The Solution to Unrequited

by Len Webster

  Her entire life would now change.

  “Alexandra, how was—” Her mother walked out of the living room and instantly stopped the moment she found AJ crying.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t go to prom.”

  Concern washed over her mother’s face. Her father joined them in the hallway, and he raced over to her. “Alexandra, what’s wrong?” he asked as he set his hands on her arms.

  She had never cried like this before.

  Her parents had never seen her sob.

  “I can’t do it,” she whimpered.

  Her mother was by her father’s side within seconds. “You can’t do what, my love?”

  She struggled to inhale through her tears but had managed to swallow down some air. She knew that the moment she told them, she’d disappoint them.

  AJ was disappointed in herself for giving him so much of her.

  But not anymore.

  Because Evan could take her high school experiences, but he couldn’t take away her college experience.

  Not this time.

  “I can’t go to Stanford,” she revealed to her parents.

  Their eyes went wide with shock.

  “I can’t go to California with Evan. I can’t do it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t let me go. Please. I beg of you, please don’t let me go to Stanford. I can’t. I can’t endure any more of this. I can’t keep feeling like this. Please don’t let me live like this.” Then AJ pushed past her parents and ran up the stairs, almost tripping.

  When she reached her bedroom, she pushed the door open and entered her room. She didn’t care to close the door behind her as she rushed toward her desk. Her chest heaved as she sifted through the letters on her desk and threw them to the ground.

  Harvard.

  Yale.

  Dartmouth.

  Princeton.

  Columbia.

  NYU.

  Prestigious college letters wound up scattered on her bedroom floor.

  Then AJ found the one she was looking for.

  Stanford University.

  She grasped the letter tightly between her fingers and inhaled deeply.

  There’s no other way, she told herself.

  She watched as she ripped up Evan’s dreams.

  Each rip of the letter was freedom and hell.

  Her acceptance letter from Stanford became confetti as she let the remains of her friendship with Evan fall to the ground.

  Wiping her tears away, AJ glanced back down at her desk and picked up the last letter. Her chest heaved as she read over the letter that instructed her on how to accept the college’s offer of admission.

  A weight lifted.

  The letter in her hands was her silver lining for loving Evan Gilmore.

  It was her freedom.

  At the college he’d never think to look for her at.

  Duke University.

  48 Cd

  cadmium

  AJ

  Now

  Eight protons.

  Eight neutrons.

  Evan said it.

  His way of telling her he loved her.

  Oxygen.

  The eighth element of the periodic table.

  I love you.

  Eight letters.

  Evan Gilmore loved her.

  It was all she had ever wanted.

  Him and his love.

  And at that moment, on a hotel bed in Rhode Island during a storm, she finally had both.

  “I wish I had realized sooner. I wish I could have loved you right from the start,” he whispered. “I love you, Alexandra. I’m in love with you.”

  A smile touched her lips as her hands trailed down his sides and settled on his hips. “Evan?”

  “Yes, Alexandra?”

  “Show me,” she said in a small voice, her eyes never leaving his.

  He blinked at her. “You want me to show you how much I love you?” he asked as he sat up.

  AJ got on her elbows and nodded. “I want to feel your love.”

  “You want to have sex?”

  Sex.

  Sex with Evan.

  Sitting up, she brushed her hair behind her ear as she took in the hesitation in his eyes. “Never mind,” she murmured.

  Just as she was about to get off the bed, Evan set his hands on her thighs, holding her in place. “Okay,” he said in a small voice. “I might have phrased that wrong. Have sex is not what I would describe us being intimate as.”

  She bit back a smile as she cradled his jaw and brought him down to lie with her. “What would you call it?”

  Evan’s forehead pressed against hers as his hands trailed up her thighs to her hips. “Making love?”

  “Oh?” she breathed as she reached up and grasped the hem of his T-shirt. She tugged it up before Evan got the hint and helped her remove it and dispose of it on the floor but not too close to the lit candles. AJ sat up and set her fingers on the button of his jeans as she peeked up at the love and need gleaming in his eyes. AJ took his nod as approval and unbuttoned his jeans. She grasped the zipper and slowly pulled it down, evoking Evan’s sharp inhale.

  “What would you call it?” Evan asked as he climbed off the bed. Pushed his jeans down, he slid them off with ease since he was barefoot. She had never seen Evan in his underwear before. She should feel as if they’d stepped over a boundary, but she didn’t. This felt right.

  Evan returned to sit at the end of the bed. He reached up, curled a hand around the back of her head, and pressed a long, lingering kiss on her lips. The way he kissed her was extraordinary. AJ might have only ever kissed Evan, but she knew the sparks she felt with him were rare.

  Pressing her lips together, he asked once again, “What would you call it?”

  AJ set her palms to his bare chest and whispered, “Finally being yours.” Her hand shifted, and she felt his heartbeat pound against her hand. “I want to finally be yours, Evan Gilmore.”

  He stared into her eyes and said, “I want to finally be yours, Alexandra Parker.”

  Her heart threw itself against her ribcage.

  That nervousness she saw in him was gone.

  Her fear became nonexistent.

  “Then be mine,” she whispered as she pulled back and reached for the hem of her gray long-sleeve shirt. She took a deep breath of air for courage and removed it, exposing her black lace bra.

  Evan took the shirt from her and dropped it on the floor. “I’m yours,” he promised as he helped her unbutton her jeans and pull them down her legs. When they reached her ankles, he pulled off her flats and removed her pants, leaving her in nothing but her bra and panties.

  AJ swallowed back a nervous lump in her throat as Evan brushed her brunette hair back and cupped her cheeks. “What else have you experienced in college without me?”

  She stilled, understanding what he was really asking. “Nothing,” she answered.

  “Are you a virgin, Alexandra?”

  “Yes,” she confirmed in a whisper.

  He pressed a chaste kiss on her lips and pulled back, looking deep into her eyes. “Do you trust me enough to be your first?”

  AJ wrapped her fingers around his wrists, squeezing gently in reassurance. “I love you more than enough for you to be my first.”

  “Alexandra,” a soft, beautiful voice whispered.

  She felt lips against her collarbone. When those lips pressed against her neck, she let out a soft moan and felt his breath gently kiss her earlobe.

  “Alexandra, baby, wake up.”

  Baby.

  He’d moaned that several times after he’d entered her the first time.

  He’d stilled, allowing her to breathe through the sharp pain and get used to the size of him.

  The burn felt as if it went on and
on.

  Then Evan spun circles above where they joined, and she had jerked as pleasure crept up her spine as he pulled out.

  And then he filled her, pressing to the hilt.

  Again and again.

  Until finally, he had reached climax.

  She hadn’t orgasmed and knew that it didn’t always happen the first time. She had thought that was the end of her and Evan’s intimacy, but he had pulled out of her, trailed kisses up her body before he promised to return to her. He had gone to the bathroom for a moment and then walked out with a cloth. Evan had pressed the warm cloth between her legs.

  It was so intimate.

  She felt so vulnerable to him.

  But she felt so connected to him.

  Before she could even tell him to lie with her, he set the cloth on the bed and trailed kisses down her stomach. Then, to her surprise, he ran the flat of his tongue down her core, making her gasp at the pleasure she felt.

  Again and again, his tongue intimately explored as his hands kept her thighs separated, her core exposed and helpless to him.

  It built.

  The tightness and need in her.

  He didn’t stop.

  He listened to her begs, and his tongue continued to tease.

  To circle.

  He sucked.

  Until it became too much.

  The need became an explosion as she came, moaning his name.

  Later in the night, after they had gotten their breath back and Evan had blown out all the candles, they made love once more. AJ completely surrendered herself to him as she came, Evan spilling himself into her several thrusts later.

  It was perfect.

  Every thrust.

  Every I love you.

  Every gasp.

  And moan.

  The way he held her as he pushed into her.

  He had loved her right.

  She felt it all over her.

  Alexandra had given Evan her virginity.

  And when it was over, she realized there was no one else.

  No one she trusted more to be her first than Evan.

  “Come on,” Evan whispered, lips pressing against the corner of her mouth, causing her to open her eyes. “Good morning.”

  His brown eyes gleamed as that smile on his face left her breathless. AJ curled her hand on the back of his neck, turning her chin slightly so that she pressed her lips to his. “Good morning,” she breathed against his mouth.

  Evan set his palm on the mattress as if to stop him from falling on top of her. “How do you feel?”

  She gave him a chaste kiss and then sat up, bringing the blanket with her to cover her naked body. “About?”

  He let out a soft laugh as he sat down next to her. His hair was damp, and he was wearing clothes. Just the sight of him made her heart dip.

  It was over.

  “Hey,” he said in a comforting tone as if he sensed her tension. “We have to check out soon. I thought I’d let you sleep some more.”

  AJ blinked at him and looked out the opened windows at the bright blue sky. The storm was over. It was as if it never played havoc on their road trip. Now that it wasn’t dangerous outside, they would be driving back home.

  “Thank you,” she said as she gazed back at him. The smile on his face faltered as she noticed the unease in his eyes. She realized she hadn’t answered his question. With one hand holding the blanket, she reached out and set her palm on his knee. “A little sore, but I feel wonderful. No regrets.” Then she slid her legs up and got on her knees.

  Evan grasped her jaw in his hands and whispered, “I have no regrets, either.”

  “Good,” she said and leaned over and kissed him.

  “I love you, Alexandra,” he said, holding her face still.

  Her heart raced as a smile touched her lips. “I love you, too, Evan.”

  “Ready to go home?”

  She pressed her lips together.

  If she could stay in Rhode Island with him forever, she would.

  But reality had caught up to them.

  And soon, Massachusetts would, too.

  49 In

  indium

  AJ

  Senior year of high school

  It didn’t feel real.

  The shredded pieces of paper were no longer where she left them last night.

  The morning light didn’t cleanse.

  Didn’t give her warmth.

  AJ had never felt so cold.

  Her chest was frozen, not allowing her once sure beats to continue.

  A knock on her door didn’t move her.

  AJ continued to stare at the floor as silent tears continued to fall.

  Tears that proved that last night wasn’t a horrible dream.

  Evan had broken her heart for the last time.

  He didn’t see her.

  It was so clear he didn’t.

  AJ’s kiss no longer remained on his lips as Addison kissed all trace of AJ from Evan.

  The door creaked open, and she heard footsteps.

  They were so soft.

  And when she felt the gentle dip of her bed, she knew her mother had come to comfort her this morning.

  Then AJ felt her mother’s hand on her leg. “Are you sure?”

  Am I sure?

  AJ closed her eyes as tears continued to fall. “He doesn’t love me, Mum,” she stated as she opened her eyes.

  He doesn’t love me.

  “My love,” her mother whispered.

  Sighing, AJ sat up and faced her mother’s heartbroken expression. Her mother cared, and AJ appreciated her mother’s comfort. Her mother’s love was what she needed. AJ brushed her messy hair behind her ear and pressed her back against the headboard. “He kissed Addison last night. He took her to prom, and … they must have had a good time. It was enough for me to see that I’m not it. There’s never going to be a time when I am it for him. I thought because he asked me to prom that …” Her lip trembled as her mother’s eyes gleamed. “That it was my chance, you know? That I’d get my turn to show him that maybe I’m the one. The one he loves …”

  AJ couldn’t finish her sentence as her tears fell with her sobs.

  Her mother scooted forward and brushed AJ’s tears away. “Alexandra, I’m so sorry.”

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Mum. I’m sorry you spent all that money on a dress and hair and makeup. I thought it’d be enough for him to look at me differently. To maybe see that I was beautiful to him. That I could be more than just his best friend. I finally felt beautiful, and he took that away.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” A small smile curved her mother’s lips, attempting to reassure AJ. “Don’t ever be sorry. And that dress didn’t make you beautiful because you’ve always been beautiful. You didn’t need that dress or the makeup or your hair being done because you are so beautiful. He will never take that away from you because someone you’ll love and respect will see it. I’m so sorry he didn’t see that, my love.”

  “Thanks, Mum.”

  A small smile graced her mother’s face. “Are you still sure that you don’t want to go to Stanford?”

  Stanford.

  It was all she could think about.

  It had been his dream for so long.

  And all AJ could think about was hurting him.

  Taking his dream away so she could have peace.

  So she could figure out who she was in the world if she wasn’t Evan Gilmore’s best friend.

  “I’m sure,” she confirmed as she looked her mother in the eye. “I can’t go to Stanford and watch him fall for girls. Watch him possibly fall in love with someone better than me—”

  “Alexandra, no one is better at loving him than you.”

  Her heart ached.

  AJ k
new it was true.

  No one will ever love him the way I do.

  AJ loved him completely, but it wasn’t enough.

  Last night, it was clear she wasn’t enough.

  Her love never being enough.

  Her kiss meaningless.

  “I don’t want to go to Stanford and hate him, Mum.”

  “I understand. So which college will you choose?”

  AJ pulled the blanket down, got out of bed, and walked to her desk. When she reached it, she searched through the stack of acceptance letters, found the one she was looking for, and returned to her bed. The moment she sat back down, she handed her mother the acceptance letter.

  “Duke,” her mother breathed, staring at the letter.

  “Duke,” AJ confirmed as her mother’s soft brown eyes found her. “I can’t stay in Massachusetts and go to Harvard. I need to get as far away from here as possible. And Duke feels right. I want to find out who I am in North Carolina. I want to be Alex and not AJ. I want to be my own person and try to fall out of love with him. Then maybe one day, when he forgives me, and I’m not completely in love with him, we can be in each other’s lives again.”

  Her mother nodded as understanding consumed her soft face.

  “I might lose him forever,” AJ said in a small voice as her mother set the letter on the bed. “I might never get to keep him in my life after I do this.”

  Her mother didn’t say a word.

  AJ knew she had put her parents in a tough position.

  They loved Evan, too.

  But she was their daughter.

  Right or wrong, they’d choose her.

  “You might not want to hear this, Alexandra, but I believe you and Evan have a place in this world together. It might not be the right time or the right circumstances, but you will always be in each other’s life.” Her mother got up from the bed, stepped next to AJ, and kissed her head. “You deserve love, and someday, you will have it and so much more. I promise you, you will. Because I have never met a heart that loves like yours, my love, and your love is a true gift that someone will appreciate someday.”

  Her mother was right.

  AJ’s love was a gift.

  Wrapped and presented to the wrong person.

  “Thanks, Mum.”