Crazy In Love: A Standalone Christmas Thriller

by Ivy Smoak

  "Ciao!"

  She disappeared behind the fence.

  "Snuggle Muffins, I speak Italian!"

  "Ciao" he barked.

  "We all speak Italian!" I had to enter Snuggle Muffins in all the contests in the world. And speaking of contests, when had the prize for the Christmas lights been upped to a million dollars? I needed to do more decorating! "Snuggle Muffins, we need more lights. Like all the lights. Call that boy from the hardware store. He knows my name, he'll hook us up." I stood up from my latest snow angel and brushed some of the snow off my ass. But it didn't really help. I was completely soaked.

  "How long have we been out here?" I turned in a circle and stared down at all the snow angels in the yard. There were at least a thousand. I knew because I counted them real fast. After I was done counting, I spotted Noah through the window, still shoveling brownies into his mouth.

  "Forget the lights for now. We'll get them tomorrow. We need to get our tree! We can all decorate together. One big happy family."

  Snuggle Muffins barked behind me as I staggered back into the woods. Where had I left my axe? I knew it was around here somewhere...ah. I found it leaning against a tree. "Stand back, good sir. This tree is the one." I swung the axe and it barely made a dent in the trunk. What in tarnation? I looked up. "Oh. You're right. It's too big. And I'm pretty sure it's a maple. We need a Christmas tree. Not maple syrup." I pointed to Snuggle Muffins. "No maple syrup ever again, deal?"

  He barked.

  "Good. Screw maple trees." I yawned. "Do you think we should take a nap first? God, I'm hungry too. Do you think that guy from the hardware store will bring us some takeout? I'm pretty sure that's in his job description. You call him, Snuggles. I'll find us a tree."

  But instead of looking for a tree I just sat down in the middle of the woods and started laughing. I pictured Sally slithering by and Noah with shovel hands. And I just laughed and laughed until suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. I blinked. Snuggle Muffins was staring at me, completely drenched. There was water dripping off his little eyelashes.

  "How long have we been out here? I'm so sorry. Let's get our tree and go inside." I stood up and my legs felt tired. Probably because I'd made a thousand snow angels. "How does this one look?" The perfect tree was right in front of me. I must have picked it out before nap time. I laughed. This time when I swung the axe, it made perfect contact and a nice cut. I swung it again and again. "Stand back, Snuggle Muffins!" I swung the axe through the air. "Timber!"

  The little evergreen fell with a thud in the woods. I grabbed it by its trunk and pulled it slowly toward the house. Again, I was reminded of Kevin McCallister. He'd cut down a tree just like this and decorated it when he was home alone. I was basically doing the same thing. Except I had my dog and hopefully a passed-out Noah inside.

  I wasn't sure how long I'd been out here, but the snow was still falling and the neighborhood was silent. It was definitely still nighttime. Hopefully Noah would be sleeping in the middle of the kitchen floor. I couldn't see him at the counter anymore, and I'd lost my binoculars somewhere in the woods so I couldn’t get a better view.

  I reached the back door and looked behind me. Originally I thought I'd be able to see any footprints leaving the house. But the yard was literally covered in dog paw prints and snow angels. If Noah had left, I wouldn't have been able to tell. What had I been thinking?

  At least my brain felt significantly less wonky now. Sally had stopped slithering by a while ago. With her disappearance, all my mistakes became pretty clear. I'd stopped watching Noah through the window. I'd frolicked in the snow. I’d giggled in the forest. And I'd lost my dog for a little bit.

  But I'd taste-tested the brownies...hours ago? Minutes ago? I couldn't be sure. Either way, Noah had tried them much more recently than me. And he had shovel hands. So...I was pretty sure he was going to be high off his ass.

  I opened the door and peered inside. Noah was indeed in the middle of the kitchen. But he wasn't asleep in the middle of the floor. He was standing there with his arms folded across his chest, staring at me. His naked chest. And instead of raiding the closet like a normal person, he was wearing the same pair of worn jeans that hugged his ass so perfectly. I blinked, trying not to get distracted by all his stupid muscles. That was probably his plan. To distract me with the sexiest outfit in existence.

  Snuggle Muffins ran inside and sat down by Noah's feet.

  That little traitor. Get back over here. But Snuggle Muffins didn't move.

  "Having fun?" Noah asked.

  I swallowed hard. "Yes?" My voice came out squeaky and high pitched. "What's up?" Maybe he'd forgotten the past few days the same way he’d forgotten about the rest of his life? Fingers crossed.

  "I think you know what's up...Ensley."

  Oh. No. Him knowing my name was not a good indicator of him not remembering. But I had a Christmas tree. I shook my head. More importantly...I had a freaking axe. I brought both inside and then locked the door behind me. It seemed that my plan to drug him had backfired. But Noah had brought shovel hands to an axe fight. Simpleton. I just hoped his blood wouldn't splatter on the kitchen stools. Blood was very hard to get out of upholstery.

  Chapter 22

  Sunday

  For a few seconds we just stared at each other, waiting for the other person to make the first move. It reminded me of our proposal. We'd been watching the sunset from the boardwalk. I'd felt this nervous energy in the air. I was pretty sure he had been about to break up with me, so I hadn't said a word. I'd just tried to hold on to the moment. But after the most awkward stretch of time, he’d gotten down onto one knee and proposed.

  But Noah wasn't about to propose now. He was about to kill me. And I didn't need to pretend that it wasn't about to happen. Because I was going to kill him first. For some reason my eyes were glued to his perfect abs instead of where I needed to slice his throat. Shake it off. It's go time. Before I could lift my axe in the air, though, the jerk started talking.

  "You're soaking wet."

  I swallowed hard. "Excuse me?" There was literally no way for him to know that I was aroused by his stupid body. "It's not my fault that you refuse to put a shirt on."

  He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "Wow. Not at all what I was referring to. You're drenched. Let's get you a hot shower and some dry clothes before you catch a cold."

  Oh. I looked down at my clothes. I'd been rolling around in the snow making snow angels. And the snow had inevitably melted. I looked like a drowned cat. I was surprised Snuggle Muffins wasn't chasing me around the house. I shivered. Noah was probably right. I needed to change before I caught a cold.

  He took a step toward me.

  Not so fast, sweet talker. I knew what he was up to. And it was nothing about being nice. I lifted the axe.

  "What the hell are you doing?" he asked, his thick eyebrows drawing together beautifully.

  "Doing what I should have done when you were tied up. Unless you want to go back downstairs willingly." I took two steps forward for every one of his steps back.

  "You're crazy," Noah said. "You do realize that, right?"

  I gripped the axe tighter. "I'm not crazy. I hate when you call me that." I really wanted to chuck it at his perfect face. And it would have made a much bigger dent in his skin than the knife had in the wood. I cringed at the thought of blood dripping down his chiseled abs.

  "Babe. You're holding an axe like you're about to chop off my head. That's psychotic. Put it down."

  Telling me that I was insane was not working in his favor. "I'm hoping it doesn't have to come to that. How about we go back down to the basement? I'll tie you up to the chair where you belong. And we can go back to normal."

  "Normal? Being tied up in the basement isn't normal, Ensley. Nothing about this is normal." He gestured back and forth between us.

  Him saying my name was jarring. Him remembering? Horrifying. I held the axe out in front of me. "March." I pointed the axe to the basement door. "Now."

>   He put his hands up, and for the first time, I realized he was unarmed. His hands didn't look like shovels anymore either. It was like he was transforming in front of me. He didn’t even look like he was about to kill me anymore. He looked innocent.

  But I knew it was just a ruse. "Where’s the knife?" I asked.

  He lowered his eyebrows. "What knife?"

  "The one you took out of the knife block. The one you're planning on stabbing me with!" I pointed the axe towards the kitchen counter.

  "I don't have a knife. I never had a knife. And I swear I'm not planning on hurting you. I'd never hurt you." He licked his lips and dropped his gaze from my eyes to my axe. "I’m not the one threatening bodily harm here, Ensley."

  Every time he said my name, my mind scrambled. "But...then where is it?" Noah was a liar. And I knew he was lying right now too. The knife was probably tucked into the back of his jeans. Hidden right above his firm booty. Stop.

  "I don't know. But I swear I don't have a knife."

  I kept my axe lifted in front of me as I made my way over to the counter. Had the knife just fallen or something? I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Noah wasn't moving and then continued my search. It wasn't on the ground or shoved in the wrong drawer. But then I found it on the drying cloth by the sink. Oh. I pressed my lips together. Had that been there the whole time and I just hadn't seen it? Or had he just placed it there to trick me? I drummed my fingers on the granite. The answer to that question was very important. Not that I'd ever trust Noah.

  But he was looking at me like he was innocent. Like he wasn't dreaming of stabbing me in the chest with a knife. Now that I thought about it, I had used the missing knife recently. And I couldn't remember the last time I’d put the dishes away off the drying cloth. That chore was one of my least favorite things. Like when I did laundry, folded it, and didn't put it away for weeks.

  It was possible that Noah was innocent. But if that was true, he wouldn't have been lurking around the house for the past several hours trying to scare me. I pointed my axe at him again. "If you're not planning on hurting me, then what were you doing lurking around the house being all creepy?"

  "When you got back from whatever you were doing, I had just gotten out of the shower. You were screaming and acting cra...sorry. You just…you didn't seem quite like yourself, babe. I thought I'd wait it out until you calmed down. I wasn't trying to scare you."

  I stared back at him.

  "I'm sorry if I scared you."

  It was weird getting an apology from him. I didn't know how to respond to that. Had I ever gotten an apology from him before?

  "Look, if I was trying to hurt you, would I really spend all this time finishing up with the Christmas decorations?" He waved his arm through the air.

  It looked like Christmas had thrown up all over the kitchen. The hand towels were red and green. He'd even changed all the plates over to a Christmas pattern we hadn't used in years because it was such a hassle. I glanced into the family room. It was practically a winter wonderland. "You...decorated while I was out getting the tree?" Not only had he decorated, but he'd done it fast. He was a much better housewife than me.

  "Yeah, you were gone for like four hours."

  Four hours? Geez. It felt more like days. Or minutes. It was hard to know for sure. "Just because you decorated doesn't mean you don't want to hurt me." Hell, I'd started decorating and I was still strongly considering chopping his head off with an axe. Christmas wasn't an all-cure for revenge.

  "I hid when that detective came by, remember? I didn't do that for myself. I was trying to protect you." He took a step closer to me. "I know you're in trouble because of what you've done to me. But we can figure this out together. I'll help clear your name."

  "Why would you help me after everything I've done to you?"

  "Because...you're my girl."

  My axe was getting heavy. That was the only reason why I lowered it to my side. It had nothing to do with the fact that the way he said "my girl" made my knees feel weak. "How did you even get untied?" I'd watched countless tutorials on sturdy knots.

  "Remember when you were pissed off and threw a pair of pliers at me? You left them." He shrugged. "It took a while but I finally got free."

  So much for my perfect plans. I wasn't good at this. I was really really not good at this. I didn't even step away as he drew closer to me, even though I knew I should have. I was supposed to be the one chasing him around with an axe. He wasn't supposed to be stepping even closer. And closer. I could smell his familiar body wash all around me, lulling me into a false sense of security.

  "I like you better as a brunette." He reached out and ran his thumb and index finger down a strand of my hair.

  I'd forgotten all about my wig. I wasn't even sure where I'd left it. But it didn't matter. He already remembered. I could tell. He was looking at me like he remembered everything. At least, everything before he started adding sidepieces like it was his job.

  "And it was sinful to cover this face." He ran his thumb along my cheekbone, sending a shiver down my spine.

  I'd also forgotten about my reindeer mask. It was a hindrance anyway. It would have definitely gotten in the way when we kissed. Kissed? What was I even thinking?

  His thumb traced the freckles under my eyes.

  I was broken. He broke me. So I don't know how I felt so whole when he touched me. It didn't make sense. But it was like he was somehow holding together my shattered pieces. I leaned into his touch.

  "Ensley." His hand slid to my neck.

  Kiss me. Stop. I leaned forward for just a second and then took two steps back. The distance made it easier to breathe. "I made you brownies." I had to get this night back on track, because I was worried I was about to maul him. And not with the axe.

  He laughed. "Oh, yeah. I know. I took one bite. They were terrible. You’re much better at making French toast and bacon."

  I laughed. "They weren't terrible. They just had tons of weed in them." Oops. I'd just played all my cards without even hesitating. He was slowly wrapping me around his finger again, just like he used to.

  "How many did you eat?" he asked.

  "Just one."

  He looked over at the pan of brownies. "I'm pretty sure you ate more than one."

  I glanced over. A third of the brownies were missing. "No, I'm pretty sure you ate more than a bite."

  He laughed.

  And then I laughed.

  And then Snuggle Muffins started laughing too in his new Italian accent.

  "Yeah," Noah said. "Maybe I did eat more than a bite." He nodded. "Right. Yeah, I did. I ate just a little and then started decorating. When I finished I was really freaking hungry. So I ate some more. They didn't taste as weird when I got seconds. And thirds." His eyes grew round. "I only ate them a little before you came in. How much weed did you put in them?" He put his hand up to his mouth.

  And I realized I wished I was the one touching his lips. I cleared my throat. "Only a little." So so much. Way more than I was supposed to. I'm pretty sure I had eaten more than I was supposed to too. But everything was becoming clearer. His hands barely looked like shovels anymore. And they definitely didn't feel like shovels. They felt warm and rough. And safe. I felt so safe when his hands were on me.

  I wasn't sure how it happened, but we were nose-to-nose again. Maybe I had stepped forward. Maybe he had.

  He reached out again, letting his fingers trace the neckline of my sweater.

  "My hand feels heavy," he said. He looked down at his hand as he pressed it against the side of my neck. "Are you sure it was just a little bit of weed?"

  "Mhm. Just a wee little bittle." I laughed. "Bit. A wee little bit."

  He nodded like he believed me.

  Which was weird because I certainly didn't believe myself. I wasn’t even sure if any of this was actually happening. Which meant my plan could still work. I just needed to stall him until the weed got him like it had gotten me outside. He'd be seeing Sally snakes and shovel
hands in no time. I just needed to do something, anything, to preoccupy him until that happened. So I did the first thing that popped into my head. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

  Well, it was a lot less graceful than all that. I literally attacked him, mauling him like I thought I might. I wasn't sure why I'd decided to go in that direction. Probably because he looked like a million bucks. And smelled like even more. And the way he looked at me when he wasn't accusing me of being crazy? I never felt so wanted in my life.

  But he didn't kiss me back. He stood there like he was in shock.

  I was about to pull back when his hand slid into my hair.

  He groaned into my mouth as he returned my assault.

  The sound made my head spin. I needed to hear it again and again.

  He pushed me backward until my lower back collided with the kitchen island. The collision sent a jolt of pain through my body. But instead of crying out in pain, I dropped my axe and wrapped my arms around his neck.

  His hands slid to my ass as I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. I needed more. Anything. Everything. He was right. I was freezing cold. And his body felt like a furnace. It would be impossible to catch a cold if I stayed glued to him.

  I wasn't sure if I was dizzy because I was still high or dizzy because of the way he was touching me. Maybe I was just out of oxygen because I was only breathing him in. But I didn't need air when I had him. I breathed in his exhales as he consumed me. And he was more delicious than any brownies. He was more delicious than life itself.

  "I think you promised me something," he whispered as his lips moved to my neck.

  "What did I promise you?" I moaned as he lightly bit my neck. God, I knew it was possible he was playing me. But it felt so good to be played that I didn't care. Hell, I was a few seconds away from begging him to tie me up and have his way with me.

  "You promised if I came out of hiding..." he nibbled on my skin again. "That I could have all of you."