Sally Berneathy - Death by Chocolate 03 - The Great Chocolate Scam

by Sally Berneathy

  The house across the street had been vacant a lot of years except for assorted rodents and roaches and, of course, the time Paula’s ex-husband hid in the attic to spy on her. But I guess that last part’s redundant. He qualifies for either of the first two categories.

  A couple of months ago workmen had suddenly converged on the three-story structure and launched into an extensive renovation. The jungle of trees, bushes and weeds became a sedate lawn. They painted the house a blue gray color then the fish scale siding white and the gingerbread trim maroon. The house used to remind me of an elegant, aging dowager. After the redo, it looked like a regal Victorian lady in her best ball gown.

  And Fred, who was half hermit, half nerd and half mystery man (yes, I know that equals one and a half, which is a perfect description of Fred) was standing on the front porch of that house, talking to a beautiful woman, probably the new owner.

  For a fleeting instant I considered giving in to curiosity, dashing over and insinuating myself into the conversation in a friendly, welcome-to-the-neighborhood sort of way. But then a gust of oven-hot wind blew a stray wisp of hair onto my cheek where it stuck. I took that as a sign.

  I ducked my head and kept walking from my doddering garage toward my slightly more stable house. There’s a time for curiosity and a time for hiding. Hair stuck to the cheek is a time for hiding.

  I had my foot on the first step of my front porch when I heard Fred call my name. I won’t say he has eyes in the back of his head because that would be silly. His hair would still get in the way. But he does have a way of seeing everything going on around him.

  I peeled the bit of hair from the sweat on my face, tucked it into my pony tail, squared my shoulders and walked across the street, down the brand new sidewalk and up to the brand new wraparound porch with pristine white columns.

  The afternoon sun glinted off the lenses of Fred’s black framed glasses as he turned to me. I preferred his old wire frames but he listened to my opinion about as often as my cat did. “Lindsay Powell, this is our new neighbor, Sophie Fleming.”

  Sophie smiled, teeth white and sparkling against olive skin, and extended a slender, well-manicured hand. She was beautiful, even up close. She had flawless skin and a smooth curtain of long dark hair with no sign of frizz even in the heat and humidity. Although she’d obviously been unpacking, her beige shirt and khaki shorts looked fresh and barely rumpled. I, of course, had dirt, grease and lots of chocolate on my sweaty tee-shirt and cutoffs. Standing next to Sophie, I felt even grungier than a few minutes before.

  I accepted her hand. Cool and dry. Of course it was. “Welcome to the neighborhood.” I smiled, hoping I didn’t have spinach stuck in my teeth. I hadn’t eaten any spinach that day, but Sophie’s perfection made me worry that I might have it in my teeth anyway. “Place looks great.”

  “Thank you.” She glanced back at the house. “This has been a labor of love. My parents and I lived here when I was a little girl before…” She hesitated for a brief instant, and it seemed a cloud passed between the sun and her face. Of course it didn’t. Not in August. “Before we moved to Nebraska,” she continued. “It broke my heart to find it had become so rundown.”

  We knew all that, of course, thanks to Fred’s prowess on the Internet. Well, we knew she and her family moved to Nebraska when she was five. We didn’t know why that cloud came over her face when she talked about it. Assuming there really was a cloud. Maybe I was just looking for some slight imperfection in my new neighbor so I wouldn’t have to hate her.

  “We’re very glad you’ve returned,” Fred said.

  Dirty old man.

  “Yes, we are.” I really was. I liked her instinctively in spite her being gorgeous and having straight hair and enough money to restore the house to showplace condition and not sweating in the heat.

  “As soon as I get everything unpacked and set up, I’d love to have both of you over for dinner and a tour of the place, if you’d like.”

  “We’d like! Fred will bring wine because he’s a connoisseur and I’ll bring dessert because I’m chocolatier.”

  She beamed. “Wonderful.”

  Fred and I left her to enjoy her new home.

  “She seems nice,” I said as we strolled across the street.

  “Yes, she does.”

  “You like her.”

  He frowned. “Of course I like her. She’s done nothing to merit my dislike. I even like you in spite of the number of things you’ve done to merit my dislike.”

  I shot him a scowl. “Name one thing I’ve done that my chocolate doesn’t compensate for.”

  “Did you bring home anything?”

  “Chocolate chip cookies. Your favorite.”

  “I’m making spaghetti with homemade pasta and garlic bread. It should be ready in about two hours.”

  “I’ll be there with chocolate on and sweat off.”

  I went to my house and Fred went to his.

  King Henry, the cat who adopted me a year ago, ran to greet me as soon as I opened the front door. He rubbed against my leg and looked up with big blue eyes. He didn’t care if I was stinky and sweaty. Fred loves me for my chocolate and Henry loves me for my can opener. It’s good to be loved.

  *~*~*

  I slept really soundly that night. Meeting Sophie and knowing she was living in what used to be a creepy old house somehow made the neighborhood feel safer. Being in an air conditioned bedroom after the heated kitchen probably helped too.

  When the sound of Wild Bull Rider pulled me from a deep sleep, I sat bolt upright in bed, heart pounding, and grabbed for my phone. Wild Bull Rider is Fred’s ringtone. I don’t know that he’s ever ridden any wild bulls, but I don’t know that he hasn’t.

  One thing I did know, he never called after ten o’clock at night or before nine in the morning, and my clock clearly said two a.m. No good news ever comes at two in the morning.

  A thousand possibilities, none of them good, flitted through my mind in the seconds it took to grab the phone and accept the call.

  Aliens had come to take Fred back to his home planet and he was calling to say good-bye.

  A burglar had broken into his house, stolen his phone and was pocket-dialing me.

  Fred had awakened with a sudden craving for brownies.

  All that was ridiculous, of course, but nothing compared to the reality.

  “Lindsay, I need you to come over here.” As always his voice was firm, his words precise, but I detected an edge of panic.

  “Are you all right? Are you hurt? Have you fallen and can’t get up?” Fred wasn’t young, but he wasn’t old either. He’d always seemed ageless and invulnerable. The thought that he might be hurt and need my help clenched my heart into a cold, painful knot.

  “Do you remember Sophie Fleming, the woman who moved into the house across the street?”

  “Did you call me at two a.m. just to test my memory? Yes, I remember her. Tall brunette with hair down to her butt and no perspiration on her brow. Can I go back to sleep now?”

  “No. I told you I need you here. Sophie Fleming won’t come out of my closet.”

  It’s often difficult to tell if Fred’s being funny or serious. His expression and tone rarely change. I couldn’t see his expression at that moment, and his tone was calm but with just a hint of desperation. I decided to play it straight.

  “Why is Sophie Fleming in your closet?”

  “If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be calling you.”

  “Which closet is she in?” I didn’t suppose it made a lot of difference, but I was trying to get a picture of what the heck was going on at Fred’s house.

  “My bedroom closet.”

  “Is this some kind of kinky sex thing?”

  “Lindsay, if you ever again want me to help you break into somebody’s house or hack into a website illegally or get a speeding ticket erased from the system, you need to stop asking stupid questions and get over here now.” He hung up.

  That was the closes
t I’d ever known Fred to get to all-out panic mode. He’s more than capable of dragging one or more people out of his closet and tossing them on their butt in the street, but a beautiful woman apparently had him completely freaked out.

  I swung my feet out of bed and onto the hardwood floor. Henry, sleeping off a catnip binge on the foot of my bed, lifted his head, opened one blue eye and gave a questioning meow but was back asleep before I could answer. Good thing. I didn’t relish trying to explain something to him that I didn’t understand.

  I sleep in an old tee-shirt Rick left behind because it was old and ratty. The years haven’t improved its condition, but it’s big and comfortable and would do for a night time visit. I grabbed a pair of shorts and pulled them on then hurried downstairs, making a quick detour through the kitchen to grab a Coke and a plastic container of chocolate chip cookies. I needed the Coke, and it sounded like Fred might need the cookies.

  As I crossed Fred’s yard where every blade of grass is always three inches long and the flowers never have wilted blooms, I took a moment to look for the elves I’m sure do his yard work in the middle of the night. I thought I caught a glimpse of one skulking in a car parked in front of my house, but everybody knows there’s no such thing as elves in the Kansas City area. It gets too cold in the winter. Probably just my scuzzy ex-husband stalking me. He does that when he’s in between bimbos.

  The street was lined with mature trees and the car was parked in the shadows, as far away from streetlights as he could get. Nevertheless I was pretty sure the elf’s hair was blond. Definitely Rick though the car wasn’t familiar. A mid-size white sedan. Not his style but it could belong to a new bimbo. I considered going over to confront him and yell at him for a while, but Fred’s crisis was more important than a moment’s pleasure.

  Fred met me at his front door. His immaculate white hair was mussed, his glasses were slightly askew, and he wore white cotton pajamas that were somehow unwrinkled despite the hour. He looked more like he’d come from a Karate workout than the bedroom.

  “Please tell me you didn’t iron those pajamas,” I said by way of greeting.

  He glared at me. Yes, Fred actually glared at me. That was a lot of emotion for him to display. Then his gaze dropped to my hands. “Are those cookies for me?”

  I handed him the container.

  “Thank you.” He turned and I followed him into his immaculate home.

  Like his yard, his house is always immaculate. His hardwood floors are always shiny and no speck of dust mars his furniture. Elves again. They come in the middle of the night to clean, then they dump his dust in my house.

  “Do you want to tell me how Sophie Fleming got into your bedroom closet in the first place?” I asked as we started up the stairs.

  “She walked in there. Actually, it was closer to a run. Speed walk, to be specific.”

  He strode onto the landing and down the hall toward his bedroom, his long strides longer than usual and his steps hurried. That was as stressed as I’d ever seen Fred. Things were getting a little freaky.

  I got another shock when I entered his bedroom. The covers on one side of the bed were thrown back. Sure, the average person wouldn’t make his bed when he got up in the middle of the night to try to lure a strange woman out of his closet, but Fred wasn’t the average person. Anyway, he had those elves.

  He strode to the open closet door and I followed.

  The closet was large for an old house. On one side shirts were grouped by color, fabric and long sleeves versus short sleeves. On the other, slacks and jackets were arranged the same way. He had a shoe rack which held polished shoes and a tie rack with ties, sorted by color, of course. Sophie huddled in one corner at the very back, face between her knees, dark curtain of hair flowing over her arms where they wrapped protectively around her head, white lacy gown spreading about her.

  A beautiful woman in a night gown hiding in the bedroom closet of a man in pajamas. If it had been anybody but Fred—

  “Sophie?” I spoke softly.

  She flinched and tightened her arms around her head.

  I turned to Fred. “How did she get in your house? I feel certain you have the door locked.”

  He straightened his glasses. “At 1:33 a.m. my security system told me someone was on my front porch. I went down to investigate and saw her trying to get in. I opened the door and asked if I could be of assistance. She walked past me, straight up the stairs and into my bedroom closet. I believe she’s sleep-walking, but I can’t seem to wake her or persuade her to come out.” He removed a cookie from the container and bit into it. His hand shook slightly. I was glad I had brought the cookies. He needed a fix.

  I took the container from him. Maybe Sophie would respond to a cookie. Chocolate has restorative powers.

  I handed Fred my Coke and moved into the closet where I knelt next to her, pushing Fred’s pants aside. “Sophie, it’s Lindsay. I’m your neighbor. Remember me? Chocolatier?”

  She shivered but didn’t look up.

  “Would you like a chocolate chip cookie? I made them myself.”

  Nothing.

  There’s something very wrong with anyone who turns down one of my cookies.

  I touched her arm.

  Her head flew up and she shoved my hand away. Her eyes were wide and filled with terror. “Carolyn! No!”

  I had a bad feeling it was going to take more than a few cookies to help that woman.