Unsportsmanlike Conduct

by Sophia Henry

  “Slovakian?” The lies kept flowing.

  “Are you asking me or telling me?” she asked.

  I winked. “I’m making sure being Slovakian is acceptable to a beautiful Greek girl.”

  “It’s about the person, not the nationality.”

  “You like the person?” I asked.

  “Yes.” Kristen stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to me. “You are a wonderful person. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to have met you.” She lifted onto her toes and kissed me.

  When she pulled away, I glanced at my watch. “We need to catch a cab to the next place.”

  I had to change the subject fast because I had zero knowledge of anything Slovakian except the names of a few hockey players. And I’d avoided talking about hockey for a week just in case it sparked something in her memory.

  “The glowing water?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I dragged her toward a corner, then craned my neck, searching for a taxi. “You will love it. I promise.”

  Chapter 25

  The tour company for the “glowing water” excursion Pasha booked could have made a killing if they sold foam mats to sit on during the van ride to the location where clients put the kayaks in the water. Potholes riddled the dirt road, rattling the dilapidated van and sending passengers sliding and bouncing into each other. Couple that with the lumpy seat with springs digging into my flesh, and by the time we finally filed out, my butt felt like I’d sat on a mat of jagged rocks.

  “You all brought your mosquito repellent, right?” our tour guide asked once we’d all gotten off the van. “Time to spray down.”

  Pasha pulled a can of bug spray out of the pocket of his shorts and pointed the nozzle at me.

  “Close your eyes,” Pasha warned before spraying me with a mist of chemicals.

  I coughed. Which was nothing new, of course, but with the fumes swirling from every direction, I literally couldn’t stop coughing. I ran toward the van to get away from the group of sprayers. Pasha followed me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I coughed again. “Too much at once. I need to catch my breath.”

  “I’m sorry, I should have thought first.” He shook his head, upset because he hadn’t remembered my issues.

  I touched his forearm to stop his apology. “It’s okay.”

  He nodded, but his shoulders dropped as he walked away to spray himself.

  I finished hacking and tried to compose myself. Every time I’d coughed in the van, people on the tour cringed and turned away, as if my cough would bring on a zombie apocalypse. But they didn’t know, and I didn’t explain. I just let them keep their distance, like I should have done with Pasha.

  —

  Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

  My stomach felt heavy, like I’d just scarfed an entire pan of Aunt Dimitra’s baklava, as I held the paddle with one hand and gripped the edge of the vivid yellow kayak with the other.

  Kayaks are narrow. And in these particular kayaks, we were sitting on a bench level with the sides of the boat, not safely tucked into the cup-like floor. How had I not noticed that before? Oh, because I’d never been in a scary-ass kayak before. Because I’m afraid of water. Especially water at night when I can’t see what’s lurking in it.

  “You okay?” Pavel asked.

  I nodded. Probably because if I opened my mouth, I would either barf or scream.

  I hadn’t realized we’d have to kayak through the mangroves to get there. I hadn’t even known what a fucking mangrove was until this trip. Mangroves, the tour guide explained, are creepy clusters of trees at the water’s edge. Okay, our tour guide didn’t call them creepy. That was all me. Because paddling through a river canopied by hundreds of huge trees with massive twisted roots along the sides when it’s fucking dark as tar is fucking creepy.

  At this particular moment, I kinda hated Pasha.

  Screw him and his super-sweet extended trip to see glowing water in San Juan. Couldn’t he have told me to look at it from the plane as I flew over it?

  I knew it made me sound like a spoiled, ungrateful brat, but I was fine with that. Because this shit about trekking through water we weren’t familiar with in the pitch black was fucked up.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Pasha called from behind me.

  I nodded again, this time turning my head slightly.

  “You ever gonna help paddle?” he asked.

  I thought I might be falling in love with him. I was an idiot.

  I released my grip on the side of the kayak and with shaking hands took hold of the paddle that had been resting on my lap and dug into the water.

  “Don’t dig,” Pasha commanded. “Just skim the top.”

  “I’ve never done this before.”

  “No shit?” Pasha teased.

  “Please don’t let us tip over. I beg you.”

  “We will not tip.”

  “I’m gonna barf.”

  “You are this scared, yes?” Pasha asked.

  Though I believed he was sincere, his voice held a lilt of laughter, and using my paddle to knock him out of the boat crossed my mind. Except that would have tipped us for sure, and I couldn’t risk that.

  “If we live through this, I will kill you for taking me here.”

  “You will forget this when you see glowing water.”

  This water better glow like a fucking candy kid at a rave, because my insides are about to burst from my mouth.

  And I assumed we still had to kayak all the way back to our starting point after we saw the “glowing water” in what the tour guide called a bioluminescent bay. Knowing the correct terminology didn’t help, since I still didn’t understand what caused the water to glow. We’d find out soon, I hoped.

  Once I got used to paddling, the actual act wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was great exercise. But my head wouldn’t let me forget that the wobbly kayak could tip at any time. Especially when a fucking tree almost clotheslined me and knocked me out of the boat. I ducked and shifted abruptly to the right to dodge a low-hanging cluster of tangled branches.

  I shrieked and dropped the paddle in the water, to grab the sides of the boat.

  “Pick it up,” Pavel snapped.

  Though flustered, I managed to bite back my fear and reach over the side, grabbing the paddle and sweeping it out of the water. “We almost tipped. We almost tipped.”

  “No, we didn’t. I swear this to you,” Pavel assured me. “But you must keep hold of the paddle.”

  “It felt like we were gonna tip.” My voice shook. I bit my lip to hold back tears.

  “I’m having second thoughts about this trip, Kristen.”

  “Ya think?”

  “I did not know you would be so afraid. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “Jumping off a cliff into water in the light of day I can handle. Wading through a beautiful pool with a swim-up bar is totally my style. But paddling around in the dark looking for glowing water is not my idea of a good time.”

  Silence.

  The silence wasn’t one of those “comfortable” silences people lie about, either. Nope. Totally uncomfortable, since I’d just blasted the guy who wanted me to see this glowing water so much that he paid to extend my vacation.

  “We’ll be there soon. And I will never freak you out again.”

  Of course he wouldn’t. We’d never see each other again. A thought that made me want to barf far more than this pitch-black, wobbly boat ride.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect this.”

  Silence again. So I shut my mouth and kept paddling, hoping I didn’t burst into tears. After navigating the channel through the scary-ass mangroves, we reached an opening. “This is Mosquito Bay, the brightest of the three bioluminescent bays in Puerto Rico,” the tour guide told us.

  The glowing stick hanging from the tour guide’s neck was the only hint I had of where to look as she spoke. Thankfully, because of Pasha’s skills, our boat was one of the first to
reach the bay. When the rest of the kayaks caught up, we paddled out farther as the guide gave us the spiel.

  “The bay is full of dinoflagellates, or dinos, which are single-celled organisms that are sort of half plant, half animal. When agitated, they emit a bluish-green light. You can put your hand in the water to agitate or use your paddle. Try it out.”

  I locked eyes with Pasha before I tried it. The smile on his face reminded me of a kid excited to try a science experiment at school. He extended his hand to me and I took hold. Then we dipped our hands into the water together, lightly stirring the water.

  A glowing, bluish-green zigzag streaked over the water when we waved our joined hands across the surface. Slight, but magical nonetheless.

  “Whoa,” I whispered, squeezing Pasha’s hand.

  We caught eyes again, and his expression had morphed from childlike wonder to a smile of satisfaction.

  This was what he’d wanted to show me, to experience with me.

  So innocent. So primal. So stunning.

  Life in its simplest form is amazing.

  Emotion overwhelmed me, and I shut my eyes. I found myself caught in a once-in-a-lifetime bucket-list experience. But the rush of blood to my heart had little to do with the amazing simplicity of the single-cell organisms making the water glow, and everything to do with the man whose hand I wouldn’t release until we had to start back toward shore.

  Chapter 26

  The entire time we paddled back, Kristen couldn’t stop talking about how amazing the glowing water was and how touched she was that I’d encouraged her to experience it. The compliments were a 180-degree change from her curt comments on the ride out. And because I’m a complete and total bastard, I’d misunderstood her complaining until it finally dawned on me that she was afraid of the water.

  How could she still speak to me—still trust me—after I’d put her in a situation that frightened her so much? I’d hurt her without even realizing it.

  Which was exactly why I wouldn’t tell her who I was. I’d wait until she found out the hard way. Because anyone who doesn’t even realize when they’re hurting someone deserves to be hated.

  On the van ride back to where the excursion had begun, I wrapped my arm around Kristen and brought her into my side when I noticed her skin was dotted with goosebumps. The cool night air filtered through the open windows of the van. She snuggled into my side and sighed with exhaustion. I rubbed her arm with my hand in an effort to warm her up.

  “I feel like a complete asshole, taking you on a trip like that without checking with you first. I didn’t realize you were afraid of water,” I said. “With the cliff diving, I just thought…I don’t know. I thought anyone would be afraid of cliff diving. I—I’m sorry.”

  Kristen lifted herself away from my side. “Don’t apologize, Pasha. That was amazing. I’m the one who should be sorry, acting like an ungrateful drama queen the entire time even though it wasn’t so bad.”

  “ ‘Not so bad’ does not mean the same as ‘good.’ ”

  “It was great,” I assured him. “I’ve been on more crazy experiences with you in a week than in my entire life before now. Things I would have been too afraid to try, even with all my big talk about life experiences.”

  “Is this a compliment?” I asked.

  “Yes. Thank you.” She placed a quick kiss on my cheek and snuggled into me again.

  If there was one thing I’d learned about Kristen over the last few days, it was that she didn’t lie. At least not that I was aware of.

  She was a better person than I was.

  Another reason it would kill me to let her go.

  —

  The air on this late August night in San Juan was so thick I thought I might choke. Maybe that’s why the cab ride to the airport felt like the walk toward my execution. Pasha ran his hand across my thigh, along the soft fabric of the yoga pants I’d changed into for the flight home. My body reacted to his touch, as it had since the moment I met him.

  “This has been the best week of my life. I don’t deserve you, Kristen. You are too smart and beautiful and honest and good. You’re so fucking good.” He took a deep breath and shook his head. “You deserve a better man.”

  “Stop saying things like that.” I reached out and pressed my palms to his cheeks. “You are a wonderful person. And even if we never see each other again, I need you to remember that. To know that. You have so much good in your heart. You’re sweet and kind and selfless.”

  Pasha tried to pull his face back when I said that, but I held his head still. “Yes, you are selfless. You would have done anything to make me happy. To make me smile. I know that. I felt that. You can try to pretend whatever you want, but you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. And I don’t give that compliment very often.”

  “It was all you.” He smiled. “You bring out the protector in me. You make me want to be a good man. You have a light in you that I want in me. Which is why I fucked you so much.”

  “Oh no!” I shook my head. “You can’t turn this into something less sentimental. If this is the last time I’ll ever see you, I need to lay it all on the line.” I took a deep breath. “In just over a week, you have set the highest standard for how a man should treat me. You’ve shown me that I shouldn’t be afraid of loving someone and letting someone love me.” A tear slid down my cheek. “You’ve shown me that there are people who will accept me for who I am and what I can offer. Even if I can’t offer forever.”

  Pasha’s eyes glistened. “I envy the man who is lucky enough to have every single second that you have to give.”

  “Jesus,” I whispered. “Why are we doing this?”

  “Because you deserve happiness.”

  “As do you,” I countered. “It’s okay to change. It’s okay to forgive. The people who matter will accept you for who you are and what you have to give. Fuck the ones that don’t.”

  The cab came to a halt, and I knew we’d made it to the airport. We sat quietly and stared into each other’s eyes.

  Finally I broke the silence. “This sounds like a funeral, doesn’t it?”

  Pasha leaned back and his body visibly relaxed. “But whose?”

  I laughed. “Two sappy lovers saying goodbye. Seems so Shakespearean.”

  “Without the iambic pentameter.”

  “I have no clue what you just said.”

  “I love—” He stopped. “That you used ‘Shakespearean’ in a sentence.” Pasha took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “You are the girl that I could marry someday.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want you to walk out of my life.”

  “It doesn’t have to end. I’m open to trying a long-distance relationship,” I pleaded.

  Pasha took a deep breath. “If we had met under any other circumstances, this could go on. But it can’t. Not right now. It’s very complicated.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.” I felt the tear slide down my cheek before I could even try to stop it.

  “Fuck!” Pasha cursed, squeezing his eyes closed. “Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

  “Then don’t.” I sounded so pathetic. Pleading. Begging. What was wrong with me?

  Pasha glanced at his watch. “You have thirty minutes to get checked in before your flight boards.”

  I shook my head as tears flowed freely down my cheeks. “Please don’t do this.”

  He said nothing.

  I finally sat up and took a deep breath. “Better get going.”

  Our cabdriver opened my door, and I got out. Pasha followed me, though his flight wasn’t until the next morning.

  “I’ve never been able to be so honest and free with any other guy. I never wanted to show that side of myself to anyone but my friends. I’m glad I opened up to you. I’m a better person for knowing you.”

  Pasha opened his mouth to speak, but I shut him down.

  “See you soon,” I whispered.
I squared my shoulders and grabbed the handles of my suitcases in each hand, rolling them behind me. I refused to say goodbye because I truly believed there would be life to our relationship after this.

  “Goodbye,” I heard Pasha say as I walked away.

  I winced and bit my lip. It took everything I had not to break down in tears as I walked into the airport alone.

  Chapter 27

  DAY 9

  DETROIT, MI

  Go go go, I silently willed the cabdriver. I cannot be late for my best friend’s reception.

  I’d been so wrapped up in my first day back at work after the cruise that Auden’s celebration completely slipped my mind. If I’d been thinking correctly, I never would have stayed the entire day with Pasha. I knew I’d scheduled an early flight out of San Juan for a reason. I’d wanted some time to rest after the trip because I knew a full day of work and then Auden’s celebration would take a huge toll. But that’s how my schedule worked out. My parents had purchased the cruise before Auden and Aleksandr had picked a date, and well before I’d gotten a job.

  “Thank you so much.” I paid the driver and climbed out of the cab.

  My dress had ridden up while sitting, so I stopped to compose myself before joining the party. I shimmied my hips while tugging at the hem, but the black, body-hugging skirt popped back up to mid-thigh. Had it been this short when I’d worn it on the cruise? No wonder Pasha couldn’t keep his hands off me.

  My heart hurt with the thought of Pasha. He’d texted Mom’s phone yesterday morning to make sure my flight had landed safely. His thoughtful text made me giddy, even though it didn’t seem like he’d reconsidered the idea of a long-distance relationship after we parted ways. It sucked, knowing the instant attraction and close bond we’d formed was as good as over. But there was no reason to spend more time obsessing over a guy I’d never see again.

  You can’t fall in love with someone in a week. Especially not during the fairy-tale scenario we had on the cruise. Pasha and I were two free spirits who’d found each other in the midst of a perfect vacation. I’d never been into relationships, but our meeting served a purpose in the moment, for both of us.