by Lyn Denison
Kat stood clutching the phone, staring at the phone number.
“Will you ring him?” Beth asked softly.
Kat shrugged. “I still have to think about it.”
“Well, that’s wise. But I thought you should have the opportunity if you wanted to,” Beth said.
“All right. Thanks.” It was all Kat could manage to say and Beth rang off, giving Kat the impression she was reluctant to hang up.
Kat sank down onto the side of the bed and sat staring into space. She was in emotional overload, and her mind was having trouble functioning again. She knew she had to think but she was numb. She couldn’t give anything her attention while she knew Jess was thinking badly of her. Tears tumbled down her cheeks again. She barely had them under control when a knock sounded on the door.
Jess? Had she come back? Kat raced out of the bedroom and down the hall, stopping in the living room as Em stepped in the door.
“Did you miss me, Kat? What’s been happening while I was swanning around north Queensland?”
Kat burst into tears once more before moving into Em’s sympathetic arms. When her tears abated the whole jumbled story came tumbling out, Kat telling Em that Beth was her biological mother. Stunned, Em sat Kat down and slid into the chair opposite her, listening as Kat told her about visiting her mother in hospital.
Kat also considered filling Em in on what had happened with Jess, but she couldn’t do it. It was still too raw.
“I can’t believe it,” said Em later as she handed Kat the cup of tea she’d made them. “Beth was pregnant?” She shook her head in disbelief. “Good grief! How did they hide it?”
Kat shrugged and sipped the sweet tea. “Apparently no one suspected.”
“Have you heard how your mother is now?” Em sat down opposite Kat again.
“Better than she was. Beth said when she rang earlier that they were letting her go home. I think they’re still doing tests, but when I spoke to Dad he told me they’ve ruled out any heart problems.” Kat pulled a face. “Maybe she just feels better getting the family secret off her chest.”
“Clearing her conscience, you reckon? Well, I’d say it seems completely out of character for your mother to worry about her conscience. I used to hate the way she treated you when we were kids. But all that aside, I still don’t get why she had to tell you now.”
“I think she genuinely believed she was dying.” Kat shrugged again. “Who knows?”
“You said you talked to Beth,” Em said and Kat nodded. “How did she feel about you knowing?”
“She was calm, composed.” Kat frowned. “Just being Beth, but”—Kat paused—“she wasn’t horrified or anything.”
“Maybe she was relieved,” suggested Em. “It must have been awful for her over the years, knowing you were her child and not having any, well, input into any part of your life.”
“I got the impression she didn’t want any input. She admitted she wasn’t maternal, but she did say perhaps we should get to know each other better.”
“How do you feel about that?” Em asked.
Kat thought about it for a moment. “I’d like to. I’ve always regretted Beth and I weren’t closer. Maybe now we can do something about that.”
“Did she tell you who your father was?”
Kat nodded. “She said he didn’t know she was pregnant and she never told him.”
“Oh.” Em regarded Kat thoughtfully. “Do you want him to know about you?”
“It’s too late to keep it a secret now, Em.” Kat shook her head. “Beth said she’d spoken to him”—Kat pulled a face—“and told him the good news. Apparently he was more surprised than upset.”
“Phew!” Em exclaimed. “Not the sort of phone call I’d want to make. Did she tell you much about him?”
“He’s a boat builder, divorced and it seems I have three half-brothers.”
“My God!”
Kat nodded. “I can’t get my head around that. He wants to talk to me, but I don’t want to rush into anything without thinking about the repercussions.”
“All I can say is, wow! You don’t do drama by halves, do you?”
Kat had to laugh. “No. I surely don’t. But enough about me. Did you enjoy your trip?”
“It was great. Pales into insignificance compared to what’s been happening to you, but it’s been ages since Joe and I had some special time together.” Em smiled happily and they spent a few moments talking about the highlights of Em’s time in the north of the State.
“And how’s Meggie?” Em asked. “Actually I thought she might be with you and I’d be seeing her myself.”
“I have seen her quite a bit. She’s with Shael’s parents until the weekend.”
Em gave Kat a level look. “And? I sense a problem. There’s something else you haven’t told me, isn’t there?”
“Oh, Em, I think I may have made a mistake with Shael. I as good as told her—” Kat swallowed. “I might have jeopardized my chances of seeing more of Meggie.”
“She can’t do it, love, and I hope you told her that.”
“I think I did. I was so angry,” Kat said worriedly. “That’s the problem.”
“Rubbish! You had every right to be angry. Not before time, I say. Shael needed some home truths. So what did you say that was so bad anyway?”
“Well, she called in before you came.”
“You mean she came here? Why would she want to do that?” Em asked.
“I know you’ve never been completely sold on Shael, and I suppose I’ve known for a long time that your reservations weren’t unfounded. I think I’ve just allowed the thought of losing Meggie to color my relationship with Shael. I should have left her years ago.”
“Exactly!” stated Em with feeling. “So why did she come to see you?”
“It seems she’s broken up with Tori.”
“Oh, no! Kat, tell me she didn’t suggest you get back together.”
Kat nodded. “She said she thought we were meant to be together.”
“Like you need that! She has a nerve, Kat. After all she’s put you through.” Em gave Kat a stern look. “You’re not considering it, are you? I mean, it took so much out of you to make the break and I for one don’t want to see you having to go through it again.”
“No. I’m not considering it but—”
“No buts, Kat.”
“There’s Meggie.”
“Kat, she can’t use Meggie. When push comes to shove, even Shael couldn’t do that, could she?”
“I hope not. Because, as I said, I didn’t pull any punches when she was here before. But it wasn’t just about Meggie.” Kat bit her lip to hold back more tears.
“You mean there’s more?”
Kat nodded, and Em leaned across and took her hand. “You’d better tell all then,” she said gently.
“You see, Shael was kissing me—”
“You let her kiss you? Good grief, Kat! What were you thinking?”
“No.” Kat held up her hand. “Let me finish, Em. It just happened. I had no idea she was going to do it and, well, Jess saw us,” Kat finished thickly.
“Jess?” Em’s eyebrows rose. “You mean Jess of the clipboard and cute little butt?”
Kat nodded.
“Okay,” Em said slowly, drawing out the word, obviously thinking about what Kat hadn’t said. “So I’m thinking something else happened here while I was away, hmmm?”
“I think I’m in love with her, Em,” Kat said miserably. “I mean, I know I’m in love with her.”
“Good grief! I don’t believe it. I go away for one short week, and your world spins on its axis. I’m speechless.”
“If only!” Kat made an attempt at humor.
“Did you sleep with her?”
Kat blushed, and Em’s lips pursed in surprise.
“So you did sleep with her. Kat, she’s a married woman. You always said you wouldn’t, well, do that. Remember?”
“She’s divorced.”
Em rolled her e
yes. “And all this happened when?”
Kat didn’t comment.
“Okay.” Em grinned. “So what was it like?”
“Em, please. You know I’m not into kissing and telling.”
Em’s grin widened. “I know. But I live in hope one day you’ll give me some juicy details.” She sobered. “So now what?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Because she’s been married, you mean?”
“Not just that.”
Em shrugged. “But you say you’re in love with her. Doesn’t she love you?”
“I don’t know. I thought last night…” Kat blushed again and held up her hand when Em went to speak. “Yes, it was last night. Yes, it was here. And yes, it was wonderful. And today she saw Shael kissing me.”
“And you didn’t tell her how that happened?”
“She drove off before I could.”
“Then what are you doing sitting here all miserable?” Em stood up and pulled Kat to her feet. “You have to go and find her, make her understand. Tell her how you feel about her. Aren’t I right?”
“But what if she doesn’t feel the same about me?”
“What if she does?” Em rolled her eyes again. “When she saw Shael kissing you, how did she react? Was she jealous?”
Kat thought about the expression on Jess’s face. There had been a moment. At the memory, a tiny wave of hope rose inside her. Kat tried to quash it but it stayed put. “She was embarrassed, I think. She apologized for not phoning before calling in.” Kat swallowed again. “Oh, Em, I don’t think she liked it.”
“Good! This is good, Kat. It will make her look at how she feels about you if she hasn’t already done that.”
“Em, I don’t want to play any of those horrible games,” Kat began.
“In that case, just tell her that.” Em took Kat’s cup from her hand and set it on the coffee table. “Go comb your hair and then go seek her out. I have to call in on Mum anyway. But promise me you’ll ring me after you’ve seen Jess. I’ll be waiting to hear what happens. You can tell me all. Okay?” She gave Kat a shove towards the bedroom before collecting their cups and rinsing them in the kitchen.
When Kat returned Em ran a speculative eye over her. “You look great, you know. All this butchy renovating has toned your muscles. I reckon if I was tempted to change direction I could be persuaded to give the lovely Jess a run for her money.”
Kat gave a shaky laugh. “If you came to a momentous fork in your road of life, you mean?”
Em gave her a playful shove. “You’re the only one with interesting forks in the road, Kat Oldfield.”
“So you say.” Kat’s smile faded. “I don’t know about this, Em. It mightn’t be a good time. Jess is working. Maybe I should wait till later.”
“There’s no time like the present.”
“I don’t know where she might be.”
“Don’t you have her number?”
Kat nodded.
“Then ring her. Tell her to meet you wherever. Actually, preferably here.”
“Here?”
“Mmm. Because beds are comfier and safer than the backseat of a car in broad daylight.”
“Em!”
Em was on a roll. “And consider this, Kat. According to Oscar Wilde, the streets would be awash with horses bolting in abject terror when you two got to that stage, which I surely hope you do.”
“Em, enough! And it’s not just about sex anyway.”
Em shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t know how lesbians get together if they’re all like you.”
“Maybe some of them have good friends like you to point them in the right direction,” Kat said dryly.
Em smiled and put Kat’s arm through hers. “Walk me to the door and then get on that phone. And no chickening out on me, Kat. Promise?”
Kat paused. “I’m scared, Em. This… With Jess… It means so much to me, I’m terrified she won’t… What if I make a colossal fool of myself?”
“Aren’t a few moments of mortification worth suffering through for what you’re going to gain?” When Kat made no comment Em pulled her close and hugged her. “As they say, no pain, no gain. You are being far too wussy, even for you, Kat, my love. But I love you anyway, absolutely.” She kissed Kat on the cheek and Kat hugged her back.
“I love you, too, Em. Always.”
A slight sound made them both pause before they turned towards the open door.
Jess stood, transfixed, in the doorway.
Chapter Ten
Em was the first to move. Before Kat could recover from her mixture of dismay and disbelief, Em had moved Jess into the living room, seated Kat and Jess, and was busily making fresh tea, all the while giving Jess an entertaining rundown on her week away in Townsville with her husband. Kat and Jess didn’t need to comment even if they were capable of it. Kat knew she wasn’t, but after a while she pulled herself together and slid a quick glance across at Jess. She was sitting looking as overwhelmed as Kat felt.
Jess was dressed in her tailored shorts and shirt, and Kat sensed she was studiously not meeting Kat’s gaze. Kat’s heart constricted. How much had Jess overheard? Kat tried to recall what they had said but she couldn’t remember. Her mind was blank. But Jess had certainly seen Kat in Em’s embrace, and she had to have seen Em kiss her.
Kat almost groaned. First Shael. Now Em. It would be funny if it wasn’t so awful. Jess had to be thinking Kat spread herself around. And it certainly didn’t make Kat look at all like good relationship material.
Relationships. Kat’s heart sank again. What had made her think she was capable of another relationship anyway. All she knew about relationships was how to fail. What had she been thinking? She’d told Em in the beginning she wasn’t interested, that it was all too difficult. So here was another momentous fork in the road of her life. The direction without Jess would certainly be far less complicated. But how she wished she could take the other one, the one that put her alongside Jess Andrews.
“Kat!” Em’s voice brought Kat out of her reverie. “Here’s your tea.” She passed the cup to Kat, making sure she wasn’t going to drop it. “I have to go over to see my mother,” she glanced pointedly at her wristwatch, “and I’m already late, so I’ll leave you to enjoy your tea.”
Kat looked up then, trying to will Em to stay. But Em just smiled encouragingly at them both before leaning down and kissing Kat on the cheek again.
“I’m sure you both have lots to talk about. Timber. Nails. Stuff like that.” Her smile widened. “’Bye, Kat. Phone me later. ’Bye, Jess. See you soon.” Then Em was gone, closing the door pointedly behind her, and Kat and Jess were alone.
They looked across the coffee table at each other.
“I know,” Jess said softly at last. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
Kat cringed even though there was the shadow of a smile on Jess’s lips. “It wasn’t. Honestly. Em’s like a sister.”
“I know.”
“And it really wasn’t with Shael, either.”
“I know that now.” Jess grimaced. “At the time I think I overreacted. After last night I—” She paused, glanced at Kat and then down at her hands that held her teacup. “That’s what love does to you I guess.”
“Love?” Kat breathed, not allowing herself to fully believe what Jess had said.
“Yes.” Jess flushed. “I love you, Kat, but—” She stopped and Kat made herself breathe.
“But what?” she asked carefully.
“But I think we…I need to talk to you about that, tell you a few things before we, well, before we make any decisions, so we can both decide what we’ll do. That is, if you, well, want to continue—” She looked up at Kat, her eyes full of concern.
Kat wanted to take her in her arms, hold her close, tell her she didn’t care what Jess did or didn’t tell her. All she wanted to know was that Jess loved her. But she sensed Jess wasn’t ready, and she was terrified Jess would leave again.
“You haven’t said how
you feel about this,” Jess said quickly. “I know last night—” Jess swallowed.
“I do want to. Continue, I mean. And last night was wonderful,” Kat said, her voice thick with emotion, and she saw a pulse flutter at the base of Jess’s throat.
“Yes. It was. But it sort of frightened me.”
“You have nothing to fear from me, Jess. I swear.”
Jess gave a small nod. “Last night, afterwards, I just needed to get away, think it all through. I could have told Miranda to wake Mark when she rang about the dog, but I used that as an excuse. I wanted to think about how I felt about us, about what you meant to me, to my life. It’s happened so suddenly, and I can understand that you probably needed to think about it as well.”
Kat nodded too. “How was the dog?” she heard herself ask and Jess blinked and then gave a small smile.
“He’s fine. It was a tennis ball this time, all chewed. I dread to think what he’ll gulp down next. Maybe a soccer ball?” She swallowed. “I come with baggage, Kat,” she said earnestly. “Lots of it.”
“Everyone does, don’t you think?”
Jess shook her head slightly.
“If you’re talking broken relationships, then I can admit to a couple of my own, Shael included.”
“I suppose I was talking about that.” Jess sighed. “But I think I should have told you a few things about my marriage before I allowed myself to get involved with you.”
“Jess, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me,” Kat said. “And as to involvement, well, I was involved anyway.”
“You were?” The expression in Jess’s eyes made Kat’s heart leap because she began to hope again that Jess might want to stay. “I tried desperately to keep away,” Jess continued, “after we…in your bedroom when Grace interrupted us.” She bit her lip. “If Grace hadn’t called in I couldn’t have stopped.”
“Me neither,” Kat acknowledged, feeling herself flush.
“All along I’d been trying to keep it all business-as-usual in my dealings with you but I failed miserably. And it wasn’t miserable.” Jess’s voice thickened huskily. “It was such a wonderful, terrifying mixture of exhilaration and abject agony. It hadn’t happened to me before, Kat. Not like this. I kept looking for excuses to call and see you.”
