by Lyn Denison
“You know Em, love. She’s too open. Especially when she’s got a worry on her mind. So don’t blame her, she’s simply concerned about you.”
“There’s no need for Em to worry. Or you. I’m fine. I can’t, well, I can’t change what I am.” Kat twisted the tea towel in her fingers.
“I know you can’t.” Em’s mother sighed. “And nobody should ask you to.”
“You don’t mind? Me being a lesbian, I mean. You don’t want me to stop coming here?”
“Of course not, love. Why would I want that? We all love you.”
And then Kat was in Em’s mother’s arms, sobbing into her shoulder, holding on to her as though she were a ship needing an anchor in a storm. Em’s mother rubbed Kat’s back, murmured soothingly the way she’d done for Kat and all the Martin children since Kat had known her.
Eventually Kat stood back, took the tissue Em’s mother passed her. “I’m sorry. I just thought you mightn’t want me here and that you might not want me to stay friends with Em.”
“Never in a million years, Kat.” Em’s mother patted Kat’s cheek. “And I’m sure Em would have something to say about that. Sit down, love.”
They sat opposite each other in the breakfast nook. “I can’t say I understand what being a lesbian is like, Kat, but it can’t be an easy life. There are still a lot of people who feel strongly opposed to it. They’re not always rational people, so I guess I’m concerned for your safety.”
“I don’t tell everyone. If they ask I do, but what I’m trying to say is I’m not a very visible lesbian. It’s, well, fairly new to me, knowing that I am a lesbian, so I’m still getting used to it all. But it is right for me,” Kat said earnestly.
Em’s mother nodded. “And you do have a relationship with Ruth Dunleavy?”
Kat nodded. “It was— I can’t explain it. She’s wonderful. Funny. Intelligent. Attractive. I love her so much.”
Em’s mother paused, obviously choosing her words carefully. “If you’re going around with Ruth then I’m afraid you will be visible, Kat. Ruth’s a known lesbian. She always has been.”
“Well.” Kat swallowed. “I can’t change what’s in the past. I just know we love each other now.”
“Then I hope it all works out for you both. I just want you to know I’m here, we’re all here, if you need anything, Kat, day or night. You’re part of the family, you know.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. Did Em tell you my parents refused to see me again until I come to my senses?” Kat gave a rueful laugh. “Like that’s going to happen.”
“Give them time to get it all into perspective. It’s hard on parents. We still see you as children, and it takes a little longer for some people to recognize that their children are now all grown up and making their own decisions and way in life.”
“I wish I was a Martin,” Kat said and then laughed a little self consciously. “When we were young I was always asking Em to ask you if you’d adopt me.”
“What? You’d choose to be part of this rambunctious lot?”
“Yes,” Kat said honestly. “Always.”
Em’s mother squeezed Kat’s hand and quickly wiped a tear from her eye. “You are part of the family, Kat. You call me anytime if you need to talk.”
And when Kat had told Ruth about her conversation with Em’s mother and she came to the part where everyone in the area had known Ruth was a lesbian, Ruth had raised her fine dark eyebrows.
“The so-notorious Ruth Dunleavy, hmm? Next thing we know there’ll be roadblocks to keep me from entering the precinct. Maybe you don’t want to be seen with me any more?”
Kat had gone to her, pulled her into a fierce embrace. “No way. I’ll just have to be notorious, too.”
Ruth stepped back a little. “Fortunately, there’s no need for us to go anywhere near the old hometown now.” She frowned. “And perhaps we should put any more coming out to all and sundry on hold for a while, keep our relationship a little more low-key.”
Kat felt a jolt of fear. What did Ruth mean? Did she want Kat to move out? Everyone said Ruth rarely stayed in a relationship for long, that she moved on as easily as she began a relationship. Even Ruth’s friends had teased Kat about that. One had even likened Ruth to the honeybee in the King and I. Flitting from flower to flower, the honeybee had to be free. Kat swallowed.
“I mean, let’s stay in more,” Ruth continued. “I’m sure we could find something to do to entertain ourselves, don’t you?”
Ruth and Kat had been together for nearly six years before Ruth had strayed. And they’d never returned to the suburb where they were brought up. Well, Ruth hadn’t. But Kat still visited the Martins whenever she could.
Now here Kat was, back in the district, in Ruth’s house, the house that was now hers. Her parents lived only streets away, but Kat had no intention of opening any dialogue with them.
So, for the rest of the week Kat worked herself to a standstill and slept dreamlessly. It was when she stopped for a coffee break or a quick meal that her thoughts seemed to turn to the cute Jess Andrews. It was perfectly harmless, she justified, and far more positive than thinking about Shael. There were no expectations regarding Jess. Kat knew there was no future with her. She was straight and apparently happily married. She probably even had a bundle of kids. And although Kat was sure Grace Worrall would fill her in, each time Grace appeared with afternoon tea and homemade cookies Kat managed to restrain herself from asking questions about Jess.
Kat believed that thinking about Jess was far healthier than chastising herself about bad choices and failed relationships. There was no chance they’d even get to a relationship so there wouldn’t be the chance to fail. Her life would remain on a completely straight and unbending highway with no choices and none of Em’s so-called forks in the road. And no pun intended regarding the straight road, Kat said out loud to amuse herself. She told herself all was well, but— That small pang of genuine regret lingered on two fronts, regret for what could have been if Jess was a lesbian and regret that Kat had such a bad track record when it came to relationships.
She stood up and flexed her stiff back. Time to end her coffee break. She reached for her work gloves and turned as a car pulled into the driveway. Kat grinned as Em climbed from her purple VW bug. Her dark curls shone in the sunlight as she looked from the house to Kat.
“Good grief! I could almost wish I was a lesbian you look so deliciously butch in that getup,” she said as she walked up the steps.
“And hello to you too,” Kat said dryly. “You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you till lunch so I thought I had plenty of time to get cleaned up.”
“I’m really glad you didn’t. You look fantastic, love. Fit. Healthy. Alive.” Em regarded her. “In fact, you look like a different person.”
“I’m afraid I’m not. I’m still the same old same old.” Kat gave her friend a peck on the cheek. “I’ll give you a welcoming hug after I’ve had a shower. I’d hate to mess up that glorious outfit you’re almost wearing.”
Em giggled. “Bit revealing, isn’t it? I’m sure the top wasn’t as low cut when I tried it on before I bought it. Joe likes it though.”
“I’ll just bet he does. You look wonderful.”
“Good enough to eat, hmm?” Em waggled her eyebrows and Kat groaned.
“You know, sometimes I really regret coming out to you.”
“No you don’t. And I already knew you were anyway.” Em followed Kat up the steps. “I knew when we were at high school.”
“You did not know in high school. I wasn’t even sure myself then. As I recall I told you at Uni and you were so surprised you were speechless. One of the few times that happened, that’s for sure,” Kat added in amusement.
“Very funny, oh Kat of the long, long memory. If I’d known the symptoms of lesbianism when we were in high school I’d have seen you as a prime candidate.”
“Symptoms?” Kat shook her head in disbelief. “It’s not a disease, Em.”
Em l
aughed easily. “I know. I was just teasing. And it did cross my mind once before you told me. It was when that Luke Margolis started trying to get your attention. Remember him? All dark and brooding. The rest of us were so jealous and you just acted as though you didn’t even notice.”
“Yes, I remember him and it wasn’t an act, Em. I really didn’t notice.”
“I know, but that’s when Sue asked me if you were gay. I told her in no uncertain terms that you weren’t and gave her a major lecture on starting rumors.”
“Sue thought I was gay?” Kat gave a half laugh. “Then I wish you’d told me what she’d said. Maybe it would have saved me a lot of angst.”
“A bit of angst is good for the soul, so they say.”
“The ubiquitous they who have never suffered any angst at all, you mean?”
“Probably.” Em laughed. “Wow! The house is wonderful. I think.” She looked around her. “Aren’t you going to renovate it? It looks like you’re pulling it down?”
“Only some of it. I’m opening it up so the veranda’s back to the original one.”
“Oh. Kat, I’m impressed. Give me the grand tour.”
After they’d looked around Kat hurried into the shower, leaving Em to make a cup of tea. After her shower she pulled on a pair of denim shorts and a snug sleeveless tank top and rejoined Em as she finished toweling her hair dry.
“Happiness is clean, dust-free hair.” Kat said. “Oh, and the rest of me, too,” she added, peering out from under the towel. She paused as she realized Em wasn’t alone. A familiar khaki-clad figure sat in one of the four comfy chairs Kat had bought from a secondhand shop. “Jess! Hello! I didn’t hear you arrive,” she said and suspected she was blushing. One glance at Em’s raised eyebrows confirmed her suspicions.
Jess smiled her incredible smile and indicated the manila envelope on Kat’s new coffee table. “I have your quotes so I thought I’d drop them off on my way back to the office.” She took a sip of tea Em had made her.
“Thanks. That was quick.”
“We aim to please. I’ll leave it with you to look over then we can get together to discuss it if you want to go ahead with the work.”
“Great. I—” Kat glanced at Em again. “I guess you two have introduced yourselves.”
“We have.” Em grinned. “I told Jess I was your best friend and that I know all your secrets.”
Kat draped the wet towel over the windowsill and ran her fingers through her damp hair. “Let’s call the newspapers. My secrets should keep the public enthralled for, oh, about sixty seconds.”
Jess laughed and the sound rippled through Kat and warmed her heart.
“I know you’re far more interesting than that, Kat,” Jess said, and Kat saw Em’s expressive eyebrows rise again.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Em agreed cryptically. “So you renovate old houses too?” She focused on Jess.
“Not quite. I’m the person who talks money,” she replied easily. “But I also love seeing a property like this transformed. Just the way Kat’s opened up the veranda has made such a difference already.”
Em looked around skeptically. “I guess. I’m afraid I like bricks and mortar, quite literally.”
Jess shrugged. “I like houses like that, too. I suppose it’s not the appearance so much as the people living inside the house.”
“Yes. That’s right. Families in all their very diverse forms.”
“Is that my tea, Em?” Kat asked, feeling the need to sidetrack her. Kat loved her dearly, but she never knew what Em would say next.
Em added a spoonful of sugar to Kat’s tea and passed the mug to her. “Here you are, love. Just the way you like it.” She gave Kat a covert smile.
Kat sent her friend a warning look. Not that it should matter what Jess thought of her or how she perceived the situation. It wasn’t as though she was trying to make an impression. Kat gave herself a mental shake before sitting down and sipping her tea.
“Much more comfortable.” Jess said, indicating the new old easy chairs.
Kat nodded. “Now I just have to address the bed situation. I think I’m getting too old to sleep on the floor.”
“I should say so,” put in Em, crossing one of her shapely legs over the other.
And Kat was sure Jess noticed.
“What if you wanted to entertain,” Em continued blithely.
“Entertain?” Kat’s mind turned slowly and she frowned.
“Yes. Entertain.” Em made the sign for quotation marks with one hand. “As in, bring someone home for dinner and, well, whatever.”
Kat flushed again. “Oh, I’m far too busy at the moment to do any entertaining. Apart from that,” she rushed on, “I’m not much of a cook.”
Em opened her mouth, only to pause when Jess spoke.
“I’m the same. I can usually turn out something adequate, but my friends don’t exactly flock around when they know I’m cooking. Lucas is the cook in the family.”
“Ah. It’s nice to have a husband who can cook. My Joe would live on frozen meals if I wasn’t there.”
“Oh, Lucas isn’t my husband. He’s my cousin. He owns part of our family business.”
“And is this Lucas good-looking and, more importantly, single?” asked Em.
Kat slid a glance at Jess. She was sure she saw a flash of indecision cross Jess’s face. Kat knew she’d suspected Lucas was gay. Could it be that was a problem for Jess?
“He is really good looking,” Jess replied casually. “But, no, Lucas is in a relationship. Pity, isn’t it?” she added with a quick smile.
“Darn!” Em exclaimed. “He would have suited Kat to a tee.”
Jess’s blue eyes met Kat’s and Kat swallowed. What would Jess be thinking now? She’d have to have a serious word with Em. She was giving out so many mixed messages it would be making Jess’s head spin.
“Can I get you another cup of tea, Jess?” Kat stood up.
Jess shook her head, standing up too. “No, thanks.” She set her empty mug on the breakfast bar. “I have to keep moving. I’ve got a couple more jobs to check on before I go back to the office.” She started for the door.
“I’ll look over the quotes tonight and ring you in the morning,” Kat said and Jess nodded.
“Sure. I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Nice meeting you, Em. And thanks again for the tea. ’Bye for now.”
“Well!” Em said when they heard the front gate close. “She is very cute.”
“Em! For heaven’s sake! Give me a break!” Kat sat down again. “Unless she desperately wants my business, I’d say she’d have the pedal to the metal making a quick getaway.”
“Why would she want to do that?” Em asked innocently.
“Well, for starters, at the beginning of that crazy conversation she’d have to be forgiven for thinking you were a lesbian and we were a couple.”
“A lesbian couple? Why would she think that? I mentioned I had a husband, Joe.”
“Eventually! Which would have been the only thing that stopped her from running screaming. I’ve never seen so much eyelid-batting and leg-crossing and the sun isn’t even over the yardarm.”
“I thought the yardarm was to do with imbibing? But all that aside, do you think she was interested?” Em asked with a grin.
“Em, listen to yourself. You’re the kind of straight woman who gives straight women a bad name. And just as Jess was relaxing, you shift into overdrive and put it out that I’m in the market, the heterosexual market, for a new man. What was all that about me being a huge man-eating threat to her poor unfortunate cousin Lucas? Who, I might add, is exceptionally good-looking and is almost certainly as gay as all get out.”
“Must run in the family.” Em put her finger to her cheek and frowned. “It has to be genetic, you know.”
Kat’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “What are you talking about, Em?”
“Well, that there must be a gene or a chromosome or something because so often you get more than one member of a fami
ly who’s gay and—”
“No, not the gene thing—”
“And Lucas and Jess are cousins,” Em continued imperviously, “and they’re both gay. Do you think Beth’s gay?”
“My sister’s married,” Kat put in.
“But she was single until she was nearly forty, and she had lots of female friends.”
“She worked in an all-female office and was building her career.” Kat sighed loudly. “But we’re not talking about Beth.”
“I know but—”
“You know, following your conversations can be as exhausting as spending a session at the gym.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know about that,” Em said dismissively. “I can’t cope with gyms and all they entail. All that perspiration and testosterone and unflattering lycra.” Em paused. “But on the other hand—”
“Em!”
Em chuckled. “Okay. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Back to the very attractive Jess. I was saying she was as gay as you were saying her cousin is.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, Miss Know-it-all, but Jess Andrews is married.”
Em pursed her lips skeptically. “She is? Did she tell you that?”
“Well, no. But she didn’t have to. I can’t believe your eagle eyes missed seeing the ring, the gold band, on her telling finger.” Kat held up her left hand and wiggled her ring finger. “And,” she went on when Em would have commented, “her husband’s the nephew of the Worralls next door. They, well, Grace Worrall actually, recommended the company when I said I needed some help with the renovations. Jess and her husband and her cousin Lucas own the business.”
“Married. Hmm?” Em gave it a moment’s thought. “Well, if she is straight then she’s giving off some mixed messages of her own.”
“I know I’m going to regret this, but what mixed messages would they be, oh message-mixing guru? And please don’t say it’s because she wears boots. Wearing boots does not make her a lesbian.”
“No.” Em sounded unconvinced. “But a lot of lesbians do wear boots. But that wasn’t it. She watches you, Kat. When you’re not looking.” Em sat back. “I rest my case.”
“She watches me?” Kat repeated incredulously fighting down the spark of pleasure that rose inside her at the thought that Em might be right. “If that’s all the evidence you have, then they’d laugh your case out of court.” Unfortunately, said the small voice inside Kat.
