What If... All Your Friends Turned On You

by Liz Ruckdeschel

  “I have summoned you here for this special assembly for a bery important reason,” Principal Crum said. “This is not about pranks or bandalism. This is a matter of life and death. We’re on Cerulean Alert, people. I repeat, Cerulean Alert.”

  More chuckles came from the audience after Crum announced his latest weird-color alert code. Does he know that cerulean is pale blue? Haley wondered. Not a very alarming color choice.

  Principal Crum coughed harshly, his rheumy eyes bewildered by the crowd’s reaction. They laugh at everything, even illness, his expression seemed to say. “This school is in the grip of an epidemic,” Principal Crum continued. “A communal eating disorder that is running rampant through our halls—halls that should be a testament to the honor of our Hillsdale Hawks, not a public vomitorium!”

  That really got the kids going. As the room erupted in raucous laughter, Haley glanced around from her seat on the end of a middle row. Coco, Sasha, Whitney and Cecily sat directly in front of her, looking made up and shiny. Annie, Dave and Hannah were nearer the front. Dave had a sort of shell-shocked expression on his face and Annie looked as if she were going over flash cards in her head. Up in the nosebleed section, the art crowd—Irene, Shaun, Devon and Darcy—took their usual spot, as far away from Crum as they could get.

  “This is not funny, people,” Principal Crum said. “This is deadly serious. The cafeteria Dumpsters are overflowing with rotting food, the uneaten lunches these lunatics among us have wasted.” He glanced at Ms. Underhill, who threw him a reproving look. “And by lunatics, of course, I mean poor sick girls whom we desperately want to help.” He paused, collecting himself, trying not to get too worked up. “This wastefulness is a crying shame,” he began softly, his voice rising with every word. “It has also caused a raging vermin problem that is getting to be unmanageable. Do you hear that? There will soon be rats roaming the hallways if you spoiled ingrates don’t do something to change your wasteful eating habits! Rats running through the hallways, people!”

  Ms. Underhill glared at him again, so he added, “And by spoiled ingrates, I mean emotionally scarred young women who deserve our assistance, care and respect. Obviously.”

  There would have been more laughter at this gaffe if people were still paying attention, but by now, most of them—boys especially—were texting, talking or staring at the ceiling.

  “Since this is a touchy subject of a medical nature, I’d like to introduce the school nurse, Ms. Underhill, and have her take it from here. Ms. Underhill?”

  Ms. Matty heaved herself off her chair and thudded like a triceratops toward the podium. Between her unflattering gym outfit and the beige skunk streak running through her black hair, she was an unsettling sight, and not exactly a vision of good dietary habits.

  “Students of Hillsdale High,” she said sternly. “I understand your concern with your weight. I understand that the holidays can wreak havoc on a person’s figure. But many of you have taken your postholiday diets too far—way too far.”

  Coco leaned close to Sasha and said, “Just looking at Matty the Fatty is making me want to lose another ten.” Haley couldn’t help overhearing her. Ms. Underhill was not the most attractive teacher, not by a long shot, and Coco sort of had a point: looking at Nurse Underhill did take your appetite away. Haley studied Coco and the girls with her. Had she heard right? Had Coco really lost ten pounds already? She’d always been skinny; Haley wouldn’t have thought Coco had ten pounds to spare. She was wearing a baggy dress, so it was hard to tell just how much weight she’d lost exactly, but from what Haley could see she seemed to be a good size smaller than her usual self. The other girls all looked thinner too.

  “Girls have been passing out in the hallways from hunger,” Ms. Underhill was saying. “They’ve been coming into my office by the dozens asking for glucose tablets to ward off low blood sugar attacks. This unhealthy behavior has got to stop immediately. From now on, if a girl comes to me with dizziness or low blood sugar, or if I even suspect she might be following one of these crazy fad diets, I’m going to call her parents and recommend therapy at the very least.”

  Coco, Sasha, Whitney and Cecily giggled through Ms. Underhill’s speech, but Haley was pretty sure they were the ones Ms. Underhill was talking about—they and the less socially prominent girls who tried to copy the Cocobots’ every move.

  Haley turned around to see how many other girls looked thinner to her. Sure enough, there were a lot more prominent cheekbones and bony arms than she recalled. Her eyes finally landed in the nosebleed section, where scrawnier-than-usual Darcy Podowski was ignoring Ms. Underhill and completely focused on Devon. As in, focused with her whole self, mostly the body part of herself. Devon passively sat by making faint, unconvincing attempts to push Darcy away as she played with his hair, whispered and blew into his ear, reached across him to get something in a transparent attempt to wrap herself across his lap and more. Since Devon did almost nothing to stop her, Haley had to assume that he liked being manhandled by the freshman flirt.

  Sickening, Haley thought. She turned away, only to catch another disturbing sight: Dave Metzger weeping. His shoulders were now shaking, his nose was running and his girlfriend, Annie, had her arm around him, trying in vain to comfort him. Poor Dave, Haley thought. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, if not on his stressed-out, pimply face. She suspected Dave was not crying out of sympathy for the unhealthy dieters. Something more profound was at the root of his troubles.

  “Before you know it we’ll have living skeletons walking through the halls of the school!” Ms. Underhill warned. “And do you have any idea what poor nutrition does to test scores?”

  “Oh my,” Principal Crum piped up, his voice booming from the stage. “This school cannot afford to lose a single point in its test scores! Eat, people! I want you all devouring brain food!”

  This place has gone crazy, Haley thought, looking around at all the half-starved faces. Everybody’s falling apart.

  There does seem to be a lot of postholiday turmoil at Hillsdale High these days. Chalk it up to winter blues, seasonal affective disorder, insanity, whatever—a fair amount of suffering is going around.

  It’s not unusual to lose weight after a breakup, but ever since Coco dumped Spencer, she has been shedding pounds like a crew tossing luggage off a sinking ship. Even through that loose-fitting dress, anyone can see she’s whittling away. But then, some people find stick-thin bodies attractive. Coco seems to think Spencer does. If she’s not losing weight to drive Spencer crazy, why else would she be risking her health?

  If you think Coco is waaaay too skinny since her breakup with Spencer and that she’s behind this unhealthy new dieting trend, turn to SKINNY BRAT. If you think Coco has reached her goal weight—and her goal of looking like a model—and feels ready to take revenge on the bad boys, turn to, LOVE AND ROCKETS.

  On to the next tortured soul: Dave Metzger. Why is he crying? His family life is a mess; with his mother now getting hitched to Mr. Von, that may have something to do with it. If you think Haley feels terrible for Dave and considers it her duty as a compassionate person to go see if there’s anything she can do to help, turn to, ROBOT ER.

  Finally, Haley may be doing some suffering of her own. Does the sight of Darcy and Devon cuddling make Haley crazy jealous? If so, what can she do about it? One idea: have her punk out her look and go one-on-one with Darcy for Devon’s attention. Find out if he’s got attention deficit disorder when Haley is in the room, SHOWDOWN AT JACK’S.

  For the poor saps of Hillsdale High, struggling to make it through another frigid winter without completely losing it, spring can’t come soon enough.

  RAPID RECONCILIATION

  Be true to your friends, be true to your family, be true to your boyfriend, but most of all, be true to yourself.

  As Reese’s lips drew toward hers, Haley forgot all about the lewd pictures from the Caribbean vacation. That wasn’t the Reese she knew—this was…. She met his lips in a sweet, warm kiss and melted.
How could he have cheated, Haley thought, when he was so clearly crazy about her? Besides, Reese was hardly the lascivious type. He was a one-woman guy, and would never do anything that might hurt Haley. There must be some other logical reason. She felt it all in his lips. And as far as Haley was now concerned, she had her answer. Reese was the one for her. And she could trust him fully, even without hearing his official explanation.

  As Reese cupped Haley’s face in his hands and said, “There’s a lot I need to tell you, but I’m so glad you came and found me, and that you trusted me. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.” Haley suddenly sensed someone hovering behind her. She turned around to find Coco sneering at them.

  “Isn’t this sweet,” Coco said snidely. “Too bad Haley came over here to dump you, Reese, for being such a lying, cheating loser.”

  “What?” Reese’s expression shifted from blissed out to baffled. “Dump me? Haley, is that true?”

  Coco smiled bitterly. “Tell him, Haley.”

  Haley was flustered. That kiss had pretty much obliterated her brain, so she couldn’t exactly think on her feet.

  “I, um—well, when I saw those pictures of you, naturally I thought at first—but, um, then, when I saw you …”

  “What was it you called him earlier, Haley?” Coco prodded. “A no-good, two-timing fake?”

  Haley looked at Reese. “I can explain.”

  “You were going to throw all this away, without ever hearing my side of the story?” Haley heard shock in his voice, and it surprised her. “I didn’t do anything, Haley. And in your gut, you know it too.”

  He walked off, followed shortly thereafter by Coco and her Coquettes, leaving Haley behind all alone in the hall. She suddenly realized she’d made a huge mistake. She’d let herself become a pawn to Coco without ever giving any hard thought to her own feelings. She’d let Coco convince her of Reese’s guilt even before she’d heard his side of the story. She hadn’t been loyal to anyone: not to Reese, not to her girlfriends and most of all, not to herself.

  Nice job. Now Haley’s got no friends, no boyfriend and no self-respect. She’s a blank slate, starting over again from ground zero.

  Hang your head and go back to page 1.

  DEAD END

  STICK WITH

  THE SISTERHOOD

  A sister can be defined in many ways, not all of them nice.

  “Ah,” Coco sighed with satisfaction. “There’s nothing like a girl-power mission accomplished.”

  Haley had gone with Coco, Sasha and Cecily to Drip coffeehouse to celebrate the successful dumping of their no-good boyfriends, and Whitney had tagged along per usual. In keeping with their diets, the girls all ordered iced green tea, even Haley, since she didn’t want to invite Coco’s wrath by eating in front of her. Whitney insisted they order one orange and divide it with five forks. But Haley was focusing on the divine mocha scent that kept wafting over from the next table. She glanced over with longing. A girl sat there reading a book and sipping a frothy mochaccino with chocolate shavings and whipped cream on top. There was an almond bear claw half-eaten on her plate. Haley’s mouth watered. Coco, her laser vision more sharpened than ever by hunger, seemed to read Haley’s mind.

  “Don’t even,” Coco barked, snapping her fingers in front of Haley’s face to bring her attention back to the diet table. “You can’t let yourself be tempted by those high-calorie thigh plumpers. Just picture cellulite—or better yet, picture Fatty Matty—and the urge to binge will recede. Remember, ladies, our boys may have cheated, but we won’t.” Haley tried to picture cellulite and Nurse Underhill’s thunder thighs, but the delicious coffee smell kept overwhelming her.

  In spite of Coco’s outburst, she was in a chipper mood that afternoon, basking in the glow of being responsible for at least four broken hearts, all male. “Let’s have a little fun,” she said. “I bet I can guess how much weight each of us has lost so far, and then we can talk about how much more we still have to lose. Of course, I know how much I’ve lost”—she laughed with false modesty—“almost ten pounds. It’s amazing. I feel so much lighter and free! But I’ve got at least two more pounds to go. Let’s see how well I guess with you guys.” She eyeballed Sasha.

  “How exactly did you calculate these figure-figures?” Sasha asked.

  “Oh, I have a sense for these things,” Coco insisted.

  “Please.” Sasha rolled her eyes, but she didn’t protest. Coco studied her.

  “Sasha Lewis, minus four pounds,” Coco said.

  Sasha’s jaw dropped. “That’s exactly right. How did you know?”

  “When it comes to matters of the scale, just call me Coco the Clairvoyant,” she joked. “Next, Whitney. You’re looking … less than plump today. I’m guessing you’ve lost five pounds.”

  “You’re right—five pounds!” Whitney said. “I weighed myself this morning.”

  “I win again,” Coco said cheerily. “Now, Cecily. You started off pretty skinny, so you might have a harder time losing weight. My guess: minus three.”

  “Minus three point four,” Cecily said, spearing an orange segment and popping it into her mouth. “But I feel like I should have lost twenty pounds already, I’m so hungry.”

  “Shhh! Don’t say the h word,” Coco said. “If it were easy, everybody would do it. On to Miss Haley Miller.” Coco looked Haley up and down with a light smirk on her face. “Well, from the looks of your waist and hips, I would have said minus five.”

  “Really?” Haley said, feeling a tinge of pride. Then Coco reached over and poked her arm.

  “However,” Coco continued sternly. “You’ve clearly put on some muscle in the last week. So much so that I’m going to say plus three pounds.”

  “Huh?” Haley gasped. She couldn’t help feeling a little insulted, especially after everybody else at the table had lost weight, though actually she had no idea what her current status was. She hadn’t weighed herself recently, and instead had been just focusing on eating fewer processed foods and exercising more rigorously.

  Rather than let herself get worked up over Coco’s disapproving gaze, Haley decided to shrug it off. Coco could easily be right—Haley might have put on a couple of pounds as her body mass had changed from soft tissue to firm muscle. After all, it wasn’t as if she were following the no-breakfast, no-dinner approach the other girls were sticking to. Haley just didn’t feel well when she skipped meals. But she wasn’t about to tell that to Coco.

  “Well, I have been exercising more, lots of jogging and push-ups.”

  “Ugh, how do you have the energy?” Cecily asked.

  “Haley, must I remind you?” Coco chastised. “Pilates is the only sanctioned activity.”

  “Oh, right,” Haley said, though she had no intention of giving up her routine. She was actually enjoying her early-morning runs.

  “It doesn’t matter, Haley,” Whitney said. “The important thing is the sisterhood.”

  “That’s right,” Coco said. “The important thing is we stuck together and dumped those boys on their horny little butts. We showed them they can’t take us for granted. And now we have each other to commiserate with. Except I don’t need commiseration—I feel great!”

  Out of the corner of her eye Haley sensed that someone was inching toward their table. It was Hannah Moss, looking shy and nervous. Tiny Hannah was no doubt a little afraid of Coco. It wasn’t unusual: lots of people were.

  Hannah stopped at the table and cleared her throat. Haley smiled, trying in vain to make Hannah feel more comfortable. Coco looked up dismissively. “Yes?”

  “I have a message for you, that is, there’s something I think you should know,” Hannah began. “My friend Alex Martin is interning for Mrs. Eton, you know, the new governor?”

  “We all know who she is,” Coco snapped, but she sat up a bit, taking more notice of Hannah now. “What’s your message? Spit it out!”

  “Okay, well, Alex told me that Mrs. Eton says Spencer dumped you. She’s saying that he thought you were to
o controlling and that you have … manorexia.”

  “Manorexia?” Coco said. “Don’t you mean anorexia?”

  “No, manorexia,” Hannah said. “It’s a man-eating disorder, though I think she might have made that part up.”

  Coco’s jaw dropped. She clearly was aghast. “I don’t believe this. That witch!”

  “It’s true,” Hannah said. “I assure you it is.” She glanced toward the counter and saw that her to-go chai latte was ready. “Just thought you’d want to know.” Hannah walked away, and as she did, Haley noticed she had a bunch of multicolored wires sticking out of her backpack. What could they be for? Haley wondered. A bomb? Hannah was, after all, a bit on the antisocial side. But no, Haley decided, it must be something else.

  “I don’t know whether to kill that weird little pest or save my energy to kill someone who deserves it even more,” Coco said, seething. “Like Spencer. Or his mother.”

  “Or both,” said Cecily.

  “She always liked me. At least she pretended to. When Spence and I were dating, she was practically planning our wedding!”

  In an astounding act of bad timing, Sasha and Whitney looked at each other with bright, excited eyes and clasped each other’s hands.

  “What are you two grinning about?” Cecily asked. Haley decided all the not eating must be making her grumpy.

  “We have something exciting to announce too! We can’t wait any longer, it’s killing us,” Sasha gushed.

  “Exciting?” Coco said. “You call what that tiny troll just said to me exciting?”

  “We have some really amazing news to share with you,” Whitney said. “We’re going to be sisters!” She and Sasha squealed in unison. Coco held her ears.

  “What are you talking about?” Cecily asked.