The Rebel Who Loved Her

by Jennifer Taylor

  Thankfully, it was a dry day when she moved in. Her father had hired a van and Tom and Hannah had offered their help as well. Her mother had insisted on looking after Millie and Charlie so the four of them were able to concentrate on getting everything sorted out. By six o’clock that evening, the house was ready.

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve got everything done!’ Becky exclaimed, looking around the sitting room. The new sofa with its pale green covers and heap of colourful cushions looked even better than she’d hoped and she smiled in delight. ‘It looks absolutely lovely in here. Thank you all so much. You’ve been brilliant.’

  ‘Our pleasure.’ Hannah gave her a hug. ‘I take it that Ewan was working today and that’s why he couldn’t be here to help?’

  ‘I...erm...that’s right.’ Becky knew it was silly but she simply couldn’t bring herself to admit that she hadn’t seen Ewan in weeks. Hannah would want to know why and she couldn’t face the thought of having to explain the situation to her.

  ‘He probably volunteered to work overtime so he could avoid it,’ Tom observed cheerfully. He glanced at his watch, mercifully sparing Becky from having to reply. ‘We’re going to have to cut and run, I’m afraid. Charlie’s usually in bed by seven and it’s better if we don’t upset his routine.’ He kissed Becky’s cheek. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy here, Becky. You deserve to be.’

  Becky felt tears rush to her eyes. ‘Thanks, Tom.’

  She kissed Hannah and her father and thanked them again then went back to the sitting room and sat down. Millie was spending the night with her parents as Becky had decided it would be less unsettling for her if the house was ready when Millie moved in. She hadn’t expected to get everything finished so quickly and now the evening stretched before her. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do with the time. The only thing left was to make herself some supper and watch television.

  Becky went into the kitchen and set to work, cutting up some chicken for a stir-fry even though she really wasn’t hungry. Still, it stopped her thinking about Ewan and the fact that he obviously didn’t care a jot about her. How could he do when he hadn’t even bothered to phone and wish her well?

  Her knife flew as she chopped a mound of vegetables. There was far too much for one person but so what? What did an extra bit of broccoli matter in the great scheme of things? The man she loved didn’t love her—that was what mattered.

  It was only when that thought sank in that Becky stopped what she was doing. She loved Ewan. It wasn’t a question but a statement. She loved him. How it had happened she had no idea but she had fallen in love with him all over again, always assuming that she had fallen out of love with him in the first place, and she was no longer sure about that. She had opted for security, for the kind of life she had dreamed of having when she had chosen to stay with Steve, but she had never loved him the way she loved Ewan. Her love for Ewan would last a lifetime—her lifetime, not his.

  * * *

  Ewan stopped the car and switched off the engine. Night was falling and the light from the cottage cast a puddle of yellow across the path. He had spent the day wrestling with himself and lost. He knew it was a mistake to come here but he had to see Becky even if it was only to wish her well. Reaching over to the back seat, he picked up the bouquet he’d bought that afternoon. He’d opted for gerberas rather than roses because roses could have given out the wrong message. He was a friend wishing her well in her new home, not a lover come to court her.

  His footsteps rang as hollowly as his thoughts as he walked up the path. He knocked on the door, just one light rap of his knuckles on the wood so that he wouldn’t wake Millie. He could hear movements inside and imagined Becky getting up, wondering who it was, wondering if she should answer. Would she be more inclined to open the door if she knew it was him or less? He had no idea.

  The door opened and there she was. Ewan felt his heart swell, felt it fill with so many emotions that he couldn’t speak. He had missed her so much. Missed her more than he’d believed it possible to miss anyone. And it was then that it hit him that he loved her. Then when he felt at his most vulnerable. He loved her and there was nothing he could do about it, the same as there was nothing he could about the fact that she didn’t love him.

  ‘Ewan!’

  He heard the surprise in her voice and rallied. Holding out the bouquet, he smiled at her. ‘I brought you these to welcome you to your new home.’

  ‘Thank you. They’re lovely.’ She took them off him, burying her face in the brightly coloured petals. It was a delaying tactic, he realised sadly, because they gave off very little scent. Becky had no idea what to say to him so maybe he should put them both out of their misery.

  ‘I’m sure you must have loads to do so I won’t keep you. I just wanted to give you the flowers and wish you well. I hope you’ll be very happy here, Becky. You deserve to be.’

  ‘That’s what Tom said.’ There was a catch in her voice that tugged at his heartstrings but he had to be strong.

  ‘Tom gave you a hand to move in, did he? Great.’

  ‘He and Hannah were brilliant. I wouldn’t have managed half as well without their help.’

  ‘That’s good to hear.’ He managed another smile even though his heart felt as though it was dangling round his heels. He should have been here to help her. He would have been, too, if he’d stuck to his plan to be her friend and nothing more. It was too late for regrets, however, so he had to make the best of it. He gave a tiny shrug, the weight of his heart weighing him down like a lump of lead. ‘Anyhow, as I said, I don’t want to hold you up...’

  ‘You aren’t.’

  Colour ran up her cheeks when she realised how vehement she had sounded and Ewan couldn’t help being intrigued. It appeared that Becky wasn’t as eager for him to leave as he’d thought. He raised a brow, leaving her to elucidate, which she did in a breathy tone that completely destroyed his resolve to behave sensibly. How could he walk away when it appeared she wanted him to stay and wanted it badly, too?

  ‘Everything’s sorted out, amazingly enough.’ She gave a tinkly little laugh that wouldn’t have convinced the least perceptive person that she hadn’t a care in the world. It certainly didn’t convince him. ‘There’s nothing left to do.’

  ‘As you say, that’s amazing,’ Ewan agreed, wondering if he was misreading the signals. Maybe he had it all wrong and Becky wasn’t really trying to find a reason to detain him?

  ‘Would you like to come in and have a look?’ She opened the door and his heart gave an almighty bounce as it reclaimed its rightful place in his chest when he saw the plea in her eyes. ‘After all, you helped me find this place, Ewan, so it seems only right that you should see the finished result.’

  ‘I’d love to. Thank you.’

  Ewan stepped into the tiny hall, ignoring the taunting little voice in his head that seemed rather keen to remind him that he’d had very little to do with her decision to rent the cottage. The truth was all well and good, but sometimes it was better dispensed with! He followed her into the sitting room, and looked around in genuine amazement. There were pictures on the walls, knick-knacks on the coffee table and cushions piled invitingly on the sofa.

  ‘Good lord! It looks as though you’ve been living here for ages. I wish my flat looked half as cosy as this does.’

  ‘It’s lovely, isn’t it?’ Becky agreed, looking around with satisfaction. ‘I can’t believe how well everything has come together.’ She plumped up a purple silk cushion and placed it back on the sofa. ‘I’m really thrilled.’

  ‘No wonder. You’ve worked miracles to get it all done in a day.’ Ewan hesitated but he knew it had to be said. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.’

  ‘That’s okay.’ She gave a little shrug but he saw the hurt that crossed her face, and sighed.

  ‘It isn’t though, is it?’ He touched her arm, felt the flash of awareness that arced through his body, and moved his hand away. ‘I should have been here to help you, Becky.’


  ‘Don’t worry about it. I expect you were busy. Now, how about a cup of tea? I’m afraid I don’t have anything stronger so I can’t even offer you a glass of wine.’

  ‘No, thank you.’ Ewan felt frustration bubble up inside him. She seemed determined to gloss over his inadequacies and it wasn’t right. Maybe she hadn’t missed him but he had missed her!

  He spun round on his heel, knowing that he was on a very slippery slope. For the past two, very long, weeks he had done his best to be sensible. Every time he’d been tempted to phone her, he had reminded himself of the reason why it would be the wrong thing to do. Until he had decided if he could cope with them having a purely sexual relationship, he had to stay away from her and that meant no phone calls, no visits, nothing that might influence him one way or the other.

  It was too important that he get it right. Too dangerous if he made a mistake. He had to be sure of what he wanted, one hundred per cent certain. If there was even the tiniest margin of doubt then it could all go horribly wrong and he could find his life in tatters.

  ‘Don’t go.’

  The words were softly spoken yet they stopped him in his tracks. Ewan felt tension grip him as he stood there, half in and half out of the door. There was a roaring in his ears that seemed to grow louder with every second and yet he heard each word with perfect clarity as Becky continued.

  ‘Please stay, Ewan. It’s what I want more than anything.’

  ‘Why?’ His own voice sounded remarkably level given the fact that her answer was mind-bogglingly important to him.

  ‘Because I missed you. Because the past two weeks have been so empty without you.’ She paused and he realised that he was holding his breath. ‘Because I need you in my life even if it’s not going to be forever.’

  Pain ripped through him. Nothing could have been clearer than that, could it? He turned around slowly, his heart aching when he saw the strain on her face. If this was hard for him, it was no less hard for her. The thought cut through all the clouds of uncertainty that had curdled his thoughts. Becky might not need him forever but she needed him now.

  Two steps and she was in his arms, that was all it took. Ewan held her against his heart and knew she could feel it racing. It didn’t matter; nothing mattered apart from the fact that she needed him. He bent and kissed her, softly and with a tenderness that stemmed from his love for her. Maybe she only wanted the comfort of sex from him but he would make sure that their lovemaking was as perfect as it could possibly be. It would be his gift to her, hopefully something she would remember with pleasure in the years to come.

  The thought of the future sent a chill through him but he refused to allow it to spoil things. Lifting his hands, he cupped her face, tilting her head so that he could deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding into the warm sweetness of her mouth with an ease that made him shudder. Becky wanted him. She wanted his kisses, his caresses; she wanted him as her lover. It might not be all he wanted from her but it was enough.

  He swung her up into his arms and carried her to the sofa, pushing aside the cushions as he laid her down. Her eyes were half-closed, their hazel depths darkened with passion, and he kissed her again with an urgency that made her tremble. Reaching up, she took his face between her hands.

  ‘This is what I want, Ewan. I’m sure about that.’

  She drew his head down, her mouth opening under his, and he responded immediately. As he plundered her lips, any doubts he still had melted away. This was what he wanted too. He was sure.

  He ran his hands down her body, following the curve of her breasts, the dip of her waist, the swell of her hips. They had never reached this point in the past; all they had shared had been that single mind-blowing kiss, and it was doubly exciting to have been given the licence to explore the soft, lush curves of her body.

  His hands found the buttons down the front of her checked shirt and he carefully worked them free then hesitated before he drew it apart, wanting to take his time and savour the moment. His breath caught as he parted the folds of cotton and drank in the beauty of her body. Her skin was lightly tanned where the sun had touched it, pearly white beneath the black lace of her bra. Ewan slid the straps of her bra down her arms and lifted her breasts free, his heart pounding when he felt their weight nestle into his palms. Her nipples were already standing proud and erect yet they peaked even more when he drew them into his mouth. Becky wanted him and her body was telling him that too.

  The thought was just too much. Ewan groaned as he claimed her mouth once more and kissed her, hotly, urgently, and with a hunger he couldn’t disguise, and she responded with equal ardour. Grasping the hem of his T-shirt, she pulled it over his head, their mouths parting just long enough to complete the action. Ewan was trembling as he allowed his weight to settle over her. He could feel her warmth seeping into his skin, feel her softness moulding itself to his shape.

  Although he had made love to other women, nothing had prepared him for how he felt right then with Becky in his arms. It felt like the very first time he had ever made love, he realised in awe. There was a freshness about it, a thrill of discovery that made every touch, each caress seem untried, untested. Making love to Becky was unlike anything he had experienced before.

  * * *

  The room was dark, the moon that had been shining through the window while they were making love now hidden behind a cloud. Becky lay curled up on her side, watching Ewan while he slept. Although she couldn’t see his face clearly, every feature was etched on her mind. The thick curl of his lashes lying on his cheeks, the slope of his nose—slightly crooked thanks to a skirmish on the rugby field— and the long mobile curve of his mouth, a mouth that had kissed every inch of her body.

  A shiver ran through her at the thought. Making love with Ewan tonight had been a revelation. She had never experienced anything like it before. She let her mind drift, recalling the heat of his skin burning into hers, the feel of his hands caressing her, the strength and power of his erection as he had entered her. Was it the fact that it had been such a long time since she had made love that had made it all seem so much more intense? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she had never experienced the range and depth of emotions she had discovered tonight in Ewan’s arms.

  ‘Can I move or do you plan on lying there, watching me, for a bit longer?’

  The laughter in his voice made her smile and she grinned at him. ‘I’m not sure. Give me a couple more minutes to decide, will you?’

  ‘No way!’ Rolling over, he scooped her into his arms with a speed that made her gasp. His lips were hot when they found hers, hot and hungry, and Becky sighed with pleasure. It seemed that Ewan hadn’t tired of her just yet.

  They made love again and once again it was so wonderful that Becky could scarcely believe what was happening. How could the simple touch of his hand on her breast make her feel as though she was flying? How could a kiss fill her with such intense pleasure? By the time their bodies joined in the most intimate act of all, her senses were awash. The deliciously male scent of Ewan’s skin filled her nostrils, the touch of his fingers dancing over the soft inner skin of her thigh made her shudder, whilst the salty taste of perspiration when she touched his neck with the tip of her tongue was an aphrodisiac in itself.

  Opening her eyes, she watched the dark shadow of his body looming over her and felt safe, secure, protected, listened to him breathing and knew that no matter what happened in the future, she would never regret what was happening now. Ewan had given her back something that had been missing for far too long. He had made her feel like a woman again and she would always be grateful to him for that, would always love him. It seemed only fitting that he should be the one to restore her femininity.

  They fell asleep soon afterwards, their limbs entwined, their bodies spooned together. When they awoke the next morning, they were still holding onto each other. Ewan smiled as he turned her round and dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.

  ‘I couldn’t bear to let you go.’

/>   ‘Me too, or should that be neither?’ Becky murmured. Had he any idea how sexy he looked lying there with his chest bare and his hair all rumpled? she wondered. Probably. After all, she wasn’t the first woman Ewan had slept with, was she?

  The thought was like a douse of cold water. Becky bit her lip as she tossed back the quilt. It was stupid to feel possessive, stupid and selfish too. She wanted Ewan to meet someone else, wanted him to have a wife and a family in time. She couldn’t keep him to herself even if she wanted to because it wouldn’t be right.

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  He caught her hand and pulled her back down onto the bed. Becky shook her head because there was no way that she could tell him how she felt. How would lead to why and she couldn’t take that risk, wouldn’t risk having him tell her that it didn’t matter if she could never give him a child, that he wanted her anyway. It would be far too easy to believe him.

  ‘Nothing. It’s just time I got up. Dad will be here soon with the furniture for Millie’s bedroom,’ she explained, relieved to have a valid excuse.

  ‘In that case, I’d better get up as well.’ He tossed back the quilt and she gulped as she was treated to an unobstructed view of his naked body as he got out of the bed. ‘I’ll give your father a hand to get everything upstairs...unless you’d rather I left, of course,’ he added as an afterthought.

  ‘I...no, of course not. Dad will be glad of your help.’

  ‘It doesn’t bother you, then? I mean, it will be pretty clear that I’ve spent the night if I’m here at this time of the morning.’

  ‘It’s fine. Really.’ She shrugged. ‘As we’ve said before, folk will believe what they choose to believe whatever we do.’

  ‘Fair enough.’ He gave her a quick grin and Becky told herself she had imagined the fleeting sadness in his eyes. ‘Right, last one in the shower has to make breakfast!’

  He headed for the door and after a moment’s hesitation Becky ran after him. They reached the bathroom at the same time and had a playful tussle in the doorway before Ewan solved the problem of who was going first by carrying her inside. He deposited her in the shower stall and turned on the tap, ignoring her squeals as cold water rained down on her head. Stepping in beside her, he picked up the soap and smiled wickedly.