Serious Leigh (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 2)

by Melanie James

  Just then Randy walked into the kitchen, and it was obvious he caught the last thing Esmeralda said. He took one look at Esmeralda and then he looked at me. “Well, well, I am just learning all sorts of new things today.” Randy smiled at me and then looked at Esmeralda. In his typical over-the-top expressive tone he said, “Love the look. We need to shop—”

  Esmeralda snapped her fingers and Randy was instantly frozen. Literally, he was frozen with ice and frost. “Holy snowballs! I need to learn how to do that!” Kelly said. She tapped on her brother’s frozen head. “Nice work!”

  Lindsey was equally impressed. “No kidding! You have no idea how often I would be using that on people. I would actually look forward to having to deal with jackasses and morons just so I could abracadabra their stupid asses into ice sculptures.” I knew Lindsey was dead serious when she said that. After all, who wouldn’t want to be able to do that?

  “Well, speaking for those who have been frozen, it is not an entirely fun experience. I wouldn’t want to use it on people.” Gertie was untypically somber. “Well, not very often.” Gertie giggled. “Anyway, that’s Kelly’s brother, Randy, would you please thaw him out?”

  “Oh, don’t worry, when we’re done. Now back to what—”

  I was still laughing about what Lindsey had said, and I imagined how often I would be freezing people throughout the course of my day. Kelly suddenly reminded everyone of what she had been waiting for. “Hey! Enough of the foreplay, let’s have a chocogasm!”

  “Oh, and speaking of that, tell us all about what happened last night. Did you have multiple Hunter-gasms!” Lindsey was laughing at her own little joke.

  “Oh, yes, do tell us about it. From what I figured out, Gertie must have been passed out in your bathroom while you were getting your head slammed against the headboard.”

  Gertie looked at me, half shocked and half amused. Her squeaky innocent voice made it worse. “Really, Leigh? You were? While I was lying there all drunk and cold in your tub? I thought I heard something. I didn’t know what it meant. I thought you had stubbed your toe because the day I left with the girls you busted your toe on a chair and yelled out, ‘Fuck me!’ But last night I heard you say it just a little different. You said: ‘Fuck me! Please just fuck me! Fuck me! Oh, yes, baby!’

  “Hey, I had been waiting for an opportunity with Hunter. There was no way in hell that I was going to blow it with him.”

  Kelly put the chocolate frosting covered spoon to her lips and sensually licked it. “Really, Leigh, I’m willing to bet my next paycheck that you in fact are going to blow it.”

  Now they were in tears and roaring with laughter at my expense, that is everyone but Esmeralda.

  “Hell, yeah, I’d—” Lindsey started to say something to add to my public humiliation.

  “Enough!” Esmeralda’s voice boomed so loud that it made us all jump. “What the fuck is wrong with you women? Are you all off of your medications? Can’t you stay on one fucking topic? I came here to talk to you about some serious shit. And you are acting like it’s the waiting room at an ADHD clinic. Here’s the deal. I took away the fluffy pink unicorn with a rainbow mane and the purple horse with butterfly wings.”

  I looked at Kelly and tried not to laugh. Kelly made a comically snooty face and whispered, “Serious shit and fluffy, too.” We lost it and were laughing again.

  “Damn you! I’m ready to freeze the lot of you. Gertie’s creations are now safe and sound at her home for wayward cats.” She pointed at Gertie and then at me. “You two are my witches now. You go ahead and start writing that story, Leigh. And pronto. Gertie, refrain from creating any more monstrosities, and wait until it’s time to create exactly what supernaturals we’ll need and when.”

  “So, I will be resurrecting Vlad the hybrid in my book?”

  “Oh yes, you will, but there will be a twist the union won’t know about, and I’ll disclose that to you in due time. I do have a plan, and to give you a hint at what I am going for, just think of the story of the Trojan horse.”

  “I guess we don’t have much of a choice. I have to tell you that if this works out like you are planning, I won’t be able to offer any time whatsoever to a union position once school starts back up.”

  “Don’t worry about that. You’ll only need to cast an annual vote at most. I’ll handle everything else.” Just as Esmeralda finished speaking, Kelly’s nephews charged in through the door and latched onto her legs. “Oh, Gertie, now what did you come up with?” She looked down and scowled. “Elves on crack. Nice. First one to start humping my leg gets incinerated.”

  Kelly barked at Esmeralda, “Hey! Those are my little nephews you’re talking about, witch. You could try being nice.”

  “Oh, this is as nice as I get, doll. Little twin humans, elves on crack, same thing.” With a snap of her fingers and a puff of smoke, she was gone as quick as she came, and Randy was instantly returned to his old self.

  “Hey, what just happened? I could have sworn I was talking to some leather clad woman standing right there.”

  Kelly guided her brother back out the door. “You’ve had too much sun. Go sit down in the shade for a bit.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Hot, So Hot

  “Well, that was really unexpected. What do you think, Gertie? Do we trust that Esmeralda is telling the truth?” Personally, I had my doubts.

  “Everything that Esmeralda said matches up with the stories I’ve heard about vampires and supernatural creatures. I don’t doubt the union is out to take control of everything and everyone. If she told us the truth, I would have to agree with her that the witches running the union need to be replaced.”

  In my mind, Gertie was right. I still had reservations about how far we could trust Esmeralda. I looked at Lindsey and Kelly to see if they were going to weigh in on the issue.

  Lindsey held her hands up. “Don’t look at me. I’m not a witch, and I’m still trying to figure out why any witch would be in trouble for creating magical creatures out of racehorses. As for Esmeralda, she is pretty abrasive and about as welcome here as a porcupine at a nudist colony.” Lindsey’s country upbringing always had a way of coming out.

  “I can answer that,” Gertie replied. “The witches that run the union are very old. They’ve survived a lot of witch hunts over the centuries. They know that the best way to avoid persecution is to keep a low profile. And they want to be in control of everything. It makes sense to do that, I suppose, but the fact is that they aren’t interested in anyone else’s well-being, like a real union should be. They are all about power and preserving themselves. Witches like Leigh and me are a liability to them, the only reason they tolerate us is because they need our unique powers.”

  I was curious to know what Kelly thought. “Kelly, what do you think about this whole thing?”

  “I wouldn’t trust her completely, but I would side with her, cautiously. It sounds like you can’t trust the union bosses either. If I had to pick between the two, I would side with Esmeralda. She came to you two with this and that means she trusts you not to say anything to the union. Her actions prove that much. Anyway, like Lindsey said, I’m not a witch, so I’m really not involved.”

  “We are all best friends. You may not be involved, but I really value both of your opinions. And unfortunately based on how things have been working out so far, you’re both liable to get dragged in at some point. Sorry.” I was genuinely and truly sorry.

  “Why don’t we take out the cake and everyone get in on some chocogasm. I’m sure Leigh would like to get some time in with Hunter. I know Kelly and I are hoping to spend a little quality time with Luke and Derek. And, Gertie—well, I don’t know what to say, but you ought to hang out with Kelly and I, and the boys. One good look at you and I am pretty sure they can rustle up a single friend. What do you say?”

  “I say hell yes!” Gertie was looking well beyond Randy now, who was off to pick up his friend from work.

  Our cookout came to an end after a del
icious chocogasm. This time I wasn’t too worried about Gertie getting into any mischief with the girls. It seemed that for the moment, barring any more surprises from Esmeralda, things were calm. No crazed gorillas, no fluffy mythical beasts, no leather and lace dom, nothing at all to cause witchy chaos. It was going to be a great night.

  Hunter and I rode back to my place, and it goes without saying what happened as soon as we got in the door. Well, technically things started happening on the ride back, but I’m talking about a ripping each other’s clothes off kind of thing. As a matter of fact, it was right when the clothes ripping phase was completed when I got a call from Lindsey. Of course, I could tell that Kelly squeezed her face in next to Lindsey’s in order to be part of the conversation. They spoke in hushed and saddened voices, and in annoying alternating sentences. I couldn’t get a word in for a while.

  “Hi, Leigh? It’s about Gertie.”

  “Luke and Derek don’t have any single friends around here!”

  “Yeah, Gertie looks completely bummed out.”

  “Isn’t she? I know. It is so unlike her.”

  “We were hoping you could ask Hunter if he knows anyone. If not, we’ll send Luke and Derek away and just have a girl’s night, but we’d rather not have to.”

  Finally they both stopped talking. I was able to quickly say three words, “Let me check.” I gave Hunter a brief rundown on the situation and he didn’t know any guys that were available and local. This was one of those times for me when I knew exactly what I’d end up doing, even though I knew damn well that it was against my own best judgment. While the girls continued chatting about something that I had completely tuned out, I quickly excused myself from Hunter. Of course, I went to right to my desk. The thought of Gertie feeling heartbroken and alone was too much to bear. I had to think fast and think straight. It didn’t have to be good, it just had to sort of fit into the story.

  The young and beautiful witch, who was always so happy and upbeat, was beginning to feel a little lonely. Lonely for a romantic companion. A man that was worthy of her affection. It was quite by coincidence that night, as her friends were courted by their men, that a man of such caliber crossed her path.

  Hunter! It was all I could think about just then. He was still lying in my bed, naked and waiting. Think, Leigh! Think! What would Gertie like? I wasn’t even sure what she preferred. She certainly was impressed by the sight of Hunter when he stumbled in on us. She likes hot and masculine. Good, stereotype hotties—Hmm, I bet a fireman. She can meet a hot as hell fireman, and I’ll let them take it from there. “Got it!” I said out loud.

  “What’s that, babe?” Hunter had heard me.

  “Oh, I just found something I was looking for! Be right there.”

  The man that came to light her flame was a young, smoking hot fireman. He had a body that was sculpted as if he were a Greek God. Smart, funny, and kind were his best personality traits. He spied the young witch and was drawn to her. From that point on, her night would no longer be dull and boring.

  “Good enough.” I got up from my desk and was ready to sprint to the bedroom when I remembered I told Hunter I had found what I was looking for. What the hell would I have been looking for? Think, think, think.

  “Hey, babe, you need any help?”

  “No. On my way!” I went into the hallway and as I passed the bathroom I grabbed something off of the counter. I wasn’t even sure what it was. I only wanted a prop. I looked in my hand as I reached the bedroom. I had grabbed the goddamn toothbrush holder. I bounded across the floor and jumped into the bed while I simultaneously tossed the toothbrush holder onto my dresser.

  “I’m curious. What did you bring back?” Really? He just asked me that?

  “Just freshening my mouth a bit.” Then I did exactly what any woman would do when she wanted her man to drop the topic. I went down on him. The blowjob, as it turns out, can be a very powerful item in a woman’s arsenal. You can make a man forget what he was talking about. You can motivate him to do any number of favors. If you think that is being manipulative, you are damn right.

  I had never experienced an all-nighter. Maybe it wasn’t all night, but we had sex in more ways than I thought were possible, and the time was measured in hours not minutes. At some point we just collapsed on each other. I looked at Hunter and in a sleepy voice I asked him, “You’re staying here with me tonight, aren’t you?”

  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

  If I hadn’t already told myself, I was falling in love. Now I definitely acknowledged the fact that I had plunged smack down into it. I laid my head on his chest and shut my eyes for all of two minutes. My phone was ringing from somewhere in the apartment. Luna jumped up on the bed and joined me on Hunter’s chest.

  “Meow, meow.”

  “Okay, I want to ignore the phone, but Luna seems to be trying to tell me something. I better find it.” I reluctantly got up and hunted down my phone. The phone was laying on the living room floor, next to a heap of our clothes. I looked at the missed calls. There were over a dozen from Lindsey and Kelly. Oh shit, what did I do now?

  That question was quickly answered once I called Kelly.

  “Did you practice a little witchcraft tonight?”

  I winced. Physically I winced, and I held the phone away from my ear at Kelly’s scathing tone.

  “Yes.” I said very sheepishly. “What happened?”

  “Let me guess, you decided to set Gertie up with a hot fireman? You do know that a hot fireman is not going to show up unless there is a goddamn fucking FIRE!”

  “Oh. No. How bad?”

  “Leigh, what were you thinking?” Kelly’s voice had softened. “Shortly after we talked to you about Gertie, we all went into the house to hang out for a bit. At some point, Gertie got up and went back out to the patio. Just when I thought about going out to check on her, she came charging into the living room, babbling almost incoherently. Apparently, Lindsey had left the gas grill on and she also had left food on the rack. Gertie must have noticed that there was a lot of smoke coming out of it, and she opened it up to check it out. She has a very serious issue with fire. Did you know that? She completely lost it.”

  “Yeah, I can just imagine.”

  “Well, when she opened it, kaboom! All the grease, from whatever poor creature Lindsey forgot in there, burst into flames. Gertie panicked. She didn’t know anything about how a gas grill works. Otherwise, she would have just shut the lid and turned off the gas. So she took the long metal tongs that Lindsey had hanging there and she grabbed the mass of flaming fat. She tried to yank it off the grill. I have no idea what she thought she was going to do with it, but in any case, she pulled it off and it went flying over her shoulder, right through Lindsey’s open kitchen window. That shit hit the curtains and the walls like it was a fucking napalm bomb.”

  “Are you guys all okay?”

  “Yes, shook up, but okay. I don’t know who called the fire department, but I’m glad they came when they did. It seemed like half of the house was in flames. Lindsey got it the worst. She grabbed a fire extinguisher and tried like hell to put it out, but it wasn’t enough. Poor Lindsey was coughing so bad it worried me. Suddenly, this absolutely drop dead gorgeous hunk of fireman stomps down the door. Does he rush to Lindsey who is obviously struggling from the smoke? No, he runs right over to Gertie, scoops her up in his arms and runs outside with her. I would have thought that he would have rushed right back in, but he didn’t. Some other firemen came in and grabbed her. When we got out to the front lawn, there’s the hot fireman peeling off his firefighting suit. He and Gertie were all over each other. It was damn near a public sex show. Lindsey is fine. She is staying with me for now until her place gets cleaned up. Luke and Derek were fun until the fire pretty much ended the evening for us and they left shortly after.”

  “So, where is Gertie now?”

  “My guess is that she is still playing with her new toy somewhere.”

  “Really? Sweet, tiny, littl
e Gertie?”

  “You didn’t see this guy, Leigh. He was smoking hot, literally. You could see the steam coming off of his bare chest when they were on the front lawn. Apparently your magic spell was at full power for them both.”

  “Call when you hear from her. I’ll be waiting for her, too. I sure hope she is okay.”

  “Don’t worry too much, she seemed like she had a pretty good idea of what she wanted. I bet she is still making up for all of those lost years.”

  I looked at the clock. Four in the morning. I was exhausted and I slowly walked back down the hallway to crawl in bed. There was a muffled sound and just a little pink smoke coming from behind me. Gertie had made it back.

  “That was horrible! Just horrible!” She said as she laid back on the couch.

  “I am so glad you’re back safe and sound! I heard about the fire. Where did you go?”

  “The hospital. First, I just want to say that I am pretty sure this was one of your spells, but don’t worry, I appreciate the thought.”

  “Ugh. I really had no idea. I just wanted you to have a little romantic run-in with a super hot fireman.”

  “You sure got it right! When we saw each other, he just snatched me up and took me outside. It was so exciting. I thought he was going to completely ravish me right there on the front lawn. He was super hot, just like you hoped for. As a matter of fact, he started to feel so hot, he felt like he was burning up in his firefighting ensemble. He quickly stripped it off. Then I started to feel like I was on fire inside. Like someone lit a fire inside of me.”

  I cringed. “That would be about right. I believe I wrote that he would light a flame inside of you.”

  “Don’t worry. One of the other nice firemen called for an ambulance, and we got to ride together to the hospital. Even though we were sweating and nearly passing out from the heat, he kissed me. He kissed me like crazy. I’ve never had a kiss like that. Andddd I’ve never had a man touch me the way he was touching me. I could barely handle it. If it wasn’t for the heat exhaustion getting in the way and that annoying IV, I may have actually done it with him. We got to the hospital and I didn’t get to see him again for a couple of hours. It seemed like once we were separated, we both got back to our old selves. Thank God that when they let us both out, the heat between us was turned down to a fun sizzling feeling. I don’t do well with charbroiled.”