Getting There

by Lyn Denison

  “Well, I’ll help with that.”

  “You’re hired.”

  “It was nice of Caleb to ask us,” Kat said.

  “Depending on what sort of party they’re having we usually ask the kids to make a list of those they want to invite.” Jess laughed. “And you and Meggie were on the list.” She sobered. “Will there be a problem with Meggie being able to come?”

  “I don’t think so. She’ll be staying with her grandparents this week so I’ll just collect her from there and drop her back.” Kat hoped it was going to be that simple. “I’ll check with her mother when she gets home from work.”

  “It’s just that Miranda’s quite taken by Meggie.” Jess shrugged. “Miranda can be a trifle, well, self-contained. That in itself isn’t so bad usually, but Mark and I worry about her a little. She seems to have a lot of friends at school, but apart from Katie Farrelly, she doesn’t have any close friends. Unfortunately Katie goes to a different school so they only see each other at cricket. Caleb, on the other hand, has three friends he’s grown up with and they’re best buddies.”

  Kat nodded. “Meggie’s been just like Miranda. In my experience texting is part of daily life for kids. Now that Meggie’s got her mobile phone I’ve been expecting her to be forever texting her school friends, especially with them being on school holidays, but she doesn’t seem to at all. Yet she tells me she talks to Miranda every night.”

  “So she does.” Jess laughed. “Mark teases them unmercifully, tells them they only have an allotted number of words per day, and they want to be careful they don’t use up all their words in the middle of a sentence. I’m not sure that they don’t believe him.” Jess paused. “So you think you and Meggie will be able to come to the party?”

  “I think so. We’d both love to come.” Kat hoped there wouldn’t be a problem with Shael. “Unless Meggie’s grandparents have something planned.”

  “Meggie told Miranda her mother was an ophthalmologist. Miranda was very impressed.”

  “Yes. She is,” Kat said carefully. “She has a private practice. She also works at the Royal Brisbane.”

  “Have you—? I suppose you’ve known each other a long time. You and Meggie’s mother, I mean.”

  “About ten years. Meggie was only a couple of months old when I met Shael.” Jess held Kat’s gaze and Kat chattered on. “Shael’s nieces attended the school where I was teaching, and Shael came along to one of the school concerts. We met then.”

  Kat could have told Jess at that time it had been a long painful year since she’d broken up with Ruth, and Kat hadn’t been looking to start another relationship. She’d even told Em she’d sworn off women. Em’s eyes had lit up, and she’d informed Kat she had a whole list of eligible guys waiting in the wings. But Kat had had to let Em down firmly but nicely on that score. She hadn’t been interested, period.

  Actually, Em had been at that same concert as one of her brother’s children also attended the school, and Em’s eyebrows had risen meaningfully when Shael, niece in tow, approached Kat.

  “Natalie here tells me you’re the famous Miss Oldfield,” Shael had said.

  “Famous? Oh dear,” Kat replied, liking the tall, attractive woman with the deep, dark eyes. “Is that ominous?”

  “Not at all.” Shael laughed. “You’re such a favorite of Natalie’s the family kind of feels we know you. Nat’s always talking about you. Miss Oldfield says this. Miss Oldfield says that. Don’t you, Nat?”

  Natalie blushed and rushed off to find her mother.

  “Oops! I think I’ve embarrassed my niece. I didn’t mean to.” The woman held out her hand. “I’m Shael Smith, Natalie’s aunt. Her least favorite aunt now, I’m thinking.” The woman smiled into Kat’s eyes.

  Kat took the proffered hand, feeling a heady spark of feelings she thought Ruth had killed. “Kat Oldfield,” she said. “And this is Em Martin. She also teaches here at St. Augustine’s.”

  They’d stood chatting until it was time to return to the concert hall for the second half of the concert.

  “Well!” exclaimed Em as Kat drove her home later that evening. “So that’s how it’s done.”

  “How what’s done?” Kat flicked on the car’s indicator and changed lanes.

  Em blew a raspberry. “She’s definitely interested. I don’t even know what lesbians do and I could see that.”

  “See what? Who?” Kat made an attempt at nonchalance. “I don’t know what you’re on about, Em.”

  “Of course you don’t. Not!” Em remarked sarcastically. “I’m talking about the dark and smoldering one. The lucky Natalie’s aunt. Stop playing dumb.”

  “Em, come on!”

  “So are you going to go out with her?” Em asked.

  “Em you’re being ridiculous.”

  “Well, I bet you anything you like she’s a lesbian. I could tell.”

  “Don’t tell me, Em. It was your gaydar going off that alerted you. Right?”

  “Very droll, Kat. But I am right, aren’t I? You could tell, too.”

  “It’s not that easy, Em. Who knows for sure these days?”

  Em murmured agreement. “True. But all I’m saying is, if she wasn’t a lesbian she jolly well had no right to look at you the way she did.”

  Kat knew that was a fair comment, but she wasn’t going to tell Em that. Who knew where that sort of encouragement would take Em’s conversation.

  “So are you going to go out with her?” Em persisted.

  “She didn’t ask me.” Kat shrugged.

  “Well, get prepared, Miss Oldfield, because she will. That’s another bet I’d lay good money on.”

  “Em, please. Leave it alone. I told you, I’m not looking to begin a new relationship. It’s all too hard. And way too painful.”

  “I’ll grant you that. It can be painful, but” —Em held up her finger— “think about the rest of it, if you know what I mean. She looks as though she’d be totally hot in bed.”

  “Em!” Kat cringed. “Now I’m embarrassed. And if I ever see her again, and I’m not saying I will, I won’t be able to look her in the face.”

  “So look somewhere else. Wherever lesbians look. At her boobs or something. At least give her a clue you’re a lesbian too. Next thing you know you’ll be—”

  “Em! Enough!”

  “Oh, come on, Kat. You can’t tell me lesbians don’t have sex. I mean, if they don’t then why are there so many lesbians?”

  “It’s not just about sex, Em,” Kat began.

  “Okay. Neither is hetero sex.” Em rolled her eyes. “But the sex happens, doesn’t it? We are reading the same book here, aren’t we? Just different versions.”

  “Good grief! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times. Em, you’re incorrigible.” Kat turned into the driveway of Em’s flat. “And I have to say I’ve never been happier to see the blue door of your apartment,” she added with gusto.

  Em laughed. “Just promise me one thing.”

  “Depends what it is.”

  “When she asks you, say yes.”

  “If she asks me, I promise I’ll think about it.”

  Em planted a noisy kiss on Kat’s cheek and climbed out of the car. “And I’ll want a blow-by-blow account. About who did what, to whom.”

  “You wish,” Kat ventured, her cheeks flaming.

  Em was still laughing as she unlocked her door.

  Three days later Shael had rung and asked Kat out. Kat had said yes and the following few years, living with Shael and Meggie had totally revived Kat’s love of life. In fact, Shael and Meggie had become the loves of Kat’s life. And now it was over.

  “So you’ve known Meggie since she was born?” Jess’s voice dragged Kat back out of her reflections.

  “Yes.” She smiled. “She was all big eyes and dark hair standing up on her head. I often tell her she looked permanently startled. She was such a cutie. I couldn’t love her more if she was my daughter. It’s been a joy watching her grow up.” Kat felt a lump close h
er throat and she swallowed. If Shael stopped her from seeing Meggie, Kat knew she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

  “I know what you mean,” Jess said, her face softening in a quick smile that cut through Kat and circled her heart. “If there’s one thing I have done in my life that I’ve never regretted, it’s having the kids. Mark and I both agreed on that. Our marriage may have been a mistake, but all that was negated by having Miranda and Caleb.” Jess paused, then seemed to come to a decision. “What happened to Meggie’s father? She only mentioned him once, that morning at cricket.”

  Kat hesitated, trying to decide how to reply. What should she tell Jess? She really had no idea where the other woman stood on the controversial subjects of donor dads or lesbian mothers.

  “I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t mean to pry,” Jess put in quickly. “But I did, didn’t I?” she added apologetically. “I just didn’t want the kids to say anything to Meggie about her father that wasn’t appropriate. I was worried he’d passed away or something.”

  “No. He’s still alive as far as I know,” Kat told her. “But Meggie’s never met him. He was a friend of her mother’s and as he didn’t want to be part of Meggie’s life they, Shael and Meggie’s biological father, decided it would be best if he wasn’t on the scene.”

  “Oh. I see. That’s sad. For Meggie and for him. He’s missing out on knowing a wonderful person.”

  Kat smiled. “Absolutely. You’ll get no argument from me on that score.”

  “You’ve never thought about having children yourself?” Jess asked.

  “I would have liked to have had children when I was younger but, well, the time was never right.” Kat grimaced. “And now I’m getting a little long in the tooth as they say.”

  “Rubbish.” Jess admonished. “You aren’t that old.”

  “Thirty-four.” Kat grimaced. “And twenty-four seemed like only yesterday.”

  “I know what you mean.” Jess laughed her wonderful laugh. “And thirty-four is not old. Besides, lots of women are waiting to have children until their thirties these days.” Jess’s voice dropped slightly. “It’s such a shame you don’t have kids. You’re so good with Meggie.”

  “Thanks. Having the opportunity to watch Meggie grow up has been fantastic.”

  The past raised its head inside Kat again. She’d wanted to have a child, and the subject had caused her first argument with Shael. Meggie had been about two years old. Kat had suggested she have a baby, that it would be good for Meggie to have a brother or sister. Shael had been adamant in her refusal to even contemplate the issue. She wanted no disruptions in her life at that stage. She was trying to set up her practice, and she was working long hours. It was all she could do to cope with one toddler, let alone a newborn.

  Kat hadn’t pushed the idea in the beginning because she knew Shael was working so hard. Shael left before Kat rose in the morning so Kat would organize Meggie to daycare, put in her day teaching, collect Meggie on her way home, feed and bathe her. More often than not Meggie had been asleep before Shael got home. And every time Kat mentioned another child Shael had always had a valid excuse. Maybe in a few years, she’d said on any number of occasions. And now it was too late.

  “It’s obvious Meggie cares for you,” Jess was saying.

  Kat laughed then. “Yes. Meggs and I are your typical mutual admiration society.”

  “Wasn’t there an old song about that?”

  “I think so. At least Em’s parents used to sing it to each other, much to the embarrassment of their offspring. They had loads of old LPs that had belonged to Em’s grandparents. Em’s parents had and still have a wonderful marriage.”

  “Have you, well,” Jess pushed a strand of fair hair behind her ear, “thought about marriage yourself?”

  Kat hesitated again. This was her chance. But what if Jess was homophobic? What if she saw homosexuality as an abomination like Kat’s parents and any number of other people? She’d never given Kat any indication that this might be so, but could Kat take the chance on losing this budding friendship she had with Jess? Yet, could she just be a friend to Jess when she wanted to be so much more?

  “Uh! Oh! I’m prying again, aren’t I?” Jess had misconstrued Kat’s silence and Kat hurried to reassure her.

  “No. It’s okay. I was trying to think of an answer.”

  Jess raised her eyebrows. “And the answer is?”

  “Um. No, I guess.”

  Jess chuckled. “Well, that’s a relief. I was thinking you had a terrible broken engagement or divorce in the past, and it was still too painful to talk about.”

  “No. Not exactly. Well, I did have a broken relationship and it was painful, but I have moved on.” Kat stopped, realizing she was thinking in the very final past tense. Her breakup with Shael had been extremely painful, but it was in the past. She really had moved on. Em would be ecstatic with Kat’s progress, and Kat sensed an I told you so hovering on the horizon.

  “I’m sorry, Kat,” Jess said with sincerity and Kat nodded.

  “But we weren’t married,” she finished and her gaze met, held, Jess’s. And Kat knew it was time. “Actually, there is something I feel I should talk to you about. About me, I mean. I don’t exactly talk about it to a lot of people,” she paused.

  “Well, feel free to talk to me,” Jess said easily.

  “I’m just concerned—” Kat stopped again and when Jess remained silent, Kat continued in a rush. “I prefer women,” she said quickly. “I’m a lesbian.”

  The word echoed into the silence that stretched between them.

  Chapter Six

  “I think I guessed that,” Jess said softly.

  “The big letter L in the middle of my forehead gave me away, hmmm?” Kat tried for humor and Jess laughed.

  “No. Meggie mentioned you and her mother as a pair, and I sort of put two and two together. Not that it matters—” Jess broke off as Kat’s phone rang.

  Kat looked at the offending machine, trying to decide if she’d answer it or not. But it might be Meggie again. She pulled a face. “Sorry, Jess. Will you excuse me.” She lifted the phone just before it went to messages. “Hello.”

  “Kat? It’s Em’s mum,” said a familiar voice.

  “Hi, Em’s Mum! How are you?” Kat said brightly, picturing Mrs. Martin in the kitchen at this time of day, cooking up a delicious meal for whichever family members were at home at that moment. She smiled as she heard the muffled sounds of children, the background noise synonymous with the Martins.

  “I’m fine, love. And you?”

  “Great.” Kat glanced across at Jess as she stood up, pointed to her watch and the door, miming that it was late and she had to go. Kat was torn. “Excuse me a minute,” she said to Mrs. Martin. She covered the mouthpiece. “It’s Em’s mother. I shouldn’t be too long.”

  “It’s okay, Kat. I should go anyway. Mark and Lucas and the kids will be home now. Thanks again for the toasted sandwich and for, well, being a great listener. So.” She smiled. “We’ll see you and Meggie at the party on Saturday?”

  “Sure thing.” Filled with uncertainty and regret, Kat watched her leave. She hadn’t seemed to be upset by Kat’s revelations, but perhaps she was just being polite. She uncovered the mouthpiece and apologized to Em’s mother.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt when you have guests.”

  “Just a friend. She was leaving anyway. What’s up?” And suddenly it occurred to Kat that something may be wrong with Em. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t heard from Em for days. “Is Em all right?”

  Em’s mother gave a soft laugh. “She’s fine. She’s gone up to Townsville for the week with Joe. He had a job tender to do up there so at the last minute Em decided it was a good opportunity for them to get away so she went with him.”

  “Oh. That’s great.”

  “Why I’m calling, Kat, is because your father rang me.”

  “Dad rang?” Kat was nonplussed.

  “Mmm. He’ll probably be ringing you anytim
e now. You see, he wanted your phone number and under the circumstances I felt I had to give it to him. I just hope I’ve done the right thing, that it was all right with you.”

  “Sure,” Kat said carefully. “You said, under the circumstances. What did he want? Was there something wrong?”

  “He said your mother hasn’t been well. They’re not sure what it is but she’s having tests. He did sound worried, Kat.”

  “Oh.”

  “Kat, I know you and your parents are estranged but with your mother ill, maybe it would be a good time for you to make contact with them again. It’s such a shame, and we just never know what’s ahead of us.”

  “Right,” Kat said reluctantly. What could be wrong with her mother? She’d hardly had a day sick as far as Kat knew. And if it was that serious then why hadn’t Beth contacted her. “And Dad didn’t say what was wrong with Mum?”

  “No. Oh, Kat. If Em was here I’d send her over to your place.”

  “It’s okay,” Kat reassured her. “I’ll ring Dad and talk to him.”

  “I’d come over myself, but I’m here on my own and I’ve got some of the grandchildren sleeping over tonight. But, Kat, I can’t help but feel it must be something serious if your father wants to talk to you.”

  “I’ll ring him,” Kat assured her.

  “And you let me know if I can do anything to help.” Em’s mother rang off.

  Half an hour later Kat was still sitting staring at the phone. Her emotions kept wavering between guilt and justification. They hadn’t spoken in years. Why should she change the situation.? She was happy with things the way they were. She didn’t need any extra stress in her life. Yet she knew Em would tell her to ring her father immediately. Em wouldn’t have hesitated because her relationship with her parents was so different from Kat’s.

  Angrily, Kat stood up and stalked the length of the living room and back. It was her life, her decisions, her choices. She was thirty-four years old, and it was time she took charge of her own life. No depending on others. Not Em. And not Shael. She was on her own.