Divinity

by Michelle L. Johnson

  “I must leave you now. It is easiest for me to meet you in your dreams, so that is how I shall contact you next time. You have gotten very skilled walking in that realm.” He nodded with what she thought must be approval, but without any hint of pride. How cold he was. How…inhuman. “Your feet are firmly planted on your path now, Child. Be alert. And know you are not alone.”

  “Wait! Why do you call me ‘Child?’ Why don’t you call me by my name?” Julia asked, her voice trembling. She was frantic that he would leave before he answered her. Who was she kidding? She was frightened he might leave and not return. She did not want him to go, now that she finally knew who he was, even if that knowledge made her feel more than a little insane.

  He smiled. The beauty of it took her breath away.

  She thought she had not ever seen true beauty and grace until that moment. His hand rested upon her shoulder. It was at once the heaviest and the lightest touch she had ever felt.

  “You are a Daughter of Light, Child,” he said, a new tenderness in his tone. “Your earthly name has no meaning and rings false to me. When you are ready, you shall have your true name. Now I must go. You will see me again soon.”

  And with that, he was gone.

  “Don’t you think you were a bit hard on her?” Michael admonished. “She is still half-human. That part of her surely needed to be embraced by her father.”

  “Embraced?” The word came from Gabriel’s mouth as though he had tasted something foreign and did not know what to make of it. He folded his arms over his chest.

  Michael did not mask the anger in his eyes. “Will you break this one, too? We lose enough of them to assassination and just as many to the inexplicable attachment to the human condition. Their psyches are delicate enough.”

  Gabriel grimaced—a look that would have stricken fear into the souls of most other beings. “I smiled. I exercised patience. I did not overwhelm her with information. Those were your instructions.”

  “Remember our failures. We must learn from them. If you don’t show her a bit of compassion, we could have another Jeanne d’Arc on our hands.” Michael moved closer to Gabriel. “Too much instruction, not enough explanation. As much as we need balance, so do they.”

  A long silence passed between them as they watched the happenings of the Earth through the clouds at their feet.

  “I am aware of our failures, Michael. I have my own limitations. I am not human, and do not have the insight you do. Perhaps you should be dealing with her.”

  Michael dipped his head in a barely discernible nod. “Indeed.”

  IV

  JULIA’S trembling fingers slipped off the laptop lid three times before she managed to open it. The cursor wiggled around the screen as she struggled to control her movements. She double-clicked on the IM symbol and chewed her lip waiting for the window to open.

  “Finally,” she grumbled, searching through her contact list. “Please be online, Charlie.”

  Beside Charlie’s name was the “offline” symbol. Julia blinked back tears and decided to send a message anyway. She desperately needed to talk to her best friend.

  Julia: Are you there? Please be there!

  A painful few seconds passed before “Charlie is typing a message” appeared in the box, along with the thumbnail snapshot—beautiful blonde with high cheekbones and dark blue, sad eyes that overrode her brilliant smile. Julia’s threatening tears spilled over with the flood of relief.

  Charlie: Yep! :-)

  Julia: Can I call? I just need to hear your voice.

  Charlie: Give me five. I’ll call. He’s just leaving.

  Julia: K

  She checked her watch. 2:18 AM. That meant it was 4:18 PM the next day for Charlie in Australia. Her boyfriend must be on the evening shift. Good.

  Snatching her cell phone, Julia walked over to the glass patio door. She peeked out between the curtains and looked up to the sky. Though it was a clear night, only a few stars were bright enough to outshine the lights of the city. She sighed, fidgeting with her phone and struggling with what she was going to tell Charlie.

  Charlie was her best friend on the planet. Perhaps the anonymity of the internet allowed them to be more honest with one another, or perhaps there was simply a deep spiritual connection. They had so much in common, from the books they loved to the way they styled their hair, that from that first night in the online poker room they had spent countless hours talking and discussing everything under the sun. They both had a tendency to make the other laugh so hard their cheeks would hurt, especially on days when laughter was needed the most. It truly was the best medicine. Julia was closer to Charlie than she had been to anyone else. Ever. Well, except maybe Alex.

  As the minutes ticked slowly by, Julia’s heart raced faster. If she confided this to Charlie, what would she say? Julia was certain she would think she was drunk. Or crazy.

  No, it wasn’t worth risking her friendship. She would think of something else to tell Charlie.

  When her cell phone rang, Julia let out a yelp, almost dropping the phone. She pressed the button to connect.

  “Charlie?”

  “’Ello there,” Charlie said in her disarming Australian accent. Her cheerful voice usually had a way of soothing Julia instantly. This time it calmed her some, but her heart still pounded.

  “It is so good to hear your voice,” Julia said, trying to mask the tremor in hers. “Are you alone now?

  “Yep, he just left to go to the bar,” Charlie said. Julia could almost hear her eyes roll through the phone. “What’s wrong? You sound like you’re about to cry.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” Julia began. She paced through her living room as she spoke. “Something’s happened, and I can’t tell Alex because I am afraid I’ll lose him.”

  “Uh oh,” Charlie said with a gasp. “When?

  Tonight?”

  “Yes! A couple hours after Alex left.”

  “Oh no! Did it happen at your place?”

  “Yes.” Julia bowed her head. Even though she wasn’t really telling Charlie anything, she felt a huge sense of relief.

  “Well, that’s okay then,” Charlie said earnestly. “No one will ever know. You just don’t tell him.”

  “But then I’ll be keeping something from him. I’ve never kept anything from him before.”

  “Jules, you have to trust me on this. He does not need to know,” Charlie said firmly. “Remember two years ago, when I met that policeman? If I’d told Gary about that, he would have left. Or worse.”

  “He probably would have killed you,” Julia agreed. Hang on. Did Charlie think I had cheated on Alex? “Wait, Charlie, I…”

  “No,” Charlie interrupted. “Never say another word. If you don’t want to lose Alex, simply don’t tell him. Got it?”

  Julia sighed. It was probably better just to let Charlie believe it, even if it made her look like a cheater. The truth was just way too crazy. And anyway, even though they were talking about two totally different things, Charlie was right. If she wanted to keep Alex, she couldn’t tell him what happened. “Okay. You’re right. I won’t say anything.”

  “Good,” Charlie said and Julia could hear her smiling from the other end. “So tell me, what did he look like? Was he hot?”

  Julia’s eyes widened about as far as they could. She closed them and slapped one hand over them. “Oh my God, Charlie!”

  “Was he?”

  “I just can’t even think of him that way.” Julia shuddered and couldn’t help chuckling.

  “Well then, you definitely shouldn’t tell Alex. I can’t believe you had an affair with an ugly man!”

  Gross. “Let’s change the subject,” Julia said, shooting an apprehensive look at the ceiling. If Charlie kept on down that path, Julia would have to tell her the truth, and the thought of even saying it out loud was just too much to bear. “So…how’s Gary been?”

  “Same old Gary.” Charlie sighed. “I don’t know why I thought a baby would change things. He’s s
till a bastard. But at least he hasn’t hit me since we found out, so that’s a good thing.”

  Julia frowned. “I wish you’d leave him.”

  “He’ll be a good father. The minute he lays eyes on her, he’ll change.”

  Before Julia could stop herself, she blurted out, “That’s what you said about getting pregnant.”

  “I know,” Charlie snapped. “He did stop hitting me.”

  Julia broke the long stretch of silence. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I’m just so confused right now. I don’t mean to take it out on you.”

  “It’s fine.” Charlie’s voice had a new, raw edge. “Listen, I really have to go get some dishes done. I’m having his mum over tonight.”

  “Okay,” Julia said, her shoulders drooping.

  “Charlie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for always being here for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I mean that.”

  Charlie sighed, her tone softened. “No worries. Sleep well, hun.”

  “’Night.” Julia turned her phone off. She glanced up to the ceiling and shook her head. Sleep sounded like a good idea, but she wasn’t sure she would be able to if she was in her bedroom. She’d probably sit up all night waiting for Gabriel to “drop in” again. She smirked at the thought.

  After grabbing her comforter and pillow off her bed and dragging them over to the couch, Julia cocooned herself in and closed her eyes.

  “The Archangel Gabriel is my father.” Julia typed, then deleted, the same sentence repeatedly. No matter how many times she did it, it still looked crazy.

  She had called her restaurant first thing in the morning, and let her manager know she wouldn’t be in that day. As much as she loved owning the place and the work it involved, she needed some time to think things through. She didn’t cancel her dinner with Alex and his mother, though, and the afternoon had slipped by so quickly, she was startled when her phone rang.

  “Hello, love. Almost ready,” she said, snapping the laptop shut and scrambling into her bedroom. She opened the closet door, fumbling through her dresses. “I just need to grab my shoes and I’m on my way. Do you need me to pick up anything? Flowers?”

  “No, just bring you. That will be enough to make any future mother-in-law happy.”

  She laughed, holding a dress up to her chin and looking at herself in her full-length mirror. “Mother-in-law, huh? Don’t you dare let her bully you into asking me to marry you, Alex.” Her voice cracked.

  “I know, Jules. You don’t have to say it. I know. I was just teasing.” Alex paused. “Hey, is everything all right? You seem a bit off.”

  She stopped and took a deep, centering breath, closing her eyes while she talked. “I’m okay. I’m just feeling a bit emotional. Charlie and I got into it a bit last night.”

  “You told her to leave him again, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, and I know I shouldn’t do that, but he’s so horrible. She deserves so much better than him.” Julia felt a pang of guilt for using Charlie as an excuse. She looked up at the ceiling and glared. “Anyway, I’m okay. I just think fathers should be more responsible. That’s all. I’ll be fine, really. I pro…”

  “No promises, remember? I’ll see you at the house in about an hour?” Alex said. Julia thought that the thing she loved the most about Alex was that she could always hear just how much he was looking forward to seeing her. And he always was.

  Julia threw herself together in a matter of minutes, pulling her thick hair back into a loose bun and getting dressed. She slipped her slender frame into a casual blue summer dress that enhanced the contours of her waist. The spaghetti straps showed off her tanned shoulders and drew the eye to her delicate features. A pair of strappy sandals completed the outfit. One last frantic check in the mirror and she was out the door.

  She drove south out of Washington down I95 toward Colchester, and took the exit to Gunston Hall, her BMW gliding along smoothly as always. The Williams manor was between the golf club and the Potomac River, on a vast acreage. She spent the drive out with her favorite radio station playing in the background, staring wide-eyed at the road in front of her.

  She played her meeting with Gabriel over in her mind, switching between confusion and hurt. Why had he waited so long to come to her? Why hadn’t he helped her through her life? The question that disturbed her more than anything was, what if she was crazy?

  Gabriel had said that crazy people were more “open” to alternate realities. She’d spoken to an angel. Did that mean she was crazy? She found if she focused on her anger at Gabriel, it was easier to ignore her fears. She took a deep breath and tried to push it all aside as she pulled into the long, private road that led to Alex’s family home.

  The stately oaks lining the driveway turned the setting sun into a strobe light as she drove past. She smiled, remembering how terrified she had been the first time she made this journey. Mrs. Williams no longer intimidated Julia. There was something warm and accepting about the woman, even through her air of old-money propriety.

  Alex strode down the walkway, dressed casually, but in tailored clothes that hugged his athletic frame in a way that turned heads everywhere they went. Opening the door for her, he leaned over and took her hand to help her out of the car.

  “You look amazing,” he said as he pulled her in for a long, tight hug. “As always.”

  “Thank you,” she said into his shoulder, enjoying the perfect way their bodies fit together. After a moment she pulled away, smiled, and gave him a quick, teasing peck on the cheek. “We’d better get in there before your mother strains herself trying to see us through the trees.” Julia nodded in the direction of the window through which Mrs. Williams surely watched.

  Alex laughed. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay. We have a few minutes before we’re expected. Is it starting to creep up on you? The date?”

  “No, Alex. I’m okay.” The last thing Julia wanted Alex to think was that she was thinking about her suicide attempt. But she couldn’t tell him the truth. “I…we…are in such a phenomenally better place than I was last year. I’m just, I don’t know. Reflective. Make sense?”

  “Of course.” He searched her eyes for a moment. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “It’s been almost a year since you walked into that garage with the vacuum hose, and I don’t want to take any chances. You’re far too precious to me.”

  “I’m okay.” Julia held Alex’s face between her hands and planted a warm kiss on his lips. “Thank you for loving me.”

  “Thank you for making it easy,” Alex said. As he turned toward the door, he offered her his arm. “We’d better go in then. Thank you for putting up with my crazy family.”

  I think I need to pretend he didn’t just say that, she thought as she paled slightly. She took Alex’s arm and he escorted her inside.

  “I appeared to her in the manner we agreed upon. No sudden surprises,” Gabriel continued his defense.

  “Yes, we have lost far too many to heart attacks. At least we have learned that lesson. Humans simply aren’t used to things just appearing in front of them. They need a lead in,” Michael mused. “They seem oddly comfortable with sudden disappearances, on the other hand.”

  “She hates me,” Gabriel said as he ruffled his wings, adjusting the way they lay on his back. It was the angel equivalent of drumming one’s fingers or tapping a foot to show impatience. “It is in her eyes. She believes that everything bad that has happened to her was my fault.”

  “They always believe that. She will learn otherwise. All right, you followed instructions,” Michael grudgingly conceded. “But we will need to bring her back into balance. Her fate overshadows us all.”

  “We have made her strong,” Gabriel began, the recognition of Michael’s thoughts flashing in his eyes.

  “Now let us help make her whole,” Michael finished.

  V

  JULIA stared at the portrait that hung over the head of the table. It was an oil painting of Alex’s father, seated in a d
ecadent chair, looking like a king on his throne. He was a handsome man; his deep, dark eyes, strong brow, and squared jaw were three features he had passed on to his son. His thick, dark hair was lightly flecked with gray in that way that makes men look distinguished. A thin scar on his lower lip added to his mystique. The set of his broad shoulders spoke of confidence, and perhaps of stubbornness, as well.

  Now there’s a real father, she thought, someone who gave his family everything, and was involved in their lives.

  Julia pulled her eyes from the portrait and found Mrs. Williams watching her. She smiled, blushing.

  “The meal smells wonderful, Mrs. Williams,” Julia said, willing her cheeks to return to their normal shade. “I enjoy our monthly dinners.”

  Mrs. Williams smiled graciously and tilted her head toward the portrait of her deceased husband. “He was a formidable man, my Bryce. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost fifteen years since we lost him.”

  “He looks a lot like Alex,” Julia said awkwardly. She knew he had died in an accident, though not any of the details. She was not one to pry into family histories, only partially for fear that her own would be discussed. For Julia it was a matter of respect. There were some questions she did not feel were appropriate to ask. She assumed that, if Alex wanted to talk about it, he would. Julia turned her head toward the sound of approaching footsteps and smiled with relief when she saw it was Alex, returning from the bathroom.

  “I’m glad you could finally join us, dear,” Mrs. Williams said. Though her tone had underlying sharpness, her eyes lit up when her only son entered the room.

  “Mother.” Alex stopped beside his mother’s chair and kissed her cheek before taking his place in the seat next to Julia. “I’m sure you two were just fine without me.”

  Julia slipped her hand under the table to give Alex’s a gentle squeeze, but missed, grabbing the inside of his thigh. His face erupted into a beaming grin. Julia flushed crimson and snatched her hand back.