Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5)

by Melanie Wilber

  “Great to see you,” she echoed.

  The next few minutes were a blur. Kendra felt like she was living in a dream. Having Trevor beside her seemed unreal and strange. How was she supposed to act? Like an old buddy, or like a woman in love with him?

  This isn’t supposed to be happening this way. What is the matter with me? Why can’t I just be honest with him and reach out and grab his hand like I want to? Why do I keep looking away instead of staring into the eyes that I used to know so well? He seems to be acting normal, why do I feel like a robot?

  “Thanks for coming to pick me up,” he said, walking beside her into the parking lot. “It was nice to see a friendly face. I’m a little nervous about the interview.”

  She chose her words carefully. “I’ve been hoping for a chance to see you,” she replied. “I guess this worked out well for both of us.”

  When they arrived at the high school where he was scheduled for an interview at three o’clock, they had some time to spare and sat in the car, talking about whatever topic came up. She shared the brief version of Kristin’s engagement and breakup with Brandon and her current bright prospect in Jacob.

  “Do you think she’s going to marry him?”

  “I think so. He’s perfect for her. They’re going to Lake Tahoe together this weekend. I wouldn’t be surprised if he proposed to her there, ran over to a wedding chapel, and brought her back as a married woman. Except that Kristin is way too practical for that.”

  “They’re going to Lake Tahoe together?” Trevor asked, looking a bit surprised.

  “With another couple,” she said, feeling glad she’d talked Abby into a safer plan. “With Abby and Jordan, in fact. Remember me telling you about them?”

  “The other ones you played Cupid with?”

  “Yes!” She laughed and shoved him playfully. “See. Some of my matches work out.”

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “No, but I know what you were thinking,” she said. “Kendra, Kendra, Kendra, meddling in other people’s lives.”

  He smiled. “I didn’t say anything,” he repeated.

  Kendra felt better than she had at the airport. This is the way she remembered things between them. Casual. Fun. Saying whatever was on their minds. The advice she’d given Abby a few weeks ago about being honest with the person you were in a relationship with had come back to haunt her several times. Right now was no exception. But technically she and Trevor weren’t in a relationship, so she didn’t feel that she had to tell him everything.

  ***

  Jordan knew something was bothering Abby. She’d been quiet all afternoon. At first he let it go without comment. Some days she was quieter than others. Thinking back, he tried to figure out if he had said or done something to make her upset. She’d seemed fine on Wednesday, but something had happened since then. He was sure of it now.

  Dusk began to fall as they walked along the lake. They’d had a nice dinner with Kristin and Jacob and then gone their separate ways, planning to meet back at the hotel at ten. He knew he wanted to try one last time to get her to talk. He hated ending the day when he knew something was bothering her. He didn’t want this hanging over her all weekend.

  Stopping his casual stride, he waited for her to turn back and face him. Remembering her need to feel loved and secure, he kissed her tenderly.

  “What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, running his fingers along her jaw and into her hair.

  She shrugged, acting like it was nothing. He knew better.

  “You’re not yourself.”

  She closed her eyes. A sure sign that something was wrong but she didn’t want to tell him. He waited patiently until she opened them again.

  “Are you sorry we came here?”

  “No,” she replied immediately. “I love it here. This is so beautiful, Jordan.”

  “But there is something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

  “It’s nothing. I’m sorry if I’ve been quiet tonight. I think I’m just tired.”

  He decided to believe her. Dragging every thought out of her wasn’t necessary. But he hoped that if this was more than nothing, she would tell him before she allowed it to eat her up on the inside.

  ***

  Kendra handed a pillow and a blanket to Trevor. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right out here? That couch doesn’t look long enough for you.”

  “I may sleep on the floor,” he said, sitting down to remove his shoes. “I’m fine. I can sleep anywhere.”

  One of Kendra’s old roommates from her years at George Fox lived in Portland, and she had arranged to have them stay with her tonight. Jodi lived with another gal in a two-bedroom apartment downtown.

  Jodi had a queen-sized bed for her and Kendra to share. Her roommate had offered to let Trevor sleep on her twin-sized bed and said she would take the couch, but Trevor didn’t want to impose. He had always been like that--never wanting anyone to make a fuss over him.

  Jodi and her roommate were getting ready for bed. Kendra sat down beside Trevor, wondering if this was a good time to share her heart. She hadn’t found the right moment all day. Trevor had felt good about his interview, and they’d talked mostly about his career dreams for the future over dinner at a sushi place, as well as her hopes of transferring to the school here in Portland to complete her degree. The possibility of them both being in Portland next fall had certainly crossed her mind, and maybe Trevor’s too, but they didn’t talk about it.

  Then they had come here to Jodi’s, and once she and Jodi got talking, there was no stopping them. She had hoped to get Trevor to go for a walk with her, but a thunderstorm had rolled in over the mountains after the hot and humid day, keeping them inside and not giving them any more time alone until now.

  “Did you want to drive down to Eugene tomorrow?” she asked, wondering if he wanted to see his family or any friends while he was here.

  “I hadn’t really planned on it,” he said, leaning back against the sofa and reaching his hands over his head to stretch and yawn. “I’d prefer to hang out with you.”

  She smiled. “Fine with me,” she replied, wanting very much to lean into his broad chest and let him hold her. But she restrained herself, knowing they’d have all day tomorrow and time to talk when they were really alone and wouldn’t be interrupted.

  “I was thinking I’d like to go to the beach,” he said. “If you don’t mind driving that far.”

  “I don’t mind,” she said. A walk along the ocean with him would be almost as good as one beside the lake. He looked tired, and she decided to let him get some rest. Rising from the sofa, she was about to say good night when he reached for her hand.

  “I’m glad we could have this time together,” he said, holding her fingers gently and giving them a light squeeze. “I’ve missed you.”

  She took a deep breath and smiled. “I’ve missed you too.”

  ***

  Abby thought Kristin was asleep when her tears began dripping onto the pillow. She hadn’t been honest with Jordan, making her feel even worse. I lied to him. How can I expect this to ever work between us if I can’t even tell him when something is bothering me?

  But she knew why she couldn’t bring herself to share her fears. If she confronted him, he may very well confirm them. He might tell her that she didn’t mean as much to him as he did to her, that he had felt this way for Samantha at one time, but his feelings had faded and may do the same with her.

  She decided she would rather not know and continue living in this dream-world for however long it lasted.

  Kristin’s voice startled her. “Abby? Are you okay?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, swallowing her tears and trying to stop crying. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “I was just starting to drift off. Do you want to talk?”

  Abby didn’t want to brush her off the way she had with Jordan. She heard Kristin get out of bed and come to sit on the edge of hers. Sitting up, Abby accepted the tissue Kristin offered
her and blew her nose. Kristin turned on a lamp and sat patiently, waiting for her to talk. Abby told her the gist of her fears. Kristin listened without comment until she had finished.

  “I hate to say this, but you have to talk to him, Abby. Don’t set yourself up for getting your heart broken later. I remember when I was dating Brandon, there were so many times that I wanted to hear him say that he loved me, that he was one- hundred-percent in love with me the way I was with him, but he didn’t, and I assumed he was thinking things that he wasn’t. If I would have asked him just one time, I could have saved us both a lot of pain.”

  “I should have said something before we came here,” she said, wiping away fresh tears. “I can’t tell him now. The rest of the weekend will be ruined if he tells me anything besides what I want to hear.”

  “It will be ruined if you keep all of this bottled up, Abby.”

  She knew Kristin was right. The first evening had already been spoiled. “Okay, I’ll tell him tomorrow,” she sighed.

  “I think you should tell him now.”

  “Now? He’s probably asleep. I don’t want to wake him.”

  “They told us to call if we need anything,” she reminded her. “That means they both have their phones on. Text him and see if he responds.”

  Abby sighed and knew she was out of excuses. She sent a simple message and didn’t have to wait long for a response. He said he would be right over.

  She put on her robe, and Kristin did the same. Kristin stepped out of the room to give them some privacy when Jordan entered it. He came and sat beside her.

  “What is it, babe?”

  “I’m sorry to wake you,” she said, feeling tears threatening to form.

  “We were still up,” he said, taking her hand into his.

  That made her feel better. So did Jordan’s light kiss on the cheek. “Come on,” he said, squeezing her fingers. “You can tell me what’s on your mind. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me the truth, whatever it is.”

  “Do you promise to tell me the truth, even if what you say might hurt me?”

  He swallowed hard and searched her face with his deep brown eyes. “Yes.”

  Taking a deep breath, she decided the best thing to do was just blurt it out.

  “How long is this going to last?” her voice trembled.

  Jordan wasn’t sure what she meant. “How long is what going to last?”

  Her voice was no more than a whisper. “You and me.”

  He smiled and kissed her sweetly. “I hope forever. I love you, Abby.”

  She wanted to believe him. He saw the doubt in her eyes.

  “Why are you questioning that?”

  She reminded him of running into Samantha at the mall. He seemed to understand then, especially when she repeated his exact words about how marrying her would have been a mistake.

  “I meant marrying her specifically,” he said. “Samantha and I were together for eight months. Even now I’m not sure why it lasted that long. I suppose because she was a manipulator, and I kept believing all her lies. It was her idea to get married, not mine. One day we were at the mall and we “just happened” to end up in a jewelry store. She tried on a bunch of rings and practically made me pay for the one she wanted on-the-spot. I remember thinking, ‘This is what life is always going to be like with her.’”

  She felt better and shared her thoughts fully. “She’s so beautiful, Jordan, and I thought if you hadn’t wanted to marry her, you would never--” Well, almost fully. She didn’t want to be doing the same thing, trapping him into a corner about getting married anytime soon. She wasn’t in a hurry for that, she only needed to know he might want that someday.

  “I would, Abby,” he finished her thought. “I do. I want to marry you.”

  It wasn’t a formal proposal, but he took her into his arms and held her close. She clung to him and let the tears come. He added some affirming words.

  “You are so beautiful to me. When I first met you, all I saw was the shyness. But since I’ve discovered the wonderful treasure underneath that quiet exterior, I haven’t wanted anyone more than I want you. Please don’t doubt my love for you, Abby. Not now. Not ten years from now. Not ever.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Kendra and Trevor had a picnic breakfast at Waterfront Park the following morning, drove to the beach where they shopped a little and had lunch, and then went down to the water to make a sand castle. By the time they were nearly finished with their creation, several children had joined in on their efforts. It reminded Kendra of times she had baby-sat during high school and Trevor had come over to help her. Kids loved him, and he obviously enjoyed them also.

  Kendra couldn’t help but think that Trevor was going to make an excellent dad someday. Watching him with one little boy that had a tuft of red hair, she had a vision of the future: Her and Trevor as parents, making a sand castle at the beach with their own little brood.

  Catching her staring at him, he smiled and seemed to be having the time of his life. She winked at him. The redheaded boy stepped in front of him, and he redirected his attention to the four-year-old.

  After their efforts were complete and the tide began to lap at the castle’s walls, they decided to go for a walk before they needed to drive back to Portland and get Trevor to the airport for his evening flight.

  Kendra fought the urge to reach out and grab Trevor’s hand. She wanted him to make the first move if he had any feelings for her after all this time. So far he hadn’t indicated that, either verbally or non-verbally. Her feelings for him seemed to have tripled since yesterday. They had been talking nonstop all day, just as they always had back in high school. She felt like she could tell him anything--anything except how she felt about him.

  Why hasn’t he brought up the subject? He’s had plenty of opportunities. Does what we had five years ago really not mean anything to him now? Has he moved on and only sees us as two old friends that dated at one time but has no interest in rekindling any of that? Or does he want to see if he ends up getting this job in Portland before he says anything?

  She supposed that made sense. Since she hadn’t wanted a long-distance relationship back then, he probably supposed the same was true now. He wouldn’t try and get her to do anything she didn’t want--although if he asked, she knew she would say she’d be willing to live anywhere with him. She could just as easily transfer to a school in California as to one here in Portland. All that mattered to her was for them to be together.

  But he didn’t ask and she remained silent on that subject as well. She thought she could do it--let him go without sharing her heart, waiting for a time when their futures were more in order, but she didn’t want to say good-bye when they returned to the airport. The day had been too perfect. Being with Trevor again had been better than anything she had done in the last five years.

  “Good-bye, Kendra. I had a great time today,” he said, initiating a hug and holding on for an extra moment.

  She put her arms around his neck and held him tight. They hadn’t had any physical contact all day. The feeling of being in his arms again was more than she was prepared for.

  She thought back to the day they had parted five years ago. He had come to her house the day before he left for California and tried to talk to her one last time; to see if she had changed her mind about it having to be “all or nothing.”

  “I’m going to miss you,” he had said, putting his thumbs into the belt loops on his jeans. “I’ll call or write if you want me to. I’ll be home at Thanksgiving and for Christmas break. You can have all the time you want with me then.”

  She had shaken her head, not even wanting to consider such an arrangement.

  “Come on, Ken. Can’t we at least give it a try? If you hate it then you can stop writing and answering the phone. I’ll take the hint.”

  She hadn’t accepted the trial arrangement or the hug he offered her then. Being held by him now, she wanted to step back in time and relive that moment. If only she had realized what
she and Trevor had was something she couldn’t replace as easily as she thought.

  He released her here and now, and she stepped back. Looking into his moist eyes, she knew she had to tell him what she had wanted to voice all day but hadn’t found the right time for.

  “I should have gone with you five years ago, Trevor. I wanted you to stay here, but I never considered going with you instead.”

  “Well, I thought about it,” he said, cracking a smile. “But I knew you’d never go for it, so I didn’t ask.”

  She knew he was right. She wouldn’t have followed him to southern California back then. “I would follow you now.”

  His smile faded. “I gotta go,” he said, pulling his hand away and taking two steps backwards. “Email me and we’ll reminisce about the dumb things we did when we were young and foolish.”

  He turned away. She went after him. Grabbing his arm, she ran in front of him, halting him in his tracks.

  “Wait,” she said, feeling her heart thumping in her chest and a wide smile form on her face. “Trevor. I’m trying to tell you that I still love you. I wish we could have now what we had when we were young and foolish.”

  He sighed and looked away, fixing his gaze on some distant object. She didn’t know why he wasn’t looking at her.

  “I know you are,” he said.

  Her smile faded. That was not the reaction she had expected. The day had been so perfect. She didn’t know what to say.

  “I’m sorry, Kendra. I can’t do this right now.”

  “You don’t feel the same.” It was a statement, not a question. Her worst fear was coming true. He didn’t want her anymore.

  He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again, he looked at her evenly and responded.

  “I’ll call you and we’ll talk about this, okay? If I stay right now, I’ll end up kissing you. And I’m not entirely sure I want to do that.”