Hidden in the Heart

by Catherine West

  “Um…I think my stew…”

  “Forget your stew.” Michelle grinned and pulled his head down to hers, claiming his lips with her own.

  It was all the incentive he needed.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  As Tara’s Place came into view late that afternoon, the day before Thanksgiving, Claire shifted in her seat, her excitement building. James laughed as he parked the truck off to the side of the house. “We can always turn around.”

  Claire tossed him a grin as she scrambled out and let the dogs out from the back. They catapulted out of the vehicle, all of them barking at once. So much for surprising everyone.

  “Leave the bags. Let’s just go in.” She waited for James and they headed up the front steps together. The door swung open before they reached it, and Jessie stepped onto the porch, beaming. She opened her arms wide and Claire ran to her.

  “You didn’t tell anyone we were coming, did you?” Claire drew back, unable to stop her laughter.

  Jessie joined in as she held Claire’s face between her hands, her brown eyes sparkling. “Just Mac. Oh, it’s good to see you! Where’s your father?” She looked past Claire and James with an enquiring gaze. Claire smiled at her enthusiasm and loved her all the more for it.

  “He and Eleanor are coming tomorrow, if that’s okay? They’ll get an early start, definitely be here for dinner.” Claire pushed back nerves again and took comfort in Jessie’s reassuring smile.

  “Wonderful. We’d planned to eat around 2. And we’re just about ready for tomorrow. It’s going to be the best Thanksgiving ever. Hello, dear.” Jessie went to James and drew him into a long hug.

  Jessie had somehow convinced her to invite Dad and Eleanor, and they’d jumped at the idea, much to her surprise. Claire had no idea how Michelle or Rick would feel about it, but suspected they’d all done a much better job of letting go of the past than she had. They would all get along just fine.

  “Can we go in already?” Claire stamped her feet, suddenly cold.

  “After you, oh impatient one.” James held the door for them and Claire breathed in the familiar smell of the place as she stepped into the warm house. Furniture polish, potpourri and apple pie.

  It was good to be back.

  Where she belonged.

  She followed the sound of Jackson’s chatter to the den, where she found Mac, Darcie and Jackson sitting at the table working on a puzzle. Mac held his gray head at an angle as he watched his great-grandson decide where to put the piece he held in his little hand.

  Darcie looked on, eyes shining with pride, waiting to see what his decision would be. A couple of times she pulled her hand back to stop herself from helping him.

  Claire tried to contain her laughter at what the next moment would bring.

  “Boo.”

  They all looked up at the same time. Mac’s face cracked first and he released a knowing chuckle. Darcie’s mouth hung open as she stared at Claire, while Jackson gave a whoop and shot out of his chair, barreling toward her.

  James was quick to step in front of Claire and lift the little boy high into the air before he could hurl himself on her. “Easy there, bud. How are you?”

  “Good.” Jackson gave him a quick hug and reached for Claire, his eyes shining. “Clay-uh! You’re here! I prayed last night you would come for Thanksisgiving!”

  “Well, I guess God answered your prayer.” Claire pulled him into her arms and gave him a squeeze. “I missed you, buddy.”

  “Okay, my turn. What are you doing here?” Darcie jumped from one barefoot to the other, her grin wide. Claire drew her into a long hug. Darcie shot Jessie a look as she stepped back, wiping her eyes. “Did you know about this?”

  Jessie’s delighted laughter was answer enough. Mac harrumphed behind them and Claire turned to receive his bear hug. She’d missed them all far too much.

  While they greeted James, she took a moment to catch her breath.

  “Is Rick here?” Claire asked a little hesitantly. “I saw his truck outside.”

  “In the kitchen with Mom.” Darcie flashed a grin and pushed her wild hair off her shoulders. “Just follow the shouting.”

  Claire raised an eyebrow. “Shouting?”

  “Oh, yes,” Mac laughed and waggled his eyebrows. “Them two can’t hold a civil conversation for nothing. Never could.”

  Jackson gave a dramatic eye roll and slapped his hands against his legs. “It’s kissing and shouting, shouting and kissing.”

  Darcie let out a squeak and clapped her hand over his mouth. “Hush, you.” Claire gawked. “Kissing? What have I missed?”

  Darcie giggled and tipped her head toward the kitchen. “Go on. You’ll see.”

  James came to her and took her in his arms. “Go. You’ll be fine,” he whispered.

  Claire pulled at her thick sweater as she walked down the hall to the kitchen, and willed her heart to quit pounding. She felt sick enough already without nerves getting the better of her.

  Michelle and Rick stood at the long wooden counter, their backs to her. Michelle appeared to be chopping up celery or something while Rick…Claire strained her neck…she couldn’t really see what Rick was doing, other than giving instructions that were not welcomed. Every now and then he jostled Michelle with his shoulder and she yelped.

  “If you’re not going to help, then go away,” she told him, a teasing lilt to her tone.

  “I am helping. I already chopped the onions for you. Hurry up, already. At this rate we’ll be having your stuffing at Christmas.”

  A good kick in the shins from Michelle and it was Rick’s turn to yelp. “You can be uninvited from this dinner very easily, Mr. Matthews.”

  “You’d never do that.” He moved behind her and began to work his fingers into her neck. Michelle’s low groan wavered between annoyance and appreciation but Claire didn’t intend to find out which would win out.

  “Wow. Is it just me or is it really warm in here?”

  They both jumped and turned to face her, astonishment stamped on their faces. Claire couldn’t stop her laughter. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt the love fest.”

  “Hey, brat.” Rick’s face cracked into the biggest smile she’d seen on him as he strode across the room and swept her into his arms. “What are you doing here?” His laughter resonated through the kitchen and settled on her like an old familiar blanket from home.

  “Hey, jerk.” Claire hugged him hard before he set her down. “What do you mean, what am I doing here?” She took a step backward and pushed up the sleeves of her sweater, giving a shy smile. “It’s Thanksgiving. Families are supposed to be together. Didn’t you get the memo?”

  He pinched her nose between his thumb and forefinger and grinned. “Better make some more stuffing, Shel. You haven’t seen anyone eat like this one.”

  Claire swatted his hand away and made a face. The aroma of onions and sausages was already making her want to run for the bathroom.

  Michelle washed her hands and dried them with a tea towel. She kept her distance, hesitation written all over her face. Claire couldn’t blame her.

  “No offense, but I’m probably not going to be eating much this year.” She locked eyes with Michelle and gave a shrug. “I was pretty sick last time too.”

  “What?” Rick’s mouth opened and she could have sworn he paled. “Claire…are you…”

  “She’s pregnant, Rick, not dying.” Michelle laughed and inched a bit closer. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” Claire took one look at Rick’s face and dissolved into giggles. “What’s the matter with you, Grandpa?”

  “Nuh uh.” He raised his hands and backed off. “No way. I am not old enough to be anybody’s grandfather. Seriously, Claire.” He looked so alarmed she only laughed harder. Michelle joined in and walked to where he stood, slipping her arms around Rick’s waist.

  “You have a few months to get used to the idea, Maverick. When are you due, Claire?”

  “End of June.” Cl
aire smiled at both of them, grandparents her child would never have to live without.

  Rick studied her, worry in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

  His concern brought fresh tears and Claire nodded. “Yes. We’re both very happy. I’m trying not to be nervous.”

  Rick pulled her in for another hug. Claire released a long sigh and silently thanked God for this moment. “By the way, my dad’s coming tomorrow.”

  “Whoa, what?” Rick stared down at her, his eyebrows shooting skyward. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No.” Claire ran her hands down her face and laughed. “Jessie called him herself. He and Eleanor are really looking forward to meeting everyone. So, you think you can handle that one, Maverick?”

  “Depends on whether he can handle us.” Rick chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “It’s not exactly the Park Plaza around here.”

  Claire waved a hand and rolled her eyes. “He’s not like that. Just don’t discuss politics and you’ll get along fine.”

  “Oh, we don’t. Ever.” Michelle grinned, her face flushed and prettier than Claire remembered. In fact, she looked years younger. Tara’s Place had worked its magic again.

  Claire inhaled and managed a smile. She shot Rick a pointed look and cleared her throat. “Maybe you could help James with our bags.”

  “You have bags?” Rick gave a dramatic groan and pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. “I’ll get the forklift.”

  “Shut up.” Claire gave Rick a push as he left the room chuckling. She sighed and met Michelle’s eyes. “You seem very happy.”

  “We are.” A faint blush crept into her cheeks and a smile stretched her lips. Claire nodded. This was how it should be.

  How it should have been.

  She fiddled with the rings on her fingers and cast a glance around the room. Beyond the kitchen on the other side of the hall was Jessie’s sewing room. “Can we talk?”

  They crossed the hall and Michelle sat on one of the rocking chairs. She pulled one of Jessie’s brightly colored Afghans to her chest. Claire wandered around the room and tried to organize her thoughts. It was hard to know where to begin. Or how.

  Finally she turned and met the eyes she’d longed to see again for weeks, and smiled. “You know, when I was growing up, I had this fantasy of what you would look like. Every time I looked in the mirror I wondered…did I look like you? Sometimes, before I fell asleep at night, I’d think about where I came from. I always felt guilty about it though. I felt like I was betraying my parents by wanting to know…it was hard to get beyond that.” She lowered herself into the rocker opposite Michelle’s.

  “But even now, despite everything, I don’t regret it. I’m glad I found the truth. I’m glad I found you.” The confession hung in the air and Claire tried to gage Michelle’s reaction.

  “I know that you didn’t want me to find you, but I think in some way I was supposed to. I still don’t understand it all, but I know everything happens for a reason. I think we were all part of a bigger plan. Bigger than any of us could imagine.”

  “Yes,” Michelle dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and gave Claire a smile. “I think you’re right. We all needed healing, Claire. If you hadn’t come here, hadn’t looked for me…well, I’d probably be making another mistake of graphic proportions right about now.”

  Claire grinned, the somber mood lifting. “You weren’t really going to marry that stuffed suit, were you? Rick said he was awful.” She regretted the words as soon as they were out, but Michelle only laughed.

  “Oh, he was. But I didn’t think I deserved any better.”

  “You were wrong.”

  “Yes.” Her eyes lit up as she smiled, and Claire saw just how much the last few months had changed her.

  “Well.” Claire blinked and looked away for a moment. “All that to say…I…I don’t have the right to blame you for anything you did, Michelle. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. You certainly didn’t have to tell me the whole story. You and my Dad could have kept it to yourselves. But it really doesn’t matter anymore.” Claire nodded, the words striking a chord deep within.

  It didn’t matter.

  “When I started this search, I was curious, but afterward…once I knew who you were, it became more than that. I felt like I was getting a second chance, getting to know the family I might have had. And I wanted you to be a part of that. We all did.”

  “I was scared,” Michelle whispered. “But I never meant to hurt you like I did. I was just terrified to face my past, face what I’d done. I didn’t want you to hate me.”

  Claire shook her head, bewildered. “I don’t hate you. How could I? You gave me life.”

  “I’m so sorry, Claire. For everything.”

  Claire moved to crouch before her, taking her hands in hers. Michelle’s eyes flew wide but Claire smiled. “I know you are. But, what I’m trying to say, probably not very well, is that I forgive you. And, if you’re still interested, I’d like very much for us to get to know each other.”

  Michelle placed her hands around Claire’s face. She shook her head, wonder and tears shining in her eyes as she smiled. She moved a little closer and kissed the top of Claire’s head. “Since you’ve come back into my life, I’ve been given a second chance—with my parents, Darcie, Rick, and with you—I never believed that was possible, but…here we are.”

  “Here we are.”

  They stood together and Michelle took Claire’s hands in hers. “Can we start over, Claire?”

  Claire’s heart was full as she smiled and gave Michelle’s hands a squeeze. “I’d like that. Do you want to go first?”

  “Okay.” Michelle’s face shone with the light of restoration as she held Claire’s hands tight and tipped her head toward her, her smile wide and filled with promise. “Hi. I’m Michelle—your birth mother. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Claire held her gaze and savored the moment. “Hi. I’m Claire. And I’ve wanted to meet you for a very long time.” A new sensation tugged at her heart. A feeling that went far beyond initial curiosity and hinted at the chance of a real relationship. Claire drew Michelle into a hug, and embraced it.

  When she stepped back, her eyes came to rest on the locket she’d noticed around Michelle’s neck the minute she’d turned to face her in the kitchen. Claire smiled at the sudden hesitation in Michelle’s eyes and pointed to it. “I think you have something that belongs to me.”

  Michelle gave a soft laugh and reached behind her neck. She undid the clasp and held the chain in her hands. “May I?”

  Claire turned and lifted her hair, waiting while Michelle fastened the necklace. When she could face her again, she swiveled, her hands reaching for the charm that now meant so much more.

  Michelle smiled, unshed tears standing in her eyes. “To new beginnings, Claire?”

  Claire nodded, peace and joy like no other flooding through her. “To new beginnings.”

  The End

  Thank You!

  To my parents for their love and unwavering support over the years—we were indeed a match made in Heaven. My mother instilled in me a love of reading, a love of words that grew into a desire to write stories. I only wish she were here today to read them.

  ~

  As always, thanks to my beloved husband Stephen, for his unconditional love, patience and encouragement. I love you.

  Huge thanks to my wonderful children, Sarah & Randy and Christopher, for being there every step of the way, and believing in me. You make me so proud. I could not do this without you.

  ~

  To my best friend in the world, Lee Anne. For all the phone calls, advice, many tears and a whole lot of laughter in between. Thank you for traveling this road with me. This one’s for you.

  A Note From Catherine:

  Dear Reader,

  I hope you have enjoyed Hidden in the Heart. For me, this is a very personal story on many levels. While it is not exactly my story per se, Claire’s journey is loosely based on my own exper
iences.

  When I was about two or three, perhaps younger, my parents read me a story. It was called The Chosen Baby. They explained to me then how I was special, I was chosen. I learned what it meant to be adopted. God had made us a family. While all that remains true, it was only later, as an adult, that I came to know and understand all the complex dynamics and emotions that go hand in hand with being adopted.

  Making the decision to search for my birth family was very difficult, and not one I undertook lightly. I had no idea what doors I was opening, and who, if anyone, would open them. My search was not hard in terms of the time it took, but it was emotionally draining and definitely took a toll on my family and myself at various stages of my journey.

  Fortunately, I can say I have no regrets. God blessed me greatly with new people to call family, new relationships to foster, and He gave me all the answers I needed. There are still things that did not turn out the way I hoped. But everything happens for a reason, and I believe I have all I need now.

  If you are an adoptee with a desire to search, please make your decision very carefully. If you do however decide to proceed, there are many resources available to you. Here are just a few I recommend:

  Books:

  Gathering The Missing Pieces In An Adopted Life – Kay Moore – (Hannibal Books, January 2009).

  Lost & Found – The Adoption Experience – Betty Jean Lifton – (Harper Perennial, March 22, 1988).

  Journey of the Adopted Self – The Quest for Wholeness – Betty Jean Lifton – (Basic Books, May 6, 1995)

  Internet:

  International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) http://www.isrr.net/about.shtml

  http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/

  http://www.adoption.com

  http://www.adoptionvoices.com

  Adoptees Christian Fellowship – Jody Moreen – jodymoreen@gmail.com

  May God Bless you on your journey!

  Catherine