Yorkshire

by Lynne Connolly

  “But—we can’t appear like that.” The thought of appearing in society frightened me enough, without this complication.

  He smiled reassuringly and met my eyes. I tried not to catch my breath. “Everything will be fine, but we must be careful.”

  I took comfort from his words, but it seemed Lizzie did not. “Fine for you to say. We’ll never be accepted now.”

  Richard smiled reassuringly. “I’m sure it won’t come to that,” he said in soothing tones, as he might to a child thwarted of a toy. “I’ve been of some service in matters like this before, and I’ve seen far worse than this. Polite society prefers to keep its dirty linen away from the public eye.”

  I understood my sister better than he did. She would think first of others, but in this case the only people who stood to lose were us. And she had longed, year after year, for a society presentation, a life at the centre of affairs. To receive it, only to have it cruelly snatched away would devastate her.

  James rubbed his chin again; his habitual gesture when he thought hard. We waited for him. He sighed again. “I don’t like to put you to such trouble, my lord. Our sorry business is hardly your concern.”

  “Please don’t think of it like that,” Richard answered. “Such problems divert me.”

  James’s brow cleared. “In that case, my lord, name your terms.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it. Although,” he continued quietly, “I may ask a favour of you some time.”

  He didn’t look at me, but I prayed that the favour would include me.

  “I’m glad we’re to keep this private,” James said. “Apart from the public implications, it would worry my wife very much, and she already has too much to do.”

  “Of course,” Richard answered. “I’m afraid I’ve already told my brother and one other, but I can vouch for their discretion. I’ll tell no one else until we can get to the bottom of this problem.”

  We all agreed to keep this conference quiet, then James thanked him again and said we had better get back to the house before we were missed.

  Only one half of the double door to the coach house stood open, so we had to pass through it singly. Richard somehow contrived to be between Lizzie and me, and walked a little slower, so by the time James and Lizzie had reached the house, we had dropped a little way behind. Having manufactured the slight distance, he took my arm and steered me in another direction. By the time Lizzie realised I had gone there would be nothing she could do about it.

  Richard took me to a door near the room we’d been received in when we first arrived. “This corridor leads to the chapel. I found it yesterday when I explored this wing a little. I like to know my way around.”

  He opened the door on the left, which led into a small, sparsely furnished, but clean room. “I think Lady Hareton used this as a morning room.”

  Indeed, with a little more comfort it would be a pleasant room in the mornings. It must face east, for the sun streamed in through the windows, and gleamed on the polished floors and hard surfaces.

  He looked at me. My heart rose to my throat, and I found it hard to breathe. I didn’t find the feeling entirely pleasant, although it was undoubtedly exciting. His presence made me respond so rapidly, it unnerved me.

  I turned away from him to stare out of the window in an effort to regain my composure, but he put his good arm on my shoulder and turned me firmly back to face him. He drew me closer and bent his head to kiss me. He gave me a gentle, closed-mouth kiss, but one full of fondness and longing.

  “Good morning, my love.” His smile turned my heart over.

  I found my voice with difficulty. “Good morning,”

  He kissed me again, outlining my lips with his tongue until I opened for him so he could dip his tongue inside and taste me.

  But he drew back after one, brief taste. “Yesterday I promised myself I’d do my best to avoid your company until I can speak to you openly, without censure. But much to my dismay, I find I can’t. I can’t be close to you without wanting to touch you.”

  “Lizzie knows,” I said unhappily. “She thinks I must be mad.”

  “I agree with her. We must both be mad. This whole affair is madness. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but I’m as sure as I’ve been about anything in my life that I don’t want to let you go.”

  I stumbled, unsure on my feet. It was most unlike me. Richard put his arm around my shoulders and led me to an oak settle by the wall opposite the fire. We sat close together, his arm still around my shoulders. I leaned against him, enjoying his steadying presence until I felt a little better. The soft cloth of his coat lay under my cheek; I smelled the faint scent of citrus and knew I had come home. It would be so easy to relax, let him take control, but while I knew I loved him, I didn’t know if I could trust him.

  I took a deep breath. “You have a great advantage over me, sir. I’ve never felt anything remotely like this before in my life. I don’t know how long it will last, why I feel like this, or even what it is, for sure. It frightens me, it excites me, and it gives me thoughts I don’t know what to do with.”

  I lifted my head to meet his perceptive gaze. He stared back at me, no artifice left. Just a man, listening. “You must have felt this before,” I said, imploringly, despairingly, “You might even be trifling with me for all I know.”

  He protested, “No—” but I carried on. I had to have my say before I lost my nerve.

  “On the one hand, my sister says you’re an unreformed rake, and I shouldn’t listen to a word you say, and on the other, when I look at you I can’t imagine you doing anything wrong, but—” In my agitation, my inability to express myself, a lump formed in my throat. Angrily, I dashed away a tear from the corner of my eye before he could see it.

  He recognised the gesture. Taking his arm away from my shoulders he took my hand instead. “Look at me.” I sniffed, and fought to control my wayward emotions before I looked up to meet those icy blue eyes.

  “Do you think I wanted any of this?” His quiet tones sounded very much like anger. “I don’t know you any better than you know me. When I first set eyes on you last Monday, you could have been as cold and stupid as Julia, but I wanted you just the same. Now I know you a little better I want you more. Yes, I want you, desire you, and yes I’ve felt that way before, but I’ve never felt such a foolish desire to let someone into my life the way I want you to share mine. Please trust me, and I promise I’ll do my best to get us out of this mess, and into the light.”

  “I have to trust you, I can’t do anything else, can I?” I hated feeling so helpless.

  He kissed me again, gently. It felt like a promise. “All I can say for certain is I’m falling in love with you. Now, today. I don’t seduce innocent, respectable females, though I know many who do. My prior philandering mainly involved married ladies looking for a change, or high flyers. I thought that would be my lot for the rest of my days.” He shrugged. “It has been that way for most of my acquaintances. Now I’m not so sure. Believe me, if I wanted a little light relief, I wouldn’t be here now. I would have gone to my parents’ house. A large country house and a multitude of guests masks any amount of frivolity. We could have turned around and left, that first day. But I stayed here because of you. I planned to let you know of my interest, see if you might one day return my regard, extricate myself from Julia and then return to court you properly. But that’s changed. You’re in trouble now and I have to help.”

  “Is it bad?”

  “It could be. Your family arrived and the next day the earl and his brother die in an accident which is no accident. If we don’t discover who is responsible, your family will enter society under a cloud. Suspicion will always lie over you, rumours and innuendo follow you, until we can determine the truth.”

  “Will it really put paid to Lizzie’s ambitions?”

  “What about yours?” he asked, smiling.

  “I have none. I’ve been on the shelf since Lizzie made her come-out.”

  He lost the smi
le and his brows lifted. “How so? I can see something in you that should draw suitors to you. You have grace, you’re beautiful—”

  “No.” I looked away, ashamed at his teasing.

  He put his hand under my chin and turned me back to look at him. “Yes. You just won’t let yourself be as beautiful as you are. Stand up straight and be proud of your height and your figure. Your hair will be glorious, with the right attention—” I grimaced and put my hand up to my unruly locks, already tousled and coming loose although still early in the day, “—and your eyes, your eyes…” He looked at me in silence for a heartbeat. “Your eyes hold everything I need.” He leaned forward to kiss me again, a reverent gesture of affection. He drew back, gazing at me. “Whatever happens, I want you, scandal or no.”

  “You’ve signed your marriage contract. You’re to be married in a few weeks.”

  It was his turn to grimace. “That was true madness. I just didn’t think properly, didn’t work it out, what it would mean. I can’t go through with something so heartless. Most couples have a small degree of liking for each other, but Julia doesn’t think of me in that way. Do you know, I’ve kissed you more often than I’ve kissed her? Once, I think, when I proposed to her. But if I break the contract, the consequences for my family and for yours could be dire. You know that, don’t you?”

  I swallowed. “Yes.”

  “They will put the greatest pressure on me to go through with it, but I’ve never been more grateful that I inherited the family temper.” He grinned. “It’s a vile thing. It’s led me into more scrapes than I care to remember, but at least I’ll be able to stand up to my father. His wrath, like the Lord’s, is terrible.”

  “I thought you cold.” I still did, when I saw him with others present, but I was beginning to understand the attitude he told me about, his society face that kept him aloof and aristocratically disdainful. “I don’t like to be on show. I never have. Certain things…I assume you know about Gervase’s troubles?” I nodded. “Certain things enhance my disguise. The maquillage, the clothes, all help to keep me private.” He paused, smiling self-deprecatingly. “There’s proof, if you require it. You’re the first person to whom I’ve explained myself. I don’t care what other people think of me, but your opinion is very important. I want you to know you can trust me, that I’ll care for you, always put your needs first.”

  This open statement took my breath away. No one could say such things and not be sincere. It would be easier to take the path of least resistance, and let Richard move away, marry the woman he was betrothed to, and look for a different suitor but I knew that my life would lose meaning if I allowed that to happen.

  We watched one another. I wanted to learn every line of his face, every shade of blue in his eyes, so if he left me alone, I could remember it whenever I wanted to.

  “My first stepmother used to say love had little to do with marriage.” He let me talk. Perhaps he realised I needed the time. “That is, the lady who brought me up. She said it was based on respect and friendship. But after her death, my father married again. A woman his own age, whom he told us he’d loved since boyhood, but had not been allowed to marry. When my stepmother died, she was also a widow. They married, this time to suit themselves. Smallpox carried them off eventually, both of them in a week. I’m not sure he would have cared to live without her. Sometimes we children felt like interlopers in our own house, they were so happy together.”

  “We’ll be luckier than that.” He sighed, looking at the polished floor, as though discovering answers there. “But it won’t come without a struggle. I spoke to Julia again. I assured her I was of the same mind and I thought we would not suit. When she asked why, I said I’d been considering it for some time. When I found myself near to death—forgive me the exaggeration—thanks to your prompt help, I was nowhere near it—I felt I should speak. I told her she could pretend a quarrel, or say she had found me in flagrante with a parlourmaid. I don’t care what she says, as long as it does the trick, as long as you’re not compromised from my side.” His next words made my mood plummet. “She still refuses to consider it. She said I must be mad to think she would do such a thing. I said I’d help her find the proper man, but I wasn’t that man. She laughed at me, and said I would do.” He gathered my hands, held them warmly between his. “If Julia brings a breach of promise suit, it will ruin us, my family and everybody associated with me. Do you understand?” Concern etched his features.

  I thought of what that would mean. Not to me, but to all the other people. Richard’s younger sister, making her debut in society. My sisters, making theirs, too. There’d be no money for them after such a court case. Julia Cartwright would win, hands down. Richard had signed the marriage contract, as binding a contract as any other under law. “It’s hard.”

  He nodded.

  “I can do it, but I’d hate to see those I love compromised. I can’t see any other way. We must face it, and hope it’s not too bad. Are you sure she’ll take you to court?”

  “She’s vengeful. She won’t let such an insult pass. I can try to persuade her that such an act would hold her up to public ridicule, but that is our only chance.”

  I couldn’t think of any way to avoid the scandal. “I’ll face it with you.”

  His response was prompt, unhesitating. “No. I’ll face it on my own, so you’re not compromised. Any scandal is mine.” When I opened my mouth, he gripped my hands harder to stop me protesting. “After this matter is cleared up and when you’re out of black, I’ll come a-courting properly, and prove to you I mean what I say. I will not marry Julia now, whatever pressure people bring to bear on me.”

  My heart raced. To spend time with him, have it as my right, was more than I hoped for. He tried to shrug, wincing at pain in his injured arm. I put my hand up to it in an instinctive gesture of concern, and he caught it, and held it with his uninjured one. He didn’t appear to feel the pain any more. “I should have told Julia I’ve lost my position in society, that I was ruined. She might have reacted to that.” He smiled sardonically. I looked at our linked hands, now resting on his leg.

  “We may have to give up.” I met his gaze. With the threatening scandal, I didn’t know if we could weather it. “You might have to marry Miss Cartwright.” I didn’t want to use her name, didn’t want any indication at familiarity so I kept my reference to her the more distant, formal term.

  He drew a sharp breath. “No, I’ll never do that. Julia accepted my offer because she wanted a man with a certain position in society. It could have been any man. This is her first season, my twelfth. When she ensnared me, she dined out for weeks on the triumph. Even if I hadn’t found you, I would have come to this in the end. I can’t stand much more of her vacuity, her vanity, her selfishness. I decided to offer for her out of respect for my parents.” He laughed. “I don’t care if they hate you. I will have you.”

  He released my hand to draw me closer. I went to him willingly. I couldn’t believe he could say all these things and not mean them, though I had very little experience of men and what they could say or do. Perhaps that naïveté saved me, the lack of cynicism that steers people away from the truth. I made my mind up. “I will trust you, I do.”

  We kissed again, this time so deep and longing, I never wanted it to end. He opened my mouth with a flick of his tongue and explored me deeply, invited me to taste him. Delicious, addictive. His hands, until now merely holding me for his kisses, became more adventurous, caressing my back, lifting my fichu in search of the bare skin underneath. I shivered, wanting more.

  He pulled away, begging my forgiveness. “I should leave such loving until a more appropriate time. You are very desirable, my sweet, but that’s something I will not do. Not to you.” When I shook my head and pulled him closer, he gently pushed me away and stood.

  He held out his hand to help me to my feet.

  “That was wrong, but I promise, it won’t always be.”

  I blushed, ashamed at my sudden surge of passion. He ki
ssed my hand. “This will be more difficult than I thought. I suspect you of something of which proper single ladies should be innocent. It makes me all the more eager to claim you for my own.”

  This only made me blush deeper than ever, tongue-tied. I couldn’t think of anything to say which seemed appropriate. He held me, as well as he could with only one good arm. I leaned against his shoulder. I loved to feel his warmth. “And we’ll have to keep this secret,” he reminded me. “If Julia gets an inkling how I feel about you, she’ll slam the door on any negotiations and ensure the gossip that will spread about you. There’ll be scandal and the courts. If she won’t break it off, I will, but I don’t want you involved in that part. I want the public to see us meet formally after I’ve dealt with the nastiness. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  I smiled to reassure him. “I won’t be hurt, not if I’m with you.”

  “I’m very much afraid you will. This isn’t the first scandal my family has been involved in recently and this might be one too many. Your family, too, is vulnerable. You’re new to society. The old cats will look for something. The coach accident, then my involvement with you will give them all the ammunition they need. That’s another reason why we must keep the other matter secret.” He paused. “No. Nil desperandum. We’ll see this through.” He gave me a quizzical look. “And you thought I wanted all this?” He laughed.

  “Not exactly. But I thought you might be trying to seduce me, especially after the reports I read about you, and what Lizzie told me about you.”

  “Don’t believe everything you read.” He took me to the door. “I fear we must go now, or we’ll be missed.”

  “Richard—” He met my gaze. It had its usual effect and I lost myself in him once more.

  “Rose,” he said and kissed me. “Now we really must go. You leave first, and I’ll follow in a few moments.”