Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5)

by Melanie Wilber

  But with each week he became more and more dissatisfied with his job and their demanding finances. Kathleen had wanted to stop working to have more time to be a mother, and he had assured her they could make it on his income. She had been so happy to be home with her daughters and had been hoping to have another baby. But Jon was miserable. When he was home, he sat around watching television and keeping to himself as much as possible. He only played with the girls when they begged him to. He only talked to her when she made the effort. Their sex life became nonexistent.

  He was depressed and dragged her down with him. Kathleen had tried to encourage him but soon found herself living with a stranger. She had never felt so alone.

  They had made it through the holidays with smiles on their faces, but by mid January things began to unravel fast. He started talking about trying to return to school. He wanted her to go back to working full-time. She refused. They fought about money constantly. He spat angry words at her for the first time in the eight years she had known him--first as her boyfriend and then as her husband.

  I can’t go on like this! I have to follow my dreams. I can’t work at a grocery store for the rest of my life, Kathleen.

  She tried to shut out the words that had followed. She had tried hard to forget he had ever spoken them. But sitting there in her car at the viewpoint on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, she heard them as clearly as the day he had spoken them.

  I wish we had never gotten married. My God, Katie! What were we thinking?

  Kathleen laid her forehead on the steering wheel and sobbed. She loved Jon with all her heart, but she could not trust him again. She could not live with that stranger again. She could not sink into depression again.

  The old Jon was back, but for how long? She couldn’t take the chance of letting him back into her life, only for him to crush her heart in the end.

  ***

  Jon jumped from his chair at the kitchen table when he heard the garage door lifting. He and the girls were in the middle of dinner. He had made macaroni and cheese but had barely touched his.

  He wanted to rush out the door to meet Katie, but he stopped himself. He needed to exercise caution once again. She had sounded so distant on the phone this morning. He couldn’t assume once she’d had time to think and cool off she would be taking him back.

  Stepping to the sink to fill his glass with water, he let the girls rush out to meet their mother while he waited inside. He heard them have a happy reunion and kept his eyes glued on the doorway until she stepped through the opening. Her eyes scanned the room, landing on him for a brief moment before averting them. Jon’s heart sank.

  For their daughters’ sakes they put up a good front. But Katie wasn’t the same, and he knew it. When they finally had a moment alone in the living room, he reached for her.

  “Please, Jon. Don’t.” Her voice sounded cool and calculating.

  His eyes followed her as she stepped away and turned her back to him. “This isn’t going to work. I need you to leave now.”

  “Katie--” he lamented, stepping toward her and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Don’t push me away. I love you. I’m back. Please, don’t let what your father said--”

  She spun around and pushed herself away. She kept her voice low, but the anger in her eyes came through loud and clear.

  “This is not about what my father said. Don’t be putting the blame on him. This has happened to us because of you. Your selfishness. Your hateful words. You leaving us. I’m not letting you do that to me and the girls ever again.”

  She turned away and left the room. He stared at the sofa where he had held her, glanced down the hallway where she had disappeared into the bedroom they would never share again, thought about his daughters that he would only see a few times a month, and began to weep.

  Grabbing his coat from the chair near the door, he stepped out into the misty air, crossed the soggy lawn to his truck, and got in.

  He had come so close. But his mistakes had been too great. He had lost everything, and Katie was right. He had no one to blame but himself.

  CHAPTER TEN

  On Sunday morning Katie drove herself and the girls to church. She felt sad Jon wasn’t with them, and she had already cried twice before leaving the house, but she felt she had made the right decision. Yes, she still loved Jon and getting over him would take a long time, but she had prevented him from ever hurting them in the future. The worst was over. She needed to move on with her life.

  She tried to ignore the awkward greetings she received. Apparently word had gotten around about her and Jon’s plans--and the change in those plans. She moved to the sanctuary quickly, wanting to find a seat and escape the questioning stares.

  Sitting between her daughters along the middle aisle near the back, she buried her eyes in her program and waited for the service to begin. She didn’t notice the large bouquets of pink and white tulips on the stage until the associate pastor began leading the congregation in the first praise song.

  Her stomach lurched. Jon said he would take care of the flowers for their small ceremony that had been planned for yesterday afternoon. She figured there must be five times as many flowers as they’d had in their wedding. She couldn’t believe someone didn’t have the decency to remove the cruel reminders before this morning. She wasn’t sure she could do this and seriously considered grabbing the girls and going back home. She could tell them she didn’t feel well and wait until next week to try and face everyone here, or go elsewhere.

  As the first song ended and another one began, Katie felt Amanda nudge her. She looked down at her daughter and then noticed Jon standing in the aisle, waiting to step beside Mandie on the end.

  Kathleen stepped numbly to the side, shuffling Jamie along. She didn’t want to cause a scene. What is he doing here? How dare he show up like this! Jamie noticed her daddy and stepped in front of Kathleen to give him a smile and a wave. He reached over and tousled her hair. His eyes moved to her own. They spoke volumes.

  I love you, Katie. I’m not leaving without a fight.

  Kathleen looked away. She wanted to leave. No, she wanted him to leave. She looked at him again, planning to give him that silent message, but he had turned his eyes to the front, singing his heart out like he had just stepped through the gates of Heaven itself.

  She decided to ignore him. And she did. For the next half-hour. But when Mandie and Jamie left the auditorium for the children’s church program that was held separately and he closed the space between them, her resolve became harder to keep.

  She tried to focus her attention on Pastor Swan as he began the message, but her eyes kept wandering to the tulips at the altar, on the piano, on the stage, and even the single one in a vase on the podium. Closing her eyes, she tried to shut everything out. She had made herself very clear yesterday. Why is he doing this to me? I love him, but it’s not enough.

  That’s when Pastor Swan’s words hit her like a brick--like a ton of bricks dropped from a ten-story building.

  “How often do we make decisions based on fear?” Pastor Swan asked. “How many of you wore your seat belt on the way to church this morning? Why? Fear of being hurt in an accident? Fear of getting a ticket? Or, out of obedience to the law? For most of us, probably all three.”

  Katie wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but the words, “fear of being hurt,” penetrated her soul. She shifted in her seat. Did Pastor Swan write this message for me?

  “Should we make decisions based on fear?” he went on. “Sometimes. There’s a time to be cautious and use common sense. Healthy fears often keep us from making big mistakes.”

  “But I don’t want to address healthy fears today. I want to take a look at irrational fears. Fears that cause us to make the wrong choice. Fears that may arise from logic and reason but don’t take other factors into account, such as God’s commands, His protection, His care, and His love.

  “Isaiah 41:10 says, ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am
your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’

  “God says, ‘Don’t be afraid. Trust in Me. I will take care of you. I will meet your needs. I will uphold you.”

  Kathleen opened her eyes and glanced at Jon. His gaze was on Pastor Swan. He didn’t appear to be as deeply affected by the words as she was. To him this was a normal message thus far. To her it was like a beacon shining down from Heaven, piercing her closed and dying spirit.

  “Let’s take a look at a parable Jesus told,” Pastor Swan continued. “The parable of the talents.” He gave the scripture reference in Matthew Twenty-Five, and the shuffling of Bible pages swept through the room. Kathleen realized she had left her Bible at home. Jon reached for his and searched for the right page. Watching his hands as he did so, Kathleen noticed he had on his wedding ring. Her heart stopped. She hadn’t seen the simple gold band for two years.

  Pastor Swan spoke again. She pulled her eyes from the ring, trying to push the feelings aside that it stirred within her and refocus on the pastor’s words: “A master gave one of his servants five talents and the servant went out and doubled his money. The master gave a second servant two talents and he went out and doubled his master’s money as well. He gave another servant one talent. That servant went out and buried it.

  “Why did he do that?” Pastor Swan asked after his brief summary of the story. “Look at verse twenty-five.”

  Jon traced his finger halfway down the passage. Kathleen read the words as Pastor Swan spoke them.

  “The servant said, ‘I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground.’ You see, the servant made this decision on fear. He thought if he lost the one talent he’d been given, the master would be harsh with him. He didn’t want to take that risk.

  “The master called this servant wicked. Why? Because he followed his own reasoning and logic rather than being obedient. He didn’t lose the money, but he didn’t gain any either.

  “Life is full of risks. The Christian life is full of risks. And oftentimes we won’t gain anything if we’re too afraid to take them. But God asks us to trust Him, even when what He wants us to do doesn’t make sense.”

  God, what are you trying to say? Are you asking me to take Jon back out of a sense of commitment? Doesn’t the fact that he hurt me matter? How can you expect me to keep my marriage vows after all the pain Jon caused me? You’re not being fair.

  “Fear is a powerful thing, I’m not saying that it isn’t. But we can obey God when He says, ‘Don’t be afraid,’ because His command comes with a promise: ‘I will take care of you.’ Pastor Swan rattled off a half-dozen verses to prove his point. Each one chipped away at the wall she had built around herself in the last twenty-four hours. Hebrews 13:5 hit like a sledgehammer.

  “‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’...The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.’ You may be saying to yourself, ‘But Pastor Swan, bad things happen sometimes. Where is God then?’ I think the answer to that is that God has a different perspective. What we see as tragedy is actually a blessing. God knows what He’s doing whether we think so or not.

  “The greatest example of this is Jesus’ death. His family, His disciples, and His followers were devastated. They lost all hope, they feared for their lives, they didn’t understand. But God had a plan beyond their wildest imaginations.”

  Kathleen pondered that thought for several minutes as Pastor Swan began telling a story. She had never thought about how people who knew Jesus would have felt about His death--just as she would feel grief about someone she lost. For herself Jesus’ death was always closely tied with His resurrection, but His family and friends didn’t know that part of the story. They only knew the fear and the pain.

  Oh, Jesus, help me. Right now all I feel is the grief. All I can think about is the pain of losing Jon again. I love him, but is that enough? Is love all we need to get through this?

  She glanced at Jon again. Now that she had gotten over the shock of him coming, she had to admit it felt right to have him sitting beside her. How many times had she prayed and longed for this very thing? She had been praying for him to come back to her. She had been praying for him to come back to God. And here he was, not reluctantly, but with hope and joy written all over his face.

  Without taking time to think, she took a small step out of the darkness, lifting her fingers from her lap and resting them on Jon’s hand. She rubbed her thumb across his ring. Their eyes met, and he returned the affection with a tender smile. Feeling him gently grasp her fingers in his own, she returned her attention to Pastor Swan, ready to let God pour all the hope and truth into her spirit that He had for her. She didn’t have to wait long to hear more words that began to free her soul.

  “First John 4:18 says, ‘There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear.’

  “Where does fear come from? Fear comes from the mind. We are afraid of what we think might happen. We are afraid of what logic tells us. We lose hope because of what we see. So, what can we do when it seems that God has deserted us? We must remember the cross. We must listen to our hearts, not our heads. We must trust in His love.”

  Kathleen looked down at Jon’s Bible. He had turned to the verse Pastor Swan had just read. Glancing up at Jon, she found his eyes on her. He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

  She looked down at the words again. There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear.

  “Don’t be afraid, Katie,” Jon whispered. “I love you.”

  And she heard Jesus whispering the same.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Jon glanced at Katie when she looked up from the page in his Bible and saw tears running down her cheeks. She buried her face in his shoulder and wept softly.

  “I love you, baby,” he whispered. “Everything’s going to be all right.”

  She didn’t lift her head until Pastor Swan stepped off the stage and the worship leader began to lead the final song. They stood to their feet, and Jon reached for her hand again.

  Thank you, Jesus, for mending the pieces of Katie’s heart that I shattered. Only You are able to do this. Only You can restore our love and make it even stronger than before. Please don’t let me ever forget how much I need her and what an incredible gift You gave to me the day she became my wife. I was only a teenager, but even then I knew how much I loved her. Don’t let me ever lose sight of that again.

  ***

  Kathleen grasped Jon’s hand in return. He hadn’t lost hope. He hadn’t given up on her. He had come back to claim her as his own, and she didn’t think she had ever loved Jon more than she did right now.

  “I have something I need to do,” he said, kissing her hand and stepping into the aisle.

  Kathleen’s heart began to race watching Jon stride toward the front and stand beside Pastor Swan in the front row. Pastor Swan didn’t seem surprised by Jon’s presence and placed his arm around Jon’s shoulders for the duration of the song. As the song came to an end, she watched them walk onto the stage together. Pastor Swan told them all to be seated, that they had a special closing moment to the service today. Jon grabbed one of the microphones the worship team had been using. Kathleen had no idea what was going on, but she was anxious to find out. Knowing Jon, it would be something completely unexpected, and she didn’t even dare to guess.

  “As many of you know, Kathleen and I have been separated for the last two years. But God has brought us back together through His amazing grace. I put Katie through a lot of pain, and I want to make a public apology to her. I was selfish. I was wrong. And I want to ask for her forgiveness and yours. I’m doing everything I can to save our marriage and show her how much I still love her. And we are working toward reconciliation. I want to ask that you would pray for us and for some of you men out there to keep me accountable in my walk with the Lord and my renewed commitment to her.”

  An amazing sense of peace settled over Kathleen. She needed to remember that Jon had not come back o
n his own. This was exactly what she had prayed for. God had brought him back just as she had asked, and she had to trust Him with their marriage and their future.

  “You may have noticed the jungle of tulips surrounding the stage. I’d like to thank Pauline Anderson for gathering them from all over the city this morning on short notice. For Kathleen and me they are a reminder of our wedding and the vows we made that day.”

  Kathleen couldn’t help but wonder if Jon was planning to have them renew their vows now as they had planned to do yesterday. She didn’t think he would ask that of her before discussing it with her first, but then Jon had been rather unpredictable lately.

  “I know that many of you here have been affected by separation or divorce,” Jon continued. “You have either lost your spouse or are close to someone who has, or you are a child of divorced parents.

  “If you or someone you know has experienced a broken marriage, or if you are struggling to keep yours together, I invite you to take a flower home with you today. Put it in some water and place it somewhere you will see it often. Every time you do, I want you to pray for Katie and me, and to pray for whomever you are thinking about right now, possibly even yourself.

  “Ask God to bring healing to that relationship and to the hearts that are involved. And even after the tulip fades, remember that God’s promises do not. He will reward those who earnestly seek Him.”

  Kathleen had to reach for her already well-used tissue once again. Jon never did anything halfway. His eloquence made her think he should have been a pastor.

  “Three months ago when I asked God to heal our broken marriage, I didn’t know if Kathleen would ever forgive me. I told God, ‘Only You can do this,’ and He has. We may think all hope is lost, but God is able to do much more than we can dare to imagine.”