her she was pushing a subject he didn’t want or wasn’t ready to confront.

  “We’re on the wrong topic.”

  “Then what topic do you want to discuss?”

  He eyes glinted like shards of ice. Warning. A tense second passed before he said, “I wanted you to know that I’m going up to Lake Walnut for a couple of days.”

  A couple of days without seeing him. She tried not to feel sad. After all, he was about to get angry with her just a minute ago. “Are you going alone?”

  “Depends.” He shifted on the bench, lowered his gaze then leveled up to face her.

  Larke frowned. She recognized that look. Chase was nervous. But why? “What does it depend on?”

  “Depends on if you wanna come with me or not. It’s a small house I have up there. It ain’t fancy. Real clean, though. Has two bedrooms, so you wouldn’t have to worry about sharing a room with me. If you like this park, you’ll love the woods and lakes they have up there.” He lifted a shoulder. “But if you’re not into that sort of thing, it’s cool. I’ll understand.”

  “I’m into that sort of thing,” she said, sweeping her fingers across his.

  Chase’s lips thinned into a faint smile as the traces of nervousness vanished. Once again, he appeared to be in control. Or rather, a man trying his best to appear in control. He nodded. “Okay. That’s good. How much time do you need to be ready?”

  She gaped. “You want to leave today?”

  “Yeah, is that a problem?”

  Not really, except I don’t make a habit of running off with a guy on short notice. Larke groaned inside her head. What was she saying? They’d slept in the same bed last night! “No,” she answered, “it’s not a problem. I want to go, but I have my first book reading at a library coming up. If you promise to get me home by Tuesday afternoon, then I’ll say yes.”

  “I’ll have you back by then.”

  She nodded, biting back a smile at his immediate reassurance. “If you give me an hour I can be packed and ready. Is it chilly up there? Do I need a sweater or three?”

  He stared at her then laughed. The sound was a delicious rumble that made her stomach do a backflip. “Larke, don’t tell me you bring sweaters wherever you go? Even in the middle of summer.”

  She poked him in the arm. “You laugh now, but it was my sweater that kept both our butts from freezing.”

  He shook his head, the smile still in place. “I never did thank you for that, did I? Sharing your sweater and candy with me.”

  “You planned on thanking me?” She sucked in an exaggerated breath of shock and flattened her hand to her chest. “And to think all these years I’d assumed you not using that knife on me was your way of saying thanks.”

  His smiled faded. “Did you really think that?”

  “No,” Larke said. “But sometimes I think about that day. What would’ve happened if we hadn’t fallen inside the sinkhole. You had a pretty good hold on my shirt. I was very scared and didn’t understand why you were after me. I hadn’t done anything to you.”

  “I know,” he whispered, so low she could barely hear him. “I know you hadn’t done anything to me.”

  Larke recognized the meaning of the way his shoulders bunched. Guilt. She grabbed a hold of that emotion and decided to use it as a way to peek inside his mind. If Chase felt guilt for his treatment of her, then perhaps he had remorse and this, in turn, could lead him to reevaluate his racist views.

  “Do you think you would’ve hurt me? Looking back, would you have used that knife on me? You were so young. Did you really have it inside of you to do that?”

  He slanted his head to the side. Larke could see a muscle in his jaw tick. “What is this–you trying to psychoanalyze me?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe. You can psychoanalyze me later. I’m not perfect. I have issues too. All I want is for you to look me in the eyes and tell me if you could’ve killed me because of my skin color.”

  He glared at her, his eyes murky like a storm cloud. “This ain’t my answer; but what happens if I say yes? I feel like you’re trying to mess with me, fuck with my head to get back at me for…” He closed his mouth and shook his head. Seconds passed before he let out a loud breath of anger and frustration. Her heart twisted, realizing he had a lot of frustration. It was always there, despite his ensuing words of, “Nothing. Just nothing.”

  She touched his arm while peering up at him. “I want to know what’s going on in your head. It’s never nothing. Why do you think I’d want to get back at you? I don’t. It’s been too many years. And what would I get back at you for, Chase? For being what you are? For being you?”

  He nodded ever so slowly, looking her dead in the eyes. “For being me. Definitely for being me.”

  “I’d never treat you like that.”

  “Then why do you need to know what I would’ve done when I was eleven? What difference does it make?”

  “It makes a difference because I want to know what I’m up against. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have agreed to go away with you or invite you into my apartment for the night. This caring might also develop into something deeper.” She let out a breath. “I see so much in you beyond the white supremacy and secrecy. If you tell me you couldn’t have gone through with hurting me, then I’ll know the hate isn’t as deep inside you as you think it is. However, if you say you could have, would have hurt me that violently, then I’ll definitely know what I believe about you is true.”

  “That I’m a dirty racist fucker?”

  “No.” Larke flattened her hand against his chest. “That’s not what I meant at all. You told me I didn’t have any reason to be afraid of you and I believe you with all my heart. That’s why I have hope. Because it shows me how far you’ve come and how far I believe you want to go, even if you’re not ready to admit or accept it. I’ll always have hope, no matter what you say.”

  “I would’ve tried,” he admitted slowly, covering her hand with his. “But I wouldn’t have gone through with it. A month before I saw you near the woods, I’d witnessed something. Shit, no kid should ever have to see. I’m not trying to use it as an excuse, but I need you to understand that my mind was more messed up than it usually was. Seeing you on our property triggered a lot of my anger. I fucked up a hundred percent. I’m sorry. Also for any names I called you. I’m really sorry.”

  Larke nodded. Her eyes stung with tears. She blinked them back. “Do you want to talk about what you saw?”

  He shook his head and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. What’s important is that you know you’re safe with me. Always.”

  Her eyes stung some more. Chase was trying. He really was. She could already see a change in him from the crude person who’d had her fearing for her safety weeks ago. “I know I’m safe with you. And you’re safe with me too. I won’t ever hurt you.”

  He eyed her up and down. For a second she worried he would point out the obvious difference in their size, blowing off the true meaning of her words. He didn’t. Chase closed his arm around her shoulder and drew her close. He slanted his lips above hers then said, “We’re good together, Larke.”

  She smiled while trying to steady her erratic breathing. “We’ll be better when you tell me what to do about my sweaters. I can’t be cold.”

  He groaned, nipping her ear. “Just one. But you won’t need it with me close by. That I can promise you.”

  10

  “You, uh, packed a lot,” Chase said, minutes after they’d arrived inside the house surrounded by forest and lake. He glanced at his single duffle bag, dwarfed between Larke’s two travel bags. He’d never gone away with a girl before, so he’d kept his mouth shut as he’d pla
ced her bags in the backseat of his truck. Chase figured it must be normal. But damn, she’d even brought along a backpack that was bulging at the sides.

  “I know it seems like a bit much.” She studied her hands. “I like being prepared. That’s all.”

  “Prepared for what, Larke? There’s not much out here, except the woods and that big lake outside the window.” Chase stared at her in confusion. She wasn’t nuts. Not like some of the guys back at Lee’s Fortress. Preppers––some real crazy sons of bitches, who’d started preparing by stockpiling all sorts of things for the race war that Chase now realized had always been a pipe dream. This was also the same war that was supposed to happen after the number of white supremacists grew strong enough for them to take control of the government and enact laws that would once and for all put all blacks and non-whites in their place.

  Larke shrugged, still not quite meeting his eyes. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t like worrying that I don’t have something I need when I’m away from home.”

  “So it’s not just clothes and shoes you have in there? The usual female stuff.” He watched her closely. She was nibbling her lower lip now, looking nervous. Trapped.

  “I didn’t think you’d be interested in what I brought along.”

  “I’m not,” he answered. “I was teasing you before, But not anymore. Now I really wanna know what’s going on.” He cupped her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. This had to be what she’d meant about having her own issues. “You think something bad’s gonna happen to you if you’re not somewhere familiar? Is that why you need to be prepared?”

  She peered at him and nodded slowly. Chase closed his eyes then opened them on a low sigh. Damn. He’d hit the nail on the head despite praying he would miss. “Something bad like having to sleep out in the cold.” Because of me.

  “Oh, Chase. I feel so stupid. I’m not crippled by it, but I really dislike going anywhere new if I don’t have certain things with me. Things that I might need. After we were rescued and I went home, I thought I was doing fine. I mean we were okay, no injuries. I’m not sure when exactly this began or what triggered this fear, but one day it hit me. I’d made one little mistake, got lost and could’ve died. I became terrified, completely scared to go anywhere new. My mom had to rearrange her shift and make arrangements for me to get home from school if she couldn’t pick me up.”

  “How did you manage?” Guilt made it hard to speak.

  “I stayed inside a lot. I never made many friends. The other kids thought I was weird.” She lowered her lashes. “And well, I was fat, which didn’t make things easier.” Heaving a sigh, she continued, “Things changed as I got older. I wanted so much to do everything the other kids were doing. You know, school trips and hanging out. I later figured out that maybe all I needed was to be prepared for anything bad that was coming my way. I started bringing little things that might be helpful if I ever found myself in a sticky situation, in unfamiliar territory. It made me feel in control. Not so afraid.” She issued him a weak smile. “I know all of this sounds really crazy. But it’s the only weird thing about me. I promise.”

  “So that backpack over there is filled with survival gear?”

  Larke bit her lip and nodded. “A low key, low budget version. Some basic items. Backup battery for my phone, first aid kit.” Her lips thinned into another weak smile. “No candy, but I do have a couple of protein bars and a small blanket.” The smile faded once again as she lowered her head. “I’m working on this too. I really don’t want to always be scared. I don’t like the feeling of anticipating the worst.”

  And with those words, Chase felt like absolute shit. It was bad enough she’d had to deal with what he’d put her through that evening in the woods, but to spend so many years afterward, being afraid... He drew in a breath and brought a hand to his mouth. He was sicker than he’d ever imagined.

  He eyed her again then shifted his gaze to the bag. “You mind if I peek inside?”

  “Go ahead.” She knelt in front of the backpack while Chase crouched, slowly opening it. There was a flashlight inside, medical and antiseptic creams, a pocket knife, a thin rolled up blanket, a bunch of protein bars and four bottles of water.

  Chase zipped the bag and turned to her. He’d seen enough. His gut clenched to see Larke peering at him with worry as if he had a right to judge her. He didn’t. “That’s a lot of stuff for one person,” he pointed out.

  “I know. I’m strange. I already told you.”

  He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “There’s nothing strange about you, Larke. Except you being with me––which works to my advantage,” he added with a grin, hoping to make her smile. She did. Even pressed her face into his neck. He held her there, enjoying the feel of her soft body against his and the delicious scent of her skin. Chase cradled the back of her head, forcing her to meet his gaze. “You packed for both of us, didn’t you, angel?”

  She sank a tooth into her lip and nodded. His hand at the back of her head stilled. It felt as if someone had suctioned all the air from the living room. Or maybe just from his lungs; because breathing suddenly became one of his hardest tasks. On the floor and staring into her dark glossy eyes, Chase thought about everything she’d said. Everything he’d done to mess up her thinking when it came to new surroundings. And yet, in Larke’s wacky way of planning, she’d still included his no-good ass.

  Invisible strings tugged at his heart, pushing him mentally and physically closer to her. She leaned over with her hands planted on the floor. Her lips parted, welcoming his tongue against her own. His cock hardened and his balls felt as if they weighed a ton, heavy with cum.

  God. Chase closed his palm over her breast, kneading and caressing. One move and he knew he could have her on her back, right here on the hard living room floor. But would she let him in?

  Control. He struggled with it and was relieved when Larke used her own, taking the reins by tearing her lips from his. She moaned softly, her breathing shallow as she gazed up at him with big brown eyes.

  “There’s no going back is there?”

  He swallowed hard. “None at all.”

  They both stood, uncaring that they’d barely made it into the living room without touching each other. “I told you before that I’d never physically been with anyone before,” Larke said, “But it’s more than that. I’ve never had an actual relationship either. This is my first and I’m actually very happy it’s with you. Sometimes I’ve even wondered if we were meant to meet up again.” She smiled shyly. “Whenever I think about you or being your girl, I get these butterflies that flutter like crazy inside my stomach.” Her smile widened as she let out a quiet laugh. “Which is a good thing. Not a sign of my craziness.”

  She cleared her throat and her voice went low as she peered up at him. “Anyway, since you now know almost everything about me. That you’re the only man in my life, how can I be sure there’s not some blue-eyed, blonde ‘Aryan’ dream girl, waiting for you to get back home?”

  The question stung. But it was fair. Just like how it was also fair that those damn butterflies she’d mentioned had now found their way inside his stomach as well. “There’s no one,” Chase answered. “I swear it. That girl you described isn’t the type of girl I want. Not anymore. I’m one man, Larke. I only need one woman at my side and that’s you. I want you more than any other female I’ve ever met. I’m no virgin, but I can tell you I’ve never had a girl of my own before. So yeah, I guess we have that in common. You’re my first girlfriend.”

  Her eyes widened then a bright smile broke out on her face. “Honestly?”

  His cheeks burned hotter than the sun outside at her grin of pure happiness. “Yeah, honestly.” Chase cleared his throat with a fake cough then averted his attention to the bags still resting near the doorway. “Anyway. Forget what I said about your bags, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Shit happens all the time, right?”

  “Yes it does,” she agreed. “And we’ll be ready for it.”

 
He’d have to be ready for it, Chase thought. If anyone he knew realized who Larke was, what she meant to him… There were just too many well-meaning idiots in their neo-Confederate movement who might think they were doing him a favor.

  Schooling his concerns, Chase slapped a smile on his lips. It wasn’t entirely fake because being near Larke, in general, made him feel relaxed.

  “Is this your home away from home?” She was staring out of a large window overlooking the lake. “Do you come here often?”

  Chase joined her, holding the curtain away from the glass. “It’s supposed to be. I bought it last year. Only been here like twice, though. There’s a lot of hunting ground. Not like over at Lee’s Fortress. Most of the woodland was cut down to make room for new houses.

  She turned to him, an almost horrified and hurt expression on her face. He wished he’d kept his mouth close. “You guys have a lot of members, don’t you?”

  “We have enough.” He silently cursed himself for putting that look on her face. He schooled his features again, refusing to give her the details she obviously wanted. Details that would only cause more pain. “I got this place to get away and do some proper hunting.”

  Not wanting her mind to stay focused on his earlier comment, Chase led her from the window and showed her the rest of the house. The two bedrooms, each with its own bathroom and the patio the woodlands. When Larke sighed and mentioned how much she’d love to live somewhere out in the middle of nature, his chest hurt.

  She was a lot like himself. Her words reminded him once again, how so many of the things he’d been told about people different from himself didn’t add up. After he’d shown her the entire house, Chase threw on a long-sleeved shirt before heading to the supermarket with Larke. Another first. Grocery shopping with a girl. His girl.