Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I take a deep breath and tell myself I need to sleep. I think my lack of sleep is making me delusional.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It’s been two days since Angel walked out my door. I haven’t contacted her. I’m trying to give her space, but it is so fucking hard. I wish I could take back what I said to her then maybe she would have stayed. Maybe we would be lying in bed right now watching a chick flick.

  Yesterday was hard, but not as hard as today. I had some work to catch up on, so I stayed extremely busy. Last night was miserable not having her next to me. Not being able to kiss my Angel good night. Then today. Today has just been tormenting. It’s Sunday, and I have nothing to do but think of her walking out. Everywhere I go in the house, I smell her perfume. And every time I breathe in a breath, my heart clenches in my chest like a vise squeezing it until it bleeds. I know I’m going to see her again.

  I will see her.

  When she comes back, I want her to know that she is welcome here. No matter what she feels for me, I want her to know that I love her. I jump up from the couch and head to my room. I go to my long dresser and start throwing things out of it. I walk over to the tall dresser and do the same. She’s going to need space here when she comes back because when she does, it’s going to be for good. As I’m in the bathroom cleaning out a drawer, I hear Josh yelling from somewhere in the house.

  “In here.” I throw some deodorant, toothpaste and razors into a different drawer.

  “Um, Slade. What are you doing?” I look up to see Josh standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

  “Making room for Angel. What are you doing here? And how did you get in?”

  “The front door was unlocked. Man, when was the last time you shaved?”

  I rub my hand over my face and feel the two day stubble I have going on. I shrug. “A couple of days.”

  “Why does it look like a bomb went off in your room?” He turns to take another look at my room.

  I sigh. “Angel left. I said some stuff and she left.” I stand up and walk past him into the bedroom.

  “What did you say to piss her off enough to leave? Did you guys break up?” He walks over and sits down on my bed.

  “No,” I say rather harshly as I shake my head. “I was trying to tell her that I love her without actually saying it and scaring her off. I know she has feelings for me, but she said she needed some time to figure out what those feelings mean.” I pick the clothes up off the floor and throw them on the bed, then grab some extra hangers from the closet.

  Josh hasn’t said anything. I look to him as he eyes me with a sympathetic look.

  “What?” I ask as I stand there, looking at him.

  “When did you hear from her last?” he asks cautiously.

  I run a hand through my hair. “Friday morning when she walked out my door.” I sit on the bed, shaking my head. “I don’t know what to do. I told her I would give her time, but I don’t know how much more time I can give her.”

  “You shouldn’t give her any time. You should go to her and tell her how you feel. And make sure she knows you are not pressuring her. You just want her to know where you stand.”

  He makes it sound so easy.

  I turn around and face him. “What if it pushes her away? What if it just makes it worse? I can’t take that chance. I can’t lose her.”

  He looks about to say something when his phone interrupts him. “Hello?”

  I stand back up, starting to hang up the clothes that were in my drawer.

  “Yes, I’m over at his house now. Why, what’s up?”

  Great.

  “Yeah, I can try to talk him into that.” I watch as he looks me up and down. “He needs a shower and shave first.”

  “I’m not going out.”

  That’s the last thing I need; to go to some club or bar, and have word get back to Angel that I’m out partying. Plus, I don’t want to go out without her. It just wouldn’t be the same without Angel at my side.

  He shakes his head. “Not what you think,” he whispers to me.

  He continues to talk on the phone as I hang up all the clothes. I only catch a few words here and there, something about meeting up in an hour. Fuck, I don’t know. And honestly, I really don’t care.

  “Get in the shower,” he says as I hang up the last shirt.

  “I don’t feel like getting out tonight, Josh.” I’m trying to be nice, but it’s getting hard.

  “Get in the shower. We are going to your parents’ house.” He points to the bathroom. I laugh at him.

  “Why would I want to go to my parents’ house?” I walk out of the closet and head to the bathroom.

  “Because your mom is cooking dinner and Micah will be there. You’re mom invited us.” He sits back down on the bed and looks at his watch like I’m wasting his time.

  I walk in the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. There, that will show him.

  Forty five minutes later, I pull up to my parents with Josh. For some reason, he wanted me to drive us. I actually feel better now that I’ve showered and shaved, but my heart still feels hollow. I keep wondering what Angel is doing and how she is feeling. I keep checking my phone, hoping to see her calling me or texting me.

  But nothing!

  As soon as we pull into the driveway, I see my mom at the door, coming outside. What is she doing? I don’t have to wonder long when she hugs me as soon as I’m out of the car.

  “Mom.” I hug her.

  “Oh, darling. Are you okay? I heard all about you and Samantha.” She rubs my back. I slide a look to Josh, but he’s shaking his head.

  “Who told you?” I put my hand on her back as we walk towards the house.

  “I’m glad you were able to get him out of the house, Josh. Sometimes you just feel better when you get out and about.” She shuts the front door behind us. “Your dad is in the living room.”

  Hmm.

  She didn’t answer my question, letting me know she’s hiding something. My heart rate picks up. Maybe Angel is here. Maybe mom talked to her and set this up. I know they are close. My mom loves her.

  My hopes are dashed when I walk in the living room and only my dad is there. “Hey, Son. Have a seat. Would you like a drink?” He gets up to go refill his empty glass.

  “Yes, please.” I’m normally a beer kind of guy, but my dad prefers whiskey and right now I will take anything he’s got.

  “So, I hear you have girl problems.” I lift an eyebrow as he hands me a very full glass of whiskey. I take a quick look around to notice Josh didn’t follow me in here. What are they planning?

  “Something like that.” I take a drink. Fuck, that shit is stout!

  “You know, we never thought you would settle down.” I close my eyes with a sigh. What the fuck is going on? My dad and I have never had the talk about women. Why does he want to have it now? I open my eyes and gulp down another good size drink.

  I nod. “Yeah, me either.”

  “You know we’ve always been proud of you, son.” I look over to him as he continues. “You were always the wild one. You partied in high school, you partied even harder in college.” He takes a drink before looking back at me. “You always seemed to keep excellent grades, though, no matter what you were out doing.”

  He looks down at his drink. “Even now you still party and get into fights. People always talk about you at the office.” He looks up to me. “About how good an attorney you are. I don’t care what you do outside of work because I know your job is important.”

  I nod. I did party hard. There were times I would go into class with no sleep, still drunk, but I never missed my classes. School was always a main priority to me.

  “I was just like you. Partier, different women, never wanted to settle down, until I met your mother.”

  A slow smile spreads across his face as he mentions my mother. “Do you know the story about your mother and me?”

  I shake my head no.

  He leans back in his chair, getting comfortable. “I f
irst saw her at a restaurant. I was twenty-three and in college at Yale. Your mother was twenty, an art student. I was eating dinner with some buddies when she walked in with a guy, and I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My buddies started laughing and said she was way out of my league.”

  He smiles a full on smile “I was never the kind to back down from a challenge. You’re like me in that way. Anyway, I went right over to her table where she and her date were sitting. She totally brushed me off, told me to go away. Said she’d heard of me, and how I was with women, and wasn’t interested in a man like me.”

  I laugh before I take another drink, knowing how my mom probably went off on him. She’s pretty feisty.

  Just like my Angel.

  He sits up, putting his elbows on his knees. “I think I fell in love with her right then and there. I never gave up. I saw her every day for three months. For three full months she rejected me every day. It was hard work! I’d never had to work so hard for a woman before.”

  “Well, it paid off.” I raise my glass before I downed the rest of it. When I put my glass down, I notice he’s still staring at me. “What?”

  “I told her within a month we were together that I loved her. You know when she told me?”

  “No.”

  “Four months. Four months together before she said it.”

  “Dad,” I sigh. “I’m glad to hear the story about you and Mom, but what does it have to do with me?”

  “The point is, Son, anything worth having is going to be hard work. You chase after her as long as you have to, but you never give up. You make sure to see her and talk to her every day. I don’t know the reason why you two are fighting right now, but I do know she loves you. Everyone knows that.”

  I look at my empty glass. “She might love me, but she doesn’t want to love me.” God, it hurts to say that out loud.

  “Well, then you need to give her a reason to change her mind. Women want to be shown, not told. You giving her space is showing her that you don’t think you need her, and no matter how strong she is, she wants to be wanted. Everyone who has ever been important to her has left her.”

  “I would never leave her,” I say with a clenched jaw.

  “Then show her that.” He shrugs.

  I hear Micah walk in.

  “Hey, Dad. Hey, Slade. Why aren’t you with Sam?”

  “What do you mean?” Do I have to explain to everyone that she doesn’t want to love me?

  “I talked to Holly on my way over here, and she said Sam called in sick tonight. I figured you would be taking care of her.”

  I stand up. “Sick? What kind of sick?” Why wouldn’t she call me if she was sick?

  “I don’t know. She just said she was sick.” Micah sits down on the couch.

  I turn to my dad, and he smiles. “Good luck, Son.”

  I nod and head out the front door, not even bothering to say bye to my mom or Josh. I have a feeling this is what they wanted me to do anyway. My family can be sneaky.

  On my way to her house, I stop off at the store to pick up some chicken noodle soup. I know it’s not homemade, but it could help if she’s feeling bad.

  As I pull into her driveway, my palms star to sweat. I’m so nervous. What if she tells me to leave, or that I haven’t given her enough time? What if she’s decided we are through?

  I square my shoulders. I love her. I will never let her go without a fight, even if that means we have to have a yelling match out here on her front porch.

  I ring the doorbell and wait for her to answer. Shit! I forgot the soup in my car. Oh well, I’ll go back out and get it after I see her. I might not be staying long, anyway. She may kick me out, or not even let me in.

  As I ramble on inside my head, she opens the door. My heart breaks. She doesn’t look her normal radiant self. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Her eyes are puffy and red, and she looks thinner than before.

  And she’s wearing my t-shirt.

  Only my t-shirt and nothing else under it.

  “Slade,” she says, wide-eyed.

  I put my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels. Here goes nothing.

  “I didn’t get to say I was sorry before you left.” I take in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. For everything. The yelling and cussing at you. You didn’t deserve it. I know it seems like I’m always apologizing, and if I would just keep my mouth shut, I wouldn’t have to. Hurting you is never my intention, I only want to show you how much I care for you and how much you mean to me. I guess I just do it wrong.” I take in another deep breath as she stares at me teary eyed.

  “I know you said you needed time and space. I can’t give you any more space, but I can give you more time. I’m not asking for you to say you love me, or tell me you can’t live without me, but these last couple of days have been torture. I need to sleep with you at night. Not fuck, sleep. Me holding you, touching you, loving you. I can’t do without you anymore.”

  I pull my hands out of my pockets and place them up in front of me as I see tears slowly run down her face. “Please don’t be mad at me. I just couldn’t go another minute without seeing your beautiful face or hearing your soft voice. These last two days, I haven’t been myself. I’m not the same without you. I feel like a part of me is missing, the best part, because you are the best part of my life Angel. Please tell me it’s okay that I’m here, standing on your door step, wanting to come in and spend the evening holding you in my arms. Because I can’t go another day without seeing my beautiful angel.”

  She stares at me as I watch her tears fall. I want to wipe them away. I want to kiss them away. I want to take her in my arms and hold her while whispering I love her over and over. I want to tell her I will never give up on her because she’s the best thing that I have ever known.

  She shakes her head. “I haven’t heard from you,” she croaks out. “I thought you forgot about me and moved on.”

  I step in her front door and place my body right up to her as I grab her face in my hands. “I could never forget about you, Angel. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me. You are all I think about. You have consumed me, Angel, in a way I never knew was possible.” I wipe a tear away as it falls. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Please, don’t push me away.”

  She closes her eyes as a few more tears fall. “I’m so sorry, baby.” She opens them. “I’ve missed you so much.” She wraps her hands around my stomach as she put her head in my chest. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Kissing the top of her head, I bend down and wrap an arm under her legs, picking her up so I can carry her to bed.

  “I missed you too, Angel.” I kiss her forehead as I lay down in bed next to her. I pull up the covers and we cuddle up to one another, holding on as tight as we can.

  It doesn’t take long until I hear her breathing slow, and feel her body relax. I lay there as I rub my knuckles up and down her cheeks. I love her so much. I don’t need her to say the words, I just need her not to push me away. I need her.

  She is my life now.

  I sigh and close my eyes, letting myself get the best rest I’ve had in two days.

  I open my eyes and roll over. Where is Slade? I sit up and look around my room. My heart sinks when I don’t see him.

  “Slade?”

  Nothing.

  I sigh and get up. I have no idea what time it is. I walk to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I was so happy last night when I opened the door to find Slade standing there. After everything he said, I was speechless. All I could think of was how I hadn’t heard from him; how his words had gone against his actions. I did tell him to give me space, though. Did I expect him to come after me? I have no idea. All I know is that when I woke up this morning, I was happy to be waking up next to Slade. Now I’m crushed all over again. My mind is playing very dirty tricks on me. Maybe I’m going crazy.

  I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge then turn to see a note on my counter.

  Angel- sor
ry I didn’t wake you this morning. I figured you needed your sleep. I had to be up early for work. I should be out of my meeting by 12:30. I want to spend the day with you and take you out. I’ll be back to your place around 1 to pick you up. Love, Slade

  I start jumping up and down in my kitchen like a toddler.

  He was here! I’m not going crazy! I’m going to spend the day with him! He loves me!

  I catch sight of the clock over the stove: 11:20 AM.

  “Shit!”

  I grab my water and run to the shower. I don’t have much time.

  True to his word, I hear the doorbell ring at one on the dot.

  “I’m coming!” I yell as I pull my shirt over my head.

  I swing open the door to see the most beautiful man, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a gray t-shirt with a pair of tennis shoes. He walks right in and lifts me up in his arms as I giggle.

  “Good afternoon, Angel.” He kisses me deeply, sending chills through my body.

  “Good afternoon, baby,” I say breathlessly as he pulls away and sets me down. “I need to put my shoes on real quick and then I will be ready to go.”

  “Okay, hurry up.” He swats my butt as I walk away from him.

  I stand in front of my full length mirror in my closet, checking my outfit. I have a bright pink t-shirt on with a black tank top underneath that’s longer so that it peeks out of the bottom of my shirt, along with a pair of jeans that are flared and a pink pair of high heels.

  As I walk out of my closet, I see him sitting on my bed. He stands and walks towards me. He places his hands on my hips and pulls my body to his. I watch as his brows scrunch together.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He steps back and holds my hands out to my side while his eyes look me up and down. “Let me see your shoes.” He’s looking down at my feet, but you can’t see them because of my jeans being so long and flared.

  I let go of his hand so I can lift one of my pant legs. He starts shaking his head no. “What?” I look down at my heels. They are cute; bright pink with a skinny black heel.