Hidden in the Heart

by Catherine West

  “Art show.” Rick’s cheeks darkened and he glanced at his watch.

  “At The Alexander.” Claire turned to Darcie, unable to keep the pride out of her voice. “It’s a very prestigious gallery. They’re showing his sculptures and paintings.”

  “What?” Darcie sat straighter, staring at him like he’d just won the lottery. “That’s amazing! We have to go with, Claire. Come on…” She slid one leg off the chair and Claire grabbed her arm.

  “You’re not going anywhere. You’re under strict instructions to take it easy. Rick doesn’t need us tagging along. He’ll be just fine. Won’t you?”

  “Yep. Just fine.” He looked more like someone headed for a triple bypass and Claire suddenly wished they could go along for moral support.

  “My mother lives in New York.” Darcie’s enthusiasm died. “Did you ever meet her, Rick?”

  Claire sucked in a breath and studied the chipped nail polish on her toes. Michelle’s location was news to her, but not, she suspected, to Rick. She didn’t dare look his way to confirm it.

  Rick cleared his throat. “We…uh…knew each other. A long time ago.”

  Darcie’s laugh was laced with bitterness. “I saw her on television while I was in the hospital. Can you beat that? Haven’t seen her in years, I’m there sick as a dog and all of a sudden there she is at some political rally. Made me want to puke all over again.”

  “Darcie,” Claire chided. Darcie rolled her eyes but said no more. Claire’s curiosity was peaked though. “What was she doing at a political rally?”

  Darcie waved a hand and looked disgusted. “She works for some senator, I can’t remember his name, but he just got elected. Big whoop. You think the least she could have done was send flowers or something. I told you she didn’t care about me.”

  “She called.” Claire hadn’t meant to say it. The memory pained her, but when she saw the surprise in Darcie’s eyes she was glad.

  “My mother called? When?”

  “Um…a couple of days after you went into hospital. I took a message. Sorry I didn’t tell you, it slipped my mind. She said to send you her love and that she’d talk to you soon.” Claire avoided Rick’s piercing gaze and studied the rings on her finger.

  “Oh.” Darcie clasped her hands in her lap. A smile touched her lips and she seemed satisfied with that information.

  Rick got to his feet. “I better get going. Long drive.” He went to Darcie and gave her a peck on the check. “Behave yourself.”

  “Don’t I always? You better behave yourself, Mr. George Clooney lookalike. Don’t you be coming back here with some floozy on your arm.”

  Rick chuckled long and loud. “Oh, I’d say the chances of that are fairly slim, kid. See you next week.”

  “I’ll walk with you.” Claire pushed herself out of the chair, stepped into her loafers, and they walked up the path together. When she was sure they were out of Darcie’s line of vision, she slipped her arm through his. “You knew Michelle lived in New York, didn’t you?”

  Rick’s silence conveyed the answer. Claire sighed, watching his clean-shaven jaw twitch. There was a dimple in his left cheek she’d never noticed. She had an identical one. “You’re going to see her.”

  Rick let out his breath and leaned against the side of his black truck. His blue eyes scanned the property and eventually landed on her. “I’m thinking about it. I doubt she’ll let me within ten feet of her, but I’d like to at least try. It’s time.”

  “I’d say good luck, but I have a feeling you’ll need more than luck.”

  His mouth curled in the beginnings of a smile and he patted her cheek. “We’ll see how it goes.”

  Claire caught his hand in hers. “I just wish she and Darcie…well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I want. But I’d like to see Darcie get some closure, you know? It still hurts her so much, what happened between them. When I think about it, knowing that Michelle went through exactly the same thing Darcie did, being pregnant so young…and she had the nerve to be so hypocritical, it just…”

  “Save your breath, Claire.” Rick chuckled and pulled her into a brief hug. “Believe me, I’ve asked the same questions a million times over and I can’t make any sense of it. But it’s just one of those things we’re going to have ride out. There’s a lot of healing that needs to happen in this family.”

  “I’m starting to see that.” Sorrow weighed heavy again. There were so many dynamics, such far-reaching emotion, and so much hurt. When she thought of the veritable Pandora’s box she’d unknowingly flung open, Claire wanted to hop on the next plane to Kenya and throw herself to the lions.

  Rick knitted his brows together. “What did I say about those guilt trips?”

  Claire laughed and gave him a push. “Go on. Have a great show. I hope you sell everything and make a million bucks.”

  He pulled open the door and climbed into the truck. “I’ll be happy if I can make it through opening night. I really hate these things.”

  “Your parents are going to be there though.”

  “Yeah. And my brother.”

  “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

  “Yep. Landon. Well, we’re not really brothers. He was a foster kid that came to live with my parents when I was already in college. Unfortunately we never got that close, but I still think of him as a brother.”

  Claire wanted to ask more, but there wasn’t time. “I’m sure they’re all so proud.”

  Rick hid behind a pair of shades but his grunt conveyed nonchalance. He lifted the shades and seemed to hesitate. “If the opportunity comes up, I’d like to tell my family about you. Is that okay?”

  “Sure.” Hope lifted her spirit and she felt the warmth of his smile as she nodded.

  Claire stood in the driveway and watched Rick drive away. Her skin prickled and she rubbed the back of her neck. Something close to a sense of foreboding came over her, but she couldn’t say why. No matter what happened, she knew that from here on in, their lives would never be the same.

  She’d released the deadbolt and opened the door to the past, and they all had to walk through it. Whether they wanted to or not.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Rick paced his hotel room, tapping a pen against his palm. The events of the past few days had made his sleep intermittent and his mind run on overdrive.

  He had a daughter.

  A smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he gave into it. He stood at the long window and watched the Manhattan traffic move along the street at a crawl. Pedestrians strode past each other deftly, well used to the race. The tourists were easier to spot with their maps and cameras and the way they stopped to stare up at the buildings, slack-jawed. He could hardly believe he’d once enjoyed living here.

  “What are you doing up so early?” Landon strolled out of the bedroom, pulling a T-shirt over his head. Rick smiled and slumped into a chair by the window. Angus surprised him by booking two suites. No doubt the lavish treat was an effort to make up for practically forcing Rick into this. His parents were in one room and he and Landon were sharing the adjoining one.

  “It’s going onto eleven, hardly early.” Rick yawned anyway, Landon’s tousled appearance and sleepy expression almost making him consider going back to bed.

  Landon fiddled with the coffee machine on the bar, soon had it going and the promise of caffeine began to fill the room. “That was quite a bombshell you dropped on us last night, man. I don’t think Mom and Dad will ever recover.” Landon set his piercing gaze on Rick and raised an eyebrow.

  Rick smiled. “I thought they took it quite well, all things considered.” Once Mom stopped crying and Dad picked his jaw up off the floor, they’d actually had a decent conversation.

  “I’m sure it will take them a while to process it.” Landon poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Rick before he sat down. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about you and Michelle?”

  Rick sipped the lukewarm liquid and thought about it. “No point. I thought it better to j
ust move on and forget about it.”

  Rick met Landon’s eyes and a connection he hadn’t felt in years sparked.

  He’d tried to be there for Landon as much as he could, despite the age gap between them. But they didn’t see each other nearly as much as Rick would have liked. Life just got in the way. “You doing okay, Landon?”

  “Sure.” Landon shrugged, cradling his mug between his hands. “So…how’d this girl find you anyway? I thought adoptions were sealed up like Fort Knox back then.”

  Rick noted the change in subject. “Her father wrote down Michelle’s name. I guess there’s a lot on the Internet nowadays.”

  Landon’s brow furrowed. “I don’t really remember Michelle. We might have met once at a Christmas thing, years ago. But you never forgot her, did you?”

  Rick scratched the tip of his nose with the pen he still held and frowned. “No, I guess I didn’t forget. I didn’t forget her or any of it. It just became a nightmare I lived with.”

  “I’m sorry. It can’t have been easy.”

  Rick sighed and closed his eyes. “I think I got the better end of the deal compared to what she must have gone through.”

  “Probably. So what’s she like, this daughter you never knew you had?” Landon flashed a grin.

  “She’s…hard to describe.” Rick chuckled and smoothed down his hair. “Stubborn, smart, funny, sarcastic, likes to get her own way…”

  “Sounds like a chip off the old block if you ask me.” Landon snorted and gulped the rest of his coffee.

  His tanned skin and clear eyes showed he was taking care of himself. He’d even put on a bit of weight to balance his muscular build. He looked healthier than Rick had ever seen him. But shadows in his eyes hinted of trouble beneath the surface.

  Landon’s mouth curled and he narrowed his eyes. “You’re still as transparent as ever, Maverick. I saw you spying on me last night at dinner.”

  “I wasn’t spying on you.” Rick coughed and swallowed down irritation. “I didn’t know it was illegal for me to care.”

  “It’s not.” Landon glanced downward. “Sorry for snapping. I’m just a little tired of being under the magnifying glass, you know. I’m okay, seriously.”

  Rick nodded. “Good. I…uh…heard what happened at work, what you went through.”

  “Mom and Dad told you.”

  The fatigue in Landon’s normally rigorous gait wasn’t hard to miss, nor was the tension etched across his forehead. “You didn’t seem like yourself so I asked. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Landon rolled his eyes and stretched his arms high above his head. “Let’s just say the last operation went south and leave it at that. There’s going to be an investigation and I’m out until it’s over.”

  Rick’s pulse jacked up a notch. “Were you hurt?”

  “Nah. Just a graze. Overnight in hospital.” Landon rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. “My partner wasn’t so lucky.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nothing says you have to go back you know. You’re not married to the DEA.”

  Landon held his gaze for a long moment. “It’s what I do, Rick. Leave it be.” He got to his feet and headed back to the coffee maker.

  Rick ran a hand down his face and uttered a silent prayer for patience. “You know, Landon, whatever you’re going through…whatever it is that drives you to rid the earth of all evil even if it kills you, you’re never going to be satisfied. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

  Rick waited for the groan but it didn’t come.

  “It’s not an easy life, but it’s my life. I’m living it the best way I know how.” Landon’s voice thickened and he didn’t make eye contact.

  “We just worry, that’s all.”

  Landon gave a nod, his eyes shimmering. “I know. Thanks.” He gave a sheepish smile and sighed. “Anyway, back to your shocking revelation. Have you talked to Michelle?”

  Rick stood and went to the window again. He put one hand in his pocket and closed his fingers around the piece of paper he’d scribbled on hours ago. The office building wasn’t far from here.

  “No, I haven’t talked to her.” The thought of doing so terrified him, but he vowed to get it over with before leaving New York. Rick glanced at his watch. “Why don’t you take Mom and Dad out for lunch? I need to go over to the gallery for a meeting. I’ll check in with you later.”

  “Sure. Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

  Rick turned, curious.

  Landon smiled and lifted broad shoulders, looking suddenly younger than his twenty-nine years. “Since I can’t go back to work until after the investigation, I...I was wondering…” He pulled at the back of his neck and hesitation twitched his mouth. “Well, if it was okay with you, I wondered if I could come stay with you a while.”

  “Are you serious?” Rick tried not to keel over from shock, but a chuckle escaped before he could stop it. He felt a stab of guilt at Landon’s dejected expression. “Of course you can stay with me. As long as you can do your share of the cooking and pick up after yourself. If I remember correctly you always were a bit of a slob.”

  “I’ll be on my best behavior.” Landon’s smile was genuine, one Rick hadn’t seen in a long time.

  Rick chuckled as he pulled on his faded denim jacket. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you later then.”

  “Rick?”

  He turned at the door and glanced back at Landon. “What?”

  “Good luck.” He came forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know where you’re really going. I hope it works out.”

  Rick inhaled and managed a smile. “I don’t think it’s going to be quite that easy, but thanks.”

  ~

  Once inside the towering glass office building, Rick found her floor with relative ease. To his relief, the desk outside her office seemed unoccupied.

  Rick inched toward the door with her name on it. It was slightly ajar and he scanned the room undetected.

  Michelle sat at an angle behind a large wooden desk. She frowned at the computer screen in front of her, bending her head every now and then as she wrote furiously on a legal pad.

  Her long dark hair was swept up in some fancy style. Her finely sculpted face didn’t look a day older. She wore a silk blouse, patterned in aqua, red and brown circles. Not colors he would normally put together, but it worked.

  Twenty-seven years slipped away in the time it took for him to take his next breath.

  “Can I help you?” Michelle glanced up from her work.

  Already sweating and more nervous than he’d been the night he’d first kissed her, he moved into the room. Captured once more by those amazing dark eyes, his breath left him with the speed of the subway train he’d just ridden on.

  She was as beautiful. No, more beautiful than he remembered.

  Recognition inched across her face. “Get out.”

  And just as livid.

  She pushed her chair back and stood, her eyes glinting. “I don’t want you here. Leave. Now.”

  Rick raised a hand, his mouth drying up. “This won’t take long.”

  She marched around her desk, brushed past him and stuck her head around the door.

  “There’s nobody there.”

  “I can see that.” She slammed the door shut and leaned against it. “What do you want, Rick?”

  “To talk.” He cleared his throat, his shirt already sticking to his back.

  Michelle blew out a breath and curled a finger around the string of pearls she wore. “We haven’t ‘talked’ in twenty-seven years. What makes you think I’d have the slightest interest in doing so now?”

  The nerve he’d found to step into the room withered under her scathing glance.

  But he was tired of running—tired of feeling like a coward. Tired of covering up his mistakes of the past and pretending they didn’t exist.

  Rick balled his fists and summoned fresh courage. “Please. Just hear me o
ut. You know why I’m here.” He willed his heart to stop thumping and tried to formulate a sentence that actually made sense.

  Michelle lowered her eyes. Anger flared in her cheeks when she finally looked at him. “She found you, too? Wonderful.” She strode across the office and stood at the window, her back to him.

  Rick shrugged off his jacket and sat in one of the chairs opposite her desk. Somewhere in the cool room, a clock ticked. “She didn’t exactly find me. I live in Bethel now, in my grandparents’ house. Which is right up…”

  “I know where it is. I knew I couldn’t trust my mother.” A soft curse slipped from her lips. “If you had any idea what this is doing to me, you wouldn’t be here.”

  Rick leaned forward and pinched the bridge of his nose.

  Please, God…

  “Shelly, I didn’t come here to hurt you.” His voice cracked and she turned his way, her face pale, still tight with anger.

  She put one hand on her hip and tossed her head. “No, that’s been done. Tell me something, though. Did you ever once, in all these years, think of anyone other than yourself?”

  “I’m sorry.” Shallow, meaningless words.

  She stared in clear disbelief. “You don’t get to be sorry, Rick.” Michelle sagged in her chair and stared up at him through cold eyes. Her anger seemed to fade, replaced by something he could only liken to resolute acceptance. “I spent a lot of years hating you.” She gave a shrug and pressed her fingers against her temples. “But in the end I decided you weren’t worth it. I got on with my life. I don’t need this now. I didn’t ask to be found. I’m not interested.”

  “I don’t believe that.” Rick startled at the words he spoke.

  “I don’t care what you believe.”

  “You wanted her, Shelly. If I’d done the right thing you would never have given her up.”

  “Well, you sure didn’t do the right thing, did you?”

  There was no answer needed for that one. “Why did you tell me you were getting an abortion?”

  “Because I was.” She placed her elbows on the desk and hid her face in her hands. Then lowered them and pinned him under her gaze once more. “Just get out of here. I’m not having this conversation.”