Deep Blue

by Yolanda Olson

“Thanks,” I replied.

  “God, it’s fucking hot today,” he said with a sigh as he drank his water down in one gulp.

  I smiled wryly and handed him my glass. Even though it was an unusually hot day, I figured he needed the water more than I did at this point.

  He laughed as he took the glass from me and held it in his hands. I smiled in response, to which he gave me a playful nudge.

  “What’s on your mind, Posy?”

  I sighed dramatically, dropping my chin into my hand. I gazed out over the fields of whatever the hell he had planted this year for a few moments, before I glanced back at him.

  “I was wondering something,” I started slowly.

  “I can tell,” he interceded with a laugh. “Tell me what it is.”

  Well, might as well just say it.

  “Can I borrow the truck today?” I asked.

  He let out a long sigh, placed the glass on the stair near his feet, and gave me a sidelong glance.

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s your birthday tomorrow and I was reading the newspaper and I saw something I wanted to get you,” I replied truthfully.

  “Do you even know how to drive?” he asked raising an eyebrow uncertainly.

  “I stole a car once,” I replied with a shrug.

  He chuckled and looked back out over the filed, pushing the brim of his cap up with his thumb.

  “Hm,” he said more to himself than me.

  “It’s not like I won’t come back,” I said softly.

  “I know you’ll come back; that’s not what I’m worried about,” he replied.

  “Then what is it?” I pressed.

  “I don’t want you to wreck my truck,” he responded with a laugh.

  “Give me the damn keys, Troy Cahill,” I said, holding out my hand. He grinned at me for a few seconds before he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the keys.

  I snatched them from his hands and got to my feet. Promising him that I wouldn’t be gone long, I walked around the side of the house he usually parked his truck and hopped in.

  I used the controls to bring the seat forward since Troy was a foot taller than me, then I adjusted the mirrors so I’d be able to see what the hell I was doing. That was something I had forgotten to do when I stole the car that one time and wound up sideswiping another car when I took a turn. Something told me if I repeated that mistake, these last three years would disappear and Troy would go back to the person that traded me at the corral.

  Once I was sure that everything looked the way it should, I put the biggest key on the ring into the ignition and turned the truck roared to life. Glancing into the rearview mirror, I saw Troy was watching me with amusement, so I used the button that lowered the windows down, stuck my arm out, and waived.

  As I pulled away from his property, a glance at the side view mirror, showed Troy picking up the glass from the wooden steps and walking back into the house.

  I pushed a button on the console to bring the radio to life, then found a station with semi-decent music. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove into town, wondering if I was strong enough, brave enough, to keep driving until I reached the next state. Then again til I reached another and again and again until Troy Cahill and his farm of horrors were nothing more than a bad dream.

  But I knew I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave Troy no matter how much I wanted to. He seemed to have finally gotten his head on straight, and while he still suffered his blackouts almost religiously, I didn’t want him to go back into a spiral where he would feel like he’d need the corral again.

  I sighed as I pulled in front of my destination twenty minutes later and turned the truck off. I gripped the keys firmly in my hand as I walked into the store and went back to my old ways of stealing. I didn’t have any money and that would be the only way to get Troy what I felt he needed.

  Twenty Two

  Troy

  Posy had been gone for almost two hours and I was growing restless. If she was as smart as I knew she was, she probably left town and was on to her next adventure.

  I didn’t know and it honestly bothered me. Posy was the stability I needed in my crazy life and I didn’t know what I would be capable of if she left me. It’s not something I liked thinking about, but since was the first time I had let her off of my land alone, the possibility kept running through my mind.

  She left.

  She’s never coming back.

  You were stupid enough to let her leave.

  Everything and everyone will leave you.

  You don’t deserve happiness.

  You don’t deserve the air you breathe.

  The same vicious thoughts would play over in my head repeatedly like a broken record and I found myself close to tears as I sat on my back porch hoping that I would hear the truck pulling up soon.

  Twenty more minutes passed and I was ready to give up on Posy ever coming back when I heard tires on the dirt road. I breathed a sigh of relief and stayed where I was. I didn’t want her to know how worried she had me and I didn’t want her to see my wiping away actual tears.

  “Troy?” she called out, the sound of the truck door slamming as the punctuation to her question.

  “Back porch!” I yelled out.

  “Close your eyes! I’ll be there in a sec!” she called back.

  I took a shuddery breath, wiped away the rest of my tears, and closed my eyes like she said. I heard the sound of a truck door open and close again followed by the sound of her quick footsteps as she walked around the house.

  “Okay,” she said in a excited tone. “You can open them now! Happy Birthday!”

  I opened my eyes slowly and saw her standing in front of me with excitement plastered on her beautiful face.

  And a border collie puppy in her arms.

  “I know your birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but the adoptions ended today,” she explained as she chewed on her lower lip.

  I got to my feet and I looked down at her. Her eyes showed hope; the kind that said she really wanted me to like what she had done for me, so I played along.

  “Thank you, Posy,” I said softly.

  With a big smile, she pushed the little dog into my arms. I held it up to take a better look. It was a boy and it had big blue eyes. Almost immediately it leaned forward and tried to lick my face. I couldn’t help but laugh as I held it against my chest.

  “How much did he cost you?” I asked, rubbing it’s head.

  “Five finger discount.”

  I smiled and leaned down. Before I knew what I was doing, I had an arm around Posy and was kissing her passionately. I think the bigger surprise to be honest was that she returned my kiss. Not right away and not with her heart, but just enough to make me happy.

  “This might be the best present I’ve ever gotten,” I whispered pulling away from her. “But there’s something else I want tomorrow.”

  She looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  I looked at her, my beautiful Posy, and said the only thing that would make sense to me. The only way I knew how to keep her from ever leaving me was on the tip of my tongue.

  But could I really do it? Could I really say it to her?

  “What is it, Troy?” she asked again.

  I put the puppy on the ground and smiled as it ran off into the field, before I turned my eyes toward Posy again, feeling myself turn to stone.

  “I want to see you run.”