Taliesin

by Stephen R. Lawhead

  He was older now and had learned much about the power of the old gods. It was a natural power, elemental and earthborn, linked with the trees and hills and stones and stars and sun and moon. There was a good deal of darkness in it, but it was not totally given to evil. It was, therefore, not to be overly feared and fled but respected—in the same way that an adder must be respected when it rears its scaly head and bares its fangs.

  Taliesin did not flee this time but stood his ground. He had never sought the earth power, though many druids did. Hafgan had always said it was unnecessary, that such seeking was foolish and dangerous, that no one could hope to tame the power, nor discover the ways in which it was used of old, and that those who tried lived to regret it bitterly—if they lived at all.

  Morgian was looking at him curiously. "Another lapse," she sighed lightly. "It is polite to tell a maid that her name enchants, that its utterance is music on the lips." She rose from her place beside the caldron and stepped toward him. "Am I that disagreeable to you?"

  "Forgive me, lady," Taliesin replied. "I seem destined to blunder."

  "I shall not forgive you, singer," Morgian said, coming closer, a sly, seductive smile curling around her lips. "I shall have my satisfaction."

  Taliesin stepped backward. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "Where are you going, Taliesin? Stay with me, Lord of Summer."

  "Why do you call me that?" Taliesin's voice grated like gravel under hoof. "Where did you hear that name?"

  Morgian's smile deepened. "Did not Avallach give you lands?"

  "Yes," replied Taliesin uncertainly, "last night."

  Morgian brought her face close to Taliesin's. Her breath was sweet on the air and scented of apple blossom. "They are the Summerlands," she replied with feigned innocence. "And you are the Summer Lord." She raised a hand to his face and kissed him.

  The touch of her skin on his was like the lick of a flame, or of ice; it burned with a cool sensation, frozen fire. Again Taliesin felt the tug of his spirit toward her. Some part of him wanted to stay with her, to make love to her as she invited him.

  The rational part of him recoiled from the kiss, as from a backhanded blow. The sky dimmed and the earth rolled beneath his feet. He pulled away from her embrace and began to run, stumbled and fell on his hands and knees, hauled himself up and ran again.

  "Come back, Taliesin," Morgian called behind him in a strange singsong. He glanced back to see her beckoning to him, exultation glowing on her face. "You will come back…Taliesin, you will come to me…"

  Charis arrived at the orchard to see Taliesin as he emerged from the grove. She tied her horse to the branch beside his and hurried to meet him. "What is wrong?" she asked, her smile of welcome fading. "Has something happened?"

  He hugged her to him, and the warmth of her body soothed him. "There is nothing wrong," he said. "Nothing happened."

  She pulled back and held him at arm's length. "Are you certain? You looked so frightened just then. I thought—"

  "Shhh…It does not matter. Nothing happened." Taliesin placed a finger against her lips. "You are here now. That is all I care about."

  "But I should not have come," she said sternly, pushing herself from him. The next moment she softened and said, "Oh, Taliesin, it can never be. My father is very angry; he has set himself against us. He will not let us marry."

  "Why?" he asked softly, pressing near.

  She held him away. "I have not often seen him so angered. He refused to speak of it to me last night."

  "But Avallach has given us lands," he told her. "If our people are to live as neighbors, I do not see why we should not live as husband and wife."

  "It is not so simple as that and you know it, Taliesin." She turned her back to him. "I have told you—we are not meant to be together."

  "Charis," he said firmly, "look at me."

  Charis faced him again, her brow wrinkled in a frown. "You know that I want you, Charis—do you want me?"

  "It does not matter what I want."

  "Why? Why should you deny yourself so? Are you not worthy to love and be loved?"

  "Love?" Charis shook her head sadly. "Do not speak to me of love, Taliesin."

  "Then tell me the word that will win you, and I will speak it. I will speak the stars of heaven into a crown for your head; I will speak the flowers of the field into a cloak; I will speak the racing stream into a melody for your ears and the voices of a thousand larks to sing it; I will speak the softness of the night for your bed and the warmth of summer for your coverlet; I will speak the brightness of flame to light your way and the luster of gold to shine in your smile; I will speak until the hardness in you melts away and your heart is free once more."

  "Pretty words, singer. Perhaps you will put them in one of your songs." The voice came from the trees behind them.

  Charis whirled toward the sound. "Morgian!" She scanned the trees and pathways of the grove but saw no one. "Morgian, where are you? Come out, and be quick about it!"

  There was a long silence and then the rustle of a blossomed branch and out stepped Morgian, smiling wickedly. "Are you jealous, sister? Oh, do not be angry. It was only a game; an idle curiosity, if you like. I meant nothing by it."

  "What are you doing here?" Charis demanded indignantly, the color rising to her face.

  "I met her earlier," explained Taliesin, trying to dispel the tension of the moment. "We talked for a little while I waited. I did not know she was your sister."

  "Did you not tell Taliesin about me?" wondered Morgian innocently. "Why not? Were you afraid I would steal him from you?"

  "Leave us!" Hands on hips, Charis stood unassailable.

  "You cannot send me away!" Morgian advanced menacingly. Her eyes glinted hard in the sunlight like chips of green granite; her voice was a coiled serpent. "I will not go."

  Taliesin moved between the two women. To Morgian he said, "You have your satisfaction. Go now, and let us part as friends."

  Morgian's eyes flicked from Charis to Taliesin; her expression, her mood, her whole being softened instantly. "Friends, yes, and a good deal more," she murmured.

  "Morgian!" Charis hissed. "I am not afraid of you or your Mage's tricks. Leave us! And never interfere again."

  "I am going," replied Morgian lightly. "But do not think you have seen the last of me."

  TEN

  DAFYD LISTENED, A FROWN APPEARING NOW AND AGAIN ON his face. But when Taliesin finished telling him what had happened in the grove, the priest smiled reassuringly and said, "You are right to be concerned, Taliesin. But you are in no danger that I can see as long as you remain strong in the faith. The maid Morgian may have power—probably does; I have no doubt that what you say is true. But the power of our Savior is stronger still. God will not abandon those he has called, nor will he allow them to be taken from him by the Evil One."

  Taliesin was encouraged by this. "Tell us, good brother, how is it that the Savior knows his own?"

  "Why, by our faith in him. And all who believe proclaim his death and resurrection in baptism—the baptism of water with which our Lord himself was baptized by John. It is a simple rite, but most holy. In fact, I baptized King Avallach not long ago."

  "Can you do it for us too?" asked Taliesin, reaching for Charis' hand.

  "Certainly," remarked Dafyd, his kindly face breaking into a grin. "Shall we do it now? There will be no better time."

  "I agree," said Taliesin. "Let us do it now."

  "Collen," Dafyd called to the shrine, "put down your tools and come with us! We are going down to the lake to make Christians of our friends here."

  So together the four of them walked down to the lake, the priests singing a Latin hymn, Taliesin and Charis behind them, silent, their steps resolute and slow. When they reached the lake, Dafyd strode into the water, stopping only when the water rose to his waist. He turned and spread his hands to them, mantle and robe swirling around him. "Come to me, friends; the Kingdom of God draws near."

  Charis and Taliesi
n stepped into the water and waded to where Dafyd stood, Collen singing all the while, his steady tenor resounding over the water. Dafyd placed them one on either side of him and turned them to face one another. "It is a beautiful thing for a human being to be born anew. I want you both to remember it always."

  With that he spread his hands and lifted his face and began to pray, saying, "Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of water, a sign of your cleansing and reviving us: we thank you that through the still, deep waters of death you brought your son and raised him to new life as King of Heaven. Bless this water and your servants who are washed and cleansed from all sin and made one with our Lord, both in his death and new life. Remember them, Heavenly Father, and give them peace and hope and life everlasting. Amen."

  Collen added his amen and Dafyd continued, "We who are born of earthly parents need to be born again. For in the sacred texts the good news of Jesu tells us that unless a man has been born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of God. And so God, who is ever wise and faithful, gives us a way to be born again by water and his Spirit. This baptism enacts our second birth."

  Turning to Taliesin, he said, "Is it your wish to receive the sacrament of water?"

  "It is," answered Taliesin.

  "Then kneel down, Taliesin," said Dafyd. When the bard had knelt, he asked, "Do you believe that Jesu is the Christ, the only begotten son of the Living God?"

  "I do believe it," Taliesin replied.

  "Do you repent of your sins?"

  "I repent of my sins."

  "Do you renounce evil?"

  "I do renounce evil."

  "Do you swear allegiance to Jesu as your Lord and King and vow to love him and follow him and serve him all the days of your life?"

  "With all my heart I do swear it," said Taliesin.

  Dafyd bent to scoop water into his hands. "Then in the name of your new King, Jesu the Christ, friend and savior of men, and in the names of the True God and his Spirit, I do baptize you." So saying, the priest raised his hands and poured water over Taliesin's bowed head.

  And then, placing one hand between Taliesin's shoulder blades and the other on his head, he tilted Taliesin back into the water. "As Jesu died that men might live, so you die to your old life." He held the bard under the water for a moment and then raised him up again with the words, "Awake, Taliesin ap Elphin! Arise to new life as a child of the One True God."

  Taliesin rose up from the water with a shout, his face shining, his body trembling and shaking water all around. "I am reborn!" he cried, pouncing on Dafyd and wrapping him in a great hug.

  "Hold, Taliesin! Stay! I have been baptized already!" the priest sputtered. Collen launched into another hymn and sang with vigor.

  Charis was baptized next and when he had finished, Dafyd raised his hands over them and prayed, "Almighty God, in your never-ending love you have called us to know you, led us to trust you, and bound your life to ours. Surround these, your children, with your love and protect them from evil, even as you receive them into your care, so that they may walk in the way of the Lord and grow in grace and faith. Amen."

  Turning first to Taliesin and then to Charis, he made a motion in the air, saying, "I sign you with the cross, the sign of the Christ. Do not be ashamed to confess your faith, my friends. Live in the light, and fight valiantly against sin and the Devil all the days of your lives."

  They waded back to shore and as Taliesin came up out of the water he turned to Charis. "We are reborn together," he told her. "Now nothing can separate us."

  "It was not a marriage," remarked a dripping Dafyd. "Ah, but I can perform that rite as well."

  "And you shall," said Taliesin, "very soon."

  They strode from the lake and back to the shrine, where Collen gave them robes to wrap themselves in while they waited for the sun to dry their clothes. They ate smoked fish and brown bread beside the fire, and Taliesin told about King Avallach's visit the night before and his gift of land.

  "But what a great and generous gift," remarked Dafyd when he heard. "I am pleased, for it means that you will stay close by." He glanced at Charis, who had grown silent during their talk. "Is that not good news, Charis?" he asked her.

  She stirred at the sound of her name and said, "What? Oh…Yes, it is good news."

  "And as soon as we have established our holding," Taliesin continued, "Charis and I will be married."

  Dafyd nodded approvingly. "Such a handsome match!"

  Charis said nothing, and after a time Collen came with their clothes slung over his arms. She left them to dress.

  "She has been lonely," the priest said. "She has lost much in her life and may be fearful of losing more. It is not easy to love what can be lost. Sometimes I think it is the most difficult thing in the world." Dafyd paused and said, "You know, Hafgan came to me a few days ago."

  Taliesin's brows raised in surprise. "Did he? He said nothing to me about it."

  "He wanted to hear about the Lord. 'Tell me about this god,' he said. 'This Jesu, the one called Christ.' We talked for several hours and he told me the most remarkable thing: he said that the sign of the Christ's birth was noted in the sky, and that the druids of old knew that a king like no other on earth had been born. Think of it! They knew."

  "I have never heard that story, although I have heard another often enough—concerning a starfall many years ago."

  "He did not mention it."

  "Hafgan and many others saw it. He said that it too betokened a wondrous birth, a royal birth: the king that will lead us through the Dark Time."

  "The Dark Time? You mean the attack that drove your people south?"

  "That is only the beginning, and not even that." Taliesin grew very grave. "But it is coming…Darkness deep as dead night will descend over the Island of the Mighty."

  "This king—you say he has been born?" asked the priest.

  Taliesin shook his head. "Perhaps…No one knows. But his coming cannot be far off, for the darkness grows more powerful with each passing day. He will have to come soon if there is to be anything left worth saving."

  "I believe it is true," put in Collen excitedly. He had been following this exchange as closely as he could. "Some herders passing by this morning said that raiders have been seen hereabouts—where no Irish have been seen for many years."

  "Charis came upon them yesterday in the valley. If I had not been there, she might have suffered the worse for it…" He paused, remembering the sight of her besting trained warriors. "Ah, but you should have seen her. Even now I am not so sure she needed my help at all."

  "I can well imagine," mused Dafyd, stroking his chin, "that she would be a most formidable opponent. There is a good deal of iron in that spine. I have often wondered where it comes from."

  "Will you be leaving soon?" asked Collen.

  "Today," said Taliesin. "I mean to visit here often though and invite you to do the same."

  "We will, we will," promised Dafyd. "I have my new converts to look after. And more new converts to make. I think we will be seeing much of one another in time to come."

  Charis rejoined them, and she and Taliesin reluctantly took their leave. The priests waved them on their way and then went back to work on the shrine.

  The two rode to the Tor and across the causeway, whereupon, reaching the winding pathway leading to the palace, Taliesin turned aside. Charis also pulled up, and they sat for a moment looking at one another. "You are leaving," she said matter-of-factly.

  "For a little while. But when I come back we will be together and will never be separated again." He urged his mount closer a few steps and took her hand. "You will fill my thoughts every moment until I return." He leaned forward and kissed her gently.

  Charis stiffened, gripping the reins in her fist. "You say we are reborn," she replied bitterly. "You say we will be married and that we will never be parted. You say you love me."

  "I do, Charis. With all that is in me, I do."

  "It is not enough!" she shouted, lashing the reins acr
oss her horse's withers, kicking her heels into its flanks. "It is…not…enough…"

  The gray bolted away up the winding path to the summit of the Tor.

  * * *

  Misery descended upon Charis' heart with the cold, bleak, rain-filled days that settled over the land. She paced the corridors of the palace, fretful, anxious, hating herself for feeling the way she did, and then feeling worse for it.

  Her torment had no center. Like a wind that assailed from all directions, it seemed to strike wherever she turned, at times unexpectedly. Why? she kept asking herself. Why? Why? Why?

  Why does it have to be this way? Why does the thought of loving Taliesin fill me with such dread? Why am I so afraid?

  She thought about Taliesin—but more as an abstract presence, a force to be faced, or an argument to be reconciled than as a flesh-and-bone human being who loved and desired her. He was a cipher that had no face, a symbol of something she could not reckon.

  Why, she would ask herself, does the thought of him bring no happiness?

  Time and again she asked the question, and time and again stumbled over the same awkward conclusion: "I do not love him."

  That must be it, she decided. As painful as it is, that must be the answer. I do not love him. Maybe I have never loved anyone…

  No, I did; I loved my mother, she thought. But that was a long time ago and she has been dead many years. Perhaps when Briseis was killed all love inside me died too. Strange to just find out now. It has been so long since I have loved anyone or anything except myself—no, not even myself. What the High Queen told me that day long ago was true: I wished myself dead, which is why I danced the bulls.

  Love…

  Why should love be so important? Save for a few brief years as a child, I have lived my life without it. Why should this lack make any difference now? Why now?

  And what had happened to that calm, agreeable feeling she had experienced only a few days ago—that sense of security and the lightness of things, the feeling of being part of a hidden plan meticulously working itself out…Where had that gone?

  It was true, she reminded herself. Only a few days ago you were certain you were in love with Taliesin. Only a few days ago you felt as if life had recovered its purpose and meaning for you. Only a few days ago…And now?