Phillymunna nodded. “That would be perfectly acceptable,” he confirmed. “As that most brilliant of your playwrights once said: ‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.’ “
“You know Shakespeare!” I delightedly exclaimed.
“Of course,” Phil replied. “The man was a genius. His writing epitomises the depths of ennuisant, or the soul, as you humans say. His plays cross all borders, even those of species.”
“I’m pleased to hear you say that about the name,” I told him. “I was afraid you’d create a fuss the way Thorn did when I suggested it to her.”
Immediately, Thorn attacked my statement. “I didn’t create a fuss!” she vowed, agitatedly. “Stop saying that!”
Phil caught my eye and winked in a conspiratorial fashion. “Of course you didn’t, my dear,” he soothed. “Everyone knows that humans tend to exaggerate.”
“Yes, they do, don’t they?” she concurred, calming down. “Anyway, we don’t have all morning. Let’s get this under way.”
“I have a question or two first of all,” I ventured, timidly.
“What now?” Thorn asked, irritably.
“Don’t be so impatient, Arugohumna,” Phil gently rebuked her. “After all, it is a huge step for him.” He turned to me and said, “Ask away, my friend. I’ll try to answer any enquiries that you have.”
“Thank you,” I told him gratefully, while Thorn seethed in the background. “I’m a bit worried about my body while I’m away. What’s going to happen to it?”
“A fair question,” Phil replied, “but you needn’t worry. The duration of the transfer will be for only six to eight hours, maximum. If needs be, we’ll simply do the transfer on a daily basis. Your body will be in a resting state. Sleeping, if you will. It’ll be perfectly safe. Does that answer your question?”
“Perfectly, thank you,” I replied.
“Anything else?” Phil enquired.
I thought for a few moments, searching my mind for the questions that I knew would be clamouring to be answered immediately after the transfer. “None that I can think of right now,” I conceded.
“At last!” Thorn exclaimed with satisfaction. “Phillymunna, it’s over to you.”
Chapter 5
I didn’t know quite what to expect from the procedure but Phillymunna explained it to me as we went along. First of all, he attached a series of electrodes to my head and then took out a complicated looking electronic machine from his backpack and twiddled with a series of knobs for a minute or so. Then he looked up at me, grinned and said, “Ready?”
“I guess so,” I said, dubiously. “Wait a minute, I just thought of something else ……… ”
“Too late!” Thorn gleefully announced, as Phillymunna pressed a button.
The bedroom whirled and danced before my eyes and my vision elongated into a black vortex which spun me around wildly in the darkness. I think I lost consciousness for awhile as well. When I returned to reality, I felt sore all over and totally disorientated. Had it worked? Was I now one of the One? Pardon the alliteration. I held my arms up but couldn’t see any difference and a sudden gush of disappointment surprised me by its intensity. Then it occurred to me that I had nothing with which to compare my size. I quickly looked around the room and discovered that it wasn’t my bedroom after all. Aha, that appeared to be a good sign. A mirror! I needed a mirror to see if I looked any different. I presumed the One clone wouldn’t have my face. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tottered uncertainly to my feet. I glanced over my shoulder and found that I had wings! I fluttered them experimentally and momentarily lifted myself off the floor. It was at that very moment that Thorn and Phil appeared through a door. They were my size! I mean, I was their size. So, it had worked after all. Phil smiled and, I was surprised to see, so did Thorn. It was the first real smile I had ever seen on her and it did wonders. I knew she’d looked pretty before, but that smile lit up her face with a radiance that nearly dazzled me.
“So, here you are at last,” Thorn said. “Let’s start work.”
“For heaven sake, Arugohumna,” Phil contradicted, “let the poor man become acclimatised first. Why don’t you take him for a quick tour around the place? I’m sure he’d like to see the settlement. Plus, it’ll give him the chance to become accustomed to his new body.”
“If you say so, Phillymunna,” Thorn sulked. “Very well then, I’ll show you around, Mister Fussy, but then you’ll have to earn your pay.”
“You’re not paying me anything,” I protested, as Thorn dragged me out the door by the hand.
“At this stage you’re not worth anything,” she cruelly reminded me. “If you find the Crystals then perhaps we’ll talk about some sort of remuneration. We’ll go to my house first.”
Thorn rushed me outside and I blinked my eyes in amazement because, all around me, arose a series of delicate, sparkling buildings. I forced Thorn to a standstill as I gaped at the spectacle in front of my eyes. I had always imagined a fairyland would look like this. “It’s amazing!” I whispered in awe. “It’s incredible!”
“Do you really think so?” Thorn remarked, partially gratified.
“It truly is beautiful,” I told her, sincerely. And it was. All the structures were interconnected by multicolored spires and minarets. The sheer level of architectural brilliance staggered the mind. Humans had nothing like this, not even at Disneyland. The Ones had trumped us well and truly in this particular area. I looked further up to a vast array of twinkling lights. It wasn’t the sky I’d been expecting. “Where exactly are we?” I enquired.
“We’re underground,” Thorn explained. “You didn’t seriously expect us to build a settlement on the surface, did you? We can’t afford to be found by humans, so we had to go where we knew we’d never be seen.”
“Underground?” I whispered. “I don’t believe it!”
Thorn shrugged. “Believe what you want,” she replied. “It still doesn’t alter the fact that we’re underground.” She pulled on my arm. “Come on,” she encouraged. “We haven’t got all day. You can stare at the sky later. I’ll take you to meet my sister.”
“You have a sister?” I echoed.
“Of course I have a sister,” she told me, disparagingly. “I wasn’t conceived in a test tube or found under a cabbage leaf, you know. The One have normal families the same as you humans do.”
I was dragged along the streets like a rag doll, my head swivelling backwards and forwards as I glanced at new wonders with every step. Finally, we stopped in front of a small three-storey tower, decorated all over with flashing crystal chips. The overhead lights sparkled from the crystal surfaces, transforming themselves into minuscule rainbows. It produced the most exquisite display of color I had ever seen. Thorn impatiently pushed me inside the building and yelled for her sister. A scuffle sounded from above and down a winding staircase floated a translucent vision of loveliness. I presumed this vision to be Thorn’s sister and she looked stunning! I could see the genetic similarities between her and Thorn, but there were dramatic differences as well. Her auburn hair was longer, for a start, and teased into numerous plaits and sprinkled with glitter. The dress that clung to her hourglass figure was a wispy, diaphanous turquoise gauze, and diamond bracelets sparkled on her wrist and ankles. Her wings shone with a transparent, shimmering golden hue and she wore a garland of flowers on her head. Despite what Thorn had maintained about the label ‘Ones’, if her sister wasn’t a quintessential fairy, then I was a purple dinosaur.
“This is my sister, Traculimna,” Thorn introduced.
“So, you’re the human Arugohumna told me about,” Traculimna declared, in a voice of silver bells. “I’m so glad to meet you.”
“Charmed, I’m sure,” I replied, bowing slightly. “Delighted to make your acquaintance.”
Traculimna giggled, holding a perfect hand bashfully over her equally perfect mouth. “You didn’t tell me he’d be so delightful, Arugohumna,”
she scolded.
“Don’t get any ideas, Traculimna,” Thorn growled. “He’s here to catch a thief and nothing more, so don’t go batting your eyelashes at him. Leave him alone.”
“And what if I don’t?” Traculimna enquired, arching a meticulously groomed eyebrow.
“Don’t start with your nonsense,” Thorn threatened. “You can’t go around flirting with everyone you meet. Don’t you realise the reputation you’re getting?”
“And what about your reputation?” Traculimna countered, heatedly. “Everyone is starting to think you’re a male hater.” She smiled sweetly. “Does this mean you prefer the company of females, perhaps? It’s okay if you do, you know. It’s quite acceptable these days.”
“Shut up!” Thorn exploded. “What I do is none of your business! I won’t have you interfering in my life!”
I decided to intervene at this stage. Obviously, sibling rivalry wasn’t unique to humans. “Um …… I’d really like to see more of the city, if you don’t mind,” I ventured, in a small voice. “Perhaps we could come back later.”
Thorn restrained herself with difficulty and agreed. “I think that might be best,” she said, breathing heavily. “I’ll show you where Phillymunna works next, if you like.”
“That would be great,” I said. I glanced at Traculimna and bowed again. “Do you mind if I call you ‘Tracey’?” I asked. “I’m having all sorts of troubles with your real names.”
“I don’t mind at all,” Traculimna replied. “Tracey? Yes, I like that.” She smiled at me. “Come back any time,” she requested, giving me an openly inviting look. “I’d like to see more of you.” She shot a vicious glance at Thorn. “Try to lose Her Royal Grumpiness,” she whispered, conspiratorially.
“Let’s get out of here!” Thorn snapped, tugging at my arm and glaring murderously at her sister.
She hurried me outside and strode off down the street, forcing me to almost run in order to catch up with her. After a few minutes of enforced semi-jogging, Thorn slowed her furious pace and turned around to face me.
“I hope you don’t get the wrong idea,” she began, a little shamefacedly. “Traculimna and I love each other really, but it’s just that we’re so different and we sometimes drive each other crazy. She’s almost the total opposite of what I am. It’s hard to believe we belong to the same family. She likes to party and socialise and flirt with everyone she meets. All she can think about is clothes and having boyfriends, and I hate doing all of those things. We fight about it all the time.” She gave a sad little sigh. “Despite what I say about her, Traculimna seems to have a lot more fun in life than I do. Maybe I’m the one who’s doing everything wrong.” She sighed again, then straightened up. “Oh well, it’s probably too late to change now. Let’s go and see Phillymunna.”
I was intrigued to discover Thorn’s softer side. Beneath all the bluster, intolerance and anger, she actually seemed somewhat sensitive, and it made her a lot more likeable. And vulnerable, too. We manoeuvred our way past the throngs of Ones who crowded the sidewalks and made our way to Phil’s workplace. It was situated away from the other residences and seemed bigger than most. Also, it possessed a dull grey exterior, in startling contrast to the iridescent colors of its neighbours. Thorn ushered me inside and it took me a few moments for my eyes to make sense of the tangled environment. The place was crammed with benches and tables, all full to overflowing with gadgets, wires and tubes. Lights flashed on and off inside various bits of machinery, and half-built items squeaked and chirped as wheels and gears spun merrily. It seemed to be Chaos Central, with Ones everywhere, poking at, and adjusting, various bits and pieces of apparatus. Thorn shouldered her way through this bewildering pandemonium until she found Phil, who happened to be in the process of assembling what appeared, to my intrigued eyes, to be a robot cat.
“Phillymunna,” Thorn shouted above the ambient noise, “I’ve bought Stephen in to show him what you do.”
“Arugohumna,” he yelled back, “what a pleasant surprise! I see you’ve bought Stephen in. Do you want me to show him what I do?”
“I want you to show him what you do,” Thorn practically screamed, her face turning red.
“I could show him what I do, if you like,” Phil repeated, cupping a hand around his ear in a vain attempt to hear better. Then he threw his hands in the air. “This is impossible!” he bawled, gesticulating for us to follow him as he made his way through the bedlam to a nearby office. Once inside, he shut the door and the majority of the noise miraculously disappeared.
“That’s better!” Phil sighed, rubbing his ears. “You don’t realise the uproar until you get out of it.” He looked at me and grinned invitingly. “Stephen, my boy, it’s good to see you. Has Arugohumna been showing you around?”
“Yes, she has,” I agreed. “I met her sister too.”
“Ah, little Traculimna,” Phil gently smiled. “She can be a bit flighty, you know, but she’s lovely with it. I think every male One in the entire settlement has his eyes on her.”
“Not that she minds,” Thorn muttered in the background.
“Now, now, Arugohumna,” Phil chastised, “don’t be nasty. Traculimna likes to enjoy herself, that’s all. She’s a free spirit.”
“Free and easy,” Thorn remarked cuttingly, her lip curling in scorn.
“Was that a robot cat you were building?” I broke in, anxious to prevent further snide remarks from Thorn.
“Yes, it was,” Phil informed me, beaming with pride. “I use it to spy on you humans. Not in an intrusive way,” he hastily added, “but just to keep me informed. We have to keep a step or two ahead to prevent any clashes between the two races. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. We can’t have you finding out about us. Heavens knows what would happen if you did. Humans aren’t exactly the most peaceful of species.”
“I know,” I agreed, “and I apologise in advance for that. Unfortunately, we know more about war than peace. I wonder if that will ever change.”
Phil patted me on the shoulder. “Keep hoping for that, my boy,” he comforted, “and maybe it will happen one day. Anyway, what else can I show you? Would you like a tour of the establishment?”
“Do we have time for this?” Thorn interjected, disparagingly. “We still have the missing Crystals to find.”
“Calm down, Arugohumna,” Phil soothed. “The crystals have been missing for weeks, so a few more minutes won’t make much difference. And anyway, I’m sure that Stephen is interested in what we do.”
Phil took me by the arm and toured me around his workplace. I found it fascinating. The projects being worked on would have been impossible in my world. Most of the experiments appeared to be biologically based – that is, they involved some sort of living tissue. Overall, I believed that the aim was to develop a sentient machine – machines that could think for themselves. Machines that were alive! My mind reeled with the implications. Dear god in heaven, it was astounding! I could have spent months talking to Phil, but Thorn insistently dragged me away and demanded that I get down to work. That girl was such a slave driver!
Chapter 6
We ended up in what appeared to be the main square. A metallic structure, shaped like a giant cradle, sat in the middle,. I presumed this would have been where the missing Crystals had been kept. This empty structure was surrounded by half a dozen official looking types and it didn’t take a massive leap of my imagination to suppose these Ones were what passed for policemen in this world. They wore their authority like a cloak, and had that certain ‘look’ that comes only from years of ordering everyone around. Thorn, pulling me along, approached one of their number who displayed a little more fancy decoration than the others.
“This is him,” she declared.
I found myself inspected as if I’d suddenly transformed into something that scuttled around under rocks and possessed far too many legs. “So you’re the human, are you?” I was asked in a condescending tone.
“Yes, I am,” I rigidly replied, “and yo
u are ……… ?
The policeman, or whatever he was, puffed himself up importantly. “My name is Fringapellumna,” he said. “I’m in charge of this investigation.”
“How nice for you,” I mockingly remarked. “Have you come to any conclusions yet?”
“Of course,” he declared with conviction. “It’s obvious the borgulessa have stolen the Crystals.”
“The what?” I whispered aside to Thorn.
“The closest meaning in your language would be ‘goblins’,” she whispered back. “They live underground as well and we’ve never seen eye-to-eye. We’re not exactly at war with them, but we’ve never been friendly either.”
“And what makes you so sure that these …… goblins ….. absconded with the Crystals?” I demanded of Fringapellumna.
“It’s perfectly evident,” he declared, waving a dismissive hand. “It’s just the sort of thing they’d do. They’re nothing but a race of thieving vermin. Of course they stole the Crystals. Besides, we have proof.”
“What proof?” I asked.
“This!” Fringapellumna cried triumphantly, holding aloft a battered leather belt. “This is a borgulessa belt! It proves they stole the Crystals.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I contradicted. “All it proves is that you’re holding a goblin belt, and even that could be faked. How can you possibly call that proof?”
“Of course it’s proof!” Fringapellumna announced adamantly, turning crimson and waving the belt in my face. “The borgulessa stole the Crystals and that’s all there is to it. If they want war then that’s what they’ll get! And a word to the wise, if you take my meaning. I wouldn’t go around defending those scum if I was you, human. Accidents have been known to happen, you know.”
Crystal Thief (1) (The Underground Kingdom) Page 3
