by Lyn Denison
“No. I don’t.” Kat realized it was the truth. What would be the point? She’d moved on. And she knew she wouldn’t have said it anyway. It wasn’t her style. “And I do mean that. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Yes.” Shael gave a crooked smile. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you did say it, because you did warn me, didn’t you?”
Kat continued to offer no comment.
“Ah, Kat.” Shael shook her head. “I don’t know why I want you to give me the satisfaction of hearing you say it. You never were the malicious type, were you? That was strictly my department.”
“What happened?” Kat asked, and Shael gave that same rueful smile.
“Another woman. What else?” She laughed shortly. “You know, I’ve always considered myself to be reasonably intelligent, but I think it’s time I admitted I can be a trifle dense when it comes to relationships, and more specifically, to specific women. Wouldn’t you say, Kat?”
Kat agreed wholeheartedly but didn’t say so. For Shael to be on the receiving end of infidelity and rejection should be enough of a blow to her self-esteem. Kat had no desire to get involved in Shael’s apparent enlightened moment.
“I guess I got bowled over by her allure.” Shael shrugged. “But that’s no excuse, is it? I should have sorted out you and me before I got involved with Tori, shouldn’t I?”
“Yes, but that’s easy to say with hindsight.”
“And that’s generous of you Kat. Really,” she added at Kat’s skeptical look. Shael walked over to the door, restless now, then she turned back to face Kat. “Look, I could say so many things to you, Kat, but I know it wouldn’t make up for what I’ve put you through over the years.” She came closer till she was standing in front of Kat and took her hand. “Can you see yourself forgiving me?” she asked huskily.
Kat looked into her eyes. “If that’s what you want, Shael. I do. I have. If it helps I’ve put it all behind me, made a new life. Who knows, maybe we can find some level of friendship.”
“Thanks, Kat.” Shael leaned forward, kissed Kat on the cheek, and then her arms reached out, pulled Kat against her, into her arms. Before Kat could react, Shael’s mouth found hers.
Kat was completely dumbfounded. Never in a million years would she have surmised that was Shael’s intention. Kat seemed paralysed, her body unable to respond in any way. Only when the intensity of Shael’s kiss subtly changed did Kat’s body come to life. She pushed against Shael, put some small distance between them, holding herself as far away as Shael’s encircling arms would allow.
“I really do love you, Kat,” Shael said earnestly. “I always have.”
“Shael, I—” At that moment a movement behind Shael caught Kat’s attention.
Jess stood in the doorway behind Shael, backlit by the brightness of the outside sunlight, her expression unreadable in the shadow.
Chapter Nine
“Oh. Jess.” Kat pushed against Shael’s hold again, and Shael slowly released her. “Jess, I—”
Jess moved then. “I’m so sorry,” she said stiltedly. “I didn’t realize you had visitors. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was just checking up on”—she swallowed—“on the kitchen installation.”
Kat blinked. “The kitchen? Oh, yes. They finished it on Monday.” Jess knew that.
“Good.” Jess nodded. “I’ll make a note of that. Well, I’ll catch up with you later, Kat.”
By the time Kat could move Jess had gone. Kat was galvanized into action. She raced out the door and down the stairs. She reached Jess’s van just as Jess started the engine. “Jess. Wait.” Kat rapped on the closed window.
After a moment Jess reached out and pushed a button to slide the window down.
“Jess.” Kat’s mouth went dry.
“It’s okay, Kat,” Jess said, not quite meeting Kat’s eyes. “I should have phoned before I came over.”
“No. You can call in anytime,” Kat said quickly.
Jess gave a small, crooked smile. “But just not right now.”
“Jess, it wasn’t what—”
“What it looked like?” Jess finished. “Who is she?”
“It’s Shael. Meggie’s mother.”
“I see.” Jess nodded.
“No, you don’t. I… we…”
“You’re old friends. I know. You told me.”
“We are,” Kat began.
“Kat!” Shael called down from the veranda. “Megghan wants to talk to you.” She held up Kat’s phone.
“I have to go,” Jess said. “I have a couple of quotes to do. I’ll see you later.”
The car began to move, and Kat could only step back and watch Jess drive away. After long moments staring at the spot where Jess had been, Kat turned and walked back up the steps. Wordlessly she took the phone from Shael. “Meggie?” Kat was half expecting the line to be empty but Meggie answered brightly.
“Hi, Kat. Mum said she was visiting you and you were talking to Jess. Did you say hi for me?”
“Yes. Look, Meggs, I can’t talk right now. Was it important?”
“Not exactly. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“And I want to talk to you, too. Anytime. But there’s something I need to discuss with your mother. How about if I ring you back in a little while.”
“Sure, Kat.” There was a small pause. “You aren’t fighting, are you? You and Mum, I mean. Because I think Tori’s left. I noticed her gear was gone when Gran dropped me over to get my iPod I forgot to take with me.”
“I know, love. We’ll talk soon. Okay?”
“Okay. ’Bye, Kat.”
Kat hung up and turned back to Shael.
“Something tells me there’s more to all this than meets the proverbial eye,” Shael said, standing regarding Kat, her arms folded easily.
Kat just stood there, her mind spinning a kaleidoscope of thoughts in her head, and she seemed to be incapable of clutching at any of them. She could feel her heart racing in her chest and she swallowed, trying to calm herself. Jess couldn’t be thinking last night had meant so little to Kat that she’d be romancing her ex-partner today, could she?
“Come on, Kat,” Shael cajoled. “Tell all.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“No? I’m positive there is.” Shael pursed her lips. “The signs are flashing red.”
“What signs? I told you there’s nothing to tell.”
“Well, you must be pretty perturbed about something. You fobbed Megghan off. I don’t think I remember you doing that before. Ever.”
“I didn’t fob her off I just—I’m going to ring her back.”
Shael continued to regard Kat speculatively. “All right. Then what do you think about my idea?”
“What idea?” Kat asked distractedly. She was struggling to concentrate on Shael. All she could see was the shock on Jess’s face for that split second before she got herself under control.
“About us.”
“Us?” Kat blinked. She was hearing Shael’s words but they weren’t computing.
“Yes, well, I’ll admit I hadn’t got past the kiss before we were rudely interrupted. Total bad timing.”
Kat frowned. “Shael, what are you trying to say?”
“What do you think I’m saying? I mean, maybe we should get back together. Give it another try. We were good together. We could be again.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Kat replied flatly. Her whole body was numb. She knew she should be reacting to the ridiculousness of Shael’s proposition, but her emotions were in shutdown mode.
“Why not? It would be right on any number of levels. We wouldn’t have the upheaval of sorting out our affairs. You can sell this old place, move back home. We could put the pool in you always wanted. I know Megghan would think it was a fantastic idea.”
“Meggie?” Was Shael dangling Meggie in front of Kat like bait on a hook? Suddenly an icy anger enveloped Kat and she lost control. Shael went to say more but Kat held up her hand. “No. Don’t!
Don’t say another word, Shael. I think you’d better leave. Now!”
“Kat, come on,” Shael coaxed softly. “I know I’ve made mistakes. Hell, I knew Tori was a mistake a week after she moved in. But you and I, Kat, we have history. I think we’re meant to be together. With Megghan.”
“How could I be so blind?” Kat said coldly. “Why didn’t I see just how shallow you really are? Surely you couldn’t have always been like this? In the beginning?”
“Look, Kat. I’ve told you I’ve made mistakes. Everybody does. Even you.”
“I know I have. But I’ve always been upfront with you.” Kat shook her head in exasperation. “I’ve never cheated or lied to you, Shael.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Kat. Don’t go all holier-than-thou on me. You don’t know what it’s like in the real world. These women, they make themselves so available. I’m only human.”
“You’d better go. Please.”
They stood for long moments just glaring at each other.
“Is it that woman?” Shael asked. “Jess?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business anymore.”
Shael gave a short laugh. “You said she was married, Kat. At least I didn’t get involved with the married ones. That sort of situation can explode in your face. You know how it can be with straight women. Things are probably a bit jaded at home, and she’s out looking to experiment on the wild side. Knowing you, I can’t see that being any good for your soft heart and tender sensitivities.”
“Jess is divorced,” Kat said before she could stop herself. “And I’m not going to discuss Jess with you, Shael, so I’d like you to leave. I have nothing more to say to you.”
“Not even about Megghan?”
Kat stilled, an icy hand wrapping around her heart.
“About how often you see her?”
Kat swallowed and then drew herself up to her full height. She held Shael’s gaze and Shael’s was the first to fall. “Even you wouldn’t stoop so low as to use Meggie against me, would you, Shael?”
“I’m her mother—”
“Then act like her mother and think about what you’re doing to her.”
“Legally, the decisions regarding Megghan are mine.”
“Meggie loves you, Shael. Only you know if you’re capable of manipulating that love. Now, please leave. Do what you have to do to me, but don’t take it out on Meggie.”
Shael stood there for long seconds before she turned and left.
Kat didn’t watch her go. She crossed the room, picked up the phone and dialed Jess’s office number. Jess was out of the office, Jeanne told her, but she gave Kat Jess’s mobile number. Kat rang it but only got the message bank. She couldn’t leave a message. She didn’t know what to say to make it right.
For long, tortured moments Kat simply sat there before making her promised call to Meggie. Kat made herself listen as Meggie told her all about a visit to Australia Zoo. Her grandparents had been promising to take her, and they’d gone the day before.
“And the crocodiles were awesome, Kat. Really scary. And there were stacks of other animals too.”
“Sounds like you had fun.”
“I did. But I wish Miranda had been able to come. Mum said it would be better if Gran and Grandpa only had me to worry about. Have you seen Jess?”
“Jess? Ah, yes. She called in earlier, but she was pretty busy.”
“Oh. I guess she must be. Miranda says they all work pretty hard. Like Mum does, I guess.”
“Mmm.”
“Is something wrong, Kat? You’re a bit, well, distracted or something.”
“No. I’m fine, love. What else did you do at Gran’s?”
“Only Australia Zoo. And shopping.” Meggie paused. “So what did Mum want? What did you talk about?”
Kat tried to keep her voice even. “Oh, not much, really.”
“Did she tell you she broke up with Tori?”
“Yes. She told me.”
“I don’t suppose you’d come back now, would you, Kat?” Meggie asked in a strained voice.
“Oh, Meggs. You know I can’t do that.”
Meggie sighed. “I know that, I guess. You and Mum don’t love each other anymore, hey?”
“But we both love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yep. I just wish that you, like, maybe lived next door so I could see you whenever I wanted to.”
“I’d like that too. But I have to finish fixing up this house.”
“And I guess Mr. and Mrs. Thomas and Mr. Gardham don’t really want to sell the houses next door. And I don’t think Mum wants to move house either.”
“So that means we make the most of the time we do get to see each other, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Meggie sighed again. “And I’m still coming over at the weekend, aren’t I? Because Miranda said they need me to play in the cricket team. Can you remind Mum, Kat?”
“I don’t think there’ll be a problem.” Kat fervently hoped there wouldn’t be.
“Maybe I’ll ask Mum if she wants to come and watch me play. Then she can meet Miranda and Jess and Caleb.”
“I suppose it will depend on her work schedule.”
“Okay. But I can ask her. I have to go now, Kat. We’re going down to see Aunty Angela. I’ll be missing you until the weekend. ’Bye.”
“Me too. ’Bye.”
Kat hung up and tears ran down her cheeks. Eventually, she pulled herself together. She went into the bathroom, not looking at the bed, wanting no memories of Jess last night just at that moment. She glanced in the mirror, grimacing at her red eyes and nose and blotchy skin. She splashed her face with water and ran a comb through her hair. And she stood there, looking at her reflection.
So what should she do now? Her first priority was to explain everything to Jess. But who could blame Jess if she didn’t want it made right. Allowing that she’d ever wanted it made right at all, of course.
Kat swallowed the lump that rose in her throat. She didn’t really know what Jess wanted. What if Shael was right and Jess just wanted to experiment. Kat’s heart sank. Had she been expecting Jess would want an honest relationship? Of course she had. Yet it would be complicated. She knew that. Jess still lived in the family home. She had children, an ex-husband. Wouldn’t deciding to live with another woman be too difficult a situation for Jess to even contemplate? The alternative was sneaking around, grabbing moments here and there to be together.
Kat asked herself what she wanted herself. She had to admit it wasn’t that. She wanted more than that. So much more. She wanted Jess. Beside her. Forever. Dream on, her cynical inner self chided. It was more likely that Jess did just want the occasional entertaining evening. It wouldn’t be worth the disruption to her ordered life. Could Kat settle for that? A tear trickled down her cheek, and she dashed it away just as her mobile phone rang.
“Kat? It’s Beth.”
“Oh. Hi,” Kat said carefully, trying to push thoughts of Jess from her mind, and failing miserably. “Is Mum okay?”
“She’s getting better each day. She has the doctors confused though. She’s had every test known to man, and nothing’s turned up that’s conclusive. But they’re letting her go home tomorrow.” There was a moment of silence. “Do you think you might go and see her?”
“I don’t know.” Kat sighed. “Probably.”
“It would be nice if you did.”
“It would be nice if she accepted me for who I am too,” Kat said succinctly.
“I know it would. But she has changed. Since she’s been ill, I mean.” It was Beth’s turn to sigh. “In her own weird way she does love us, you know.”
“If you say so,” Kat replied dryly. “You and Dad couldn’t possibly both be wrong. He said much the same thing.”
“Kat, please!” Beth appealed. “She does care about us. They both do. Anyway, that wasn’t why I rang. I wanted to tell you I spoke to John Pattison. Your father.”
“I see.” Kat said slowly. She wasn’t
sure she needed any more emotional turmoil at the moment. “I thought you didn’t know where he was.”
“I didn’t. Not until I asked his cousin, the one he was staying with back then. I’d run into her a couple of times over the years, and I knew where she worked. So I rang her.”
“Did you tell her you’d been pregnant?”
“No. Of course not. I wasn’t that forthcoming. I just said I’d like to catch up with him, that I had some old photographs he might like.”
“And do you? Have photos, I mean.”
“A couple. I… Actually, there’s one I thought you might like. I was going to get it copied. Anyway, Jean gave me his phone number.”
“Did you just come out and tell him about me?” Kat asked levelly, and Beth gave a short laugh.
“Not right away. But yes.” She paused. “As you can imagine it wasn’t the easiest of calls to make.”
Kat made no comment, wanting and not wanting to hear how the conversation unfolded.
“He was a little taken aback.”
Kat laughed mirthlessly. “Do you think? That would be a bit of an understatement no doubt.”
“In the beginning.” Beth sighed again. “He took it well, considering.”
Kat gave an exclamation of disbelief.
“No. Really. After the initial shock I think he was intrigued. He wanted to know about you, what you did. We had a very positive conversation.”
“And?”
“He’s been divorced for five years. He has three children, all boys. One’s a teacher, like you. One’s a carpenter, and the youngest is going to university next year, studying marine biology.” She paused. “He sounded nice, Kat.”
Kat remained silent, trying to decide how she felt about all this information. She had three half-brothers? It was unbelievable.
“He wants me to give you his phone number, and he’d like you to ring him,” Beth continued.
“I don’t know, Beth.” Kat put in hurriedly. It was all moving too quickly. “I haven’t had time to decide if I want to make contact.”
“I know. I told him that was how you felt. He said he understood. Anyway, here’s his number.” She read it off and Kat took it down in a daze. “If you do decide to talk to him, he said to ring him in the evening after eight thirty. He has his own boat building business down there and he often works late.”
