by Lyn Denison
“Morning,” Jess said brightly, then her smile faded a little. “We didn’t wake you, did we?”
“Ah, no. Not really.” So the working gear scenario had failed miserably, Kat reflected. “I was just, well, relaxing and trying to plan my day.” Kat stepped back. “Come on in.”
“This is Lucas.” Jess indicated the man who followed her into the house. “Kat Oldfield, meet my cousin and business partner, Lucas Petersen.”
“Hi! Nice to meet you, Kat.” Lucas shook Kat’s hand. He was fair and slight like Jess, but nearly a foot taller, and their family resemblance was obvious. Kat smiled at the handsome man and her gaydar sounded. She was pretty sure Lucas Petersen was gay.
“Sorry we’re so early,” Lucas continued, “but I have an emergency job I need to get to as soon as I can.” He looked around at Kat’s unfurnished living room, the inflatable bed through the open bedroom door, and he grinned. “Ah, you’re roughing it. Now that’s a lot of fun.”
Kat laughed. “Well, I have to say, fun in moderation. I moved out of a fully furnished flat, and I haven’t had time to go out and get furniture yet.”
“Renovations are easier in an unfurnished place,” put in Jess.
Lucas stood, hands on slim hips, and took in the rest of the room. He nodded slowly in appreciation. “Jess said this was a beauty and she was right.”
Jess pointed at the ceiling. “What do you think?”
Lucas smiled again. “Oh, yes. I think we might find some treasure under there.”
Jess grinned at Kat. “Bear with us. We love our job, and we get pretty excited sometimes. Especially when there’s a chance we might find some of the original house intact.”
Lucas crossed into the kitchen and down the hall. He murmured and returned. “This is wonderful. Let’s cross our fingers about the ceiling. I’ll just get up there, if I may, and have a look. Can I borrow your ladder over there?”
“Sure.” Kat shrugged.
They followed him, watched as he climbed the ladder, slid the roof access panel aside and took the flashlight from its clip on his belt. He shoved his head into the roof cavity and then hoisted himself upwards. They listened as he moved around. He sneezed and Kat grimaced.
“Don’t worry,” Jess assured her. “Lucas is used to this.”
After a while he rejoined them and stood dusting off his shorts and shirt. Jess picked a cobweb from his hair. “So, what did you see?”
“I saw the original pressed metal ceiling. Well, actually, the back of it, but I felt it. Part of the ceiling rose is missing and I could get my hand in and feel it. Hopefully we can save it.” He looked up at the ceiling. “That will have to go though.”
Kat looked from Jess to her cousin and Jess laughed. “I’ve brought you a couple of books to have a look at.” She took them from her briefcase, flipped through one to the place she’d marked and showed it to Kat. “This is what we think we’ll find underneath that ceiling. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Twenty minutes later Jess and her cousin had left, Lucas reassuring Kat that the lining in the veranda wasn’t the dreaded asbestos so she was free to work on it herself. Lucas did suggest wearing a protective mask and goggles anyway. There would be plenty of dust in the air once she started pulling out the cladding. He jogged down to the van and returned with a few masks and a pair of plastic protective glasses, telling her she could return the glasses to Jess when she’d finished.
After they left Kat had a quick breakfast and changed into her work clothes. No time like the present—one of Em’s mother’s sayings—and picked up her tools.
It was hard physical work but Kat welcomed it. Each night she fell into bed pleasantly exhausted, leaving her no time to reflect on anything. Previously her restless nights had been filled with thoughts of what she saw as the multitude of her life’s failures. And in her opinion her bad track record with relationships had begun at birth.
With sixteen years difference between Kat and her only sister Beth, Kat had recognized quite early in her life that she had been a very inconvenient and unwelcome addition to her family. Her mother had seen Kat as an interruption to her career, and her father had decided Kat was the sole cause of his wife’s ongoing dissatisfaction with her life, and therefore, his life. Kat’s sister, Beth, had left home before Kat started school so she’d had little contact with her as she grew up.
Her upbringing had been adequate, if somewhat indifferent, and Kat had wanted to move out as soon as possible, like her elder sister. She’d really looked forward to going to university so she could do just that.
She’d been in the process of making plans to share a house with Em and a couple of other students when she met Ruth. She’d had to disappoint Em about the house as Ruth had insisted Kat move into her flat with her. In retrospect she knew she’d let Em down appallingly, but she couldn’t deny she had been impressed by Ruth’s wonderful unit with its expansive views and expensive furniture.
Unfortunately Ruth had also made Kat promise that she keep the fact that they were living together a secret. Ruth even forbade her to tell Em and Kat’s sudden distance from Em had almost severed their long-standing friendship.
Kat and Em had been on non-speaking terms for weeks until Em had baled Kat up in the computer room and demanded Kat tell her what was going on with her. Eventually, she buckled under Em’s relentless questions and had admitted she was involved with someone.
“Involved?” Em’s eyes grew round and her voice dropped to a whisper. “You mean romantically?”
Kat had nodded, wishing she could tell Em how wonderful Ruth was, but Ruth had sworn her to secrecy.
“Who is it? Do I know him?” Em asked excitedly.
“No, not exactly,” Kat began.
“Not exactly?” Em raised her eyebrows. “Come on, Kat. I either know him or I don’t. Is he in our year?”
“Well, no.”
“He’s older then? What’s he like? Handsome? Rich?” Em persisted.
Kat pulled herself together. “Yes. Really nice. Yes. And I don’t care about money.”
Em processed Kat’s replies. “Kat, what’s going on?”
“We’re sort of keeping it a secret for a while.”
“A secret?” Em’s eyebrows rose again, and she clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, Mary Mother of God! He’s married, isn’t he? Kat this isn’t a good idea. In fact, this is a very bad idea.”
“That’s not it, Em. I promise.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Em frowned. “Why the secrecy? I’m your very best friend, Kat, so why can’t you tell me?”
Kat swallowed. Em was her best friend and until now, Kat could tell her anything and everything. But would she still want to be Kat’s friend if Kat told her the truth? Could Kat take that chance? She couldn’t bear to lose Em’s friendship.
With her own cold home life, Kat had been drawn to Em’s very different family like a moth to a flame. Kat saw Em’s parents and her family as her salvation. Their home was filled with the aroma of Em’s mother’s baking, the noise of Em’s siblings, the good-natured squabbles and the laughter. Em and her family had provided Kat with a sanctuary. She desperately didn’t want to lose that. But because of Ruth, Kat now knew who she was and why she had felt so different. She had to be true to herself, didn’t she?
“Come on, Kat Oldfield,” Em said firmly, as only Em could. “Time to come clean, don’t you think?”
Kat glanced around. They were alone in the computer room so she closed the door and motioned for Em to sit down. “You’re right. There is something I need to talk to you about, Em.”
“I knew it. I’ve known for a couple of weeks there was something going on with you.”
“It’s been longer than that, I think,” Kat began and paused. She swallowed again, feeling as though her throat was constricting. “You know when we’ve been growing up how I’ve been, well, different to you, Em.”
“Different? How? You mean you’re Protestant and I’m Catholic? That’s not all
that different, Kat.” Em waved her hand dismissively. “It was just the luck of the draw.”
“No. Not that. It was more about, well,” Kat swallowed painfully again, “guys, I guess.”
“Guys? What about them?” Em frowned. “You’ve never liked guys much. I mean, you never used to get crushes like the rest of us. You were too sensible, Kat. My mother was always holding you up to me as an example.” Em rolled her eyes. “If I heard ‘Why can’t you be sensible like Kat’ from Mum once, I heard it a thousand times. Every time I drooled over a boy Mum would shake her head and remind me that you never did things like that.”
“I’m sorry about that, Em, but didn’t you ever wonder why I didn’t?”
Em’s brow furrowed. “You were just shy. You’d go all quiet and standoffish and, of course, all the guys would be so intrigued they’d try harder to get your attention. If you ask me it was a brilliant ploy, and you could have used it so much more than you did.”
“It wasn’t a conscious thing, Em. I just didn’t, well, quite honestly they didn’t do anything for me.”
Em laughed. “Well, now that we have so many more for comparison, the guys in our circle back then weren’t all that hot, so I can see where you’re coming from there.”
“That’s not quite what I mean.” Kat took a deep breath. “I think, I mean I know, I prefer women,” she finished quickly.
“You prefer women,” Em repeated.
For long seconds Em was silent, and Kat imagined she could see her friend’s mind change gear, saw the moment the truth became clear. Kat’s muscles seemed to tighten. She barely breathed.
A dull flush colored Em’s face. “Women. Women?” she repeated and gasped in disbelief. “You’re a lesbian? Kat, you have to be mistaken. You can’t, well, you don’t look like a lesbian. I mean, you’re not masculine and your hair’s not all that short, and, well, I’m your best friend and I would have known.”
Kat remained silent.
“Kat, you can’t be. Just because you don’t like guys doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. What makes you think you are?” Em stopped and gasped. “You mean the person you’re involved with is a woman?” she asked incredulously.
Kat nodded. “Yes. It’s a woman.”
“Who is it?”
“I don’t want to say, Em. She’s, well, not exactly out.”
“Out? Oh, out. As a lesbian, you mean?”
Kat nodded again. “Em, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before because I, well, I didn’t know how you’d feel about it. As you said, you are my best friend, and I didn’t, I don’t want to lose you.” Kat swallowed as a knot of tears stuck in her throat.
“Lose me? What are you on about, Kat Oldfield?” Em leaned over and gave Kat a hug. “As a friend I’m made of sterner stuff than that. Remember how we always vowed when we were kids that we’d be friends through thick and thin, and we’d never let anything come between us.”
Tears did trickle down Kat’s cheek and Em made clucking sounds, hugging Kat again. “Oh, Em, I was terrified I’d lose you over this.”
“Well, you haven’t. Although if you don’t tell me who it is I might reconsider,” she threatened, and Kat gave a half laugh.
“I really love you, Em.” Kat laughed again. “I mean like a sister. Actually, I love you more than my sister.”
“So what you’re saying is you’re not attracted to me then?”
“Not in that way,” Kat reassured her.
“Hmmm. I don’t know whether to be wounded or relieved.”
They laughed together, then Em looked seriously at Kat.
“Have you, you know, slept with her?”
It was Kat’s turn to blush. “I can’t talk to you about this, Em. Well, not yet anyway.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Em’s expression was thoughtful. “So what do lesbians do? I mean, guys have, you know. And women don’t. If you know what I mean.”
“A good Catholic girl isn’t supposed to know about all that.”
“This one does. Well, in theory,” Em added dryly. She frowned again. “And talking about that, the Bible doesn’t exactly heap blessings on homosexuals, Kat. What about that?”
Kat thought about her feelings for Ruth. “I can’t see a god being so against love, Em. Hate’s the far more worrying emotion.”
“Hmm. I should ask Father David.”
“And what if Father David is so concerned about your questions he thinks you’re referring to yourself, and he talks to your parents about it?” Kat said and watched a range of different emotions play over her friend’s expressive face.
“Do you think?” she asked at last and pulled a face. “Hmmm. Then again, maybe not.” Em held her hands up in capitulation. “Perhaps it’s best we don’t know for sure. Let’s let sleeping dogs lie in that case, because if Mum and Dad question me I might let slip about you. You know how good they are at weaseling things out of me.”
“Like the time you talked me into going to that party when we were supposed to be at each other’s houses studying?” Kat reminded her friend.
“I wish you’d give over about that, Kat. But yes, just like that.”
“Look, Em. I don’t mind if you tell your mother. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable keeping things from her.”
“But what if you decide you aren’t a lesbian? That would make it far too complicated.”
“I’m not going to do that, Em. I am a lesbian,” Kat said levelly.
“Are you going to tell your own parents?”
Kat shrugged. “I want to. But I don’t think they’ll be as liberal as you are about it.”
“Perhaps not. Maybe you could tell Beth, and she could tell your parents. I always found that worked pretty well for me. I’d just tell Bernadine and make myself scarce for a while, give Mum and Dad time to cool down.”
Kat laughed. “You are absolutely incorrigible, Margaret Mary Martin.”
Em grinned broadly. “I know. But I’d really like to meet her, Kat. Your girlfriend, I mean.”
“I’d like you to meet her, too. I’ll ask her and see what she thinks.”
At least when Em and Ruth met the meeting had been far more civil than the one with Kat’s parents.
A few weeks after the horrible incident with her parents Kat had tentatively asked Ruth if she could ask Em over to the unit. Surprisingly Ruth had agreed, if somewhat reluctantly. Although initially Ruth had remarked dryly that if Em was anything like Kat’s family they might be in for a jolly old time justifying alternative lifestyles. Kat had assured Ruth that Em wasn’t at all like that. Ruth had laughed and kissed her and told Kat she had no intention of keeping her from her friends.
Initially, the meeting had been strained, with Em calling Ruth “Professor Dunleavy,” and giving every appearance of being a nervous student. Kat had sent an appealing gaze across the table at Ruth, who rolled her eyes and set about encouraging Em to relax. Ruth asked questions, and Em started talking and that was that. Although Em and Ruth had never been friends, Em had thawed a little towards the other woman.
Em’s attitude had been along the lines of, “I don’t know what you see in her when you could have any number of guys who were waiting to be encouraged, but whatever.”
Of course, Em’s mother had somehow managed to loosen Em’s tongue and Em had apologetically warned Kat about it as they drove in Em’s old car on their next visit to the Martins. “You know how Mum is, Kat,” Em said remorsefully. “She’d get a confession out of the most hardened of criminals.”
“And that doesn’t run in the family much, hmmm? But is your mother likely to mention it?” Kat had asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach. Somehow the thought of having the Martins banish her from their home caused far more emotional turmoil in Kat than being ostracized by her own family. “How did she sound? Was she horrified? I mean, how did she react?”
“Kat, stop! You’re making my head spin. And that’s not ideal when I’m driving,” Em said. “Stop worrying, Kat. She wasn’t horrified.
But she was surprised. Good grief! Who wouldn’t be? Even I was surprised.”
“I don’t know why you were.” Kat sighed. “I’ve always been different.”
“Everyone knew different, Kat. But not lesbian.” Em turned into the Martin driveway. “And certainly not having an affair with an older professor who happens to be a woman. Can I just say, Kat? If, as you’re always saying, you’ve lived a boring, conforming life so far, then you’re sure making up for it now in the nonconforming stakes.”
“I didn’t mean to, Em. It just happened. And I’m not having an affair with Ruth. I’m in love with her.”
They sat in the car and Em looked across at Kat. “I know you are, love,” she said gently. “But I’m just worried that she doesn’t feel the same way about you. There have been rumors and I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all.”
“I know, Em. But it’s all good. Ruth admits she’s played the field, but we love each other.” And at that time Kat genuinely believed it was true.
Kat had been on tenterhooks for the first part of Sunday dinner with the Martins but when no one made any comments she relaxed and enjoyed the atmosphere as she always did. As she laughed at a joke one of Em’s brother’s told them she had a sudden picture of Ruth, sitting at the huge table in the midst of this boisterous family, and she knew Ruth would hate every moment of it. There was no way Ruth could share this part, this huge part, of Kat’s life. It was a sobering thought she pushed to the back of her mind.
Later when Kat was helping Mrs. Martin with the dishes, Em’s mother sent her two youngest out to their father and turned to Kat. “Now we’re alone, love,” she said, dropping her voice, “there’s something I feel I should talk to you about.”
Knowing what was coming Kat tensed, her eyes desperately trying to gauge Em’s mother’s expression.
“Em told me. About Ruth Dunleavy.”
“I—Em shouldn’t have mentioned it,” Kat began.
