Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

  “Slow, Ella. She’s only been doing this for two weeks.”

  She turned back to me and signed with the letter S rubbing her chest.

  Sorry.

  I signed back.

  It’s okay.

  She spoke then. “We can practice more while I’m here.”

  “I would love that.”

  “Can I see the puppy?”

  “Of course.” I moved to the bedroom where I had locked Disco in so I could mop the floors and jumped out of my skin when Ella shrieked. Ian had told me Ella was unbelievably loud at times. I shook my head at my foolish reaction and Ian gave a wink. “It’s okay, beautiful. She startles me too at times.”

  “You aren’t allowed to talk when you know she can’t hear you. It’s disrespectful.”

  “I can’t call you beautiful in front of her.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “Right. It’s bad manners. You must have a good teacher.”

  “He’s the best.” I managed to sign that part and Ella caught it.

  “Who is the best?”

  “Your dad, for teaching me.”

  She lifted her hands. I’ll be a better teacher.

  “I bet.”

  I poked her shoulder to get her attention as she fawned over the dog. Do you like… I took my time spelling out pot roast because I had no idea what the sign was. I was only halfway through the letters when she nodded.

  “You knew what I was signing?”

  She nodded again. “Of course.”

  “Wow. I hope I get that sharp with the language.”

  “You will,” Ian assured.

  We sat at the table as Ian and Ella went back and forth signing while talking at the same time so I could understand their conversation. I felt oddly emotional as I watched their interaction. It was like watching the most important part of Ian in those moments with his daughter. Their love was palpable, their relationship completely unique. They were close, as close as two people could be within the boundaries of a parent/child relationship. Although close with my own father, we never talked so candidly. Ian had told me that deaf people don’t often beat around the bush and can sometimes come off as brash or rude, but most were just naturally and brutally honest. Since my classes with Ian started, I’d been learning a little about the deaf culture and it had only piqued my curiosity.

  “You are such an asshole, Daddy,” Ella said, leaving me with wide eyes to gauge his reaction. Ian didn’t seem offended in the least which made me laugh. They both looked at me with matching grins.

  “What?” Ella asked.

  “You just called your dad an asshole. And while I agree, I’m surprised you get away with it.”

  “Not nice,” Ian scolded me before he looked at Ella. “Do you want to tell the story?”

  Ella nodded. “If I speak funny, tell me, okay?”

  “You sound perfect.” I signed the word good.

  “Don’t lie, Koti, that doesn’t help me grow.”

  I sat shocked but then nodded. “Okay, you sound pretty damn good for someone who’s never heard a single sound.”

  She immediately turned to Ian. “I like her.”

  “Me too,” he said, his eyes darkening as he looked over at me. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks.

  Ella picked up on the chemistry. “You two are more than friends. When are you going to break it to me?”

  I choked on a sip of water as Ian shook his head and spoke. “Tell the story, brat.”

  “Okay fine.” Ella turned to me. “He wanted dad to be my first sign. He spent a long time trying his best to make me do it.”

  I stuck my thumb to my forehead the rest of my fingers pointing up at the ceiling and then pulled it away a half inch.

  “Close, you don’t have to touch your forehead with your thumb, but yes, that’s the sign for dad.”

  I nodded.

  “From what Daddy says, I wasn’t good at lifting my thumb up to reach my forehead and instead of having my finger straight out… I’ll show you.” She took my hand and closed my thumb and pointer in a circle while leaving the other fingers open and spaced apart.

  “This is the sign for asshole, isn’t it?”

  Ella laughed so loudly next to me I fought myself to keep from jumping in my seat.

  “Yes. I’ve been calling him an asshole since I was little, and he got used to it.”

  “It was the only time I was ever happy she couldn’t talk,” Ian said with an embarrassed shake of his head.

  “But you made sure I knew how to say it,” Ella said with a giggle.

  “Yes, I did.” He was a proud dad, it leaked out of his every pore. I briefly wondered what it would be like to raise another human being. I never imagined it for myself, but Ian had done it. And from what I could tell, he’d done it well.

  “So, are we sleeping here?”

  “Yes, Grandma’s house is rented for the rest of the summer,” Ian answered. I tried to concentrate on his signing as he spoke. They were both too fast. Ian noticed my frown before he slowed down, which earned him a smile from me.

  I loved his patience, the way he cared for me and those around him. He may have wanted to be selfish, but that was one thing Ian wasn’t. And because I couldn’t handle another second of watching him without expressing exactly what I loved about him, I excused myself and cleared the dishes. Ian spoke up.

  “Ella’s got dish duty. That’s a rule.”

  At your house. I managed to sign. “She’s on vacation.”

  Ian’s jaw ticked and I did damage control. “Just for tonight.”

  He nodded and gave her a pointed look. “Wipe the table. And don’t forget your manners.”

  She nodded before she turned to me. “Thank you so much for dinner”

  “You are most welcome.”

  She then tilted her head at Ian. “Sir, may I be excused?”

  “Yes, brat.”

  Ella joined me at the sink. “Marines,” she cooed in what she thought was a whisper. Her father slashed his hand through the air and I gave her big eyes and brought her to me in a protective hold while she giggled.

  Ian narrowed his eyes at me as he made his way toward his bedroom. “Don’t encourage her.”

  Ella helped with the dishes anyway and we made small talk as she told me about the camp in Washington D.C. She planned to go to college there, but they had an early entrance program that she hoped to get into for her last two years of high school. I was sure that Ian had a future somewhere in D.C. In an attempt to mask the sting that threatened I told her of my common love for the Outlander books. She squealed in excitement and agreed to join our book club during her stay.

  Minutes later, Ian returned with a brand-new iPad with a bow on top.

  Ella squealed with delight.

  “I wanted you to have it while you were here. I loaded it with age-appropriate books. Do not even think about downloading that smut I caught you with last month.”

  “Yes, sir! Thank you, Daddy!” She wrapped her arms around him tight as he hugged her with his whole being. Something about that had my emotion spilling over. I couldn’t get over the appeal of the several sides of Ian Kemp and I loved every single one of them.

  Jesus, Koti, get a grip.

  Excusing myself for the second time, I grabbed my book and made my way onto the porch. Lighting candles, I turned on my music, Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” and sank into my sanctuary. Minutes later, I looked up to see Ian on the porch staring at me with confusion.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Uh, reading?”

  “Do you feel out of place?”

  I sat up. “Not at all. I just wanted to give you time alone with her.”

  “Okay.”

  “I shouldn’t… we shouldn’t give her the wrong impression. We discussed this.”

  He glanced at the front door. “I know, I just thought tonight you would hang out with us.”

  “Ian Kemp, are you pouting?”

  “I might be.�
�

  “Get your ass in there and spend time with your kid.”

  “Fine. But are you coming to the beach tomorrow?”

  “Sure.”

  “And tonight, when she goes to bed, I’m going to sneak into your room and lick—”

  “You will do no such thing. There will be no licking of anything.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  “I’m locking my door.”

  “Don’t threaten me or every door in this house will be without locks within the hour.”

  “Behave yourself.” I shooed him away as he glanced back at me from the front door.

  “Koti, I don’t mind you spending time with us.”

  But I mind, Ian, I’m falling for both of you.

  “She already suspects foul play. Do you want to be the one to explain friends with benefits to her?”

  “No.”

  “There you go.”

  “But that doesn’t mean I can’t discreetly lick things.”

  “Go lick a banana pop.”

  MAGENS BAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL horseshoe shaped beach with white sand and turquoise water. It was the most bustling tourist attraction of St. Thomas and one of the best spots for water play in the Virgin Islands. Ella had Disco clutched to her as she raced toward the sand while Ian and I set up a camp that consisted of an umbrella and a few foldable beach chairs we’d purchased from the store on the way over.

  “Do you come here much?” Ian asked, tossing a towel on his chair.

  “Not really. I mean, what’s the point? We do have a beach in our backyard.”

  “True, but you hardly leave home. Don’t you get out at all?” His question was innocent, with an edge of curiosity mixed in.

  “My first six months here I went hermit, but Jasmine helped me snap out of it a little. I went out a few times and will on occasion, but I’m to the point it doesn’t appeal to me.”

  “Sign of old age, huh?”

  “I turn thirty in a few weeks.”

  “That would be what, twenty-four years ago that we met?”

  His sentiment took me by surprise. “Wow, I didn’t think of that. That makes you the oldest friend I’ve ever had,” I teased before cowering under his glare. “I mean the longest friendship. Jasmine’s the oldest friend I have anyway.”

  He looked down at the sand between us. “Too bad we didn’t keep in touch.”

  “We might have been decent pen pals, but here we are anyway.”

  “Here we are,” he said, his eyes meeting mine. “I had to stay away from you the last time I saw you.”

  “What?”

  “When you were seventeen. I was already married, and you were…”

  I sat up in my chair. “I was, what?”

  He glanced down at his lap, attempting to hide his smirk with a few of my favorite fingers covering his mouth. “Can I be perfectly honest without ruining whatever favorable opinion you may have of me?”

  “You’re still so proper, crocky. Of course.”

  He raked his teeth over his bottom lip sending a shiver down my spine regardless of the heat. “My whole body tensed when I saw you. I know it was wrong, but there was no way I could stand to be in the same room as you if I stayed. I left St. Thomas a day early and wanked that night thinking about you when I got home.”

  “So that’s why you didn’t say hi. Professor! I was underage!”

  “And I was married. Does it make a difference that my marriage was over for me by then?”

  “Wait, you were only twenty-five, that was only a few years after you got married, right?”

  “I’d just had my birthday and I needed a break from Tara, things were at their worst, so I’d flown in to check on the house for my parents. My mom was recovering from a minor surgery and there had been a storm. I made a few repairs and hired a contractor to take care of the rest. I was about ready to leave when you were coming in.”

  “I wish you would have stayed.”

  “Too dangerous for me. You were wearing your ridiculous gold sandals and a white sundress with tiny gold flowers all over it. Your hair was tied up, and you had on bright red lipstick.”

  My mouth parted as he leaned in.

  “I’ll never forget the way you looked that day, you took the breath right out of my body.”

  “I can’t believe you remember what I was wearing.”

  “I remember every detail including the swish of your skirt when you got out of the SUV. I thought about nothing but smearing that lipstick for months.”

  “I remember feeling the same thing… I kind of had an instant crush on you the minute I saw you. I wish you would have talked to me.”

  “I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist temptation. And seeing you when I got here was much, much, worse.”

  My heart lit up. “Well, I couldn’t tell by the warm reception you gave.”

  “And I’ve apologized sincerely and repeatedly by mouth and orgasm.”

  It was my turn to bite my lip. “Forgiven.”

  “Fuck, I’m a lucky bastard to be able to touch you now. I mean it, Koti. I have no clue how you remained single all these years but am I damn glad you are at the moment.” Utterly turned on, his eyes rested on my lips before they trailed the length of my body. “Lucky. Fucking. Me.”

  I didn’t know how it was possible, but his words managed to fill me up and sting all at the same time.

  “Yeah, well you’re temporary,” I said nudging his arm. “Your bad.” I was only partially teasing.

  He looked at me with unamused gray eyes. “I can’t believe you locked me out of your bedroom last night.”

  I laughed as I lathered some oil on. “You checked?”

  “Of course I checked. I had things I wanted to lick.”

  “Serves you right with your daughter in the house, pervert.”

  I looked over at Ella who looked adorable in her newly purchased pink bikini, her blonde hair soaked from the sea as she and Disco hurdled the incoming waves at the shore.

  “This is nice.” Ian cracked a beer and held it out to me.

  “Agreed,” I stood shaking my head at his offered beer. “No thanks, I’m going to go get in the water.”

  He raised a wicked brow. “Going to put on a show for me?”

  “Such a pervy professor.”

  “I was just thinking about the last time you wore that bikini.” He playfully tugged at the string on my hip and slid his teeth over his lip.

  “Maybe you should slow down yourself on that drinking. Pick out some music, I’ll be back, and we can make some sandwiches.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Damnit, stop with the bedroom eyes.”

  “I have no clue what you’re talking about,” he teased as his darkening gaze smoldered me into a puddle.

  “And don’t watch me as I walk away.”

  “Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

  I ‘harrumphed’ as I walked toward the surf before I braved a quick glance over my shoulder. Ian had already zeroed in on my ass and I shook it a little before I gave him a wink.

  Eat your heart out, professor.

  Ella and I chased Disco through the waves until I was dying of thirst.

  I waved to get her attention before I signed to her.

  Thirsty?

  She shook her head, “No thanks, but you’re doing well with your signs.”

  Thank You. I’m trying. I shook my head in frustration, unable to sign the rest of what I wanted to say.

  “If you don’t know the signs, speak to me.”

  “It’s reading them that’s the hardest part.”

  She waved a dismissive hand. “It takes time. You’ll get it. You have come a long way already.”

  Thank You. I nodded toward Ian to let her know where I would be.

  “I’ll be up there in a little while.” She picked up a soggy Disco and inspected her an inch from her face. Disco rewarded Ella with a lick on the lips that had her giggling. “I love her soooo much,” Ella said, g
iving me a smile.

  I ran my hands through her soaked fur. “Me too.”

  I pranced toward Ian hoping his eyes had been on me unable to think of anything else but his confession as I played in the water. I loved his attention and reveled in it knowing I shouldn’t. Pushing all shitty thoughts aside and preparing for some more flirting, I paused when I saw Ian in his chair feet away, his face buried in a towel. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if his entire body wasn’t shaking. Cautiously, I approached him.

  “Ian?”

  He shook his head keeping the towel in place as I took a seat next to him and reached out to touch his thigh. His cries were soundless, but I could feel the pain rolling off him.

  “Ian, what’s wrong?” After another minute of watching him in soundless agony, I tried again. “Please talk to me.”

  His body shook a minute longer until he spoke low. “Where’s Ella?”

  “She’s playing, she can’t see. Ian, please,” though I didn’t know why, my heart was cracking. He finally lowered the towel and his red-rimmed eyes met mine as his face twisted.

  “Please,” I said as I pushed a quick tear away. “Please,” I whispered, taking his hand. He squeezed it back so hard I winced as he pulled me closer to sit next to him shielding himself from prying eyes.

  “She can’t see us. No one is watching.”

  “She’s…” his face twisted again as he puffed out incredulous air and began shaking again. “Jesus, I can’t breathe.”

  “Take your time,” I said softly.

  “Fuck, Christ, this hurts so much,” he said, his body trembling with emotion as I sank in the sand, my heart plummeting with the ache in his voice.

  “I don’t want to say it out loud. I feel like if I acknowledge it, it makes it true.”

  “Makes what true?”

  He took a deep breath and blew it out, closing his eyes. I jerked back at the presence of tears trickling down his face. Unable to help myself, I moved to sit next to him, partially covering his body with my own to embrace him as much as I could without being obvious. “I’m here. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  My eyes were starting to fill with the sheer heartbreak etched on his face, though I had no idea why.

  “She’s…” his swallow was audible, “I didn’t father Ella, she’s not mine, not my biological daughter,” he managed to get out before he pressed his chin to his chest and a gasp escaped him. “Fuck,” he sat up and again pulled a towel to cover his face. Shock filtered through my body as I glanced around us. We were yards away from prying ears.