Carmen then added, "If you are unwilling to be open to what I need, then we mustn’t go there.” “All I have in me are crumbs from my heart being torn apart and stomped on.”
I remained quiet, allowing her words to simmer a bit.
“This thing with you is all too soon for my liking.”
My silence seemed to unnerve her for she mumbled with an emotional undertone, “Well, I’m sorry, okay…I take it all back...let’s forget about the whole thing and just enjoy what time we have left as friends.”
I nodded not so much agreement but as an acknowledgment that I understood where she was coming from. What I noticed about her intent was genuine. She projected a mixture of want and great conflict as to what it all meant in the grander scheme of things.
“Carmen,” I said extending my hand with invitation.
Still uncertain if it was okay or not to see me in the tub like that she shuffled timidly forward brushing her fingertips into mine. I gently locked onto her hand, guiding her forward and into the water with me. She had no choice but to look at me now…to really look at me with full disclosure. Her eyes opened wide both from the shock of the water and for the fact that she landed directly on top of me. The splash in her wake ignited a lighthearted giggle that we both shared.
My eyes trailed to her swimsuit, what little there was of one, as it had become suctioned to her skin. I felt great anticipation as to what I hoped would follow.
There was a huge buffet of possibilities suddenly set before me, before her. I knew I needed to proceed with caution for I believed at any moment I would awaken and find myself in the dismal place to where I was before Carmen Davis invaded my life. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted the largest platter so as to fill my heart with everything delicious that was set before me. The truth was, I had wanted her from the moment I lashed out at her and she ended up being kind to me anyway. I was SO ready for the feast, the greatest feast of all, loving her.
“You think I can join you now with jumping on the bed and spraying wine all over your room?” Carmen teased.
“You can have anything your heart desires.” I replied allowing my defenses down.
“What if that "anything" includes us together for the remainder of the week doing things that goes against convention?” Carmen wondered aloud.
"I can only hope." I declared as my lips met hers without hesitation.
Chapter 16: Two Countries In the United State
The soft of Dora's lips awakened something that I believed had long ago escaped me. The connection erased all time, space and circumstance. I found myself lost in the unlimited wonders of the moment.
It had been years since I was moved in such a way, years of lovemaking with Travis that merely surrounded the mechanical aspects of attempting to make a baby. This thing with Dora had nothing to do with doctors, ovulation kits, timing and calendars. This was all about discovery, about needing to connect with another person but above all, bridging emotional and physical together with complete vulnerability. There was unity in the act for we were both coming from a place of mutual need and longing.
Maybe that was the difference between men and women. Men seemed more concerned with performance and outcome compared to the female gender being more in tune with the details of the journey itself.
I took a bold initiative, perching myself on top of Dora as the trail of bubbles from the whirlpool tub surrounded us. Our eyes remained locked as I removed my two piece swim suit. She was clearly taken with the site of my unclothed body. It felt wonderful to be seen and wanted in that way. A crooked smile rose from her lips and I could only respond with a nervous chuckle in response. I batted my eyes and rolled them playfully. She in turn giggled. There was an undeniable chemistry between us.
The sensation of wet skin upon skin made my heart beat as if on overload.
We were really doing this. Ever since I met her I would have never imagined us actually entwined in such a way. I fought the inevitable, fought off the desire that began at breakfast on that very first day.
I dared not look away for fear I would awaken disappointed and empty. Maybe if I pinched myself I would believe what was playing out was more than just a dream. I knew what I wanted and who I wanted, and she was all Spain…no fears, no worries, no labels, just Spain and me; me and Spain, entangled, saturated and defenseless.
My lips trailed to her neck and I planted gentle nibbles along an imaginary path. I traveled downwards to her breasts, taking a moment to memorize the smooth of her skin and the small boot shaped birth mark centered between. As if a target, I gently kissed the boot feeling the warmth of her damp skin against my lower lip. I was hesitant at first, concerned that my lack of experience would leave her judging me as unsatisfactory.
Did men worry about such things? I’m guessing they did which would explain Travis and the compulsive behaviors he demonstrated surrounding his part of lovemaking. He often was three steps ahead of himself instead of living, feeling and enjoying in the moment. If I had to describe the past ten years, I believe the words calculated and forced would be a proper fit. He was always set to be finished before he started which more often than not, made the pleasure of it geared towards his needs.
I focused my attention on Dora’s right breast. My lips cautiously pressed in a circle outside of her mound. With a gentle authority I traced my tongue onto her. Her skin was salty but sweet, a mix that was both inviting and pleasant.
I learned a lot through the years from Travis. He was often too rough with my chest as if I were a cow that he was coaxing to produce milk. I knew from experience what didn't work so I applied some imagination as to use what I believed would. All worries that such lovemaking would feel awkward were squelched for this seemed more natural than anything I had ever done in the past.
“What are you thinking?” I whispered into Dora’s ear pulling her lobe to my lips, playing the crease between my upper lip and tongue. She responded with a gasp then found voice to convey her intentions.
I could sense she was smiling as she announced in a seductive whisper: “I want to open myself to you without reservation; I want to move you in a way that will lead you to believe that everywhere you have been has brought you to me. I want to...set you on fire with pleasure that haunts your every thought and spoils you to others for the rest of your life. I want to show you Spain in a way so that you will consider my country your new homeland and that you will want nothing more than to surrender yourself to my government completely.”
Dora’s hand trailed my body. Her touch was soft, and she made me feel things unlike I had ever known before. She was exploring America as her lips lingered upon mine. She was tentative and caring... reflective of the generous nature within her.
“We need to abandon this tub for now.” Dora announced grasping my wrist and pulling me in the direction of the king sized bed. Neither of us dried off. We flopped onto the mattress as the expensive sheets absorbed much of the liquid we carried along with us. Everything was in ruin but did not stand in the way of further exploration.
Dora guided me towards her, pulling the sheet up in our wake. The thin cotton warmed the chill from my skin; human connection warmed the chill from my heart. I grasped the thick of her hair. The waves and textures caused an immediate realization that what we were doing was actual and real.
She returned her lips to connect with mine. Her kiss was exquisite and I found myself lost in the act of discovering her mouth. Everything between us was slow, lingering and heartfelt. In truth, I would have been perfectly content just kissing Dora for all eternity. She was expert and seemed to be mindful of what I needed. My heart was pounding on overdrive and my mind- my mind had melted into the play of her tongue.
When she would pause, I was struck by the way it seemed important to her that she look at me. She was not afraid of intimacy. Her brown eyes were soft, gazing at me, a window as to what was in her soul. It suddenly occurred to me that without words, she had been seducing me all along. From the moment we me
t, she conveyed want, trust, vulnerability, humor, appreciation, caring, honor, sensitivity…and those eyes…those wonderful eyes, they were something I could never tire of…she had been sending me suggestive codes that landed me in her bed. I knew this as true…and maybe, just maybe on some level, I had been sending her my own subliminal code in return.
I was moved by how in the moment it was. I felt safe, as if after a lifetime of seeming lost, I had finally arrived home.
I twisted to take the top position. Dominance was empowering and I felt excitement for this newfound sense of confidence. For nearly ten years I was the person who was subservient….always following Travis, everything physical contingent upon his moods, wants, needs or levels of comfort. Not any longer. He avoided kissing my lips and despised having his face touched or his hair messed with. There were but a few things that he approved of which of course made the act seem stingy and contrived.
I had been waiting my entire life to stake claim to my own voice especially in this venue. Although uncertain exactly what it was women did, I was sure I could figure out enough to give the illusion of competence. I knew self and in that I knew by instinct how to please Dora.
I folded myself within her. I wanted Dora to feel the passion that was hammering my chest. I wanted her to feel everything surrounding the effect she was having on me. I succeeded in this, several times over…until she begged me to allow her thoughts to return to her mind.
I had taken complete control and never in all of my life had I felt so intoxicated by lovemaking… I found myself smiling at her, smiling at the realization that two people could share something so profound.
In a moment, Dora took charge guiding me supine. She kissed my lips and her fingertips trailed my body. Everything within me was rising and falling in a rhythm propelled by her design. Just when I thought I couldn’t handle much more, she’d change technique and direction…she would stop, slow down and speed up in a recipe that was both frustrating and exciting. She was a master at lifting me up only to let me fall again. I was the mouse that the cat was playing with in a most unimaginable manner. I had never guessed it could be such a rush, I had never guessed that anyone carried such knowledge but then again, she was from Spain and held the experiences from many foreign lands.
“This Carmen, this I give to you and no one else,” She announced with her sexy accent.
Dora buried her face within me as my eyes shot open. I felt awake and alive as if I had been living in a fog all along. My hand fell into her hair grabbing the thick and I began to weave my fingertips through. She spread my legs further allowing her tongue free reign on uncharted America. Deeper she explored and all I could imagine was her sexy voice speaking to me in a way that no one else dared to invade my essence in the past. She was cursing me in Spanish the way she had in those first moments we had met. My response to her calling me a whore in my mind's eye was an orgasmic screaming of her name several times over.
Here’s the thing…when you least expect…” She whispered as I felt something curious as my insides responded with a surprising violent contraction. I'm not even sure how she did or what she did but the large O transformed into that of a larger sensation until hills and dips followed in a washboard repetition.
“You’re killing me,” I moaned never in my life feeling such a level of physical satisfaction. The many wonders of the world became apparent as Dora gently rested her face on my shoulder breathing as if she had just sprinted a mile.
I was surprised by how emotional she had become. Gentle tears spilled from her cheeks, connecting her to me in that moment forever.
We lay motionless for the longest time allowing the enormity of what we had invited between us to sink in. She kissed me on the cheek then placed her hand on my left breast in a declaration of ownership.
My eyes began to well up not out of regret but instead out of sincere gratitude.
“The first time is often lousy,” Dora whispered through a toothy grin. “Maybe I should have warned you about that beforehand…when there so much sexual tension and then the actions fail to meet up with what one imagines.”
“Really?” I whispered playing along with her apology.
“Yes. Maybe by the third go of it we’ll get better at this.”
“Any better and I’ll never walk straight again.”
“I was hoping you’d never do anything straight again.”
I gazed at her and I somehow knew the inevitable. In the here and now, this was where I was meant to be. Under normal circumstances, I would have panicked and run soon after, but for some odd reason instead, I embraced this newfound freedom…I embraced the here and now with Dora Alavaro.
Chapter 17: The Moon’s Full Endorsement
“Dora, wake up…Dora?” I said. I was lying next to her with one hand on my cheek as a prop, the other extended in a gentle attempt to nudge her awake.
“What?” she whispered half asleep, somewhat annoyed.
“The moon is full Dora; I’d like to take a walk along the beach.” Dora’s leg’s twitched as she tugged the covers in protest and faced the other direction.
After observing her body at a stand still, I decided, “you rest, I’ll just go.” As an afterthought, I kissed her forehead gingerly.
I slid into a pair of shorts and tossed on a light cotton shirt minus a bra. I slipped on my beach shoes, another ugly pair that revealed I was an American. Pulling the entrance card, I made certain it was secure in my pocket.
“I’m going down to the beach, I’ll be back later,” I announced to Dora and as I left the room, she began to snore.
The resort was quiet at three in the morning. In fact, it appeared tomb like. I half expected to catch sight of someone staggering back from the clubs, the casino, or the theater, but there was no one in view anywhere, not even the resort staff.
I followed the main corridor to the exit and in an instant the night air filled my senses. The doors thudded as they closed behind me, slicing through the great stillness. Everything was illuminated by dim solar lighting along the path leading towards the ocean. I could hear the break of the water immediately. Swoosh-swoosh seemed faint at first, but the lull became more apparent as I shuffled nearer to the beach. It was a calm night so the pattern of waves hitting the shoreline was few and far between.
I slipped out of my shoes and carried them so that I could feel the fine grains of sand beneath my feet. The granules warmed my toes since the sun had been set on a consistent bake for the entire day previous.
Sensing the shoreline just ahead, I hunkered down and sat in a cross legged position. I gazed out into the vast nothingness before me. The details of my surroundings were inches beyond the reach of acuity. The moon was playing hide and seek with the cloud cover above. I felt great peace in sitting there like that, felt great peace until I heard footsteps approach from behind.
“Carmen?” Dora called in a cautious voice, a level above a whisper.
“Yes, I’m here.”
“Good. I’m glad I found you. I thought maybe you were walking along the beach somewhere.”
Dora approached with grace and quietly took the spot next to me, eventually bridging the distance close enough so that I could feel the warmth of her. I could imagine her fine clothes in ruin as she stretched her legs onto the bare ground.
“I missed you in bed and then I realized the dream I was having…where you asked me to go for a walk was real.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” I admitted. “It’s lovely out tonight.”
Silence fell between us as we just sat there appreciating tranquility.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked Dora.
“Of you, of me, of us together like this…and the ocean of possibilities before us. It’s sort of like life in a way.”
I nodded except of course she couldn’t see me.
“This is nice,” I said taking her hand into mine.
“The beach is sure different right now, without people.”
“Yes,”
I said in agreement.
Dora took a deep breath for emphasis. “This night air reminds me of a vacation my father took Laura and I along with to the states. We were young…teenagers. He had a business deal in Ohio and it was our first taste of America.”
“Oh?”
“As a surprise, he flew Maya in for Laura and my shared birthday and we went to the amusement park there. It was a sweet thing for him to do. He was like that…full of surprises.”
“I’m betting you were happy to see Maya,” I said.
“Oh yes, that really made my birthday special.” Dora admitted.
I placed my hand on her upper arm and pulled her into me. Her head rested on my shoulder and I gently kissed the crown of her head, memorizing the scent that was uniquely Dora.
“I sort of figured it would,” I said.
“That’s all ancient history though. The beach like this, the moon…the manner for which it’s in hiding, the breeze…it just takes me back in time somehow.”
“I understand.” I replied.
“You know what I’d love to do?” Dora asked.
“What?”
“I’d love to go for a swim. Are you up for it?”
“Sure,” I said. “But before we go, there’s something I need to ask…although it probably isn’t my place to…”
“Oh?” Dora replied. I could sense that she was bracing herself for the obvious questions surrounding Maya. I hadn’t asked them always being respectful of what she decided to share and I’m sure she believed at some point I would. Her body had stiffened and it seemed as if she was holding her breath with a painful anticipation.
“Are we going to skinny dip or should I run back to the penthouse for our bathing suits?” I chuckled changing the mood.
Just as soon as I asked, Dora stood and began running towards the ocean. She was only seen as a dark silhouette. As she disrobed leaving a trail of her garments along her path, I could hear each piece thud onto the sand. My heart leaped just imagining the wonders of her; perfect curves, olive skin glistening in the moonlight…darting towards the water, unclothed and showing.
Falling Whispers, Love & Curses Page 11
