Accidental Alpha

by Laurel Curtis

  Haley, Danny, and Hunter circled us with laughter as they passed us to walk ahead.

  She shook her head and squirmed out from under my arm.

  “Come on,” I protested. “Sometimes gross is funny.”

  A small smirk ratcheted up towards a smile with every attempt I made to cajole her. She thought I was funnier than she wanted me to know.

  Bumping her with my shoulder softly, I watched as she bounced away and then reached out to reel her back.

  Her hand settled into mine in a panic, but when she went to retract it, I held tight.

  Her eyes flicked to mine, curious and unsure, but I didn’t give up. I wanted her hand and she wanted me to have it. The second part was just supposed to be a secret. But I wasn’t going to play the game when I wouldn’t take any outcome other than a win. I was going to make sure it happened by any means necessary.

  Once we made it back to the ship, our people scattered and scurried like New York City subway rats running from an approaching train. Wet bathing suits were the enemy and dry clothes were the goal.

  I felt pretty much the same way. Comfort was key to a mellow state of mind, and mellow was something I would need with desperation at dinner. Danny lived to egg me on, and with his and Haley’s help, Allison was well on her way to joining their team.

  The only one to keep to himself most of the time, had other things going on.

  I noticed that Hunter didn’t head towards his room, but instead made haste in the opposite direction with what could only be described as focus on his face. Something that, while it was none of my business, piqued my need to investigate.

  Allison’s hand squeezed mine once more before letting go, forcing my attention back to her. I’d managed to hold on to her for the entirety of the trip back from Atlantis, and with a few withering looks, silenced the pornographic peanut gallery.

  But now, with the help of my distraction, she’d finally managed to shake me, leaving both my hand and heart feeling a new kind of empty. My hand was feeling its very own version of ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.’

  She made a quick move towards our rooms, but she acted as though I was headed to the other side of the ship, all but leaving me in a trail of dust.

  “Geez, Alli. Are you on a runaway horse?” I asked, jogging to catch up with her and forgetting about the mystery that was her son.

  “Huh?” she muttered back, so lost in thought that my creative question refused to process.

  “You took off like a shot. I thought maybe your spur got hung up.”

  Brilliant blue eyes still showed up blank.

  “Okay, moving on.”

  She nodded her head at that, rubbing an angsty open palm along the line of her forehead.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.” When she looked up, she apparently saw real worry in my features. Her attitude completely changed.

  “I’m really fine, Wade. Thanks for asking. I’m just looking forward to a few minutes of rest in the course of a very busy day.”

  She reached up and cupped my cheek. Her eyes were warm and sincere. “Thanks for caring.”

  “No matter what, Al, you couldn’t convince me to not care. Anytime you wanna check out, you just let me know. Feel free to blame it on me.”

  Great. Now I was volunteering to be her scapegoat. That didn’t take long.

  “I feel fine right now,” she assured me. “It’s after the surgery that I’ll have to be more careful.” She looked at me so ardently, my skin felt peeled wide open. “For now, by accident or design, I feel more free than I ever have.”

  I both loved and hated that she felt that way. Loved that she felt that way now. Hated that she ever felt differently.

  Stripping down to take a quick shower, I found myself taking out my phone to text Allison.

  And no, though I was naked, I wasn’t planning on sending a dick pic.

  I started simple and maybe a little bit stupid. That seemed to be the best way to lure her out of her emotional cage.

  Make it back to your room okay?

  I’d, of course, left her at the door. If she didn’t make it the two feet inside on her own, we had other issues.

  What is it that you wanted?

  Straight to the point. I liked it.

  Just wondering if you were going to take a quick shower.

  Why should I tell you that?

  So suspicious. I was just wondering about timing. Sheesh.

  Yeah, okay. I guess I could rinse off real quick. We should have time.

  I’ll be right over.

  Good try.

  I thought it was a pretty lame attempt. If I actually try how do you think I’ll do?

  I can smell the epic failure through the wall.

  Come wash it off?

  See you at lunch.

  For sausage?

  Sorry, buddy. Take your sausage and suck it.

  That’s what I was hoping for.

  Group activities are suspended for the day. Resume individual play.

  A road block couldn’t have stopped my stupid smile.

  See you soon, Alli girl.

  LUNCH WAS DELICIOUS, AND THERE hadn’t been a sausage in sight.

  I still couldn’t get over Wade’s playful energy, and the way he refused to take almost anything seriously. He made fun of me, the others, and himself alike and acted like the complete opposite of the man I’d met just a little over a month ago.

  Part of it was Danny, and part of it was freedom from his job. So attached to it, as it’d been one of his only companions for literal decades, he couldn’t see it that way. The attachment blinded him. His routine comforted. But here he was, outside of it both in physical presence and in mind, and I was hard pressed to find him without a smile.

  Even when he was frustrated or mad or worried, his face held the softness of a smile. It was the strangest, most mystifying thing, and I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with it.

  My face was one of warmth most of the time, but went nowhere near the length it needed to hide my emotion. In fact, it normally exacerbated it. If I was sad, I looked melancholy. Angry manifested as enraged. The dichotomy of his soft to my hard, in an instance where we would normally represent opposites—and did in all other things—fascinated me.

  Knowing I found peace on the water, I headed for the foward-most deck, closing my eyes and basking in the glow of a reddened setting sun. The wind whipped my face, but the air was warm—comforting even—and it wasn’t hard to settle in.

  The lull of the water, as small as it was on a ship of this size, helped my equilibrium. I found balance in my body and mind, and from there I was free to sort through all of my thoughts that would normally get tangled in each other.

  Out here, with the wind of the ocean in my face, black turned into white and unsolvable turned into the obvious.

  I thought I’d been content to spend that time alone, to truly gather my thoughts about what I wanted and what I didn’t, when Wade put two hands on the railing to either side of me.

  Strength suffused my body like a direct current from his, and automatically my shoulders righted, the length of my spine standing straighter immediately.

  I recognized it as both a defense mechanism and the knowledge that, when I was with him, I didn’t need one at the same time.

  I’d never felt this complicated before.

  When people wanted something I got it. If there was a way to please them, I made it happen. I did this without question or remorse, and often, completely overlooked myself in the consideration process. And it was often my fault. It was the way I was both built and raised, watching my mother take care of my father and liking the privilege of doing it. He was often a stern man, but she softened him around the edges, and she’d done it naturally.

  I could have watched them for hours, and often did as a little girl.

  But it was that lifestyle combined with the makeup of my DNA that had me looking for any and every way I could to p
lease others. To spare their feelings even if it was at the sacrifice of my own.

  Even now, I’d put off going to the doctor. I’d put off getting my colposcopy, knowing that the risk was serious and I shouldn’t delay.

  But other things seemed more important at the time. Haley turned over her lease in a hurry, moving in with Danny at his very strong-handed request, and I’d been worried about it.

  Worried that she was making the decision for herself, and worried in the physical sense of getting it done. I’d spent all my free time packing her belongings and taking them over in loads.

  The irony is that, even now, knowing the results, I wouldn’t give back that time. I wouldn’t go back and go to the doctor sooner.

  I wouldn’t give up that time with one of my kids for anything.

  Right or wrong, I lived for every single one of those moments. I was made to be a mom.

  That didn’t mean I didn’t want to be my own person or that the lives of my kids were the only life I wanted to live, but they were my ultimate happiness. Having them and being able to see pieces of both Nick and I in both of them was the best thing I ever accomplished.

  And now, as an adult, it’d blessed me with the friendship of two of the best, most entertaining people I’d ever known.

  The buzz of my phone in the back pocket of my shorts startled me, making me jump and bump into the firm chest behind me. I’d almost forgotten he was there to begin with, and now, having my phone alerting me to a text message and it not being from him had me even further confused.

  Putting pressure on my male surroundings, I backed up and spun, holding my phone out in front of me but making sure there was no chance I was going to end up dropping it in the ocean by finishing my spin over the wood of the deck.

  Lord knew, that was the kind of thing that I would normally do.

  Robin: You’re in the Caribbean?! What the actual fuck? Is this what happens to everyone when they get diagnosed with Cancer?

  I almost choked on her inappropriateness. There were only two people on the entire planet who could get away with saying something like that. Her. And Haley.

  “What?” Wade asked, concerned. He patted my back gently to try to ease my breathing. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, definitely.” There was no way I was going to tell him what that message said without him knowing her. He’d think she was awful.

  Which, come to think of it, she kind of was. But in the best possible way.

  Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I murmured, “Just a friend. I’ll answer her later.”

  “It’s not important?”

  “Hah!” I guffawed.

  He looked at me skeptically.

  “Yeah, it’s not important.”

  “Okay,” he acquiesced, turning to lean with his back to the railing beside me. From this angle his body seemed even leaner, the lines of his defined abs and pecs making a pattern in the thin cotton of his shirt. Glancing around, I noticed we were the only two people facing away from the sunset.

  “So . . . why a cruise? It finally dawned on me that I never even asked. When you got the word, and decided you wanted to do one last thing before the surgery, why was this it?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.”

  “Sure you do,” he disagreed. “There has to be some reason this was it. You planned it within a couple of hours. That’s not something that you pull right out of thin air.”

  Heavy air expelled in a rush from my tired lungs. “Okay. I guess it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”

  “Never been on one before?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’ve always wanted to, but one thing has gotten in the way of the other and I’ve never made it happen.”

  “And now it seemed like it was time.”

  I shrugged again, uncomfortable with the truth. Kind of ashamed of it actually. “Yeah. Well, I don’t know. Sarah,” I paused, realizing he wouldn’t know who I meant. “My doctor, she says it’s no big deal really. I’ll be a couple of pounds lighter, have six to eight weeks of pretty restricted recovery, and then I can go about my business.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t know. It just still doesn’t feel that way, you know? It feels like a big deal, it feels like it changes everything, and I don’t know, before that happened I wanted to do something I’d been putting off forever.”

  His eyes sharpened infinitesimally. Still, the rest of his face stayed soft. “Like a bucket list kind of thing?”

  “Sure,” I admitted shyly. “I guess. I’m not pessimistic or anything, but the world kind of felt like it was crashing down all around me. I wanted to have the people I care about near me. A boat is kind of perfect since it makes it harder for my kids to escape.” I chuckled, waved an arm. “Not that they’re here now.”

  “They would be if they knew.”

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “I know. And don’t worry, I’m going to tell them. But not until the end of this trip. The point is to have fun, and as soon as they know all of their playful energy will be gone.”

  He tilted his head toward me and narrowed one eye. “I don’t think it’s possible for it to be completely gone.”

  I smiled a sad smile and tucked my hair behind my ear. “It wouldn’t be the same.”

  “I know.”

  “Thanks for not telling them,” I said, realizing he could have very easily spoiled everything.

  “It’s not my secret to tell, Alli. Not only do I think you’re a grown woman who’s completely capable of making her decisions for herself, I can’t even say that I would have done any differently. This is your scene to play out. I won’t make it any harder on you.”

  He laughed a small self-deprecating chuckle. “Not anymore than I already have, anyway.”

  My hand reached up to his cheek, the fingernail of each finger scratching softly through his goatee before pulling away. “You haven’t made it any harder, Wade. Having you to confide in has meant everything to me.”

  Long fingers came up and trailed my neck, settling into the hair at the back and pulling my head toward his. His intent to meet me halfway shone freely in his eyes, and the anticipation had mine threatening to flutter closed. Breaths were exchanged in silence, the mingling of our air a prelude to the erotic taste to come.

  “Hey, hot stuff!” Haley called out from ten feet away, blowing the moment to smithereens and nearly ripping the hair from my scalp.

  Wade’s fingers were tangled pretty thoroughly, but the sound of my daughter’s voice had his hand jumping back just as quickly as I presumed his balls jumped into his body. Of course, they didn’t come easily, clenching as they went and nearly scalping me bald.

  Haley sure knew how to ruin a moment.

  It was for the best though.

  At least, that’s what I told myself to fend off the building disappointment.

  “It’s dinner time,” Danny announced cheerfully, tucking Haley tight to his side and smiling his most cunning smile.

  Crap.

  SEATED AT A ROUND TOP meant for six, the boxed out windows of the dining room directly behind us, I couldn’t help but notice the empty spot next to Hunter.

  His eyes circled the dining room, searching for something—or someone—and trying to do it surreptitiously. And he succeeded for the most part. I don’t think anyone noticed but me.

  Blond hair shown off of a sleek head a few tables over, and when he got to it, his eyes caught. I smiled to myself, shaking my head slightly until I noticed a smaller blond next to her, his miniature slacks and sweater making him look like a miniature man.

  He laughed and giggled with her, and with every goofy face she made at him, Hunter’s softened.

  And the plot thickens.

  Danny’s voice brought my attention back to the table, his glass raised in the air for a toast. His large hand dwarfed its tiny construction.

  We all complied, raising our glasses in the air to mirror his. “To family,” he said simply, looking at me first and then Haley. Eventuall
y his eyes met those of everyone at the table, but the fact that he’d sought me out first made me thankful for the millionth time that I’d fought for him the way I had.

  Taking a big gulp of my drink, I murmured my cheers along with everyone else and then looked to the bombshell next to me. Her eyes were inquisitive, and when she looked pointedly from me to Danny, I began to fear that I was in trouble.

  “Speaking of family,” she said to Danny. “Why don’t you tell us the story of how you and Wade ended up together?”

  Genuine surprise pervaded his features, so I knew he hadn’t known it was coming. But quickly on its heels came pride.

  While I wasn’t completely comfortable, Danny apparently didn’t mind telling the story one bit. And with his memory, I knew he wouldn’t leave out anything.

  Fuck.

  I just barely stopped my head from lolling back in distress.

  I thought to flee, but an unexpected, dainty hand on my knee stopped me. Allison squeezed, rooting me to the spot and sucking the attention of my entire body into one measly joint.

  A simple touch hadn’t fired my hormones like that since I was a teenager.

  In fact, I didn’t even know I had that much testosterone still circulating at my age.

  Clearing his throat once, Danny started to tell the story. I’d honestly never heard it from his perspective. At least not entirely.

  “Wade was there from the beginning. I met him the night it happened.”

  Everyone knew what ‘it’ was. The night his entire family had been brutally murdered. Liquid lead poisoned me, coating the inner workings of my vital organs as I remembered.

  There’d been so much blood at the scene, it was like something out of a nightmare, for surely the carnage and devastation that had befallen his loved ones couldn’t be real. I’d looked into his frightened hazel eyes and shock-ridden pale face, and I’d just known.

  For me—and I knew this wasn’t the case for everyone—the whole point of life was to have a family. My sole reason for sweating and swearing my way through tough choices and trials, working and wading through loss of life and love, was to build something of my own. People who wanted me to show them the world, and in return, gave me more than enough reasons to do it.